Paper Cranes

by Nicole Hite

  “The fact that you have no clue what you did, is fucking adorable.”

  “Oh,” I blurted as I released my lip.

  “And you are perfectly normal, in fact, that’s way better than normal in my eyes.”

  I cracked a smile as my blood pressure began to subside.

  “What about you? I know you’re not getting laid, so?”

  “Who said I’m not getting laid?” he tittered.

  Shit. I hadn’t thought about that. What if he was getting laid? Something about that made my heart hurt and yet my blood rage. To think, my life was flipped on its axel and set on fire, while his could be thriving like a normal man should be.

  “No, I haven’t gotten laid in quite some time.”

  “Well, when was the last time?” I poked and prodded.

  “A year ago, I suppose. I haven’t exactly been keeping track,” he let out a slight growl.

  “Why so long?” I nosed around.

  “Oh I don’t know. No one I cared to share more than one night with. I also need to think about Jackson. I mean, would this girl be a good role model for my son. I’m willing to bet no if she let me take her home after only talking for an hour or two at the bar. Not exactly mommy material.”

  “Is that what you’re looking for – mommy material?” I grew concerned.

  “Not anymore. I just want to be with someone who isn’t a total slut and is nice to my kid.”

  “But you still want that person to suck you off or fuck your brains out every once in a while,” I giggled, trying to change the subject.

  “Jesus, Dove. That mouth,” he laughed.

  “Too much? No filter sometimes. Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize for saying what’s on your mind. But seriously, we gotta stop talking about this. I can’t walk into support group with a chubby.”

  “BAHH,” I blurted out laughing.

  I had to admit. I had an air of confidence about myself knowing that I made Lee Daniels hard. Oh, and he was hard all right. Even in the dark cab I could see the bulge, a massive bulge at that.

  “You’re going to make tonight’s meeting extremely hard for me,” he laughed.

  “Why is that?” I asked confused.

  Just as Lee was about to answer, we pulled up to St. Peter’s for the gathering. It felt odd walking into the meeting with Lee. He delicately placed his hand on the small of my back as he opened the door, motioning me to enter before him.

  As I made my way into the room, my eyes landed on Chris. I eyed Lee, motioning that I was going to talk. Giving me the head nod, I proceeded to make my way over to the empty chair by Chris. Passing the stale cookies and coffee, I hurled my bag into an empty seat.

  “Hey Chris, what’s shakin’ chica?

  “Same ole’, just a different day. What’s with you and Hot-For-Teacher over there?” she giggled.

  That’s what I loved about Chris. Yes, she was wheelchair bound now, but she had the best attitude. She was never gloom and doom, but a ray of sunshine splashed with a hint of sarcasm.

  “Ahh, he gave me a ride; my car is a P.O.S. He’s actually doing me a huge favor to be honest.”

  “Well, he’s burning a hole in the back of your head right now,” she smirked as she lifted her chin in his direction.

  Sure enough, I turned around and he is staring hard-core at us. It wasn’t until Kenny approached him did he turn around. Lee must have said something to Kenny, because he erupted in a fist pumping, “YES!”

  “Wonder what that was all about?” I turned to ask Chris.

  “Oh you don’t know, do you?” she reveled in my ignorance.

  “Know what?” I asked, confused.

  “You haven’t signed up for the support group newsletters, have you?”

  “Ugh, no. I didn’t know anything about that.”

  Chris laughed at my obliviousness. Like, literally laughed in my face.

  “Tonight’s lecture is, Let’s Talk About Sex…with ALS.”

  I immediately flared red with embarrassment.

  “No wonder he wouldn’t tell me what the topic was. That little shit!”

  I immediately turned to see Lee, giving me a smirk as to signal he knew I knew what the topic was tonight. Bug eyed, I shook my head. Shrugging his shoulders, he mouthed, “Sorry, not sorry.”

  “I think Hot-For-Teacher’s got a little thing for a little dove,” Chris cackled. “Tap that shit now girl!

  My problem, I knew a lot about Lee now – almost too much. How was I supposed to cross that line without things getting too personal? Hell. They already were. Fuck my life!

  “Alright gang, let’s get started. Some of us have better things we need to do besides being here. So, with that said, here we go.”

  Cueing up the slideshow from his laptap, Let’s Talk About Sex by Salt-N-Pepa, boomed in the background. I couldn’t help but giggle as Lee did a little dance, being his own hype man. I’m not going to lie, it was hot and yet hilarious all in the same breath. I had to cover my mouth from laughing out loud.

  “Let’s get real everyone. Sex is a hot topic when it comes to ALS. You know what I’m talking about, Kenny. Am I right?”

  “Preach, Lee,” Kenny raised his hands in the air like he was praising Jesus.

  “Believe it or not, your sex life does not end with three little words. Relationships and sexual satisfaction is paramount to maintaining a healthy mind and body. Fun fact: Sexual function is not affected directly from ALS. What does that mean, you can still have promising relationships with those you care about.”

  Oh he was good. He was really good. I’ll bite.

  “I know ALS can bring a lot of emotions to the table when it comes to sex. Just know that your partner is there to support you in anyway necessary. Some of the common reasons people refrain from sex are pain, frustration, and embarrassment. Tonight we’re going to go over a few methods and techniques to help alleviate those worries and fears.”

  “Are you asking for volunteers?” an elderly woman in the front row speaks up.

  “I like your thinking, Barbara, but no. You might wanna talk to Kenny after the meeting though,” he chuckled. Barbara gave Kenny a cheeky smile as she gave him a wink.

  “According to the World Health Organization, Sexual health is the integration of the somatic, emotional, intellectual, and social aspects of sexual being, in ways that are positively enriching and that enhance personality, communication and love. SO, it’s not just bumping and grinding folks. It’s deeper than that.”

  Lee stared straight at me when he talked. It was as if he wanted me to sit and listen to him preach to me, a place I couldn’t escape from. Sneaky bastard.

  “Who can tell me what some of the benefits are of sex?”

  “Orgasms,” Kenny shouted.

  “A sense normalcy,” someone in the group said.

  “Reduces stress,” another stated

  “A want to be desired,” Chris offered.

  “A sense of control of something in our lives,” I chirped.

  “These are all great answers, but don’t forget increased relationship satisfaction and stability. We must remember that sex is not just physical, but psychological too. It’s not just skin-to-skin, but mind-to-mind. The key is not only for healthy sex, but also a relationship built on communication. Your partner may be going through several changes whether it’s physically or even mentally. Just as you have anxiety, loss of self-esteem, depression, grievances, so may your partner. They are also learning to adjust so give them some slack here and there.”

  “Sophia Loren once said, Sex is more than an act of pleasure, sex is the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them. Man, that’s deep.”

  “Listen folks, sex is just a perk. Can we all agree? So, what other ways can we be intimate with our loved ones without actual intercourse? Fun fact: ALS affects the muscles, not the sensory ner
ves.”

  “Hold hands,” Barbara barked.

  “Massages.”

  “Taking baths together.”

  “Toys,” Chris said pompously as she gave me a wink.

  “Digital intercourse,” Kenny said proudly.

  “Yes, Kenny. That’s one.”

  “Kissing,” I interjected.

  “Excellent, Ms. Dove. Kissing is an excellent way to show your affection. Any way to expand your senses is perfect. Expand your sexual range to include things like oral sex, fantasies, or even sensory stimulation with sight, sounds and even smells. There is so much you can do, guys.

  “What if I’m wheelchair bound?” Chris speaks up.

  “Listen, a wheelchair isn’t going to be your excuse Chris. I know you can remove those armrests. Let your partner straddle your lap or even laying on the bed side-by-side. There are no excuses here people. Period.”

  The command Lee had over the room was intoxicating. Our eyes were locked on one another for the entire lecture as he went further into detail about how the mechanics of it all works, and techniques to use. I was incredibly aroused, and a bit proud of Lee. I wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt when it came to having a true grasp of what it may feel like to be someone with ALS. He got it and more.

  “Okay guys, that’s going to do it for tonight, but if you have any questions, comments or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Unless they are nude pictures, Barbara,” he chuckled.

  I stood to grab my bag, giving Chris a kiss on the cheek.

  “Till next time!”

  “Like I said girl…tap that,” she giggled as Lee came up behind me.

  I could tell he was partially self-conscious for not telling me the topic beforehand, but I wasn’t at all mad. I actually found it to be very informative.

  “I bet you wished we were at an AA meeting instead right now, don’t you?”

  “You have no idea, Dove. Guess you should have signed up for the newsletter, huh?”

  “Looks that way. Although I kind of liked the surprise,” I giggled.

  “So you ready to get something to eat,” Lee causally said in my ear. His mouth was so close to my ear I could feel his hot breath licking my skin.

  Forcing myself to speak, “Ya, yeah. Sounds good.”

  “I thought we could hit up the Stop and Shop just down the street and pick up some reinforcements. How do you feel about Beanies and Weinies?” he chuckled.

  “I’ll eat just about anything right now, except those stale ass cookies. I’m starving.”

  “So glad you said that, cause I’m feeling a little adventurous tonight,” he eyed me with suspicion.

  What in the world was he up to?

  “And by the way, this is for you,” he passed me a paper crane. Scripted on the wings was, “You are hypnotizing.”

  “What, do you keep these stockpiled in case of a crane emergency?” I joked.

  “Something like that. Now come on, Dove.”

  “Are you ready for my bucket list request?” Lee asked as we pushed the buggy around the grocery store.

  “I should be afraid, shouldn’t I?”

  “Naw, you’ll be fine. I promise.”

  “Why is it so important to tell me right now?”

  “Because you’re going to do it…right now.”

  “In the grocery store?” I chuckled as I pulled the cart to a stop.

  “Yep!”

  “Oh hell no. What are you trying to get me to do?”

  “I want you to make a fool out of yourself in front of everyone.”

  “How am I supposed to do that?” I laughed.

  The devilish grin crept across his face as he gave me an arched brow.

  “I am not getting naked,” I started to pale.

  “I never said you had to be naked, but I do want you to stand on that check out right there, in your undies, singing a song to the entire store.”

  “You are out of your mind, Daniels.”

  “Probably,” he stood next to me with his arms cross across his chest.

  “You know this is going to get me arrested,” I fussed at him.

  “More than likely, but then you can cross off another bucket list item.”

  “What? Pretending to be a cast member of Orange is the New Black?”

  “Bingo!”

  “You are totally twisting my words. I just said I wanted my mug shot done. I’d waltz my happy ass to a precinct and they would humor me with a photograph.”

  “Well now is your chance to make it legit,” he crowed.

  “Ugh, I don’t know,” I trembled. There was only a smidgen of me that was titillated at this adventure, while the rest of me was shaking in my boots. Literally.

  “If it helps, I’ll do it with you,” he smiled as he began disrobing in the dairy section.

  As grandma over here debated about whether to get 1% milk of 2%, Lee was taking off his clothes. He shimmied off his jeans and gripped his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. His chest was exposed, a stark contrast to the Mr. Mom beer guts in the frozen food section.

  I had never seen Lee without a shirt on, and boy, was I missing out. He was covered with sleeved tattoos. Tribal inked snaked up his arms and down his muscular back. I tried everything in my willpower not to stare too hard.

  All of the stay-at-home mommies stared, mouths drooling as they covered their children’s eyes. Most of which had probably already seen a boob or two already.

  I couldn’t let him do this alone; he needed my support just as I needed his.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I rolled my eyes as I clutched the end of my Angela Chase dress and pulled.

  With my boring, tan bra exposed, I tried to shield my white cheekie panties.

  “Happiness…,” was all Lee had to say before I was shucking off my boots, ready to make a mad dash.

  I stood in only my bra, cheekers and dinosaur socks.

  “Nice socks, Dove. They are super cute.”

  “Mommy look! Nakey people,” a toddle screeched as we took off with the shopping cart full of our clothes.

  As we approached, “Janette”, or so her nametag said, we excused the patron trying to purchase eggs and flour.

  Lee jumped on the register, pulling me up with him. Grabbing the microphone, Lee pulled it from its holster.

  “Excuse me folks, sorry to disturb you this evening. I was wondering if everyone could assist me in making my friend’s bucket list wish come true.”

  Naturally there was no response as Lee handed over the microphone.

  “Go on now. Sing for your people.”

  Taking a giant gulp of air, I looked out to the sea of people before me. At that moment all I could think about was My Best Friend’s Wedding. You know what I’m talking about. The scene where Julia Robert’s gay, male friend starts to belt out Dionne Warwick’s, I Say a Little Prayer. Visions of dancing crab claws made me giggle. Clutching the microphone, I prayed like all hell I didn’t sound like Cameron Diaz during her karaoke scene.

  And so I began, “The moment I wake up…”

  “YES!” Lee cheers as the sea of people gather closer to our stage. Although, instead of reaching fans, we had security and cashiers trying to pull us down. Perhaps it was the storewide interruption or the public display or undies that did it, but I could see the store manager grab a phone furiously. I could only assume he was calling the authorities.

  “I say a little prayer for you,” Lee chimes in.

  We were a quarter of the way through the song when I started to loosen up. Waving my hands in the air, we soon got the store to slowly join in on our public embarrassment. Soon, those sheltered housewives were removing their hands from their children’s eyes and hooting and hollering with us.

  “Forever and ever…. that’s how it must be, to live without you….” I started.

  While Lee finished, “Would only mean heartbreak for me…”

  We were flawless! For a task that terrified me, I was on such an adrenali
ne high right now. The crowd erupted in cheers, begging for more. Before we had a chance to start another tune, we could hear the sirens blaring in the distance.

  Trying to climb down off the register, Lee had to get in one more jab before we got arrested. “Thank you, everyone, and clean up on aisle 5; Mrs. Landers spilled her milk,” we chuckled as the cops handcuffed us. Being escorted to the cop car had never been so entertaining.

  It didn’t take us long to post bail considering we weren’t being hostile in the least. The police were actually really pleasant. They allowed me keep our mug shots, complete with flashing peace signs and handcuffs. Lee had begged to keep them, but officer Jennings said he needed to keep them…just in case. Too bad. They could have come in handy sometime

  Lee took the mug shot photo from the police station and slid it under the clip in his visor. The cops were nice enough to allow us to take one together. A regular Bonnie and Clyde we were.

  Lee explained to them my situation, which was the first time I had ever used my disease to gain the upper hand. What? Like you wouldn’t do it either! There only plea, “Don’t make it a habit.

  We got a good chuckle as we made our way to his house.

  “So I guess we’re eating pork and beans tonight, huh?” I asked.

  “Sorry it’s not five star.”

  “It was totally worth it; I don’t mind,” I said, patting his hand.

  Before I knew it, Lee had grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.

  “Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law,” he joked.

  “Okay Beavis,” I roar with laughter.

  “Hey, don’t joke. That makes you Butthead.”

  I loved being with Lee. He always had the best outlook on life, not to mention he was lovely to stare at. I could see this, thing, growing between us where, for once, it didn’t hurt my heart. I could see us actually making this work. Then again, I had shoved him away so hard, I wonder if he’s even into me. He may just be a flirty friend?

  Lee released my hand to turn the wheel into his driveway. The disconnect bothered me for some reason. I liked the way our fingers molded with one another. Perfectly crafted to fit the contours of our skin. I could see our bodies in much the same way.

  Oh god, sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Damn him for ambushing me tonight. Ever since our car ride to the meeting, that’s all I could think about. His lips on mine, his hands on my body, his cock, oh fuck.