Out of the Crucible

by Marian Wells

  He turned away. “Well, I guess I leave early for conference so I can find my wife.”

  “Won’t you come in for dinner?” He shook his head, and she called after him, “Hope you find her.”

  ****

  Amy heard the key in the lock. She yawned, momentarily wondering where she was. Crystal. Amy sat up and waited for the door to open. The woman glanced quickly at her as she entered.

  She closed the door and leaned against it. “Sorry I had to lock you in. It seemed best.”

  “You had to warn Lucas?” Amy’s sharp words wiped the half smile from Crystal’s face.

  Slowly she said, “No. He still doesn’t know you are here. Amy, I—” Crystal’s voice trailed into silence as she paced the room. When she stopped beside the bed, she said, “I don’t know what to say or how to say it all. And there’s a lot that needs to be said. Can you trust me for a few days?”

  “Few days! Crystal, are you planning to keeping me locked up? I want to have my say to Lucas and then get out of here. I want to go home to my husband. Do you know, he doesn’t even know we’re going to have a baby! I haven’t seen him for a month now.”

  “Why haven’t you seen him?” Amy opened her mouth and then closed it. She nearly mentioned the young rebel soldier again. Crystal shrugged. “We do have our secrets, don’t we?”

  Slowly Amy replied, “There are quite a few of them. Crystal, why are you holding me here? I can’t believe the questions that I have to ask Lucas are of any concern to you.”

  Crystal paced the room again. Her steps were short and agitated; the clicking of her heels grated on Amy’s nerves. Slowly Amy said, “I’m beginning to get the picture, and my assumption is right, isn’t it?”

  Amy sat on the edge of the bed and lined up the thoughts that had been floating around in her mind all day. She carefully designed hard words in hopes of getting Crystal to admit her feelings. Taking a deep breath she said, “You’re in love with Lucas Tristram. That doesn’t surprise me. I know another dancehall girl who let her feelings show too clearly. I have an idea Lucas was the father of the child she carried until she tried to abort it.”

  Crystal whirled. “Dancehall girl! Where did you get that idea? I’ve never been such in my life.”

  “Ah, Crystal! Don’t you remember referring to yourself as a soiled dove that day we met on the streets of Buckskin Joe?”

  Crystal’s expression lightened. “I did so, didn’t I? But do you remember I was talking about getting a job cooking?”

  “Then why did you use that expression?” Crystal’s face became stony as she studied Amy. She turned to walk to the window.

  With her hand on the curtains, she said, “To answer that forces me to talk about things I’d rather forget. Amy, you’re an innocent. I can’t expect you to understand a deep hurt. Will you just not push for a reason behind the word?”

  “Yet you ask me to believe you, trust you? Crystal, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m getting more confused by the minute.”

  Crystal came to sit beside Amy on the bed. “Do you remember I also told you I knew the madame of the brothel across the way?” For a moment Amy closed her eyes. How could I forget? She led me to my mother!

  Heavily Amy answered, “I remember, but what does that have to do with—”

  “I have known her for years. Although I was never a prostitute, we were good friends. You might say we became even better friends when I quit trying to reform her. She was kind to me. When I’ve been in need of a job, she’s always found a position for me. Sometimes it was cooking in her kitchen. I’ll always be grateful that Amelia’s kindness kept me out of the brothel. You know, it’s hard for a young Creole woman to find work except in the houses.”

  Amy’s face rested in her hands. “Crystal,” she said brokenly, “Amelia Randolph is my mother.”

  After a long time there was a whisper, “Amy, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Remember that day? You mentioned her name. Later that turned out to be the confirmation I needed to accept the hard facts.” She lifted her head. “About her. You don’t know what happened? She had smallpox.”

  Crystal nodded. “After the Tabors took me to Denver City, I read the papers. I met her about two months ago.”

  “Then you know she and Father are back together again.”

  It was a long time before Crystal whispered, “Does he know about her?”

  Amy nodded. “For all of us it was a difficult time. Crystal, if it hadn’t been for the way the Lord helped us, none of us would have been able to accept her back. Even Daniel struggled. But not as much as Father and I did.”

  Suddenly drained of energy, Amy leaned back against the pillows. Crystal moved restlessly around the room. Finally she said, “That nearly gives me hope. If Amelia could make all that happen, then there’s hope for me.”

  Amy was too tired to ask the questions the statement raised.

  During the night Amy awakened. Beside her, Crystal’s breathing was deep and steady. The night sounds from the street were muffled by the thick log walls of the hotel. Amy listened to the hollow clop of horses’ hooves against the packed soil of the street. She heard the murmur of voices. Curiosity roused her out of bed, and she leaned against the window and watched the dark figures move against the pale log buildings.

  Restlessly she wondered, How long will she hold me here? Daniel could come and then leave without me. I would forget Lucas if only—

  Crystal spoke out of the darkness. “Amy, why are you standing beside the window?”

  She came to the bed. “Oh, Crystal, please let me go. I promise I won’t go near Lucas.”

  “Where will you go?”

  “Looking for Daniel again. He could think I’m not here and leave without me.”

  “I’ll see that he knows you are here. Amy, trust me. Just a few more days.”

  The words echoed through Amy as if a sad refrain tolled like a bell in the depths of her soul. Over and over she heard the words. And in her dreams Daniel slipped away from her reaching arms.

  In the morning, while they were at breakfast, the words sounded their gong again. Amy choked as she tried to swallow the dry crumbs of her breakfast.

  Crystal looked at her while Amy dabbed at her eyes. “Are you all right? Shall I go get—”

  The words waved a flag high in front of Amy. She whispered, “Water.” She watched Crystal walking rapidly toward the kitchen, pushing her way through the crowd as she went. One second more. She was out of sight.

  Amy got to her feet and strolled out of the room. When she reached the boardwalk, she glanced quickly around, Amy, she urged her sluggish mind. Out of sight; get behind the hotel.

  Forcing her feet into a rapid stroll, she left the hotel door. She was nearly running as she rounded the corner and saw the trees. Behind the hotel a grove of cottonwoods and willows swooped down over Cherry Creek. Amy paused by the back door of the hotel to look both ways and then she dashed toward the trees. Breathing hard, she stood in the shadows and contemplated her freedom with a shaky grin. The grin faded. There’s no one at the Goodes’. Where shall I go?

  A door banged, and she heard sharp heels clicking on the wooden walkway. Amy caught her breath when she saw Crystal hurrying up the street. “She’s nearly frantic,” Amy murmured as she watched Crystal plant a hand in the middle of her hat. Her hoop skirt was swaying from side to side as she headed toward the Methodist Episcopal Church.

  Slowly Amy walked to the street and turned her back on the direction Crystal had taken. Her steps quickened. For once she was grateful for the prim dark cotton she wore. She knew it was nearly invisible on a street filled with shabby, dark-clad men.

  Within a few minutes, Amy realized she had passed the last hotel. She slowed down. Ahead she could see the garish sign hanging out from the wall of the building. “Criterion Saloon,” she read. That was the name Crystal mentioned in connection with Charley Harrison. A no-good guy, they said. Maybe he knows where I can find Lucas.

 
At the saloon she found one man. He stood behind the split-log bar, in the rays of the early morning sun. Bracing his arms on the bar, he said, “Lady, what’ll it be?”

  Amy looked at the line of bottles behind him. A battered string of tin cups stood beside them. “Lucas Tristram, please,” she said.

  He blinked. “That’s one drink I’ve never heard of. How about Taos Lightning?”

  “Oh dear, that’s liquor. I mean the man.”

  He shook his head. “I was funnin’; Lucas doesn’t appear before sunup. Come back about three this afternoon.”

  “Where can I find him?” This time he blinked twice. She said, “I have business with him.” He eyed her handbag.

  He continued to study her and then his brow cleared. “He has rooms in the hotel down the street. Why don’t you just—”

  “I just came from there!” she cried impatiently.

  “All right, lady. He usually plays keno every morning. Go in the back room and wait. I’ll tell him you’re here.”

  In the back room Amy looked at the green felt-covered tables topped with a shaded lamp. Biting her lips nervously, she paced the room. Too many things could go wrong. Lucas could be gone. Crystal could find her. Father Dyer could choose to do his preaching in a saloon today.

  Amy went to one of the tables and gingerly sat down. As she considered Daniel, she found herself praying, “Dear God, please help me get this settled with Lucas before Daniel finds out about that piano. He will be hurt terribly with that piano on top of the other. Please—”

  She faced her commitment and bit her fingernails. Studying her fingers, she murmured, “It’s something like this, isn’t it? Jesus Christ, I promised to let you be Lord of my life, and I’ve been running too fast for you to catch up.” She folded her arms and waited. The peace was there, but it didn’t seem to reach all the way through. “Just like always, huh? I keep forgetting, and then I start off running as fast as I can.” She caught her breath. “Please, rescue me again. Next time, I promise, I’ll think and pray before I start running.”

  There was a quick step behind Amy, and she turned. “Crystal!”

  Her arms were folded like a scolding schoolteacher. She was still panting. She said, “There’s not too many places to check this time of morning. Did you get over your choking spell?”

  “I honestly did choke,” Amy stated, resisting the urge to cross her heart.

  Crystal dropped into the chair opposite Amy. “Going to find him and spill it all before I got here? Have you any idea what it might net you?”

  The expression in Crystal’s eyes stopped Amy. She wasn’t angry, she was afraid. “Crystal, I am not making myself clear. There’s only one thing I want of Lucas, and that’s for him to get that terrible piano out of the church before Daniel sees it.”

  “Do you expect me to believe that? Why would your husband object to Lucas giving the church a piano?”

  Amy couldn’t answer. The dark expression was still in Crystal’s eyes when Amy got to her feet. Crystal said, “Where are you going now?”

  “Where will you let me go?”

  Slowly Crystal dropped her head. Amy watched as she wrung her hands together. When she looked up at Amy, she said, “If you’ll come back to the hotel with me, I’ll talk. Amy, I’m begging now. Please, my life as well as yours depends upon our walking out of here like the best of friends—and having that talk immediately.”

  Chapter 30

  When they reached the hotel room, Crystal placed the key on the washstand. “Amy,” she said, “I’m sorry for treating you this way. I promise you that what happens after we have our talk is up to you. I won’t pressure you to stay.”

  Crystal turned away from Amy and began to pace the floor. Finally she stopped and asked, “How much did Amelia tell you about me?”

  Amy tried to hide her surprise. “Nothing—she’s never mentioned you to me. Why?”

  “I was wondering how much I must tell you now.” She paced, then turned with an apology in her smile. “Didn’t want to bore you with my problems.”

  “I’m confused,” Amy admitted. “I keep coming back to what I see, and that’s you and Lucas together. I can’t help thinking you two make a very handsome couple.”

  Crystal wheeled around and crossed the room to Amy. Bending close, she hissed, “I detest that man! Were it not for—” She gulped and steadied her voice. “Amy, I don’t know how God puts up with me. I try, but at times even I wonder what motivates me. Is it possible to think we are acting out of charity, when in reality our actions are goaded by the ugliest selfishness possible?”

  Amy could only shake her head and whisper, “I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder that about myself. I see myself as being holy and good; then it’s like I turn around quickly and see something ugly. And there I am back on my knees again.” For a moment Crystal looked at her with a strange expression. She opened her mouth as if to speak; then with a shrug she continued to walk around the room. Amy asked, “How did you come to know him?”

  “Lucas?” Crystal was still for a moment. Curiously she asked, “This time? After I left Buckskin Joe, I tried to find a job in Denver City. There wasn’t an opening in any of the rooming houses. Seems no one is making enough money to hire a cook. I tried to get on at the hotel here. They didn’t need a cook either. Charley Harrison liked my looks and tried to hire me at the saloon. Wanted me to deal cards for him.

  “You know the story. Pretty girl attracts customers. Boss wants girl to pass out favors on the side. I didn’t go for that.” She moved restlessly and said, “Sometimes having a pretty face is a disadvantage. It makes it twice as hard to convince people that you’re moral—especially in the mining camps.”

  Amy cringed and whispered, “I’m sorry. I judged you falsely. Crystal. I nearly lost my head over the whole thing.”

  “Why?” There were honest questions in Crystal’s expression, and the words nearly flew out of Amy.

  “Because I was caught by you. Nearly from the beginning. You were shabby, and I was too. You seemed—abandoned. That was the way I felt. All alone.”

  “But you had a husband and a father.”

  Amy shook her head. “I didn’t really. I’d left them behind. See, I was fighting God. And I had to do it all on my own. Have you ever felt that way? The hurting and misery is deep enough to make you want to crawl in a hole, away from everyone who doesn’t feel the same way. Besides”—she paused to catch her breath—“when I saw you, standing there in the snow beside Lizzie’s casket, singing with sunshine on your face, I started to hope again.”

  “I didn’t know,” Crystal murmured. With her head low, she walked around the room again. It was a long time before she turned back to Amy with a bright smile.

  But to Amy the smile seemed pasted on. Crystal continued. “Well, it turned out all right. At least until Lucas came along. Charley hired me to sit behind the desk at the hotel. I think it was mostly because he could get me cheaper. I saw a lot of interesting things in the months I worked there. The Bummers, Charley’s gang, were in and out all the time.”

  Slowly Amy said, “I heard about them. A bunch of cutthroats, the newspaper called them. Hired thugs. What did Mr. Harrison have to do with them? I thought he was honest.”

  “So did lots of people,” Crystal replied. “But there’s a taint hanging over the whole organization—not only the lawlessness of the bunch of men drifting in and out of Charley’s presence, but the whisper of secession floating around over it all. Too often I saw Lucas in the crowd. Mind you, not snuggling up to the Bummers—just close to them.”

  Amy thought about Lucas standing in front of the Palace of the Governors in Santa Fe. She opened her mouth and then firmly closed it. Crystal restlessly paced the room and then stopped to look out the window.

  She turned unexpectedly. “You heard Lucas here that first night. He may come again. If he does, keep quiet. I’ll slip out. But I’ll have to lock the door. He’d be suspicious if I were to fail to do so.”

  Am
y nodded, aware of the anxious shadows in Crystal’s eyes. “You still haven’t explained why you are afraid of him,” Amy stated.

  “Afraid.” She looked startled and then thoughtful. “I suppose I am.” She looked at Amy. “Lucas is a strange man. I’ve watched him gamble. It’s like he suddenly becomes a cold, cunning machine. You can feel a difference; even his muscles seem turned to metal. Amy, I get the feeling that there’s nothing that will stop him from going after what he wants.”

  “What does he want?”

  Crystal’s forehead creased into a frown. “I’m not absolutely certain. It could be power. I thought so once. For a long time I thought he was moved by an ideal. A high and nearly sacred one. Now, these past years seem to have shaped him differently. The lofty emotion I thought was idealism now seems like cynicism. It’s as if deep down inside he cares nothing about anyone.”

  She sat down beside Amy on the bed. Amy found herself admiring Crystal’s long frame and the fragile hands as she clasped them together. Crystal went on. “He wants to seize everything attractive. But at the same time, there must be an advantage in it for him. It must work for him. At one point I was dreadfully afraid of him. But when I repulsed his advances, I made the most astonishing discovery.”

  Amy bent forward. “What was it?”

  “He listened to me. I convinced him that not even the most casual of feelings must interfere with his goal. It was as if I managed to dangle a golden carrot just beyond his most primitive human instincts and he no longer wanted me.

  “The discovery? I was only a means to an end. If you please, an envelope to carry his messages—nothing more.”

  As Crystal’s words continued to pour over Amy, the woman began to change before her eyes. She must say it. “Crystal, when I first met you, I saw a bundle of rags. A shivering, frightened human. Now you’ve grown up in my eyes. You are an actress. The longer we talk, the more I see, even believe. You make me think your thoughts after you.” Even as Amy said the words, she saw the bitter smile.