Smiling widely again she leaned into the microphone as Charlotte and Chelsea fired off pictures with their phones.
“Thank you so much,” she laughed, the room finally settling down a fraction, allowing her to speak. “Wow!” she breathed, almost out of breath from laughing, she looked down at the heavy award. “Okay, well first off, thank you, Mr. Mathis for all the kind words,” she winked over at Mathis off the side of the stage. “This award means a great deal, honestly,” she said clearing her throat.
“Because it has always been more than just about parties and brunches and charities for me, it’s been about being a part of this amazing organization and about being a part of the best football team in the league,” she said holding up the award causing the room to erupt again at the acknowledgement.
“But this award isn’t just mine.” She smiled and he could see her hands shaking profusely. “I share this with my amazing team who has put just as much, if not more, time and energy and passion into each event as I have.”
She held her arm out to the side of the stage. “My fantastic business partner, but more importantly, my best friend, Ross Warren,” she urged, the room cheering as Jax clapped loudly. He had known Ross for as long as he had known Liv and he was a good man. A genuine friend and he had always been grateful that Liv had him in her life.
“And my phenomenal assistant and office manager, who I would be utterly lost without, Whitney and Charlotte Scott.” Liv clapped along with the crowd, doing what she did best. Making sure that everyone around her felt loved and valued and acknowledged.
“And to my family,” she paused, looking down at the award in her hands as if it weighed a ton, her smile faltering a bit. And for the first time since she had walked on stage, he noticed her labored breathing. She looked down at him, their eyes locking. Nodding slowly, he encouraged her to continue and relax. She had this. This speech, this award, this party, she did it. Directing her attention back to the crowd, she smiled again.
“Your love and support in this journey has meant everything to me. Now let’s party!” she smiled lifting the award with one arm blowing a quick kiss. The crowd broke out in cheers again as she moved to the side of the stage, Ross wrapping her into a big hug.
His control was breaking. He wanted to be the one she came to after accepting her award, wanted to hold her and tell her repeatedly how proud he was of her. How much he loved her. He was so close, yet felt miles and miles away.
23
“Just breathe,” Alivia whispered, pacing back and forth behind the stage. She had just accepted an honor she had waited her entire professional career to receive, but she couldn’t concentrate. Not on the award or the overwhelming applause, Mathis’s kind words, none of it. Breathing through her nose she begged herself to focus on something, anything other than the last sixty seconds she had been on stage under Jax’s heavy watch. Despite the enthusiastic crowd and harsh lighting, their eyes had found each other as everything inside of her seemed to quiet. The fears, the nervous anticipation, the torment. It had all stilled for the first time in over a week. And how she ached for quietness. Silencing the choke holding fears of continuing on without him, the doubt, and the rejection.
As much as she prayed for more stillness, the reality that she refused to truly accept about her life was rushing over her like a colossal wave, just like the one printed on the award staring back at her. She felt exposed standing on stage looking at the man whom still owned her, as thoughts of their small family flipped through her mind like a picture show. The realization that her dreams had been taken away for a second time.
Would she always feel like this? The anguish of seeing him at Mavericks events and the internal war inside of her head, wanting to just scream at him for the misery he had caused them and the desperate need to jump into his arms, throwing all rational thought to the wind. If so, she couldn’t do it. And since his career wasn’t slowing down any time soon, it meant that she would have to be the one to resign from the Mavericks. The thought alone making the air feel thicker.
Wiping away a bead of sweat on her forehead, she placed her earpiece back into her ear, asking Ross to grab Davie something to eat and drink. Her handpicked music genius had been working his thrilling magic for over two hours and she needed to make sure he was pacing himself. Placing her award down, the room spun, as small surges of black dots cluttered her vision. Bracing onto the stage beam she steadied herself.
No.
No, she wouldn’t do this. Not here, not now, not ever again. She may be powerless in many areas of her life right now, but there was no way she was going to allow herself to have another nervous breakdown. She refused. Inhaling a few methodical breaths, she refocused her eyes gripping onto the beam for support. She just needed to keep moving, concentrating on something other than her irregular breathing. And the shaking, yeah that needed to stop as well. Flashes of a beaded dress drawing her attention, she moved slowly down the side of the steps.
“Excuse me.” She cleared her throat, in desperate need of water. Guests were not allowed behind any set designs for safety concerns, as she halted at the bottom of the steps thoroughly convinced that luck was just not on her side tonight, as she looked back at Vanessa, her lips pressed together in a straight line. Vanessa’s raven black hair framing her face, her eyes tightened and everything about her seemed more intense. More sharp.
She couldn’t get into it with Vanessa. Not now. Not with the room spinning like she was on some bad carnival ride and her heart hammering inside her chest. She wasn’t entirely confident she had what it took to stand up straight, let alone get into it with a woman hell bent on destroying her. Not that there was much of a woman left for her to destroy. Jax had seen to that.
“You need to leave,” Alivia insisted, silently praying it would be that easy to get her to leave without another word. “You can’t be back here,” she added, sliding past Vanessa through the curtains heading towards the service doors. She needed air. And water. And for her body to stop choosing this particular moment to turn against her.
Snickering Vanessa gripped her arm, stopping her.
“First of all, you don’t tell me what to do,” she yelled over the music, her eyes small and narrow, almost cat-like. “Second, you’re going to listen to what I have to say, bitch.”
Tearing her arm from Vanessa’s firm grip, she looked back at her. Was this woman nuts? She knew the answer to that but she didn’t have the strength to entertain this fight. Not this time. Putting space between them, she stepped back into the metal door, the coldness sending another stabbing shiver through her body. She needed to get away from her. From here. From all of it.
“It wasn’t enough for you to take Jax and my future away from me,” she pointed out into the crowd moving closer, her sharp heavily decorated eyes narrowing. “But now you have my father turned against me too?”
Her father? What did Flynn have to do with her? Vanessa looked unhinged, not that she had ever seemed particularly rational, but tonight something was off. She looked reckless, desperate even.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She was so tired of this. The constant rollercoaster with Vanessa and the pleading to leave her alone. To leave her and Jax alone. Even if there was no more “her and Jax.”
Bringing her mouthpiece to her lips she radioed Ross to the stage, hating how shaky her voice sounded.
“You really do think you’re something special don’t you?” Vanessa shouted louder over the music inching closer.
Resisting the urge to laugh she looked away for any signs of Ross.
She didn’t feel special.
Not anymore.
“You didn’t deserve that award any more than you deserved him.” Vanessa folded her arms across her boney frame. The level of disgust on her face mirroring the repulsion Alivia felt inside for this woman. “You’re just some trailer trash that he rebounded with after we took some time apart,” Vanessa smirked raising one heavy eyebrow. “Gue
ss Jax finally realized that too since he filed for a divorce. See how far you get around this organization when you’re no longer the quarterback’s wench.”
Hating how hard Vanessa’s words stung, she clenched her stomach. She knew better than to listen to anything she had to say, but how did she know about the divorce papers? Had Jax told her? She didn’t know because she hadn’t let him explain. Hadn’t wanted to hear him say the words. The music splitting her ear, she couldn’t register the words any longer as the sharp noise pounded inside her head. She needed to breathe. To control this breakdown before it took over completely. Falling into the side door where she had taken a moment earlier that day, her body felt heavy as she stepped out onto the cobblestone, gasping for a breath of cool night air.
Wiping the sweat from the back of her neck, she paced back and forth. Begging herself not to cry. To be strong, but not quite sure where she was going to get the strength to keep herself from collapsing. Her ears slicing at the sound of Ross’s voice over the headset, she closed her eyes, throwing the headset across the alley; tears falling as every emotion from the past week collided.
How could she lose him again? How could she let this happen to her girls? Was Vanessa right? Had he realized that he didn’t love her anymore? Why had the last month felt so real? He had pushed her away two times. Why wasn’t she good enough to make him stay?
Hearing the door open behind her, she hoped it was Jax. She needed him to make sense of things. Make her understand why he was leaving and explain everything about the last few weeks. Hoping that despite all of it, he didn’t run away this time. That he would just hold her until this extreme panic passed. He was the only one who could hold her together. To keep her from completely crumbling. He was her strength. Her calm. But it wasn’t Jax or even Ross, as the pounding in her head picked up, moving back into the alley to put distance between her and Vanessa’s brutal stare.
“I wasn’t finished talking to you.”
Six years. Six extensive years of being on the receiving end of Vanessa’s cruelty and she had been fine with it. She could take it as long as she stayed away from the girls, Jax, and his career. But she hadn’t. She dragged Jax through the mud in the media, threatening his contract and a possible trade, relentlessly constructing ways to destroy them to reclaim some delusional fairytale she had concocted inside her head.
She wanted to scream.
Scream for being powerless.
Scream for losing the love of her life.
And scream from the exhaustion of always needing to have everything under control all the time.
“You!” Alivia yelled, sucking air into her lungs. “Have stopped at nothing to try and punish me for marrying Jax.” Her heart raced, the need to be sick threatening. “You have damaged reputations, caused my children pain,” she spat getting angrier with each labored breath. “And have come between my marriage!”
She should have left. Should have refused to engage with Vanessa, but she had waited too long to say what she wanted to say. To say what she should have said years ago when she had first broken into Jax’s house.
“What did you think?” Vanessa asked eerily quiet. “That I would just lay down and watch you live a life that was supposed to be mine? You took him from me.”
It wasn’t a question, it was an accusation. Barely able to wrap her head around Vanessa’s words, she closed her eyes.
“We were supposed to navigate this life together, he and I. And when I took time to regroup and figure out a way to convince him just how beautiful our life could be, you just swooped right in and took it all from me.” Snickering, she clenched both her hands on her thin hips. “So you’re damn right, I’m not going to stop until I make him understand why I did what I did. I was going tell him all of this tonight, but as usual, he was too caught up in you to even hear me out.”
“You need to stop this,” Alivia warned, the sparkles on Vanessa’s dress hazing in and out. “Because it doesn’t matter if Jax and I are together or not, Vanessa. He doesn’t love you,” she spewed, clenching her chest. “And he hasn’t for a very long time.”
Tilting her head to the side, Vanessa seemed unfazed about arguing with someone who was ready to pass out.
“We had plans,” Vanessa shot back. “Daddy loved him and we were happy together.”
“You’re delusional. He was never going to marry you.” She stumbled. She needed support. Something to hold onto. “He was just lonely after his mother died,” she spat out to hurt her. “He told me that the last time you left his apartment, he was relieved.”
Maybe the personal conversation she and Jax had shared many years ago should have stayed private, but she didn’t care. Not anymore. She had already lost her husband and every hope and dream she had for her little family. What was some more abuse from the clever woman whose sole mission was to destroy her?
“You take that back.” Vanessa’s eyes hooded over.
“It’s the truth.”
Coughing back against the sting of Vanessa’s hand slapping her face, Alivia scoffed. She had never been smacked before, the burn across her cheek not hurting as badly as she would have guessed. Maybe it was her chest tightening or the possibility that she may be having a heart attack crossing her mind, but she snickered.
“I said take it back.” Vanessa stepped closer, her fists balling up as if she was ready to hit her again.
“No.”
Sounds of screeching tires blew somewhere in the distance piercing her ears, as Vanessa lunged forward grabbing a fistful of her hair. Tripping on the rough cobblestone, Alivia fell to her knees, grabbing Vanessa’s hands. Was this woman insane? Any energy she had left, she fought her strong grip on her hair, managing to stand up again.
“You ruined my life,” Vanessa screamed, another round of tires screeching blowing through the alley. Vanessa’s hold on her hair released as Alivia looked up to bright lights blinding her.
And in that moment, she didn’t gasp for air, didn’t feel the chest pains or the stinging from Vanessa’s slap because in that moment, all she felt was impact.
* * *
“See the problem was y’all were on a hot streak too early in the season.”
Nodding politely, Jax listened to one of the stadium supervisors give his analysis as to why the Mavs hadn’t made it to the Super Bowl last season. Learning early on in his career that everyone had an opinion, he usually welcomed other’s interpretations and observations to gain an outside perspective or fix inaccuracies, but the man wasn’t telling him something he didn’t already know. And something he didn’t already hold himself personally responsible for as Captain. Scanning the ballroom his eyes landed on a bright yellow dress, a stream of diamonds catching the lights bouncing around the room. Watching Liv quickly slip out the side door near the stage, he noticed Vanessa storming after her.
Son of a bitch.
To say his patience was shot to hell with Vanessa was an understatement. Excusing himself from the older gentleman, he pushed through the crowd spotting Ross next to the stage talking into his headset.
“Excuse me,” he squeezed past a group of people laughing and drinking, his eyes never leaving the far side of the room. Chelsea and Whitney checked their phones as Trevor glanced behind the stage curtains. Squeezing past the crowd, he needed to separate the women, and fast. He didn’t want Vanessa anywhere near Liv, especially where he couldn’t see them. And where the hell was Flynn? Not even an hour ago he had given him his word that he would keep a closer eye on his daughter.
“Monaghan! Let’s have a drink, talk some shop,” Nolan West, his offensive coordinator said cupping his shoulder. Watching Shay and Myles talking to Ross, Charlotte talked into her headset.
“Give me a few minutes, Nolan,” he nodded, continuing across the room. Struggling to squeeze his six foot five frame past the crowd of people, the dance floor was packed as a Mavs public relations reporter stopped him, requesting his thoughts about the new draft picks. Giving a generic answer above the l
oud music he excused himself seeing Ross and Chelsea heading out the side door.
Stopping as Barbara Nelson, the Human Resources Manager, stumbled back into him, he steadied her before she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Jax!” she yelled pursing her lips. “Do you know that you’re my favorite?” she winked, clearly intoxicated and making any future visits to the Human Resources department undoubtedly awkward. With some help from her friends he was able to escape her firm grasp around his waist, finally clearing out of the crowd. Picking up his pace, he banged the side door open.
* * *
Adjusting his eyes from the stark lighting inside the building to the muted outside light, a spotlight the only offering source of light, Jax’s ears filled with cries as Charlotte screamed to call 911. Stiffening, everything inside him shifted slowly, seeing Whitney scream hysterically, Shay holding her back, Myles and Trevor running towards a smoking car crashed into a dumpster.
Taking long strides towards Ross huddled on the ground, the closer he got, the more yellow dress he saw lying on the rough ground. Beats of sound ricocheted off the building walls around him as Chelsea screamed into the phone.
“What happened?” he yelled, slamming down onto his knees ripping off his jacket. Pushing her hair off her face, he found a steady stream of blood coming from her head. Too much blood. Taking his jacket, Ross dabbed her head.
“The ambulance is on their way,” Chelsea sobbed.
“Liv?” Jax yelled, pressing his ear to her chest. He needed to hear her heartbeat, just a small thump as he grabbed her cold, weak wrist, pressing his fingers against it. “She has a pulse.”
Placing her hand back to her side gently, he scanned her body.
“Where is all this blood coming from?” he asked Ross, panicking.
It was everywhere, not all of it coming from her head. Moving his hands all over her dress, the red liquid soaking through, turning the better part of the dress orange, he couldn’t find the source.
False Start (Mavericks #1) Page 36