by Nicole Hite
Jolting upright in bed, I was dripping with sweat. My heart raced out of my chest as I struggled to catch my breath.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Lee hugged me to his chest, “What’s wrong?”
Before I could get out a word, the tears began to rain down my cheeks. Lee stroked my back as I clawed to breath. As I calmed down, I was finally able to articulate my worries and fears.
“You should probably know that I don’t sleep very much anymore,” I said, feeling slightly ashamed.
“Why is that, Dove?”
“I hate to sleep. It gives me the false sense of hope that when I wake up, everything will be okay, where the nightmares are merely a dream and I really don’t possess this disease. Every night I lay here and either have countless wonderful dreams or horrid nightmares. Dreams of what could be. Instead I dream of what’s to come, what I’ll never accomplish and funerals. Always fucking funerals.”
“What was it tonight?” He asked sympathetically as he stroked my back.
“Take a wild guess.”
“It’s okay to cry, just as long you don’t let it take over your life.”
“I know. I’m just…I’m just tired of crying. Do you ever think it’s going to get better?”
“Truthfully?” He looks down at me.
“Always.”
“No. Look, Dove, I’m not going to lie to you and say they will eventually go away completely. That would be untrue. I believe the only way for us to handle this is talk about it. You know, what makes you happy, what makes you grateful, what gives you purpose. Once you figure those things out, then I believe you can, at least, try to eliminate some of those fears and worries.”
Sniffling, “Okay.”
That was the extent of my response because, really, what else could I say?
“So, Kat, what makes you happy?” he asked quizzically.
“Life,” I barked.
“You can’t use that one as a happy trigger buddy. Nice try.”
“Well, my job makes me happy. I feel accomplished when I’m there, especially when I get to see the product of my hard work. I’ve worked my entire life to get to where I am right now. A lot of people depend on me.”
“So, you are reliable, dependable and exceptionally talented? Is that what you’re saying?” he questioned.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ve never thought of it that way before.
“What makes you grateful then?”
“I think JoJo, having roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my stomach.”
“Precisely. Now, think of all those people with ALS who don’t even have that? The little things you may take for granted are the things some people yearn for.”
“Wow, I never stopped to think about that. I’ve been so self-absorbed with myself, I never stopped to think about those suffering as well. They don’t even need to have the disease to be struggling either.”
“Exactly. Now, what gives you purpose?
Taking a deep breath, “You give me purpose. There are times when I’m going to push you away. There will be times when I want to give you more than I can handle. I may even lash out at you for no reason at all but to be mean. All of these horrible things wrapped up into one giant ball of heartache, and yet, it’s going to hurt a little less because now I know have you. You give me a reason to fight. A purpose.”
“You’re are not alone. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know, which is why you tick me off sometimes,” I began laughing and crying at the same time.
“I’ll walk through hell for you. Trudge the fire. Slay Satan himself if that means I can keep you protected, cared for and sheltered. This thing between us may or may not work, no one can be certain, but you are my friend first and foremost. That’s why I would fight any and all battles I could for you for as long as I can.”
“That was extremely provocative and all I have is…I wanna be your Daenerys Targaryen. Will you be my Khal Drogo?” I laughed.
Lee was so poetic and here I was relying on my vast television knowledge of Game of Thrones to make an eloquent statement. I giggled as I shied away. I didn’t know how to woo or be woed. I was so far out of my element right now.
“You are the moon of my life…”
“…my sun and stars,” I finished as I blushed.
How on earth was I supposed to top that? It was simple. It was sweet. It was perfect.
“Go on, bud. Pick out your favorite to play with,” I encouraged.
“You really are going to corrupt that boy,” Lee said.
Watching Jackson fly down the hallway, peering into the glass confines of the kennels brought a smile to my face. The innocence of not having a care in the world, but to run around and play, was heartwarming. He was sheltered from a world so corrupt with disease, wars and hate. His tiny mind had not yet been tainted with the revulsions of the real world.
That’s one thing I wish I could explain to kids these days. The world was such a better place when we were clueless. Let me explain. When I was Jackson’s age, we were oblivious to the horrors of the world. There was no social media; instant gratification to know everything instantly.
You heard about news from television, radio or print, not from Twitter or Facebook. If someone had a problem with you, they didn’t subtweet you or hide behind a monitor. Confrontations were dealt with face-to-face. We’ve become such a scared society where all of our worries and fears are dictated by the number of pixels our phones have.
We now live in a society where our postures are reverting to those resembling a Neanderthal. Kids hoard, worship, and waste time on technology devices instead of enjoy the simplicities of life; running outside, riding bikes and not coming home until the street lamps came on. No, now we are drowning in 0’s and 1’s. Fearing child predators, protests for causes no one really knows why they are even protesting.
My wish for him is to keep him as young as possible for as long as possible without compromising his incredible intelligence. Something I wish more parents did with their kids. Family dinners, or bonding, where adult issues were shielded from the ears of their kiddos. Where curse words weren’t taught at home, and parental problems were never voiced or seen in front of their kids.
But that’s not the society we live in today, a harsh reality to the stark contrasts of my childhood. Where have compassion, love and support for one another gone? I digress.
It was wonderful watching Jackson, allowing the previous week’s conversations to melt away, even if it’s only for an hour or two.
Jackson chooses a tan pit bull name Daisy.
“Are you sure about Daisy, Jackson?” I looked concern.
“Why not? Daisy is really sweet, look,” he said as the dog licked his face lovingly. “Ms. Beth said that Daisy loves to cuddle and play fetch.”
“Pits or only harmful if they are taught to be harmful. Just like raising kids, Dove. Give her the benefit of the doubt.”
“If you say so,” I said apprehensively.
Watching Daisy and Jackson jump around in the shelter’s field, was like they were meant to be. She sat for him, fetched for him, and even gave him hugs and kisses when, and only when, he asked. She was so well trained it was a surprise she hadn’t been snatched up sooner. Then again, there was such a negative stigma towards pits, I can see why others would likely be apprehensive. Not Jackson though.
“They really are perfect for one another. How in hell are we going to tear them apart?”
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. He doesn’t throw tantrums does he,” I said taking Lee’s hand.
“Do you want the truth?” He asked.
“No. Last time I got the truth, I sort of regretted it,” I laughed.
“So, I did something a little crazy. Don’t freak out, okay?”
“Lee, whenever someone says, ‘Don’t freak out’, it is inevitable the person will freak out.”
“I mean it’s not that bad, I guess.”
“For fuck’s
sake, Lee, spit it out.”
“I booked us a trip…to the Bahamas. You know, so you can swim with bacon and all,” he grinned.
“Are you serious? Like, seriously, serious?” I stood in shock. “Oh fuck.”
“I’m having a hard time trying to figure out if that was meant as a good thing or a bad thing.”
“It’s good and bad.”
“Umm, okay? What was good?”
“That we get to go swim with piggies!!!”
“Okay, then what is bad?”
“I was going to adopt Daisy…you know, for Jackson. She can stay with me since his grandparents are not exactly welcoming to the idea.”
“Yeah, that would be a, ‘Oh fuck’, concern”
“Nana and Pop aren’t going to watch her, JoJo and your dad work all the time…”
“And God knows Gage isn’t responsible enough either,” he chuckled.
“Do you think maybe Rene and Lette would watch her? I hate to ask since I’ve only met them once before, but they seem like really good people. I just hate to put her into a kennel when we are springing her loose now. She’ll think we hate her!”
“I mean; all we can do is ask.”
“Maybe I should make dinner for them? No one says no at dinner, right?”
“Your logic is nothing if not flimsy as hell, Dove, but what the hell. How about this; I’ll call Rene and Lisette and you let the little guy know he’s about to be the proud parent of a new dog.”
Squeals of laughter escaped my cheeks as I jumped up and down. Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed his scruffy cheek. I had never had a dog of my own, so I was probably more excited than Jackson would be. I always pushed it off as a time-consuming fur baby, but time I did not have. What better way to pop the proverbial cherry then with my new favorite buddies, Jackson and Daisy?
“Hey Jackson! Can you come here for a minute, buddy?” I yelled in a sing-song voice.
“Come on Daisy, girl. That’s it girl,” Jackson cheered encouragingly.
I was rolled over by Daisy before Jackson could even come close. We fell into a heap of laughter as Daisy’s slobber coated us from head to toe.
We all panted heavily as I finally wrangled the boy and pup in.
“Hey Jackson, I want to ask you a couple questions, is that okay?” I began.
“Sure, Kat. Ask away,” he smiled brightly as he pulled Daisy close to his side.
“You sure do seem to like Daisy a lot. Did you have fun playing with her?”
“I had sooooo much fun, Kat. Can we do it again? I really want to teach her other tricks too.”
“That’s the thing, Jackson. A little boy or girl just like you may fall in love with her just as much as you do. And you know what would happen?
“They would take her home, wouldn’t they?” he looked so upset.
“And why do you think the shelter would allow them to take her home?” I asked.
“Umm, they have more money?” he squeaked as Daisy licked his cheek.
“Noooo. Daisy is a lot of responsibility, bud. They can’t take her home unless the shelter knows deep down that she will go to a good home.”
“Oh, but I could do those things,” he started to state his case.
“Is that so? What kinds of things are we talking about?” I asked as we sat Indian style on the grass.
Daisy plopped down next to us, tongue hanging out, staring back and forth between the two of us.
“Umm, like, feeding her, taking her out to go potty, play with her, love her…like that stuff?”
“Exactly like those things. That’s really good, bud.”
“But you don’t think the shelter will let me do those things?” he looked gloomy.
“Not by yourself, sweetheart. Daisy is a big dog for a five-year-old. Do you understand that?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t adopt her for you and teach you. This is where I need you to be a really big boy. Daisy is a lot of responsibility. When you’re ready, that’s when she can stay at your house, but until then, she will stay with me. Does that sound like a plan?” I asked with a huge grin.
“YES! YES! YES! THANK YOU, KAT!!! Guess what Daisy? You’re my doggy now!”
As if the dog completely understood, she started jumping up and down dancing on her two back legs. She was such a happy dog, it was unavoidable to jump right in and dance as well.
“What in the world is going on over here?” Lee asked as he tucked his cell back into his cargo shorts.
“DAD! KAT’S ADOPTING THE DOG, AND I’M GONNA HELP. LIKE A BIG BOY! I’M GONNA FEED HER, TAKE HER OUT TO POOP, ALL THAT AWESOME STUFF. ISN’T THIS THE BEST DAY ON THE PLANET, DAD?”
“Wow, buddy, that’s awesome! Kat must like you a lot to do that for you,” he gave me a wink.
“She’s the bestest friend I ever had. Now Daisy is my bestest friend too!” he shrieked in delight.
“That’s great, Jacks. Wanna introduce Daisy to Uncle Rene and Aunt Lette tonight?
“Can we, Dad?” he pleaded.
“I guess it’s up to, Kat, since Daisy’s going to be living there.”
“Oh can we, Kat? I really wanna show them my puppy,” he pleaded. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he waited for my response.
“I think it’s a great idea. Do you think your Uncle Gage and my friend JoJo can come to? I think it’s time you met Jo.”
“YES! But what does Jo stand for?” he questioned. He was such a smart little kind.
I knelt down to whisper in his ear, “Joanne, but don’t tell her I told you.” I winked at him as I stood to hold Lee’s hand.
“I hope you don’t mind,” I pressed my lips into a firm line. “I should have asked, I’m sorry. I figured it would be rude since it’s at her house. Plus, it’s the easiest way to break it to her that we have a new dog.”
“I like the sound of that,” Lee squeezed my hand.
“What?” I questioned.
“Our dog. Has a nice ring to it.”
“Yeah, it does.”
After calling Jo and Gage and stopping off at the market, we headed back to my house to start dinner. Jackson had chosen our menu; a safety precaution and fall back should my cooking stink.
Daisy and Jackson were racing around in the house when JoJo and Gage showed up around five. Jackson actually saw them enter before we did.
“UNCLE GAGE!!!” Jackson shouted as he and Daisy ran full speed into the two of them.
The three of them came crashing down as the wrecking ball, Daisy, skidded across the hardwood floors. I was instantly terrified when Daisy began licking all over Jo’s face.
“DAISY! Down girl,” I ordered.
“Yeah, Daisy, down. Get off Joanne!” Jackson tried to mirror me, just like I had been teaching him all day. Instead this time he let slip our little secret. Jo was wide eyed as she stared at Jackson.
“What did you just call me?” she tried to suppress a grin.
“Umm, JoJo, right? Yep, definitely JoJo.”
“Smart kid ya got here, Lee. Learns quick,” she stood as she ruffled the kids head.
“And I’m assuming you are Daisy, pretty girl,” Gage rubbed her ears.
“Yep! She’s my dog, but Kat said I have to keep her here until I learned to be responsible enough to take her home, right Kat?”
Gritting out a smile, “Yep, buddy. Hey, why don’t you and Daisy go run around outside so I can talk to JoJo and Uncle Gage. I threw some tennis balls in the yard, so go at it!”
Like a bullet, they shot out of the room, nearly taking out the screen door on their way.
“So, a dog, huh?” JoJo broke the ice.
“Yeah, I meant to talk to you beforehand, but you should have seen the look in his eyes when he saw her. It was so damn cute.”
“Awe, come on babe, she seems cute,” Gage pressed.
I was really surprised that Jo and Gage were really starting to hit it off. I would have staked my life that they were just a hit it
and quit it couple, but no. They were both so twisted in the sex and relationship department, they could actually tolerate each other, even out of bed. Go figure.
“Whatever. She’s your responsibility though. I don’t do poop and barking. Gross!”
“Got it covered,” I smiled so brightly as if she were talking to me like I had done with Jackson earlier.
“Knock, knock,” came a sweet voice and slight wrap at the partially opened front door.
Jo turned to greet Lisette and Rene, “Hi! I’m JoJo.” Instead of the typical handshake, Jo hugged Lette and then Rene.
“Well, den. I never get dat sorta welcome when I get home. Why not Lette?” he joked.
“You don’t deserve a greeting like dat, ass.”
The two were definitely having a day, for sure, but hopefully that would change.
“What it do, Rene!” Gage pulled him in for a manly hug. “Beautiful, Lisette,” he kissed her hand.
“It’s bout damn time we saw dat face, round here. Where you been?’ asked Renee.
“You know, here and there and everywhere. This is my girl, JoJo, Kat’s roommate,” he grinned, pulling her into his hip and placing a kiss on her cheek.
“Ah, now I see how you snagged such a pretty girl. Taking advantage of your older bro here, I see. He can’t find his own girls so he has to recruit his brother’s “Friend” to hook him up,” Lisette stepped in.
“You don’t hear me complaining,” Kat announced,
“Dares da man of da hour,” Rene reached in for a bro hug. “Always lovely to see you, Kat.”
There was a sense of hesitancy about the couple tonight. Had Lee told them about me? Sometimes it was awkward to be around people who knew, but tried to play it off as if they were really chill about it when really they acted as if I was breakable.
“So good to see you both as well,” I stepped in to give them kisses on their cheeks.
“Something smells amazing, cher,” Lisette said kindly.
“Jackson decided the menu for tonight, so please bear with us,” Lee laughed, “For tonight we are dinning on flame grilled hot dogs, homemade mac n’ cheese and corn on the cobb.”