by Jenna Brandt
Jake wanted to press the issue, but he could tell from her response, she wasn’t going to discuss it further.
The group left the Caldwell home and walked the short distance to the little white church on the corner of Main Street. Townsfolk were filing in to the church as they reached the edge of the pathway.
“Glad to see all of you made it this morning,” Judy said as she approached the family.
Mr. Caldwell excused himself and took the children inside, leaving Rebecca and Jake to talk with Judy.
“I heard you had a late night,” Judy stated. “Everyone was talking about the two of you dancing together; not to mention the fight you broke up, Deputy.”
Jake wasn’t sure how he felt about the townsfolk gossiping about what he and Rebecca were doing. He wasn’t used to being under such minute scrutiny. It was easier to go unnoticed in the city.
“Why is everyone so interested in Jake? He did his job just as he should,” Rebecca defended.
Judy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You’re on a first name basis with him? We’ll have to talk about how that came to be later.”
Embarrassment registered on Rebecca’s face as another blush crossed her body. Her eyes darted from Judy to Jake and then settled on the ground in front of her.
Jake didn’t like to see Rebecca chagrined. Wanting to spare her any further uncomfortable moments, he distracted by asking, “Isn’t the service about to start? I think we all should head inside.”
As they reached the top of the steps, a woman was standing at the door greeting everyone who entered. She was a thin woman with grey hair and a generous smile.
“Good morning, Rebecca.” The woman glanced towards Jake and stated, “I see you brought the deputy with you. It’s a pleasure to have you join us this morning, Deputy. I’m Cindy Gable, and my husband is the pastor of the church.”
Jake refrained from outwardly expressing his displeasure at the constant recognition. Instead, he forced an agreeable grin and said, “Thank you for having me, ma’am.”
“Pastor Gable is about to start the service. You should all go find your seats,” Cindy said in a kind but dismissive tone.
They moved past the woman and found seats next to the rest of Rebecca’s family in a pew three rows from the front. A few moments later, the pastor took to the pulpit.
“Good morning, everyone. It’s so good to see all of your smiling faces. Will all of you stand and take out your hymnals and turn to page twenty-two? We will be singing Amazing Grace.”
All of the parishioners complied. After finishing the first song, four more hymns were sung by the church goers before the congregation took their seats.
Pastor Gable began to speak. “I would like to start with a story. As many of you know, my family had a dog—a beautiful golden retriever named Button—that we got shortly after our first son, Benjamin, was born. Button was a smart dog. She was always exploring and adventuring further and further from home. Because she was smart, she thought she would always find her way back; however, one day she must have travelled too far, gotten lost in the dark and never returned home.
“You’re probably wondering what this story has to do with what I want to talk with you about today. God has put it on my heart to point out that some of you think you’re smart enough, strong enough, independent enough to keep venturing away from Him. But the truth is, none of us can survive away from God, and the more we see how far we can get, and how long we can live without his presence in our life, the more we allow ourselves the possibility of permanent separation because of our choices.
“I want to challenge each of you to not neglect the urgency of time. We all think we have all the time in the world. Time to spend with our family, time to find love, time to change our mind, and time to find our way back to God. It’s simply not true. We are guaranteed no amount of time, which means every moment is precious. How we decide to live our lives matters. Our choice in every moment is paramount. We have to choose to love our neighbors. We have to choose to help strangers. We have to choose to stay close to God. Please bow your heads as we pray.”
Instantly, Jake felt conviction over his choices since his family died. Yes, he did help people, mostly because it was part of the job, and also because it kept him distracted from the pain of his loss. But just as he fulfilled the first part of the mandate, he had been equally disregarding the last part. He had turned his back on his relationship with God; wrongfully and misguided.
Silently, Jake prayed to God; asking for His forgiveness. Jake willingly surrendered his life back to God and admitted his need for the Lord to lead him again.
After the service, the Caldwells introduced Jake to many of the church members. His desire to keep people at arm’s length disappeared and he felt himself opening up.
Ten
“What did you think of our church?” Rebecca asked hesitantly, as they approached the Caldwell house.
“It was exactly what I needed to hear. I know now one of the reasons God brought me to Rockwood Springs was for me to hear Pastor Gable’s sermon this morning.”
Rebecca could not only hear the change in Jake’s voice, but could see the difference in his demeanor. “You seem lighter, Jake.”
“I feel different. Like a burden has been lifted. I want to tell you about—”
Jake was interrupted by the Caldwell children bouncing out of the house with a wicker basket and blanket in their hands.
“We’re ready for the picnic,” Lydia stated with pride. “I made sure everything was inside and even snuck in a few surprises for everyone.”
Georgie snorted. “Let me guess; you added some strawberry jam to the basket since it’s your favorite. It’s not a surprise if you just add something you like,” he said snidely.
“You take that back, Georgie,” Lydia demanded with indignation. “I’ll have you know, I really did add other surprises in the basket.”
“And if I look inside, I’m not going to find strawberry jam and bread, even though Rebecca packed ham sandwiches this morning?”
Lydia’s lip came out in a pout as tears formed in the corner of her eyes. “Why do you always have to be so mean to me, Georgie? What did I ever do to you?”
“Lydia, you—”
Rebecca was tired of the fight and since it didn’t seem to be resolving on its own, she interceded. “Stop it right now, the both of you. We have a guest.”
Both the children’s eyes filled with guilt as they looked over at Jake.
“Apologize to Jake,” Rebecca ordered.
“I’m sorry, Jake,” Lydia quickly whispered.
Georgie crossed his arms and stared at his sister with angry eyes. Finally, with a shrug, he begrudgingly stammered out, “Sorry, Jake.”
“Since you both decided to ruin my surprise for him, I suppose I should just go ahead and ask if Jake would care to join us on an afternoon picnic.” She turned to face him. “Would you? Of course, seeing how they’re behaving, I can understand why you might say no.”
Both kids interjected, rushing to his side, and shouting out reasons why Jake should still come.
He chuckled and nodded. “I’d love to join all of you.” He glanced around with a puzzled look on his face. “Where will this fun-filled afternoon take place?”
With a secretive whisper, Lydia confided, “We have a special spot to take you.”
“Alright. I suppose you should lead the way then,” Jake stated.
Georgie threw the blanket at Rebecca and took off running. Lydia handed the basket to Rebecca, yelling, “Hey, wait for me,” as she chased after him.
The children headed north, but every time they would get more than a few yards away, they would stop, glance back, and wait for Rebecca and Jake to catch up.
Jake reached out and took Rebecca’s hand in his as they walked along the dirt path.
“It’s a beautiful day,” Rebecca said in a tranquil voice.
“Agreed, but I can think of something that outshines it,” Jake stated as h
e gazed at her.
And for the first time, Rebecca didn’t blush from Jake’s attention. Instead, she reveled in it and whispered, “You’re sweet, Jake.”
Rebecca smiled as they arrived at their destination; a large meadow filled with an array of wildflowers in shades of blues, yellows, pinks, and whites. The fragrant smell of the meadow floated on the gentle gusts of wind as the sun glistened off the blades of grass. There was a creek that ran along the edge and the sound of trickling water drifted through the air.
“This place is astounding,” Jake declared.
The children grabbed the blanket and picnic basket and laid it out on a grassy area nearby.
“My parents found this place when they first moved to Rockwood Springs. They brought us here every Sunday throughout our childhood. At least, up until my mother’s condition worsened.”
Jake turned to Rebecca and asked tenderly, “What happened with your mother this morning? I didn’t want to push you to talk about it earlier, but I want to understand.”
Rebecca gestured for them to sit down on the blanket which had been abandoned by the children. Currently, they were chasing butterflies through the meadow.
“When I was little, I remember my mother always being a bit odd; fragile, reclusive, and easily-angered. I constantly had to be on my best behavior in order to not upset her. It only worsened after she had Georgie and Lydia, as if the burden of being a mother was too much for her.” Rebecca’s voice broke and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.
“Has she been seen by a doctor?”
Rebecca nodded. “My grandparents—while they were alive—told my father they had the family doctor examine her, but when she was young, she was better at hiding her symptoms. As she got older and life added stresses, she cracked up more. My father didn’t want to believe it was permanent, so he hired doctor after doctor from all over the country—even as far as Boston—to come visit her and find out what was the matter. He spent all of the money my grandparents left them and nearly lost the livery over it. When the final doctor told him there was no cure and it was just the way she was, it was like a piece of him broke off and died.”
“I’m sorry. It must be difficult, but that doesn’t explain what happened this morning,” Jake probed.
“Her condition has significantly worsened over the last three years. She hasn’t left the house and rarely comes out of her bedroom. Her temper has become almost unmanageable, often resulting in violence. She was upset this morning because she wanted me to read to her. I tried to explain we had church, but she wanted me to stay anyway.”
Jake reached out and placed his hand on Rebecca’s knee. “I’m so sorry, Rebecca. No child should have to go through what you have.”
With a sad look, Rebecca conceded his point. “It’s why I sympathize so profoundly with Russell Smith. His mother is just as mean and hurtful as mine, but in a different way.”
“Your compassion is endearing,” Jake stated with admiration.
“Thank you. Sometimes it’s hard to not question why God gave me the mother He did. But as hard as it is to deal with her, I’m grateful God has blessed me with a loving father and siblings.”
The children came running up, interrupting their private conversation.
“We’re hungry,” Georgie blurted out.
“Then come on and sit down,” Rebecca offered.
Rebecca opened the picnic basket and noticed a note on the top of the food. Sprawled on the top in Lydia’s handwriting was Jake’s name. She pulled out the folded piece of paper and handed it to him.
“What’s this?” Jake asked in confusion.
“It’s your first surprise,” Lydia said with a giggle.
Jake opened the letter and quickly read the content. A lopsided grin formed as he stated, “Thank you, Lydia. I appreciate your stamp of approval in regards to me and your sister courting.”
Lydia’s eyes grew round with shock as she chastised, “That was just supposed to be between you and me, Jake Bolton. You weren’t supposed to go and blurt it out like that.”
Rebecca couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s adorable antics. Georgie joined in, liking any excuse to tease his little sister.
“It’s not funny,” she said with a pout.
“Well, I’m not laughing,” Jake stated. “And I’m glad I have you on my side. After all, I might need your help taking them down in a game of tag later on.”
Apparently, the promise of games erased Lydia’s irritation. A smile pulled at her lips as she dove into the basket and pulled out a jar of strawberry jam.
Eleven
After a full meal of ham sandwiches, apples, jam and biscuits, and sweet tea, everyone wanted to lounge for a bit on the blanket before playing games.
Lydia’s second surprise for everyone—but she stated mostly for Jake—was a journal she kept of all her favorite poems from which she wished to read. Her list included Dickinson, Emerson, Longfellow, and Rossetti.
Laying on his side, Jake leaned on his elbow, listening to the soothing voice of the little girl. He found himself drifting off to the tranquil cadence of her voice.
When she came to the poem, Love me-I love you by Christina G. Rossetti, Jake felt himself stiffen. It was a poem his wife read to their son every night while they were both still alive.
“Love me, -- I love you,
Love me, my baby;
Sing it high, sing it low,
Sing it as may be.
Mother's arms under you,
Her eyes above you;
Sing it high, sing it low,
Love me -- I love you.”
He couldn’t take it any longer. Jake bolted upright and looked over at Lydia with disbelief. How did she manage to pick the very poem which had such a personal connection to his past?
Jumping to his feet, Jake took off towards the creek without a word. He needed to get away before he broke down in front of the Caldwell family.
Jake berated himself. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get past what happened? He thought he had dealt with the grief, but just when he least expected it, the wretched feelings came bubbling to the surface.
He stopped moving as he reached the water’s edge. He looked down at the flowing water that hit the rocks and splintered into several directions. Sometimes, that was how his heart felt. Part of him couldn’t let go of the past and another part of him desperately wanted to find a way to have a future.
From behind, he felt a soft hand touch his shoulder and an empathetic voice ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”
Keeping his back to Rebecca, he whispered, “I’m not sure if it’s wise. I’m afraid I’ll lose control.”
“Maybe that’s good. Maybe the problem is that you try too hard to control your pain. If you let go, you can take away its power.” Rebecca gently pulled him around to face her. “Let me in. Let me help you.”
Jake’s head came down to rest on Rebecca’s shoulder. A floodgate of tears burst free as Jake finally allowed himself to cry over the loss of his family. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt safe with Rebecca.
Several minutes passed with Jake’s head on Rebecca’s shoulder and her arms wrapped around him in a soothing embrace; allowing her honeysuckle scent to surround him in comfort. Once the tears were spent, he lifted his face and looked into her eyes. “Thank you,” was all he could muster.
“Do you want to go for a walk before dusk?” Rebecca offered.
With a simple nod, he took her hand, placing it in the crook of his arm, and turned to walk along the edge of the creek. For half the length of the bubbling brook, they walked in silence. Finally, Jake felt composed enough to tell Rebecca the whole story about his family.
“I was out tracking down a couple of cattle rustlers when the fire broke out. My wife, Marjorie, and our two-year-old son, Milo, were at home sleeping. They never made it out of the house before the fire spread. There was nothing left.”
Rebecca’s hand tightened on his arm as she whispered, “That
’s so tragic, Jake. I can’t even imagine. There are no words to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”
“Thank you,” Jake whispered.
“Why did the poem my sister read bother you so much?” Rebecca inquired.
“My wife used to read it to our son every night. It was one of her favorite poems.”
“That makes sense. I understand now,” Rebecca stated.
“I never thought I would care for another woman after losing Marjorie, but here I am so enamored with you, I can’t see straight,” Jake confessed.
Rebecca turned her head and looked up at Jake. “I feel the same. I’ve never had a beau before—never had the time for it—but you came into my life and changed everything.”
“Up until today, I felt guilty about my feelings for you. I thought I was being disloyal to my wife. I felt guilty for leaving my family alone, guilty for turning away from God after, and guilty for wanting to spend time with you.”
“And now?”
“When I prayed in church today, God not only forgave me for my distance from him, He freed me from all my guilt.”
“Oh, Jake, I’m so glad to hear that,” Rebecca commended. “You deserve to be happy.”
Jake wanted to say more. He wanted to tell her how much he cared for her, but he refrained. How could he declare his feelings when he wasn’t sure they had a future; not with his life and job in Abilene and her family needing her to stay in Rockwood Springs. He didn’t want to give either of them false hope; yet the closer he got to her, the more desperate he was to find a solution to their dilemma.
From across the meadow, Lydia called out, “Jake, you promised to play tag with us.”
He hollered back, “We’re on our way.”
They joined the children and spent the rest of the remaining light playing games, including the promised diversion of tag.
Twelve
Just like before, the children rushed ahead of Jake and Rebecca, wanting to get home to prepare for school the next day.