by J. M. Page
But looking across the table at Mara, it just felt like a hunk of metal and bolts drifting through space like any other. Nothing special. Nothing symbolic. Just a ship.
How much time, energy, and credits had he poured into this ship? All for the sake of striking fear into the hearts of every resident of the Queen’s Empire.
It all seemed like such a waste now.
Mara’s eyes went wide and she shook her head. “It’s not just a ship! It’s a beautiful ship. I can’t even imagine how long you must have worked to acquire her,” she said, her voice laced with admiration. She turned toward the window, a wistful glaze in her expression.
“I bet you can go anywhere in a ship like this. Not Bertha. We’re lucky if she makes it out of the solar system.”
He couldn’t help but notice the tinge of sadness in her voice. The longing that rang in every syllable. He latched onto it, hoping this would give him more insight to the mysterious girl who’d captured his attention.
“Where would you go?” he asked, leaning toward her intently. “If you could.”
Mara pushed away her empty plate, sipping the wine and contemplating it for a moment. “Can I only pick one place?”
The debate was etched into her expression and the way she asked the question was so innocent and hopeful that he had to laugh. He just couldn’t help himself.
Torak shook his head, his laughter trailing off. “No, of course not. Any place. As many as you want. Where would you go?”
In an instant, her expression changed. Lightened. Her amber eyes sparkled with excitement and he could tell she’d given this particular subject plenty of thought throughout the years.
“Well, there’s this color festival I’ve been dreaming about going to lately. It only happens every few years and it’s coming up. There’s a week’s worth of festivities and celebrations…” She paused long enough to rest her chin in her palm, gazing at him intently. “I love learning about other cultures, their practices and traditions. It’s fascinating really.”
“Is it?” he asked, enraptured by the enthusiastic flush brought to her cheeks as she told him about her passion. “What about it fascinates you?”
Mara pulled her lips in thoughtfully, looking down at the tablecloth and reaching for her glass of wine again before answering, more reserved this time.
“I suppose it’s because I don’t have a culture of my own — or a homeworld. I’ve always had this fantasy of finding the place I belong, somewhere I finally fit in. A place I can call home instead of that awful frozen rock we live on…” She ended with a sigh, her eyes cast down, sadness weighing on her shoulders.
“It’s stupid,” she said, trying to affect a brave smile. He wasn’t buying it.
“It’s not stupid at all,” he said, leaning back in his chair as he finished his meal. “It is overrated, though.”
Mara’s head jerked up, her eyes meeting with his, a frown pushing her eyebrows down, wrinkling her forehead. “What do you mean overrated?”
Torak shrugged, eyeing his wine now. The meal was gone and still she hadn’t fled. They were still carrying on a reasonable conversation not insulting or upsetting each other.
It was going surprisingly well. He sipped his drink. It was difficult to explain, but Torak felt comfortable with Mara, more than he did with anyone else. Even Sande who’d known him since boyhood. He felt secure, like she wasn’t going to rush to hasty judgements without all the information — she did say she liked to solve puzzles and that was impossible without all the pieces.
But did Torak really want to be ‘solved’?
A little part of him whispered yes. A tiny part of him that acknowledged how different she seemed. And the possibility that she could make him different.
He took a deeper pull from his wine glass, the thought concerning him. If she had the power to change him, she had the power to break him.
He wasn’t ready to put himself in that position. He wasn’t ready to let her destroy him when he was having such an enjoyable time.
“The next time you’re looking for a new culture to study, you should read up on Basniel. My people,” he said, his tone harsher than he meant as he thought about ‘his people.’ He didn’t want to identify with them, but what choice did he really have?
Mara said nothing, but widened her eyes in interest, clearly urging him to continue.
He sighed, his tongue loosened by the glass of wine. “You’ll be able to read up on our long history of violence and warmongering. Our reputation for being untrustworthy, bloodthirsty, and — by many accounts — just plain evil.”
Her expression shifted, something akin to horror and pity flashing in her bewitching gaze. Both of those things made his gut churn with acid. He never should’ve said anything, but it was too late to stop now.
He refilled his wine glass, taking another long drink before continuing. “Walk around long enough with that legacy weighing on your shoulders and it’s impossible to be anything other than what everyone expects you to be.”
Now that the words were out, they hung there in the air between them, pushing them further and further apart. Torak imagined her surprise, the shock and fear she must feel knowing what he really was.
How foolish could he be?
Mara was silent for a long time, probably trying to formulate her escape. She traced the rim of her wineglass with a fingertip, lost in thought.
Torak couldn’t stand to watch her slowly unravel him. To see her opinion of him falling measurably in her eyes. He couldn’t stomach it, so he stood, walking toward the window with his back turned to her. He couldn’t look at the disappointment and revulsion he knew without a doubt she harbored for him now. He was an idiot for revealing so much of himself. For being so honest and candid about his people. He should’ve known better.
Sure, she would have found out eventually, but it didn’t have to be now. It didn’t have to be in the middle of this evening that had gone fairly well up to this point.
He was so busy berating himself and being disgusted with his failure to properly conduct a date, that he missed her standing from her seat. He missed the whisper of movement as she crossed the room, and failed to notice that she was standing next to him at the window until she spoke.
“You know,” she said, causing him to turn to her with wild surprise making his heart race. “I used to look up at the stars and be so angry about being stuck where I was. I was so jealous of people that could just hop between planets, see all the wonderful sights, be exposed to all the diversity and splendor that the Universe has to offer… But I guess being free to roam the galaxy doesn’t automatically make life any easier.”
Torak turned to face her, still trying to piece together the things she said. He didn’t hear fear or loathing in her voice. Didn’t notice any contempt or derision. No judgement that he expected.
Instead, in Mara’s shimmering amber eyes, there was a tender openness. An accepting understanding that rekindled the spark of hope that had taken up residence in his shriveled heart ever since Mara joined his crew.
He knew that spark was dangerous. Knew it could easily lead to his ruin, but he couldn’t for the life of him bring himself to extinguish it.
“No, it doesn’t,” he whispered.
Mara’s fingertips brushed against his forearm lightly and came to rest there, light as a feather like she didn’t know what she was doing. He didn’t know either. Didn’t know where to take this. Still, light as her touch was, it comforted Torak and made him feel less alone.
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re any of those things, Torak,” she said, her voice gentle, soothing. A balm for the raw pain of his heritage, still so exposed. “I may not have the puzzle figured out, but I have enough pieces to know that much.”
He searched her expression for any sign of deceit. For any indication that she wasn’t sincere, but he found none. His chest tightened, breath coming short as he tried to accept what she said. He could hardly believe that anyone could be s
o sweet. So willing to overlook his terrible upbringing.
“It’s worth a lot,” he said, finding himself pulled closer and closer to her. He wasn’t sure what this draw was or why he was unable to drag himself away from her. She had her own gravitational pull and he was merely a satellite being pulled into orbit. Before her, he’d drifted without purpose through space, like any other worthless rock. Now — well, now he thought he found a purpose, and she came with the biggest heart and a smile that could thaw his own.
He found himself drawn to her inexplicably, and before he could question it more or figure out what was happening, Mara closed the remaining distance, her soft pliant lips barely brushing against his.
What started as a hesitant breath of a kiss turned into something more very quickly. Electricity sparked, his pulse quickened, and Torak wasted no time delving in deeper. Mara’s timid kiss became much more insistent and demanding as it unlocked something hidden deep within him.
She tasted sweeter than Merovvian syrup and the innocent inexperienced way she kissed only made him appreciate her more. Thoughts fled his mind; objections too. The only thing he had space in his mind for was Mara.
Mara and her gentle cooing. Mara and her soft curves pressed against him. Mara and her hands slipping up, around his neck, barely able to reach the hairs at his nape.
Mara and the grip she had on his heart.
She broke the kiss finally, breathless, her lips reddened and swollen. He waited for regret to spring forth. For her to claim it was a mistake and flee in fear. Instead, she smiled, reaching for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. The bandages from before were gone, her wounds healed quickly after the medicine he applied did its job.
He squeezed back, mimicking the constriction in his chest. How had she swooped into his life without notice and turned it upside down so thoroughly?
As disconcerting as it should have been, Torak couldn’t bring himself to care. In that moment, he wrapped his arms around her, holding Mara’s back to his chest as they stared out at the vastness of space together. Completely content.
Later that night, Torak escorted Mara back to her room and they shared another chaste kiss as voices came down the hallway. It wasn’t that Torak cared if anyone knew about their involvement, but they both agreed the rest of the crew might come to resent her if it seemed she was getting preferential treatment.
Nevertheless, Torak practically waltzed on air as he returned to his quarters, a ridiculous smile stretching his face.
Sande was in his quarters, already with a glass of whisky in front of him in the sunken booth. He raised his glass to Torak in salute. “I couldn’t help myself,” he said. “I had to know how the evening went.” His silver eyes sparkled with hardly contained mischief.
Torak shrugged. “It went well,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant.
Sande narrowed his gaze, trying to see through his friend’s façade. Slowly, a sly grin spread his lips. “‘Well’, you say? Come, have a drink, tell me about it.”
Torak joined Sande at the sunken cushions, taking the offered drink but not consuming it. He didn’t need alcohol. He didn’t need anything at the moment. He was already drunk — on excitement, giddiness, and Mara herself. No amount of drink could compare to the feelings she inspired in him.
Feelings he wasn’t entirely ready to admit.
“So it seems safe to say she didn’t reject you outright?” Sande mused, frozen stones tumbling in his glass as he lifted it to his lips.
Torak nodded. “Yes, that’s safe to say.” He heard the dreamy note in his voice and no matter how hard he tried, the smile plastered on his face just wouldn’t be suppressed.
“My my,” Sande said, a teasing note in his tone. “I do think our fearsome captain may be going soft for a female.”
Torak didn’t know if soft was the right word. Still, he couldn’t really deny it.
“I’ll admit I’m surprised by how well it seemed to go,” he said, still grinning like a lunatic. Sande could tease and criticize him all he wanted. Nothing could touch Torak right now. Not when he thought of Mara. Not when the memory of her kiss was still so fresh.
He was invincible.
Chapter Nine
Mara
Mara woke the next morning with a smile on her face. The very same smile she’d fallen asleep with, matter of fact.
It was difficult to explain what had transpired the previous night with Torak, but something changed in a major way. She’d never expected to open up to him so readily, but once she had, it felt right.
Even more surprising was his reciprocation. The big tough scary pirate, opening up to her, talking about his past and his struggles — it was enough to make Mara swoon. Just a little. She couldn’t get ahead of herself, though that ship was dangerously close to sailing.
She’d gone to bed and read up on Basniel’s history, desperate to know if Torak had been exaggerating or not.
He wasn’t. If anything, he seemed to be downplaying how ruthless his race was. There were whole sectors of the galaxy where his people were banned, jailed upon sight for the atrocities of their entire kind.
It seemed completely unfair to Mara and she could easily see why he’d grown so bitter and jaded throughout the years. Even if Torak didn’t want to be the monster people expected, their behavior and assumptions were enough to make anyone lash out.
She remembered the friendly folks on the tropical planet and how warmly they’d greeted Torak and his crew. At least there were still good people out there. There was hope for him, if only he could see it.
Mara hurried through breakfast and scampered off to engineering for work — after her performance in the battle, Delta didn’t want her working anywhere else on the ship, and Mara was just fine with that.
She set to work on the task Delta handed her, only a few words exchanged between them. She still had a lot to think about and no matter how many curious glances Delta sent her way, Mara wasn’t in a hurry to share the magic of the previous night with anyone else.
She whistled as she worked — a happy song that she couldn’t identify and didn’t know the words to. She couldn’t help herself; all that joyous energy had to escape somehow.
“So, it seems like someone had a better night than I did,” Delta said, stepping up to work next to Mara, a knowing smile signalling that Mara couldn’t deny it any more.
Mara shrugged, but her stupid face betrayed her, breaking into a wide grin.
“A very good night,” Delta amended.
Mara looked down at her feet, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “It was quite nice,” she admitted.
Delta laughed, shaking her head. “The Captain, huh? Never thought I’d see the day.”
Mara’s insides fluttered restlessly and her cheeks hurt from the non-stop grinning, but she didn’t care. Just remembering the previous night was enough to fill her with warmth.
“We’re heading in for refueling in a couple of hours, so all these patches need to be done by then so we can bleed the lines,” Delta said after deciding Mara wasn’t going to elaborate any more. Mara nodded and set back to work, whistling her faintly familiar tune again.
Those few hours raced by like something was chasing them. Before Mara knew it, Delta was dragging her up to the flight deck and strapping her in for landing.
No one seemed to have forgotten Mara’s last catastrophic landing. The harness crisscrossed her chest, pushing her back into her seat. In the center of the flight deck was the Captain’s chair where Torak sat, his eyes unmistakably on her.
Silently, he tugged on his harness, showing it was firmly in place and inclined his head, beckoning her to do the same. She giggled, drawing an amused look from Delta, and tugged on her harness, showing Torak she was safe and secure.
He nodded once and turned back to his instruments. “Prepare for docking,” he said.
“Ready,” came the response from the other side of the flight deck.
The ship jolted as if it had been struck and Ma
ra looked around with wide-eyed panic before she realized no one else was alarmed.
“Docking complete,” Delta announced. The moment she said it, every harness on deck clicked with release in unison.
Mara unbuckled her harness and sprinted to the other side of the flight deck to lean into the huge window overlooking the base. The whole race from engineering up here was too quick for her to pay any attention, but now Mara saw they weren’t on a planet at all.
Floating in orbit around a massive gas giant, was the base they’d just docked to. It was a mish-mash of designs and looked like it had been expanded and built up somewhat haphazardly over the years. The seams where one portion of the base started and another ended were clear in the differing architecture and technology woven throughout.