by Helen Burko
They sat down under a tree. He put her on his lap as he had done the previous night. He caressed her and kissed her face, her eyes, and her nose. She didn’t resist, which inflamed him even more.
A line of carts passed on the path far in front of them. Someone waved a handkerchief and laughed. It didn’t matter to him if the person was blessing them or mocking them; he was so hungry for love and couldn’t restrain his feelings.
“Enough!” She tried to break away. “We have to try and find a way to get out of here!”
Her words brought him back to his senses immediately. They rose, straightened their clothes, and went back to the station.
The noise was deafening. Crowds and troops of soldiers returning from the front came and went.
“Let’s go to the town,” he suggested. “I don’t see any chance of our leaving this place for at least the next twenty-four hours. In the city, we can eat something decent.”
“We can’t go to the city… It’s full of KGB men.”
“Why are you afraid of them? You’re a returnee.”
“As long as I’m in the station, I’m not afraid, but in the town…without papers…”
“You have no papers?” he asked in astonishment.
“No, I have no papers. What kind of papers could I have after working on a farm in Germany? Nobody returning from there has any proof of who they are and where they came from.”
“The people from the camps have no papers?”
“No, don’t you know that?”
“Yes, you’re right. Well, the best papers today are alertness and cunning. We have to try and get away from here quickly. If we can’t leave Russia by legal means, we’ll take any way we can find.”
“I’m ready for anything.”
“Dearest…” He pressed her hand. “I’m also ready for anything as long as we are together. We’ll sneak into an empty supply car or climb up on the roof of a night train going west. That’s the way I got here from Kiev.”
“You’re a fearless man, and I like you very, very much!”
“There’s another way to get out of here,” he continued without paying attention to her compliment. “We can bribe a conductor. We’d better get a bottle of vodka, some smoked meat, and some packages of cigarettes. That’s what worked for me when I left the camps. I traveled through all the republics of Russia that way.”
“Yes, I know that trick.” She laughed. “You said you have some money?”
“Yes, I have a few rubles and a very expensive wristwatch. That’ll help us in a tight corner.”
“Without a doubt, my dear.”
“And what do you have in your little suitcase?”
“Nothing of value, just some women’s things.”
“You came back from Germany and brought nothing of value?” He looked skeptical.
“I wasn’t interested,” she said coldly. “You aren’t interested in objects when you are trying to survive.”
“I agree with you completely, my dear,” he said thoughtfully. “Yes, you’re right, the most important things now are our lives. The lives that we have to continue and live.”
“Yes, wonderful and mysterious is the life of man,” she said, smiling. “How I’d love to reach someplace where I could rest.”
“Don’t worry, my dear! We’ll fly to a place where we can live happily… Come!”
She stroked his cheek and gave him a loving look, and then they hurried to the station.
In front of each car, a conductor stayed glued to the door until the train left the station, so there was no chance of sneaking in without a ticket. To buy a ticket, especially going west to the Ukraine and to Poland, you had to have a special permit. People stood in line by the ticket booths for days and nights, for even those who had a permit couldn’t buy a ticket because they were kept for officers and high officials.
“No tickets, comrades, no tickets! No places!” That was the answer they received when the booths were opened for a few minutes.
After long negotiations with one of the conductors of the train going to Lvov, they succeeded, when night fell, in getting into one of the compartments without tickets and without permits. It cost Jacob his watch and some of his money.
“But remember,” the conductor warned them, “if they arrest you, I know nothing about it. Understood?”
“Understood.”
Most of the travelers were soldiers, and there were a few civilians who were traveling to the Western Ukraine to fill positions awaiting them. There were a few women, wives of passengers.
Rachel and Jacob squeezed into a corner where the lighting was dim.
“We just have to cross the border of Poland, and then we’ll be in the Western Ukraine and everything will be fine,” Jacob told her.
They both sat there quietly in front of a window they were afraid to open; it was as if it were a defense against their illegal journey. Lights whizzed by and blinded them between long stretches of black night.
He leaned against the wall, and she put her head in his lap. She curled up and closed her eyes. He breathed in the scent of her hair and touched it with his lips. Footsteps sounded in the corridor, people walked around, and doors opened and closed.
The door opened suddenly, and a bright light shone at their tightly closed eyes. They opened their eyes and saw two KGB men standing in front of them.
“Papers, please!”
Jacob showed them the creased and torn paper he’d received when he was freed from the labor camp that served as a document. While one of the men looked at it, the other turned to Rachel.
“Your papers, please?”
“I lost my papers.”
“You lost them?”
“Yes.”
The other man turned and scrutinized Rachel.
“Where are your tickets and permits?”
“We don’t have any tickets because we don’t have any permits, and we don’t have any permits because we don’t have any tickets.” She tried to joke about it.
They ignored her attempts at humor. “How did you get into this compartment?”
“Very simply… We snuck in.” She smiled and tried again to keep everybody in a good mood. Again, they ignored it.
“Where are you going?”
“To Poland… Home,” they said.
“Where do you come from?”
“From Tashkent.”
“Where did you work?”
“We’re camp survivors.”
“Is she your wife?” one of them asked Jacob and looked at Rachel’s pretty face that tried to keep a pleasant expression.
“More than a wife!” she replied pleasantly, as she tried to speak with a Polish accent.
“What can be more than a wife?” asked one of the men with a crafty smile.
“A lover.”
“Aha! Come with us!”
Jacob was ready for something like this. He knew the KGB wouldn’t leave them alone. He was very familiar with their polite tone and knew what it meant even though the war was over and the status of the survivors of the Russian camps had been elevated a little after Russia had pardoned the Polish citizens in Russia.
Rachel picked up her little suitcase and followed the men through the corridors of the train. The compartment doors that were open showed mostly army men and women absorbed in their newspapers, Pravda and Izvestia. As Rachel and the men passed by, all the eyes turned to stare at them.
“There is no shortage of contemptible people,” one of the passengers whispered.
“After the war, they look for holes to hide in like rats,” said another.
They stopped at the last compartment of the train. One of the KGB men opened the door with a key. They all entered, and the KGB men began to interrogate them again.
“Your name? Your family name?”
“Jacob Barder.”
“And your name, citizeness?”
“Rachel B-Barder.”
After a long list of questions, they ordered, “Open the suitcase!”
She hurried to open it. Her face was set in a wide smile. There was no sign of nervousness. Jacob was impressed by her unusual calmness. He was glad that she had taken his name.
She’s exceptionally clever and courageous, he thought. A woman like that will survive. I hope they don’t separate us.
When she opened the suitcase, a few objects of little value were seen: two or three dresses, a toothbrush, soap, a bottle of perfume, and other women’s things.
The KGB men examined everything and picked up a handkerchief with the initials M.K. embroidered on it.
“What is your full name?” asked one of the men with a suspicious look.
“I told you… My name is Rachel Barder.”
“And your maiden name?”
“I don’t understand.” She laughed heartily. “Don’t you like my name?”
“I mean the initials on your handkerchief.”
“Is that it?” She laughed again. “Those are the initials of my mother, Malca Kimmelman. That’s the only thing I have left of my parents after they died in the war.”
The men asked no more questions and threw the handkerchief back into the suitcase. They searched the couple’s clothing and bodies, took what little money Jacob had left, and left the compartment.
“All right, we’ll check your information!”
Now they both sat, frightened, in the dim light. They didn’t say anything to each other, but each one was thinking about their situation.
“So, we’re arrested.” Rachel was the first to break the silence.
“I wonder what will happen,” Jacob said.
“We shouldn’t have picked this way. We should have tried a car or the roof of the train.”
“Don’t worry. They won’t do anything to us.” He tried to comfort her. “They won’t send us back to Russia.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “After all, the war is over and we’re survivors of the camps. But what was the meaning of that thorough search?”
“It’s simple,” he tried to explain. “We’re the only ones on the train who dared to board without a ticket and, worse, without any papers.”
“I think that any documents would have just harmed us. You know,” she stated, “the real criminals always have good documents. I’m convinced that it’s better to be without any papers at all, especially if the document is fake.”
“You’re right,” he whispered. “The war has been over officially for two weeks now, but the roads are dangerous and every person is under suspicion.”
“What was, was,” she said. “Now we have to think carefully what to do in the future.”
“What can we do in a situation like this?”
“Something!”
“They’ll probably put us in prison.”
“Probably,” she agreed, “but I don’t think they see us as real criminals.”
“Why are you so sure of that?”
“Because they left us here alone. If we wanted, we could jump out of the window.”
“Jump out of the window of a moving train!”
“So what? Have you never done it?” She laughed as if it were a common occurrence. “Necessity overcomes everything! When you have to, you jump. In my opinion, it’s a lot better than sitting in jail.”
“Have you jumped many times?” he asked, holding her hand.
“Yes, I’ve jumped,” she answered seriously.
“Where? When?”
“In different places…”
The fact that she had already jumped from a train before gave him courage.
She probably jumped when the Nazis moved her from camp to camp, he thought, and a warm feeling came over him, but he didn’t want to talk about it then. He pitied her, so he embraced and kissed her.
“With a friend, even sitting in prison isn’t so bad,” he murmured.
“It’s better to be free.”
“Have you been in prison before?”
“Sure. You get used to it.” She grimaced.
“I can’t stand prison,” he said. “Believe me, it’s a pity to lose a day. The war brought so many tragedies, so many people killed. Why? What for?”
“This isn’t the time to talk about that,” she whispered.
They were silent. Night, forbidding and sad, flooded the windows. The wheels clacked monotonously. She sat, leaning on him. He enjoyed sitting quietly like this with her. He was tired from all the wandering, from thinking. Just when he thought his dreams were coming true—prison again! What would happen this time? Would he really see his home in America again?
“No, it’s not good they arrested us.” She sat up suddenly and whispered to him as though she knew what he was thinking. “Yes, they’ll put us in prison. I think we have no choice but to jump from the train.”
“We may be killed. Aren’t you afraid?”
“I forgot what fear is long ago.”
“Are you really thinking of jumping while the train is traveling at such a great speed?”
“Yes, I’m ready!” she said decisively. “I told you, I have no wish to sit in prison. Look, we’ve traveled a long way and we’ve passed many small stations, and they haven’t taken us off the train. I think they’re taking us to Lvov and there they mean to hand us over to the central KGB. Do you know what that means?”
“What are you thinking of?”
“They asked us too many questions and took your money and even your matches.”
“And why did they leave your suitcase?”
“They didn’t want to carry it around; why should they?”
“And maybe because they took my money, it means that they will free us?”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Maybe they’ve forgotten us.”
“That’s not their style. Listen!” Rachel began to explain in a whisper. “I think the KGB men don’t see us as criminals, but you know as well as I what they mean by checking up. Well, they won’t get the chance. We’re going to jump!”
She went to the window and tried to open it.
“Do you know how to jump from a moving train?” she asked.
“No, I have never jumped from the window of a moving train, but I have jumped from the door of a moving car.”
“All right,” she said in a whisper that could hardly be heard. “You have to jump with the wind. That means that you should jump in the same direction the train is moving. Not straight and not in the opposite direction, because you can easily fall under the wheels. Understand? After all, you’re a lawyer and an educated man, and you’ve probably learned the laws of physics.”
“Fine!” he cried, impressed. “I’ll pray that the jump will succeed and not end in our death. Believe me, I don’t care about myself, but I fear for you even though I’m glad you have such courage.”
“All right, but don’t think of what may happen!” she said as she tried to open the window. Jacob went to help her, but before he could, they heard approaching footsteps in the corridor.
“They’re coming!” she whispered. “Sit down, quickly!”
She pushed him down in a corner and, with the dexterity of a cat, dropped down beside him, and put her head on his shoulder, pretending to be napping.
The key was heard opening the door. One of the KGB men entered and shone his flashlight in their faces. They opened their eyes as if they were just awakening from a deep sleep. The man strode around, saw them sitting close together, and turned to leave.
“Tell me, please, are we charged with something?”
“You can sleep peacefully,” he said smiling. “Soon you will be released.”
He left the compartment and turned the key in the lock.
“Don’t waste time on words,” she said. “You can’t ever believe the KGB. We must act quickly!”
The night air burst into the compartment. They were both very excited. For a while, they stood in front of the open window and looked out into the darkness. When they stuck out their heads to see what was out there, the wind shrieked and whistled wildl
y around them. Only the sparks from the engine pierced the black night. The lights from the other compartments shone dimly.
They stood at the open window trying to decide whether to jump or not. It was a dangerous thing to do. When Jacob saw danger so close, he clung to life even more. They breathed in the fresh smells of the fields that symbolized freedom but could also, shortly, cost them their lives.
“You have to be careful not to jump against one of the telegraph poles,” she guided him again.
“All right, my dear.”
The train was racing madly, or so it seemed to him. He waited for the right moment to jump.
“Let’s hope the train doesn’t pass through some woods,” she whispered to him, “because then we are lost. If you jump then, you can hit a tree and be crushed.”
“I know,” he murmured and felt his eyes becoming accustomed to the darkness. His heart beat madly, and every nerve was tense.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked. “I think the train is slowing down. We are probably nearing a bridge or a station.”
“Let us part. Who knows…” he murmured lovingly. “Remember, jump right after me!”
“I will,” she promised. “Remember to jump ahead of the train and walk ahead to find me. I’ll walk back to find you!”
They embraced and kissed. After that, she broke away and commanded, “Jump!”
He turned to her again and in the darkness noticed that her eyes shone like a trapped animal.
“Good-bye, my dear!”
“We’ll meet again in a few moments!”
“Be careful, dear!”
“Don’t worry about me!”
And… He jumped.
CHAPTER TWO
He lay there in the darkness and thought about what happened after he jumped from the train. And her? he asked himself again and again. Had she jumped and been killed or had she not succeeded in jumping at all? Maybe the KGB men had entered the compartment, in which case she would be lost when they realized he had disappeared.
He stood up and examined his painful ribs. While pondering the unknown fate of the young woman, he had forgotten his pains for a time. Now he began again to search for her. With effort, he climbed onto the bed of the railroad tracks and began to walk along while searching below. From above he could more easily see her if she jumped and was lying somewhere, maybe hurt, maybe dead.