by Tiana Cole
She hoped Caine and Cassia got what they could out of today because she wasn’t sure if her heart could take another one.
~
Caine was pretty sure his daughter was the most amazing little girl on the planet. She was adorable of course, but she was so damn smart it blew him away. He hadn’t shared his love of astronomy with anyone but Zara, and he was pretty sure she hadn’t passed it on to their daughter. Still, she was a big ol’ nerd just like him.
“I know the perfect place,” Zara promised with a smug smile that made him wonder what was going on inside her pretty little head. “Keys, please.”
He looked over his shoulder at Cassia. “Where do you think we’re going?”
She shrugged. “I hope we’re going to get something that comes with fries. I love fries even though Mommy says the grease will clog my arteries someday.”
Caine tipped his head back and laughed until his body shook. “She’s right though, so don’t make it a habit.” She giggled and he swore it was the sweetest damn sound he’d ever heard. It was so light and carefree, girlish. When they pulled up to Gourmet Burger Bonanza, Caine found himself intrigued and skeptical.
“Alright, Mommy!” The little girl was so eager to get out of the car she jiggled the handle mercilessly. “Come on, guys!”
He laughed and opened the door, peering in and looking around. “Anyone seen Cassia? I bet she’d like this place, I can already smell the greasy fries.”
“Dr. Faulkner.” She rolled her eyes and extended her arms to him. “Help, please.”
He scooped her up and closed his eyes at the feel of her tiny arms wrapped around his neck. Her small body so warm and trusting in his arms. “You weigh practically nothing, we’ll have to fatten you up.”
“I can’t be fat or else I won’t fit on the spaceship.” She said it so seriously he didn’t have the heart to laugh.
“I think you’ve got a ways to go before you get fat, so let’s go pig out. Okay?”
She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder. In that moment, Caine knew exactly what he would do for the rest of his life. He would protect this little girl and her mother with his life. He would spend the rest of forever making it up to them both. A quick look over at Zara told him she was as affected by seeing him and Cassia together as he had been. He mouthed the words, “Thank you,” to her and she gave him a small nod.
Zara held the door open as an elderly couple walked out and stopped. “What a lovely family. Your daughter is darling.” Zara froze and Cassia lifted her head and looked at him.
“Thanks,” Zara muttered, and pushed him forward.
“Mommy, what did that lady mean?”
“Nothing, sweetheart. Go order your burger so we can wash up before we eat.” She zipped off and Caine looked at her face so tight with worry she nibbled her bottom lip. “Just divert her until we talk to her. Don’t lie, okay?”
He nodded and followed behind Cassia, grateful that she was teaching him how to parent rather than doing it for him. Or worse, letting him fail before he even got started. “What do you recommend, kiddo?”
“I’m getting salmon so you can taste mine and get something else. Mommy will get the bison with stinky cheese and all the fixings.” Chuckling again, Caine scanned the menu and decided to go with a chicken and beef double burger. “Mommy is going to scold you, but don’t worry,” she whispered, “it’s worth it.”
They placed all three orders, got their drinks and found a table by the time Zara had returned. “We can wash your hands here, unless you need to go?”
“I’m fine, Mommy. We got your burger too.”
“Thanks, honey.” She patted her daughter’s hand and gave her a smile. “You’re so helpful.”
“Mommy, doesn’t Dr. Faulkner look so handsome today? Grandma said it’s always nice to come home to a handsome man.”
Caine couldn’t help but laugh at the innocent manipulation going on at the table, as well as the strangled noise coming from Zara. “You girls are better than TV.” They settled into their seats and waited for their food, chatting and laughing the entire time. More than anything, Caine wanted her to know now that he was her father and that he would always be there for her. Whatever she needed.
But he knew Zara was right and they needed to wait. So he sat back and enjoyed himself. “You’re right, Cassia, this burger was totally worth your mom’s lecture.”
Cassia giggled and sent him a bright, ketchup-ringed smile. “Have a bite of mine.” She held up a piece of burger Zara cut into quarters for her. “It’s got extra pickles.”
Leaning forward with his mouth open, Caine closed his eyes and gave an exaggerated, “Aaah!” She giggled and he took a big bite, tearing at the burger like a lion with the requisite growl. “You’re right, delicious,” he said around a mouthful of salmon burger.
“Now me,” she said, mirroring his actions right now do the wide open mouth. Caine held the giant double burger up to her little mouth, adding more mustard and barbecue sauce to the ketchup ring around her mouth. “Mommy, so good, you have to try.”
Zara gave him a bit of side eye but reached her hands out for the burger. “You two are nothing but trouble.”
They both laughed and Caine continued to hold onto the burger. “I’ve already got it, just open up and say ‘ah,’” he instructed with a cheeky smile.
She glared. “It’ll be hard to eat this burger through a straw.” She took a bite while Caine continued chuckling to himself. “Good, but definitely not worth the heart attack, Doctor.”
She had him there. His eating habits were horrible, but until now he’d only had himself to worry about. There was no one but his patients counting on him to stick around. Now there was Cassia. Zara. “Share some of your salad with me to even it out.” She looked at Cassia to see if she was paying attention—she was—and turned her plate, scooping half the raw veggie mixture onto his plate.
“There. Happy now?”
He winked. “I am. Thank you for adding another six months onto my life.” Caine let out a full throated laugh at her groan and her mumbled words.
By the time they were back in the car and headed home, Caine realized he’d had more fun today than he’d had since he last spent time with Zara. Eight years ago.
~
“Thank you for today, Zara. I know it wasn’t easy for you but it means a lot to me.” Caine stood behind her in the kitchen, hands on her tense shoulders while she stared out into the mountains overlooking Girdwood.
Zara closed her eyes against the beauty of the snowcapped but treacherous mountains and against the past barreling back at her at full speed. “You don’t have to thank me, Caine.” She wished he wouldn’t because despite her efforts to let him know about her pregnancy, Zara still felt guilty that he’d been left in the dark all this time.
“Of course I do.” His voice was hard and firm. “After what happened I’m just grateful you’re giving me a chance to be there for her.”
“She deserves it.” Turning until their bodies were too damn close, she released a breath on a whoosh. “She already loves you and she wants a father more than anything.” Looking up at him, she wondered if he was the man for the job.
“You doubt me,” he said, obviously hurt by her assumption.
Zara nodded and slid away from him, deciding to busy herself by making tea. “You told me you had no plans to have children but all of a sudden you want to play daddy with Cassia.” The about face was a touch too convenient for her skeptical mind.
“First of all, not play daddy. I am her father and I think you well know that children in theory are much different than real life children.” Muted jade eyes bored into her, on fire and ready for a fight. “I know I need to prove myself but you have to be open to it, Z. If you doubt me, she will too.”
Dropping tea bags into two colorful mugs, she set them on the table along with honey, sugar and milk. “I know. That’s why I’m trying, Caine.” But it wasn’t easy, not with him being so damn charming and
always around. It was hard on Zara, which she knew was a completely selfish thought to have. Sometimes, though, a girl just had to look after her own best interests.
He took a seat at the round kitchen table and his gaze softened. “Is it so hard having me around again?”
Yes. “No. Okay, yes, but only because of the past. Believe me, I am doing my best to forget it.”
“It wasn’t all bad.” He frowned as though suddenly not sure of his words. “We did make Cassia after all.”
“No, it wasn’t all bad, but the parts that were bad were awful.” Again her eyes closed against the onslaught of memories. The bright cloudless day and the damp Southern Florida heat made her dress stick to her back. The sound of his mother’s cultured, snooty voice calling her names like she wanted to postpone her life for a child she hadn’t created on her own. “Dammit!” Pushing away from the table as the electric kettle began to bubble, she made herself vanquish the memories.
“I’m so sorry, Zara baby. I wish I could change it all but I can’t.”
She knew that too. Only an apology didn’t erase the hateful words, the feeling of worthlessness she’d struggled with since that day. The insecurity that everything between her and Caine had been a lie. It had been the truth for almost a decade. “I know, Caine, but I can’t just forget it all overnight. I’m trying, and that has to be enough for now.”
“It is, but, dammit, you have to know how much it kills me to see you hurting like this.”
His eyes were full of anguish that Zara wished she could take away, but she couldn’t. “I’m a work in progress, just like I tell my kids.” Sipping her tea, Zara took a moment to enjoy the beauty that was Caine Faulkner. Broad shoulders and that narrow waist were divine, but his face was what she loved most. Angular jaws, sharp cheekbones bracketing a patrician nose that had been broken twice—once surfing in Australia and the other a fistfight in the Maldives—and the slightest hint of dimples punctuating his ready smile. That wasn’t as ready these days. “I miss seeing you smile.”
He smiled again but this time it was bittersweet. “Not much to smile about since losing you.”
Zara heard the truth of his words and her heart clenched tight. She didn’t want to think about how miserable he’d been without her because she was still trying to stop being miserable without him. “I understand that, believe me, I do. But we need to figure out your role in our family before we worry about…anything else.”
Understanding dawned and his shoulders slumped imperceptibly. “I understand, Zara. I hate it, but I get it.” He stood and she joined him, since he obviously wasn’t staying for tea.
“Me too,” she answered quietly as her hand gripped the front door.
“I lost you once and I’m not sure I can live through it a second time.” Green eyes studied her face, in search of a reaction to his words. Caine must have seen something in her eyes because his hands gently cupped her face as his mouth lowered temptingly, teasing until it was Zara who changed the heat of the kiss.
Her tongue slicked against his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth and then the top lip before he opened, his tongue poised to take over the kiss. It was long and hot, and at some point Zara lost track of who did what to whom. She didn’t care either, all that mattered was how it felt to be in Caine’s arms again, to taste him again. To hear that sexy groan when the pleasure was just so damn good he couldn’t stand it.
Caine pulled back with a lazy, aroused smile on his thoroughly kissed mouth. “Damn, still got it.” He smiled in disbelief. “See you soon, Zee.”
Closing the door behind him, Zara smiled as her fingers touched her kiss swollen lips. Lips that still tasted like Caine.
Chapter 9
An overnight snowfall made traveling into Anchorage especially troublesome, but making the drive mid-morning made it miserable. “It’s Alaska, people, we drive in the snow all year long!” Despite her tirade, the other motorists seemed to be in no hurry, and overly cautious of the road condition. But the drive had to be made since she had a new client, a teenage girl diagnosed with bipolar disorder whose parents believed had been improperly diagnosed.
At twenty minutes until eleven she came to a stop in the visitor’s parking lot and made her way to the psych ward. It was a typical hospital ward with all the protective measures insurance companies required, but Anchorage General was painted in gentle, muted greens, blues and yellows. And soft jazz or classical played during waking hours. It was as calming as possible, a fact for which she was always grateful. Being locked up was hard enough without feeling like you were in prison. “I’m here to see Mariah Macklin.” Armed with a temporary badge, she followed an orderly to the girl’s room.
When she left ninety minutes later, Zara was certain the fifteen-year-old girl had been misdiagnosed and therefore probably wasn’t on the correct meds. She’d spoken with the staff psychologist and made arrangements for Mariah to enter the weeklong in-patient program designed to get her sorted with new medication before she was discharged. It was good news for everyone, but it also meant she would be coming to the hospital daily for the next week and it would be impossible to avoid running into Caine before she was prepared to see him again.
The elevator doors opened and she stepped out and ran smack into a warm broad chest…with a very familiar scent. “Must be my lucky day, wishing to see you and here you are.” Zara rolled her eyes and took a step back, directly in the path of the closing elevator. “I’ve got you,” he assured her, hands securely gripping her waist.
It took every ounce of willpower she had to resist leaning into his overheated body and letting herself go for just a moment. He smelled so good she wanted to climb him and nestle into the crook of his neck where his scent was always the most potent. “Thanks,” she muttered, and took a step back.
“What brings you by, besides this handsome mug?”
Laughing, she told him about her patient on the ward. “Misdiagnosed and on the wrong meds so now she’s more mistrustful than ever.” It broke her heart but the girl listened to what she had to say and promised to be honest with her. “I think it’ll be okay eventually. How’s your day?”
She’d surprised him with her question and that made her wonder—who asked about Caine? Made sure he was taking care of himself? Certainly not his bitch of a mother, that woman made icebergs look warm and nurturing.
“It’s okay. A few tough cases, but that’s always the case, isn’t it?”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Over lunch?” His voice went up at the end, hope clear in his voice.
“Sure. I know just the place.”
When they pulled into the parking lot of El Cantina, Caine laughed until he cried. “Everything is the same except for the name?”
Zara joined in. “Well, Rusty’s Mexican Joint wasn’t really bringing in the customers, if you know what I mean.”
“I can’t imagine why not,” he answered sarcastically. “Let’s just hope the food is better the second time around.”
“Oh, it is. Rusty got himself a wife, Marisol, and she cooks like it was what she was put on this earth to do.” Her stomach let its hunger be known the moment they stepped inside. Spanish language dance music blared over the speakers as they were seated.
“Remember that salsa? It was so awful.” He chuckled at the memory.
“You mean the marinara sauce they said was salsa? Gross.” She fake gagged. “And you ordered so much of it!”
“I didn’t know until it was too late, and I didn’t want to be rude.”
Her laughter died at his words. She remembered that about Caine. Despite all the money and privilege he’d grown up with, he was a nice guy. Instead of sending back the salsa, he’d pushed through like a champ and told Rusty it was a good meal. “You were very kind to Rusty and he appreciated it.” Told her about it damn near every time he saw her.
He shrugged. “Not his fault. I wouldn’t have done much better if you stuck me in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant and I g
rew up in Florida.”
“Zara? I thought that was you. How are you?”
She looked up into the kind blue eyes of her ex. “Jude, hi. How are you?”
He smiled and wrapped an arm around the exotic beauty at his side. “I’m good. This is Helen, my bride-to-be.”
“Nice to meet you.” Zara shook her hand. “Congratulations to you both. Looks like you’ll have a busy year.”
Helen laughed and rubbed her belly. “What was I thinking?”
“You’ll be very tired, so don’t feel bad when you start to dose off everywhere you go,” Zara offered up.
“Will do, thanks.”
Jude turned Helen towards the door. “It was great to see you again, Zara. I’m glad you’re well.” He took one last look at her, full of longing if she wasn’t mistaken, and then he was gone.
She turned to Caine’s curious gaze. “That’s my ex.”
“That much was obvious.” He gave her a cheeky smile and sipped his lemonade. “Tell me everything.”
She laughed. “You’re like a teenage girl with the gossip.” He said nothing, just waited patiently. “We dated for almost two years. He was a great guy but he proposed and I couldn’t say yes. So we broke up.”
“He seemed sad to see you.”
She shrugged. “I’m happy for him. Jude deserves the things he wants and I think Helen might be it.” Ignoring his other question, she just smiled.
“Why didn’t you give him those things?”
“I couldn’t.” She wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to give herself so completely to another person. She’d done it once—wholly and completely—and it had bitten her in the ass.
“I’m sorry, Zee. Fuck. My family did this to you, took away your confidence. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Stop apologizing, Caine. It’s in the past and it should stay there.” Mostly because she didn’t want to relive it. Ever.
Caine shook his head. “I can’t. I need to know.”
“What?” she asked innocently, but she knew the truth.