by Ines Saint
• • •
There was such a world of feeling behind that one innocent kiss, it was hard for Keila not to be moved. He then set her atop him, and she lay on his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly beneath her. “You make me forget everything I know,” she said.
“And you make me doubt everything I think I know,” he replied; kissing her shoulder and unhitching the back of her bra.
Keila lay still, reveling at every sensation and wondering at the difference between their confessions. She had no doubts. No matter how wrapped up in the moment she felt, and no matter how far away real life seemed, she knew this whole thing was impossible. Jake had two things Keila couldn’t deal with; a far-removed life she could never feel a part of, and, more importantly, the ability to permanently break her heart. She’d take this weekend and then walk away for good with a hurting heart, but not one in pieces.
Jake rolled her so that he was atop her, propped on his elbows. His mouth hot, he kissed her slowly as his hands slipped under her bra. The moment she felt his burning hands on her sensitive skin, there was no turning back. Barely breathing, she said, “Jake, I’m … I’m scared. I’ve never wanted anyone like this.”
He held her to him, and she felt two, out of control heartbeats. “Believe it or not, Keila, neither have I. Not like this.” He looked into her eyes then, and kissed her thoroughly, while his hands moved over her, warm and gentle, easing her into delicious intimacy. Piece by piece, she melted into him, trying hard to keep her heart to herself.
Before long, she was responding to every kiss and every touch with urgency. He fulfilled newfound needs, and just when she thought nothing could feel better, he lifted her to dizzying heights and free-fell with her into sensations she never knew existed.
The way he looked at her and the way he wrapped himself around her, breathing her in … for a while she let herself believe this wasn’t just about a man and a woman needing one night. This was about her and Jake needing each other.
CHAPTER TEN
The next morning, Keila slept later than usual because she’d barely slept at all during the night. Trying to not think was harder work than thinking and it had taken her nearly all night to push intrusive curiosities about Jake away. Suddenly, she wanted to know everything about him. She showered, got dressed, took her violin out, and practiced for a full hour before the smell of sausage and eggs wafted up to her.
Sooner or later, she’d have to eat. And sooner or later, she’d have to face Jake. The day before now seemed surreal and she wondered how they’d behave toward each other. Would they acknowledge it had been a mistake to let themselves get caught up in a runaway attraction? Or would they continue down a path she just wasn’t sure of?
Keila hoped they would pick up where they left off until the weekend was over, then they could acknowledge the mistake, and then she could go home and regret it. Simple plan … except she wasn’t sure how to pick up where they left off. What if she kissed him good morning and he pushed her away, wanting to acknowledge the mistake sooner rather than later?
Keila strolled in to the kitchen with a call of “Good morning,” served herself breakfast and then said, “Thank you for breakfast,” all without looking at Jake.
He didn’t try to make small talk, just acknowledged her muttering with a murmur or two of his own.
Once she finished eating, she got up to wash the skillet and dishes, and Jake came up beside her to give her his plate and help her dry everything off.
“I need to get a dishwasher in here,” he muttered.
“It’s okay, I don’t mind doing the dishes,” she responded just to have something to say, but then realized it was a dumb remark because she’d never be coming back here. “I mean, you don’t have to go out and get one today because I don’t mind doing the dishes while I’m here, but of course it’ll be a good idea to buy one in case the next woman who comes here doesn’t like to do the dishes,” she then said, before realizing it was an even stupider thing to say because she now sounded as if she were thinking about the other women who came there, which she hadn’t been.
But, of course, she now was. And the thought that he probably brought tons of conquests here made her feel amazingly unoriginal. Her self-esteem momentarily went down the drain with the warm, sudsy water and she took a few steps back, stopping because she hit the kitchen island. Jake shut the water off and faced her.
“Keila, I’ve never brought another woman here, okay? I don’t even bring them home. I stay — ” he stopped and breathed out. “Wait. That came out wrong. You’d think after all of Cate’s training I’d learn to keep it short.”
“You don’t owe me explanations, Jake, I wasn’t jealous or anything like that, I was just babbling,” Keila shrugged.
“All right. No explanations. I just thought you should know.” Jake leaned against the kitchen sink.
Keila swallowed hard. “But you know what? Now that we’re on the subject, why haven’t you brought any other women here? It’s out of the way and secluded … ”
Jake cleared his throat. “Because it would be intrusive; this is my, I don’t know, my haven, I guess you could call it.”
“Then why did you bring me here?” Keila asked, folding her arms.
• • •
Jake wasn’t caught off guard by the question, but he was definitely surprised by the first response that came to mind: because he felt free and safe with her. And wasn’t that what havens were for? But he instead spoke another truth, “Because it seemed like you needed a haven, too.”
“I did. Thank you.”
“And because I really like hearing you play. I don’t know much about music, but you draw me in somehow and make me feel what you’re feeling...especially yesterday at noon. I knew exactly what you were feeling from the way you played,” he said, edging closer to her.
He held out his hand, and though he noted the uncertainty in her eyes, she took it. He gave her a gentle tug and she was finally in his arms again, but not looking at him. Hesitantly, as if they hadn’t already spent the night in each other’s arms, he brought her chin up so that he could look into her eyes.
Then, without taking his eyes off hers, he lowered his mouth and kissed her. She sighed and kissed him back slowly, seductively. Her hands began to move over his chest and Jake backed her up against the kitchen island and propped her up on top of it, where his hands could reach more of her. Things got wild quickly. They didn’t make it out of the kitchen until almost noon.
And with all the work that Jake had wanted to get done on the house that weekend, he barely got any work done. It was impossible to stay away from Keila when every one of his nerve endings had him gravitating toward her. He only worked peacefully when she practiced her violin. She was adamant about practicing and he had to admire her for it.
No matter where he was in the house, her music reached him, and no matter how arduous a task he was trying to get done, he felt at ease with the world just listening to her play, knowing she was just steps away.
After dinner that night, Keila went upstairs, hinting at a surprise. Jake nearly salivated, imagining her in something flimsy, lacy, and white. But when she same back down minutes later, she was swaying a long, red skirt around with one hand and holding an MP3 in the other. “I thought I’d teach you how to dance … merengue!” she said excitedly, playfully twirling her skirt.
Though disappointed, he realized he couldn’t say no to her enthusiasm, even though he really didn’t want to merengue. He didn’t know what merengue was, but it didn’t sound like it was something any Kelly would do. Salsa at SummerDance had been a fluke.
Keila played a spirited song, grabbed his hands and pulled him close. Jake pretended to sigh in protest when she put his hands into position on her waist and shoulder, though in reality it brought back a pleasant memory.
“Come on, it’s fun and easy. It’s basically just like marching, left right left right left right left right,” Keila instructed as she began to move. Jake looked a
t her and raised both eyebrows suggestively when he felt her swaying, sizzling hip under his hand. His other hand slipped down to her other hip, which moved in an equally hypnotic rhythm, but Keila tugged it back up to her shoulder, laughing. “Come on, you’re not moving, Jake! Just take one step to each beat of music, left, and right. Don’t act like you don’t want to; I know you had fun last time we danced.” Jake rolled his eyes and began to move. He was rewarded with a quick kiss, so he tried a little harder. The music, pulsing with festive beats, helped.
A song infused with sensual, throbbing, rhythms called “Suavemente” began to play and they danced in close position for a while. He gained confidence and began to take control, and her body became supple and more limber in his arms. “What’s this song about? ‘Suavemente’ means ‘softly,’ right?” Jake asked.
“It’s about kissing.” Keila looked up at him and Jake nodded. He wouldn’t have thought anyone could make up an entire song just about kissing, until he’d kissed Keila. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of it.
She began giving him instructions again, to get him to move with what she called a Cuban Motion, and Jake complied, knowing there was only one thing in the world he’d find more satisfying than crushing his hips against Keila’s in such sensual rhythms. Pretty soon, he got the hang of the Cuban Motion, and by the next song, Keila was teaching him a very suggestive move called the pretzel.
The more she moved, the hotter her skin felt against his. It was impossible not to slip his hands down to her hips and hold her closer to him when she swayed and moved in such tortuous ways. “You’re right, this is fun,” he said, reluctantly taking a step back. It surprised him to discover he didn’t want her to think he was just another single-minded male. He enjoyed just being with her and he wanted her to enjoy just being with him, too.
She smiled up at him. “Isn’t it? I feel like I could be like this with you for — ”
Jake’s body stiffened and stopped moving by its own volition, and he held his breath, hoping she wouldn’t finish the thought, and thankfully, she backtracked. “For the rest of this weekend,” she finished.
• • •
Keila placed her head on Jake’s shoulder for a while, so he wouldn’t see her burning cheeks, and so she could take in his delicious scent. She couldn’t believe she’d almost said forever. But his eyes had been ablaze as he’d looked down at her, and his body had felt so right against hers, she’d nearly lost her mind. But his quick reaction brought her back down to earth, and she’d been glad for it, because after all, there was no other place in the world she wanted to be at that moment.
“I know there’s nowhere to go from here,” she finally said. “And I’m okay with that.”
Jake was quiet for a while. Finally, he said, “No, not now. Now is impossible, you’d wind up hating me.”
“Not now, and not ever,” Keila corrected.
They danced slowly, holding each other close; in quiet understanding that this would all soon end.
• • •
They spent their last day and night together in normal everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, and watching TV, and interspersed it with making love, and sharing thoughts, old stories, and hopes; both careful that their hopes had nothing to do with the other.
The final morning Keila awoke to soft sunlight pouring through white curtains, and Jake’s warm, solid arms wrapped around her, his head on her chest. It seemed like he was hanging on more than hugging her.
A few hours later, reluctantly, they were in the car and pulling away. Keila didn’t look back; she just stared out the window, a strange, peaceful emptiness settling within her. Jake took her hand in his, and concentrated on the road ahead.
“Keila?” he spoke up half an hour later, the only sound between them since they’d left.
She squeezed his hand in response.
“You’re quiet. Are you having regrets?” he asked.
“We’re both quiet, and no, I don’t have regrets. I feel as if I should, but I don’t,” she said, knowing she’d probably never live anything like that again. She didn’t want to because it was dangerously consuming.
“Where do we go from here?” Jake cleared his throat, a barely discernible twinge of nervousness in his voice. Each mile was bringing them closer and closer to reality, and Keila guessed he was probably worried whether or not she now harbored any expectations.
Well, she didn’t.
“From here? Well, we find a way for me to get home without anyone seeing us together. I think you should drop me off at Robbie’s.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Keila sighed. “I know what you meant, and I’m just trying to tell you that you don’t have to worry. I told you before. This is it. I go home, you go back to your campaign, and this will all be a sleepy memory. I don’t want anything from you.”
Jake was silent. “So, this is it,” he finally repeated, a steely note creeping into his voice. “We just part ways and never see each other again?”
Apprehension stole though her. “Yes. What did you expect? Some sort of secret, torrid affair?”
“Torrid affair? Where did you get that?” Jake demanded.
“Well, you sound as if you’re not ready for this to be over, so what exactly do you want from me?”
Jake sighed. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’d want from you. I hadn’t gotten that far.”
“Right. You don’t know what you want. But I know what I don’t want. Lust fizzles, Jake. Tania says it’s a proven scientific fact, it lasts two years. I’m definitely not going to risk destroying my heart over it.”
“Risk your heart? You just implied what we have is purely lust, nothing more.”
She decided to say what she knew he didn’t want to hear to get him off this topic for good. “Right, but give me time, and emotional woman that I am, I’ll go and fall for you. And when you wake up from your carnal haze or fall into a new one with another woman, you’ll leave me broken.”
“I’m not my father, Keila. And you’re not your sister, or your mother,” Jake said, his voice hard.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You say we barely know each other, but you’re wrong. We’re more alike than you think. We’ve both taken huge steps to avoid feeling too much because we don’t want to end up like them. I don’t want to end up like my father, losing everything I’ve worked hard for and hurting everyone around me over every new woman; and you don’t want to end up like your mother and sister, both unable to get on with their lives because the man they loved is no longer there. It’s why you went for Robbie and Mark, because deep down you knew there wasn’t enough there for you to end up really hurt.”
Shocked into silence, Keila suddenly realized she and Jake were still holding hands. She shook her hand free. Finally, she said, “I’m not sure I even know what we’re talking about anymore.”
Jake blew out a breath. “You know what? Neither do I. I know why things are the way they are, but I don’t even know if I want them to change. Forget I said anything.”
“I will. It doesn’t matter why things are the way they are. From the moment we kissed, I knew that no matter how much I wanted you physically, I really didn’t want the emotional consequences.”
A long silence ensued until Jake finally spoke. “You’re right. I don’t want them, either.” He took his eyes off the road and glanced at her then, his demeanor quietly serious.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Where were you? You said you were going away with a friend, and then you go MIA or AWOL or whatever. You didn’t answer my calls, and I spent all weekend telling Mom you were fine. Who is this friend, Keila? Where did you go? Why didn’t you call?” Tania whispered furiously, looking back to where Graciela and Mia were putting up the Christmas tree.
“Excuse me, but have you forgotten that I’m an adult? I can’t believe you think it’s okay to question me like this!” Keila angrily whispered back.
Tania took a deep b
reath before answering. “Sorry — I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just, we’re a close family, Keila; we don’t just run away like that without making sure everyone knows we’re fine. Try and remember the way you felt the night I took off,” Tania reminded her. Keila of course remembered how worried she’d been that night. It had been six months after their father died and Tania had taken off to Denver, to the hotel Chris was staying at while skiing with some friends. She’d gone to tell him that she was pregnant, but found him in bed with another girl.
Tania interrupted her thoughts. “I have to admit I’m afraid you did something stupid.”
“I’m sorry,” Keila finally spoke. “I hate that you were so worried. But … I didn’t do anything I’ll regret later.”
A little over a week later, Keila wasn’t so sure.
Her heart very nearly stopped when she saw a fuzzy picture of Jake carrying her in his arms toward the house on the front page of the society section of one of two major local papers, the one that had endorsed Mike Summers over Jake. Her mouth went dry and she looked around before picking the paper up.
“Jake Kelly’s Love Shack,” read the headline. The accompanying picture seemed to have been taken from across the river and, though Jake’s face was to the camera, only her back and hair were visible.
Her heart now beating again, though not at a normal rhythm, she read the cheesy article accompanied by a few more blurry pictures of them and a copy of the deed to the property under Patricia Kelly’s name. Keila’s back was to the camera in each picture. The article outlined how Jake had put the house in his mother’s name so he could hide his numerous dalliances from voters. It all sounded like a bunch of over-reaching bull.
Keila had practice from seven A.M. to four P.M. that day and for the first half hour she played badly, unable to lose herself in the music, wondering if the pictures and article would hurt Jake’s campaign. She just wasn’t savvy about these things, didn’t know what stuck and what blew over. To top it all off, a strange heaviness had settled in the pit of her stomach over how far she felt from Jake.