by Barbara Goss
“I’ve helped in many hard births. I wouldn’t mind—”
“No, you run along,” Graham said. “Remember, from now on, no one works on Sunday.”
Chase nodded.
Grace got the impression Chase would rather assist in the messy birth of a calf than take them to church.
Chase started to leave when his father added, “Take the large carriage.”
Chase assisted Dora and Grace into the carriage, and then jumped up onto the driver’s bench and drove them to church, which Grace guessed to be only about two miles away.
As she stepped out of the buggy with Chase’s help, she saw the little, white wooden building with a small steeple before her. People were walking in, Bibles in hand. She prepared herself for a new experience, attending a Protestant Church for the first time.
As Chase sped away, Dora and Grace approached the church door along a well-worn path.
“It seems my brother couldn’t get away fast enough,” Dora said.
“Perhaps he was afraid someone might see him and invite him inside.” Grace opened the door for herself and Dora.
They took seats in an aisle about halfway toward the front and sat on wooden benches. Grace looked around the plain, little sanctuary and prepared herself for a disappointment. People milled around, talking and calling out greetings, which she thought totally disrespectful of the dignity of the church. The church where she grew up had been quiet, with a spiritual calmness in which she was able to feel God’s presence the moment she entered the building. How could anyone feel His presence in such casual and informal surroundings?
Then something else unusual happened, instead of kneeling, the whole congregation stood up and began to sing, accompanied by a piano. How odd. Dora nudged her and shared her songbook.
After the song, a young and personable man came out, dressed in a suit with an open collar and requested they all bow in prayer. Grace reached into her pocket for her rosary, but Dora gave her a puzzled look and shook her head, so Grace put the rosary back into her pocket and bowed her head like everyone else.
The prayer was heartfelt, and she felt somewhat moved by it. The minister didn't read the prayer from a book, but rather, he talked to God, as he might a neighbor or family member. It was all so different from what she was used to, but it wasn’t unpleasant, and she thought that she might be able to adjust to it. God was the same, whether you were in a Catholic church or a Protestant one.
After the sermon, which was about the prodigal son, they sang another song, a catchy tune that had her tapping her toe. The minister spoke in a soft voice and explained the meaning of the Biblical phrase “Unless a man be born again, he cannot see the Kingdom of God.” This was something new to Grace, and she listened carefully. If she understood correctly, people could ask the Holy Spirit into their hearts, grow closer to God, and go to heaven when they died, without question. This was exciting news. She had to find out more. Not only did Grace feel God’s presence in that little church, but she now thirsted for more knowledge of this “born again” experience she’d never heard about before. The minister invited those who wished to learn more to visit him after the service. She wished she could visit with him, but Chase would be waiting for them outside.
It looked as though Chase had parked further down the road, waiting until he saw that church had let out, and then pulled in front of the building to pick her and Dora up. Chase jumped down from the driver’s seat to help them into the buggy so quickly, Grace nearly lost her balance and might have fallen over onto Dora. Then, just as he rushed to jump back up onto the driver’s bench, a man called out to him and he froze half way up.
“Chase Easton! Is that you?”
Chase cringed and then sat down on the bench. “Hello, Reverend Flannery.”
“How are you? I haven’t spoken to you in a while,” Flannery said as he hurried over to the buggy. “I’d hoped you’d stop by for a visit so we could finish our last conversation. I know I can help you, Chase,” the man said compassionately.
“Well, you know how it is with a large ranch…” Chase said.
“I can imagine. But I did want to speak with you again. The last time we spoke you ended the session rather abruptly. I had more to tell you. Since then, I’ve spent a lot of time doing research on the subject. If you’ll just let me—”
Chase picked up the reins. “Maybe another time, Reverend. I’ve got to get home.” He urged the horse forward, leaving the minister in his dust while Dora and Grace exchanged perplexed looks.
Chapter 9
Graham asked Grace to walk with him after dinner, and she readily agreed. It was a lovely, early, summer night, and she needed to talk to him and get some answers to her many questions. She’d had about enough of this mysterious, unattached relationship. It was time to demand some answers.
As soon as they’d reached the road, she said, “When are we getting married, Graham?”
Graham was silent for so long, Grace thought he wouldn’t answer.
“I’m hoping the wedding will take place before summer is over,” he said. “A fall wedding!” he exclaimed.
She wasn’t satisfied with the answer. “Shouldn’t we send out invitations, shop for our wedding clothes, or even plan a honeymoon? You also have to add me to your life insurance, bank account…oh, there's so much to do, and yet you procrastinate. Why?”
“I told you why: we need to be better acquainted. We’re still strangers,” he said.
“Well, to be honest, these walks aren’t helping much at all. Don’t we need to kiss or at least hold hands? We don’t even know if we’re physically attracted to each other.” Grace felt her voice quivering with anger.
Graham stopped walking, took Grace by the shoulders, and looked into her eyes. “Grace, physical attraction should come after love, and not before. Physical attraction is no more than infatuation, and it’s fleeting.
“And I disagree with you, Grace, that these walks aren’t helping. We talk and exchange our ideas, thoughts, wishes, dreams… that’s how you begin,” he explained.
“You never said any of this in your letters.” As long as she was this close to him and they weren’t walking, she laid her head on his chest. “I want to feel closer to you.”
Graham put both arms around her and held her loosely. “I’m sorry, my impatient one, but marriage is for a long time, and I want to be sure, and I want you to be sure.” He drew her away from him and studied her face for several moments.
“Grace, can you honestly tell me that you love me—right now, this minute?”
Grace thought about his question and answered with quick honestly. “No.”
“And I cannot say it either. We have to get to know each other better,” he reiterated.
Grace felt disappointed, but had to concede that he was absolutely right. “You’re right, of course. I just feel so alone and forgotten.”
“Why do you feel like that?”
“I’m in a strange place, surrounded by people I don’t know well, and I feel the need to belong to someone for the first time in my life,” she said.
Graham reached out and held her in his arms loosely again. “I understand. I’ll try harder to move this along. Hey, look: we’re hugging‒does that count?”
Grace nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. “It counts.”
They continued walking.
“I want to learn to drive a buggy,” she said.
“Why? We’ll take you wherever you wish to go,” he said.
“I feel like a burden,” she said. “Chase didn’t want to take me to church. I felt his anger, especially when the minister cornered him after church.”
“I’ll speak to him,” Graham said, rather sternly.
“No, please,” Grace pleaded. “It will only make our relationship more stressed than it already is.”
“I didn’t realize it was stressed. I thought you two were getting along fine.”
“Something happened the night I helped him tuck Chloe in. I play
ed games with them and told her a story. Chloe loved it, but afterward, I knew I’d done something wrong—I could see it on his face when we left Chloe’s room—and he hasn’t asked me to join them again.
“Don’t speak to him of this, please. It will only make it worse. Promise me you won’t?”
“All right. I promise I won’t,” he said. “I just wonder why…”
She saw him rubbing his chin. “You told Chloe a story and she liked it. Perhaps he didn’t like it.”
“He was smiling while I told the silly tale.”
“He was? Hmm.”
“But he’s never rude, and he treats me with every courtesy, so it isn’t necessary to speak to him,” she said. “I just feel like something isn’t quite right.”
“Did you kiss Chloe goodnight, by any chance?”
“Why, yes, she asked me to. Why?”
Once more, he was silent for almost a minute before stopping and turning her around again, this time to return to the house.
“Since I lost my wife at the same time as he lost his, I can relate to most of his feelings. I think I know what’s wrong.”
“What?” Grace was becoming impatient.
“When you shared the bedtime ritual and kissed Chloe goodnight, he couldn’t help but think about how it would be Mary doing those things if she were still alive. It’s possible it made him feel the hurt all over again,” Graham said.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. Chloe asked me to kiss her and I had no idea. I feel horrible now. Of course, it should be Mary. I only wish it were Mary.”
“She was a lovely woman, and you remind me so much of her,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. Every so often, something hits him to set him back to grieving again. He’ll get over it.”
“I still want to learn how to drive the buggy.” Grace folded her arms across her chest. “I need to be able to go to church by myself whenever I want to.”
“I have a brilliant idea,” he said. “I’ll have Chase teach you. That'll allow you two to be more comfortable together and ease the strain. He’ll see you aren’t here to replace Mary, in Chloe’s eyes or his.”
“All right, but just make sure he’s on board with the idea. I don’t want an angry driving teacher. Will you ask him, Graham, instead of ordering him to do it?”
“I do that often, don’t I?” he asked.
“Yes, you do.”
“It comes from habit. He’s my little boy, even though he’s six feet tall, and could lift me over his head if he had a mind to,” he said with a chuckle.
They reached the lane that led up to the house. Grace stopped and turned to face him. “What about you, Graham? Are you ready to move on with your life, or are you afraid of replacing Flora? Is that what the holdup’s about?”
“No, certainly, not,” he said emphatically. “I’m ready, and I know Flora can never be replaced. A new wife will be welcomed and loved, and I know it’s possible to love two women without one taking the other’s place, especially when they're so different.” He took her hand. “It’s sort of like the second chapter to one’s life, rather than a continuation of the previous chapter.” He squeezed her hand before letting it go and walking the rest of the way home with her in silence.
“Then why does her seat at the table remain empty?” Grace asked.
Graham grimaced. “It isn’t easy, Grace. After we’re married, you will sit there, I promise you.”
At breakfast the next morning, Chase smiled at her and said, “I’d love to teach you to drive the buggy. I’ll be free around eleven and I’ll come back for you then.”
“I appreciate it,” Grace said. He didn’t seem upset about it. In fact, he seemed relieved. Probably, she thought, because he wouldn’t have to drive them to church anymore.
Grace watched Chase harness the horse. The Eastons had two buggies and two farm wagons. One of the buggies was just a one-seater, while the other was a fancy, multi-passenger carriage with leather seats and foot rests, which Olive had said was only used on special occasions. The older buggy wasn’t as decorative, but it was still comfortable. Chase brought the one-seater buggy out of the barn and hitched a horse to it.
She stood and watched him adjust the harness breeching, while the horse anxiously pranced in place. To see how jumpy the horse seemed gave her second thoughts about learning how to drive the buggy.
“Do I have to learn how to harness the buggy?” she asked.
“No,” he said with a chuckle. “I can do it, my father can do it, or there’s Harvey our stable boy who can help you should both of us not be handy.”
Grace nodded. She’d caught a few glimpses of Harvey, who was a teenage boy with freckles and prominent front teeth.
“Are you ready?” Chase asked.
He seemed to be in an extra good mood, and Grace wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that if she learned to drive, he wouldn’t have to take the women to church on Sundays.
He held his hand out to help boost her up into the driver’s seat, where there was only room for two.
“Where will Olive and Dora sit?” she asked.
“You’d have to drive the wagon, or maybe my father will let you take the big carriage—that is, if you turn out to be a good driver,” he said.
The seat was small and they sat shoulder to shoulder.
“Now, go ahead and pick up the reins.” He pointed to the leather reins tossed over the front hub of the buggy.
She bent and picked them up.
“Here’s how you hold them,” he said, leaning over her. She didn’t know if she should watch what he was showing her or look at his face that was mere inches from hers.
“Are you watching, Grace?”
“Yes. I think I have it now.”
“Good.” He leaned back and seemed to relax.
Chase showed her how to make the horse turn left and right by pulling the corresponding reins. “Always keep the reins in your left hand, and the crop in the right.” He handed her a light whip.
“Oh, Chase,” she said. “I can’t whip a horse. I’ll hurt him.”
“It’s a her, and you don’t whip her to hurt her, but to give her a nudge. She’s been trained to respond to it.”
Grace nodded. She noticed her hands perspiring inside her driving gloves.
“Show me how you’ll make the horse turn right,” he instructed.
Grace pulled the rein over to the right.
“Gently,” he said. “That’s good!”
Grace smiled at him. She felt a bit proud of herself.
“Now the left,” he said. “Excellent.”
“Now do we go onto the road?” Grace asked.
“No, not quite yet,” he said with a chuckle. “We may not get to that today. We’re going out on the west acres. You can practice there.
“Now, loosen up on the reins, let them go slack, and gently flick the whip over the horse’s rump. You only need to touch her slightly; she knows what to do.”
This was the part Grace had dreaded, but she did it and the horse moved.
“You have to steer her behind the barn, so go forward and then left. That’s it,” he said. “To stop, pull back both reins gently. You never ever yank them.
“Now, I’m going to show you how to do an emergency stop.” He leaned over, pushed her right hand over her left hand, and raised them both upward. The horse stopped.
“Now you can get her moving, and you can make her stop right about where the end of the barn is.”
Nervous, Grace dropped the reins.
Chase dove for them, nearly falling over the horse in the process.
When he’d righted himself, he said very calmly, “And never drop the reins, no matter what.”
Now Grace was rattled. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m a little nervous.”
“You’re doing very well.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “Now, proceed. We’ll work on stopping a bit later.”
After several unsuccessful tries, Grace finally got the buggy to turn when she needed it
to, but Chase was patient and calm.
They rode around in large circles.
“Let’s go back to the barnyard,” Chase said. “That’s enough for today.”
Grace made a wide turn to get the horse going in the opposite direction, then loosened the reins and let the horse trot. They were riding along toward the barn when the horse tripped a bit, owing to a hole in the field. Grace panicked and yanked the reins back. The horse reared and Chase made a grab for the reins while Grace flew out of the driver’s perch and onto the ground.
Chase struggled to calm the horse before it could turn and trample Grace, still sprawled out on a patch of clover. When he’d gotten the horse under control, he jumped down to see if Grace was hurt.
Chapter 10
Chase knelt down beside her.
“Grace, are you all right?”
“I t-think so,” she murmured. “I’m t-trying to c-catch m-my b-breath.”
“Does anything hurt?” he asked.
“J-just my p-pride.”
Chase rubbed her back gently. “It’s your first day. You’ll do fine tomorrow.”
He helped her to sit up. “You just got the wind knocked out of you.”
The horse stood behind Grace, and then began to stamp her feet and whinny. Grace squealed, grabbed onto Chase’s neck, and clung to him.
Chase continued to rub her back. “It’s all right, Grace, she's just letting you know she didn’t like having her bit pulled. You see, it hurts a horse’s mouth when you yank the reins like that.”
Grace stopped shivering in fear and decided she liked being close to Chase. She continued to cling to him, part of her refusing to let go owing to her fear, the other part wanting nothing more than to stay in his arms. Those strong, muscular arms felt so good around her that she pressed herself closer, enjoying the thought of his gorgeous biceps holding her. Chase responded by embracing her closer still. Then as if he’d thought better of it, he pushed her gently away.
“Grace, it’s all right. Can I help you to your feet?”
She nodded.
They stood facing each other when the horse started to whinny and stamp her feet again, and Grace threw herself at Chase again with another squeal.