“I’m not… pissy.” Yeah, I was, but it burned a little to be called on it.
“What would you call it?” Declan asked, taking a sip of his own drink.
“Harper found out about why she got uninvited from the DC thing.” Seb was the only one who nodded. Cole and Declan were still in the dark.
“How?” Seb asked.
I shrugged. “Does it matter? She found out, she’s mad as hell, and she’s in DC right now. Probably banging on doors and pissing people off.”
We all sat in silence until Cole spoke. “I don’t get it. What’s the big deal? We all know that no one is going to talk to her. They’re certainly not going to tell her anything different than what she’s been told already. It was an accident. That’s it. It sucks, and it was a fucking nightmare, but it was an accident.”
“Was it?” I asked quietly.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Declan demanded. “Of course it was an accident! Why would you even question that?”
“I was supposed to go in first. It was my job to make sure the area was secure,” I said as I broke out in a sweat. I closed my eyes, and I was there. I was watching the whole scene unfold all over again. “I got distracted. I missed something. I never miss anything!”
The silence was deafening, and I was thankful that they weren’t trying to make conversation or trying to convince me that I was wrong. I knew what I’d done.
Or didn’t do.
“She may not get a different answer,” I said finally, “but she’s going to push whoever it is that she’s pissed off further over the edge.” I ran my fingers through my hair and shuddered inwardly at the thought of Harper being hurt.
“Well, I talked to the PI,” Seb said, interrupting my thoughts.
“And?”
“We need to look a little closer at Harper’s inner circle.”
“Meaning?”
“Who is around her? From everything that you’ve told us, there hasn’t been anyone out of the ordinary lurking around, so that means it’s someone that blends in. Someone who no one would question seeing around Harper.”
It made sense. Damn, why hadn’t I thought of that sooner?
“I’d say that’s your next obvious step,” Cole said.
“Absolutely,” I muttered, mentally kicking myself for missing the obvious.
Again.
Why didn’t I just kill off the whole damn family and get it over with? At the rate I was going, it wouldn’t take long. I was supposed to be watching out for Gavin, and I’d failed. I was supposed to be protecting Harper and… Well, I hadn’t failed yet, but it was just a matter of time.
Instead of walking away—again—I should have stayed. I should have put my personal feelings aside and stayed with her. Who knew what kind of trouble she was getting into, and if she got hurt, it would be my fault. Sure, she wasn’t helping matters, but in the end, it was because walking away was my specialty that Harper was going to get hurt.
And not just physically.
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that part of my quick-exit strategy was to avoid anything deep or long-term. I never stuck it out, never got too serious. The kicker was, I could’ve seen myself sticking it out with Harper.
And I was already serious.
About her.
About her safety.
About us.
“Okay, now that we’ve given Levi a pat on the butt and pointed him in the right direction, can we please see about getting laid?” Declan said, as he sat up a little straighter.
“Dude,” Cole said, leaning back with a look of disgust. “I know it’s been a while, but you’re on your own on that one. Not that you aren’t attractive,” he added with a wink and a smile, “but you just aren’t my type.”
They all burst out laughing. “You could do a lot worse,” Declan said.
“As long as that worse comes in the form of female curves, I’m in,” Cole said as he stood. “Next round’s on me.” He took a couple of steps before looking over his shoulder. “And don’t think I don’t know that you’re checking out my ass.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Very funny,” Declan said, “but I’m serious. It’s been a long time since we’ve hit a bar together with the sole intention of looking for a hookup. You cheated me out of a sure thing tonight, so what do you say we leave this dark corner and go over to the bar and see what we can see?”
A couple of weeks ago, I might’ve said yes. But now? I couldn’t. I may have walked away from Harper, but that didn’t mean that I wanted somebody else. A sigh escaped before I could stop it.
“Oh, for the love of it,” Declan said with disgust. “If you’re going to go all pouty and pathetic, you might as well go home.” He stood. “Now if you gents will excuse me, there’s a redhead over there that I think desperately needs my attention.” He was gone before either Seb or I could say a word.
“You all right?” Seb asked when it was just the two of us.
I shrugged. “I’m going to take the PI’s advice and look a little closer at Harper’s inner circle. Wouldn’t that be a bitch if it were that easy?”
“I don’t think it’s going to be easy, Levi. Especially if it’s someone in her inner circle. Someone who’s close to her that wants to hurt her? She’ll never see it coming.”
Great. And I’d left her alone in a city full of people Harper thought she could trust.
***
One of the perks of working for family—particularly family who walked around you on eggshells—was that when I said I needed some time off, no one questioned it. Which was exactly what happened Tuesday afternoon when I told my father that I wouldn’t be back after lunch.
I had stayed away from Harper for almost four days, with no contact at all, and I was going slightly crazy. Rather than going to her, I thought the better route was to go to her parents. Harper may not have told them everything about the threats against her, but maybe they had noticed something out of the ordinary where she was concerned.
I was desperate, and right now they were my only hope.
The afternoon seemed like the perfect time to head over because I knew Harper would be at work.
When I pulled up to her parents’ house, I was struck by that familiar wave of sadness that I’d had since Gavin’s funeral. Only this time it was tinged with an additional sense of unease. It felt wrong to be snooping behind Harper’s back, but she’d left me no choice.
“Levi!” Darlene Murphy said with a smile as she pulled the door open. “This is a surprise! Come on in!” She wrapped me in a fierce hug, and it made me smile. Darlene had always been like a second mom to me, and I realized how much I’d missed her. “What brings you over today?”
I had been about to answer when Charles walked in and gave me the same exuberant welcome his wife had. Once all the general greetings were over, I followed them into the kitchen where I was offered some coffee and a piece of pie.
Déjà vu.
“How’ve you been, Levi? How is work going with your dad?”
I thanked Darlene as she placed a steaming mug of coffee down in front of me before turning my attention back to Charles. “It’s been going well, thanks. I’m amazed at the amount of work that he constantly has.”
Charles nodded. “He’s very fortunate—but then again, he’s also a gifted contractor. He’s done work on most of the houses here in the community.”
I nodded in agreement. Construction might not have been my thing, but I was smart enough to know that it was certainly my dad’s and that he was good at it. I only hoped that someday I’d find something that I loved like he did and be able to make a career out of it.
“I was wondering how you were both doing,” I began hesitantly. “And Harper. Has everything been okay?”
They exchanged a look before turning back to me. “We’d be lying if we said that it’s been easy,” Charles said. “We simply take life one day at a time.”
“We’re so thankful that Harper i
s here,” Darlene added. “She’s always busy, of course, but it’s nice to have her so close by.” She smiled warmly. “Plus we still spend some time with Gina, and that makes us feel closer to Gavin.”
Gina? Who the hell was Gina? I cleared my throat and asked, “I’m sorry. Who’s Gina?”
“Gina was Gavin’s girlfriend,” Darlene explained. “Surely Gavin must have mentioned her to you? We were so certain that they were going to get married when he came home.”
Gavin had a girlfriend? I wracked my brain and tried to remember if Gavin had ever mentioned her, but I came up blank. She must have been someone local. Someone who… “Wait a minute. Do you mean Gina DeMarco?”
Darlene nodded. “They went out on and off before Gavin enlisted, but she wrote to him the entire time he was in basic training and deployed. She used to come over for Sunday dinners,” Darlene sighed. “She’s like family.”
Family? How could Gina practically be family when Gavin never mentioned her? Were his parents aware that this was a one-way relationship? I now remembered Gina from back in high school, and she’d always had a crush on Gavin, but he’d never taken it seriously. Gavin and I were as close as brothers. He would have told me if he had been planning on marrying someone when we got out.
“Levi?” I turned at the sound of Harper’s voice. I kept my expression blank, but just the sight of her made my chest ache. She was in yoga pants and an oversized T-shirt—mine—and her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her face was pale, and her expression was bleak. I had to fight the urge to walk over and haul her into my arms. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to see your folks,” I said and forced myself to turn my back on her. “I hadn’t seen them in a while.”
Why wasn’t she at work? Why was she home? Wasn’t she feeling well? Was she sick? A million questions raced through my mind. Had something happened in DC? Was she hurt? I shook my head and returned my attention to her parents. We made small talk until I heard Harper leave the room.
“Do Harper and Gina hang out together?” I asked as a thought occurred to me.
Darlene shook her head. “Heavens, no. Gina is a very quiet girl. I think Harper overwhelms her. I think that if… if Gavin had come home, I’m sure they would have gotten along just fine. But since the funeral, they seem to be giving one another a wide berth.”
I let that statement settle a bit before I stood. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve got some business to attend to.”
“With a job site?” Charles asked as he stood.
Shaking my head, I reached out and shook his hand and then walked around the table to hug Darlene. “No,” I said, making sure that I didn’t sound overly anxious. “It’s a personal matter, but I need to get some calls made before close of business today.” I thanked them for the coffee and promised to come back and visit again soon.
I walked out to my truck and even managed to pull out of the driveway and go down the block before I pulled out my phone. I scrolled through the contacts and hit Seb’s name.
“I swear,” he said when he answered, “at this rate I’m going to assign a private, direct line solely for you.”
“Yeah, yeah… I’m a pain in the ass.” I finally let the urgency I was feeling process.
“Admitting that you have a problem is always the first step.”
“Can we skip the funny banter and be serious?”
Sebastian was silent for a moment. “Okay, sure. What’s going on?”
“I think we have a lead.”
Eleven
Harper
I’d been living in a self-manufactured cocoon for the past four days, but Levi’s appearance downstairs had broken it wide open.
I returned to my room when I left the kitchen and tried to hide myself away again, get swallowed up in the familiar walls, the sound of the television, the blocking of everything that hurt, but it wasn’t any use.
I’d watched Levi drive away earlier, and I stayed by the window, looking outside for a long time. Waiting for… something.
What came was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Come in,” I called, smiling tiredly when I saw my mom at the door.
She didn’t say anything. Just walked in and sat at my desk chair.
I sighed and turned around. “Do you remember when Beaker got trapped in that basement?”
Mom made a face and raised a hand to her chest. “Oh God, don’t remind me. I still have nightmares about that. That stupid dog. And those stupid boys, going after him.”
When I was eight, Gavin, Levi, and our dog had been exploring and came across an abandoned house. While they were nosing around, the stairs to the basement collapsed, sending the dog falling down with no way of getting out.
I’d been following them around, as I often did, and I’d caught up just as the boys were starting down into the basement to rescue the dog. I still remember my panic as I saw them trying to find a way down. Even as a child, I knew how dangerous it was.
“I begged Gavin not to go down,” I said, leaning my head against the cool window. “I was practically screaming at him not to do it.”
“It was a losing battle,” my mom said. “Getting him to see the reason in being cautious always was.”
“He laughed. He laughed and said there was nothing to be afraid of, but if I tried to follow him, he’d make me pay.” The memory ached in my throat, more now than it had ever done before.
My bossy older brother. Who would never boss me again.
My mom didn’t answer, but I could see a similar ache in her expression.
“He always did rush into things without worrying about the consequences,” I murmured, closing my eyes when they started to burn.
After a minute, Mom asked very softly, “Are you going to tell me why you haven’t left the house in four days?”
A surge of emotion rose up without warning, and I had to contort my face to keep from sobbing.
“Please tell me what’s going on,” my mom whispered.
“It just feels like,” I began, forcing my voice to work through the tension of grief in my throat, “…like he died again.” My whole body shook as the sobs wracked me, too strong to possibly control. “Like I lost him all over again.”
There were tears on my mom’s face too when she came over to give me a hug. I shook against her for a minute before she asked, “Will you please tell me what happened in DC?”
I hadn’t told her yet. I hadn’t told anyone.
I straightened up and wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I talked to someone.”
“Who?”
I gave a half shrug. “It’s an anonymous source, so I better not say. But it’s someone who works at the Pentagon.”
My mom looked wary all at once. “What did the source say?”
“That it wasn’t just a random accident that killed Gavin. That someone really messed up. That it’s somebody’s fault that he died.”
“What do you mean? Whose fault? Who messed up?”
“I don’t know. The source either didn’t know or didn’t tell me. But I keep thinking…” I trailed off, unable to even begin speaking the words.
“What?”
The words stuck in my throat again, but I forced them out. “It could have been Gavin who messed up.”
I felt her stiffen beside me. “We don’t know that.”
“I know. We don’t know anything. But what if it was? Is that really a story worth bringing to light? Is that really the answer I’ve been looking for? I don’t even know what I’ve been looking for, but now I wonder if there’s really any reason for my search… other than trying to keep Gavin alive, any way I can.”
Mom let out a long breath and put an arm around me. “It’s your choice. You need to do what you need to do. But if it were up to me, I’d let it go. Nothing you uncover is going to make Gavin less dead, and sometimes things are silenced for good reason.”
Her words rang true, were the final conclusion of the internal journey I’d
been on since I returned from DC. But they still hurt. Horribly.
“What if the silencing means that justice isn’t done?” I asked at last.
“Sometimes justice isn’t ours to carry out.”
I thought about that for a minute. Then nodded, understanding what she meant. “I really do think that the truth is something to fight for,” I said then, in a strange, stretched voice. “That the truth is something that shouldn’t be hidden.”
“Yeah.” She squeezed me with her arm. “I agree. But maybe the truth is bigger than we think it is.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maybe exposing the facts about the accident won’t really add to the truth. The truth is that Gavin is dead. He was a good man, a good brother, a good son, a good friend, and he’s gone just the same. The truth is that life is sometimes senseless like that— If there’s a purpose, it’s impossible for us to see. Is exposing whatever facts are hidden about the situation going to change any of that?”
“No.” She was right. I knew she was right. And I suddenly felt better about the decision I’d already made.
I hadn’t realized before I’d already made it.
“The truth is bigger than the facts,” she went on. “Think about it this way. The facts are that that boy who was downstairs earlier has been moving heaven and earth to keep you safe. And he’s been getting on your last nerve in the process.”
“Mom,” I began, feeling suddenly bombarded by the sudden shift in topic.
“Just listen. Those are the facts. Anyone can see them. But the truth is that he’s doing it now because he cares about you so much that he’s torn up over the thought of you being in danger.”
“Mom,” I said again, gulping over a different kind of tension in my throat. “I know you like to see the romantic silver lining everywhere, but a man can be pushy and arrogant and obnoxious without it meaning he has feelings.”
“I know that. I’m sure Levi has been pushy and obnoxious without feelings plenty of times. But that’s not the truth right now.” She gave me an observant look. “I know you think your old parents are too blind and stupid to know what’s going on, but it’s pretty obvious that something’s been going on between the two of you.”
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