He kept his eyes on the doorway, unable to meet his wife’s hard stare. When Haley set the key in his outstretched hand, he promised to be back shortly and went up the stairs to face his sister. He needed to talk to her before she called their Mom. He wouldn’t keep this from his parents. Not now. They might end up being disappointed that he didn’t wait, but he was sure they’d understand. Hopefully better than Bekka did.
Once he reached her room at the end of the hall, he knocked. “I’ll give you to the count of ten to open up. I have the key and can get in anyway. You know I’m not leaving things like this, so don’t even think about pulling your stubborn card on me.”
Chapter Nineteen
Married. Stephen stared down at the black leather Bible still in his lap and ran his finger over the gilded letters of his friend’s name etched in the corner. Ethan G. Winters.
Married to the Texas Tornado, Haley Madison. Two weeks before he’d arrived from New York. Never a word mentioned.
Boy, how could he have not seen that coming?
“You hungry, sugar?”
He rubbed the ball of his palm against his tired eyes. “Coffee first?”
She smiled. “How kind of you to offer to make us some. Come on,” She jerked her head toward the door. “I’ll show you where I keep the beans and filters.”
While she set the casserole in the oven, Stephen prepared a pot of coffee. He tried not to think about what might be going on between Bekka and Ethan. How did she feel about this news? She’d not stayed around long enough for him to hear her response. He was still in dumbfounded shock over it himself. His best friend… married.
“Just hit the button.” Haley directed, bringing him out of his daze. She’d grabbed a stack of white plates from the cupboard and was working on setting the table.
“I know.” He flicked on the switch. “You expecting company?” She had at least eight plates in her hands.
“Not really. Sometimes Nick and Sage will stop in on their way to school.” She hesitated. “I forgot their classes are over now. They graduate in a few days. Then… oh my, the wedding will be here before I know it.” She glanced out the bay window. “So much to do. My brains have been so addled if I were to put them in a grasshopper he’d hop backwards.” Collecting the extra plates, she glanced over at him, a worried frown pinching her brows.
Laughter burst out before he could stop it. Haley was a hoot, he had to admit. She’d grown on him over the past few weeks. Bekka had been right, she did have a good heart.
“Listen, Haley, I owe you an apology. I know you heard some stupid stuff I said when I first came, but—”
“Water under the bridge.” She waved her hand dismissively at him. “I shook it off like Wally shakes off after a bath.” She replaced the plates and turned to him, her hand resting on her hip. “But I gotta know. Are you mad about… us?”
“Mad? You mean about you two sneaking off to get hitched?” He chuckled when she seemed to relax at his joke. “Surprised. Leave it to my twisted mind to assume the worst scenario first. Even though E-man isn’t that kind of guy. He probably never touched you before you said your vows, did he?”
She shook her head. “I kept telling him you weren’t some dumb steer that couldn’t get from one pen to another without being poked and prodded.”
“Riiight.” He chuckled then drawled, “You’re a peach, lady.”
She threw back her head and laughed. “Smooth talkin’ Yankees.”
The coffee had finished brewing, and he poured two cups for them. He still had Ethan’s Bible tucked under his arm, unsure what to do with it. The pages were folded in where he had questions. Maybe he should wait for things to settle down.
“What’cha have that ol’ Bible for?” Haley sweetened her cup and blew on the steamy liquid. “Isn’t that Ethan’s?”
“Yeah. I had questions about a few things I’ve read. It can wait.”
She rolled her eyes, a couple of shades brighter than his. Sometimes Haley reminded him of his own sister, Beth, with her pale blond curls and quick smile. Except his sister was softer than pianissimo and she rarely smiled anymore.
Haley went to the island and pulled out a stool for him. “Come over here and ask me while I chop up some veggies for my salsa.”
What did he have to lose? At least if he kept busy, his mind wouldn’t worry about what was going on upstairs between the Winters siblings. He started off opening the black leather book to Psalm 139, the very scripture that had stumped him last night. Bekka’s words still pounded on his heart, but he couldn’t get past the idea that it simply seemed too… simple. He must be missing something. Somewhere.
“Oh yeah, I like that one, too.” Haley pulled the cutting board closer to her and set to chopping a tomato into small chunks.
His fingers flipped the edges of the pages. “I can’t comprehend how this God of the universe can also be so personal. To care about our petty lives.”
“Yeah, I getcha. Even when I was trying to fix up that ol’ barn and get my life back in order… trying to do everything all by myself. He was right there waiting. Probably waiting for me to get out of the way.” She started talking about how when she’d first arrived, all she could think about was getting her restaurant business going in the big barn that Ethan’s recording studio now occupied. Then all her plans went up in smoke. Literally.
“Funny, how once you set aside your pride and your ideas, that the good Lord will flip your life all topsy-turvy. At least, He did for me. If you woulda asked me if this was how I saw things turning out back at the beginning of this year, I would have hooted like a startled owl. But, everything’s turning out much better than my sweetest dream.” The knife slid through the soft flesh of the tomato in the same way her words sliced through his doubts.
She insisted God was a good, kind, and loving being. “When I read in my Memaw’s old family Bible, I think that all the one’s God called his friends? They started out nothing more than a bunch of scoundrels. For real. But God loved them through their messy lives. I like reading about that. Gives me hope.”
Stephen’s heart raced with her words. He hugged the book to his chest thinking he had a lot more reading to do. Were there really others worse than him in the pages of the Bible? Could this all-powerful being really care about him and his messed up life?
Haley paused in her chopping and gave him a pointed look. “Can’t imagine my life without Him in it. Just cain’t.”
Stephen smiled at her as she set out a row of green bullet-shaped peppers on the board. “You really going to put that many jalapenos in? I like a little spice, but lady, are you trying to burn out our insides?”
With a roll of her eyes, she pushed a couple aside with the tip of her knife. “Forgot a moment.”
As she chopped the peppers, the smell hit him, and he eased the stool back a couple of inches. “Anyway, so how does someone get the good Lord to pay attention to him?”
“Oh, He’s paying attention, sugar. But He’s not pushy. If you want help, you have to ask for it. Just invite Him in.”
“Just like that?” He snapped his fingers and tried not to mock her drawl, but it ended up coming out in that tone anyway.
Haley poured the diced peppers into a bowl and went for the onion next. “Yes. Talk to Him like you’re talking to me. Just ask for what you want.” She set the knife down beside the onion quarters and turned to him expectantly.
“Like now?” Stephen asked, flabbergasted.
“What’cha want to wait for? Aren’t you tired of struggling on your own? Isn’t that why you’re asking all these questions?”
He nodded, but his mouth seemed to fuse together as if he’d drank down a bottle of glue.
“Would you like me to start?” She patted her hand against her chest. “If you don’t mind. I’ll pray for you. Consider it like an introduction, you know? Then, if you’re ready, you can ask Him what you want. The Bible says if two or more agree on something, He’ll be sure to hear it. So, I’ll be the ext
ra, right?”
The pungent scent of the onion burned his eyes. He scooted back a little more. Not wanting her to think he was rejecting her offer, he nodded and managed to say, “I’d like that.”
She set the towel over the cutting board and pushed it aside before grasping his hands. They bowed their heads and he closed his eyes, wondering if she could feel his slight trembling. His chest felt as if a vice were squeezing tight around his lungs.
“Hey Lord? I’ve had a sneaking suspicion You’ve been after ol’ Stephen here. Thing is, he has loads of questions. I bet You’ve seen how hard he’s been trying to do better, but a fella can only do so much. So, I’m coming to You with him. He’s having a hard time knowing what to say. But I know Stephen needs Your kindness in his life. Your help. He’s a good guy. I like him. I know You gotta love him even if he doesn’t see that yet.”
Stephen’s chest stung as if she’d taken that pepper covered knife and shoved it right into his heart. Heat seared along every nerve in his body until his throat clamped so tight he could hardly breathe. Deep down, he kept thinking that all he needed to do was what that surrender song said. Give up struggling and fighting. Ask this God to take his life. He wanted to, desperately. Stop the doubts and struggles. He wanted that peace he kept hearing about more than anything.
The words welled up like waves in a storm, pouring over the walls he’d built around himself. Those protective walls that kept out the hurt, that kept him from feeling, from allowing himself to care. The waves of emotion hit the wall like a mighty force, and he crumbled.
“Oh God,” he cried, “I need help….” For a moment he feared he’d fall right off the stool, but thin arms circled around his shoulders and held him tightly in place while he poured out his heart.
* * * *
Bekka leaned against the open balcony door. “It’s unlocked bonehead.” She hadn’t meant to storm up to her room in a temper tantrum like she had as a little girl. But even back then, hadn’t her little brother often followed her wanting to smooth things over, while she cried away her anger? She had no desire to cry today. There were decisions to make. Time to step out and make them.
Ethan quietly shut the door and closed the distance between them, arms cross over his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. At first, neither of us wanted anyone to know.”
“Why all the secrecy?” She stared out across the fields surrounding the house. Rolling green hills covered in tall spruce and beech trees gave way to the taller buildings in town, including the church’s spire, and in the farther distance, the cerulean lake. “And all the sneaking around? Over three weeks now. It makes no sense. Especially considering how much you hate for others to do that to you.” She glared at him pointedly, hoping he’d get the point. Hadn’t he been mad about her and Stephen keeping their relationship a secret back in high school?
“I don’t suppose it does.” He stared down at his loafers and leaned against the other side of the door frame. “Haley’s biggest argument over getting married in the first place was the fear that Mom would be disappointed. Let’s face it, Ma’s gone off the deep end with taking over all the planning.” He held up his hands. “Which we’re fine with, actually.”
Bekka couldn’t deny that. Ma had sent several picture texts or made calls at least once a week trying out ideas about the wedding decor. “She sent dress samples today. I guess she’s lost hope in me ever getting married.”
Ethan waved his hand dismissively. “No. She loves hosting parties. If Dad had let her work, I bet she would have made a great event planner.” He moved out onto the balcony and perched on the railing. “We mainly didn’t want to spoil Mom’s fun. I think Haley worries you guys will find some reason to not like her. And I’ll admit, only to you, we were also worried that people would think we were rushing things. But it seemed right. Since we’ve said our vows, we’ve accomplished so much more, working together.” His pinched brows seemed to implore her to understand.
In all actuality, she did understand his reasons for eloping. If only he’d extended her the same understanding when she was with Stephen before. But that was in the past, she reminded herself. The past was past. “I’ve been looking forward to having her as a sister-in-law. We have fun together.”
“Then what’s the problem? Why did you run off?”
“I needed a moment to think.” Bekka continued to watch the puffy white clouds drift across the cornflower colored sky. She turned away from the pretty little town.
He’d always been protective of those he cared about. She knew he did it out of brotherly love. But it was time for him to stop trying to micromanage her life choices. Now was her time to… fly. To figure things out for herself.
Opening a little shop here was not what she wanted. Maybe staying here was not how to go about finding out what she did want. No, she knew what she wanted, but that didn’t mean her heart-felt desire was right for her.
She finally met his waiting gaze. “Remember when you came home for Christmas full of ideas about what you wanted to do?”
He nodded.
“You didn’t consider asking what we thought about you buying the property and moving here, did you? You had your dreams locked in sight, and you were determined to find a way to go for them.”
“You’re right.”
“So, why is that okay for you? But when it comes to my life, you are first in line to give your opinion? Or intervene?” She had no intention of letting him spew excuses. He had none she cared to hear. She’d finally put everything together. “You’re interfering now, just as you did before, aren’t you?” She pushed off the door frame. “Stephen was concerned about your reaction to me making that trip with him yesterday. Nervous, if I think about it, though he played it off well.” Pointing at his chest, she asked, “You’re the reason Stephen walked away from me before, aren’t you?”
His Adams apple bobbed as he gave one nod. “You have no idea what a mess his life was. Still is.”
“Yes, I did! And I still do. Every time his mother flaunted a new relationship in his father’s face, Stephen told me about it. Just as he told you. He was my friend too. And more.”
“If that was the case,” Ethan stood and moved closer until they were nose to nose. “Then why didn’t you two let the rest of us know you were so in love with each other?” He hooked his fingers at the words in love. “Is it because he talked you out of it? Because maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t—”
“I asked him not to. I’d talked to Mom about him, but that was all. You know how Dad was about me dating. Stephen had so much turmoil in his life. We wanted to take our time without anyone’s interfering opinions. Surely, brother, you can understand that now.”
“Mom knew?”
Bekka nodded.
His tongue ran over his lip. After a couple of blinks, he cringed. “I’m a hypocrite.”
The horrified expression drawing his brows together caused a pang of pity in her heart. “Not intentionally. But, Ethan, it’s time to let me make my own decisions. I don’t need you to shield me. Never did, really.”
“I-I know.” He rubbed at his creased forehead. “What a jerk I’ve been. A prideful, hypocritical—”
She held up her hand to stop him.
He ducked his head. “I never wanted you to be hurt, sis. Truth is, I made Stephen back off. He wanted to go after you when you left for college and I…I made sure he couldn’t do that. And I’ve been close to doing it again, but your sister-in-law…” He shook his head with a roll of his eyes. “She told me to stop being a nosy nelly, or something like that. And, well, turns out she’s right.”
“That’s what I thought must have happened. When Stephen told me that you were right and he wasn’t good for me, I knew it must have been you who pushed him away. All these years I thought it was something I’d done. I couldn’t understand how he could say he loved me one moment, and then pretend I didn’t exist.”
Moving across the room, she opened the top of her laptop and brought it
out of sleep mode. “Truth of the matter is, we’re not in high school anymore, yet you still feel it’s your responsibility to decide what’s good and what’s not good for me.” She slipped in the jump drive and saved a copy of her work to it. “I love you for caring so much, but we’re grown-ups now and have our own lives. Time to let me choose my own way. The only opinion I want right now is the Lord’s. I’ve been praying so hard. Trying to hear. If you start giving me your input…”
“But maybe I can help you come to a decision. He put us in the same family for a reason, don’t you think?”
Bekka watched the little bar move across the screen. “I need to figure this out on my own. That includes my feelings for Stephen.” She looked into his concerned eyes. “I’ve never gotten over him, Ethan. And trust me, I’ve tried. But I…”
His brows puckered. “He’s my best friend. And will probably continue to be my business partner. I’m not sure what will happen to us if he hurts you. He’s not—”
“He’s trying. Even you have to see how hard he’s tried to change. More than ever he needs your guidance. You know him better than anyone. I love him, but … She shook her head, unsure how to explain.
“You really love him?” Ethan asked, his voice slightly cracked.
She nodded.
He grabbed her arm and turned her so she had to face him. “I’m sorry. I mean it. I’m so sorry I never bothered to ask you before. I was angry at the time. Never even crossed my mind to ask. All I kept thinking was that my best friend was taking advantage of my sister.”
“He wasn’t.” Removing the loaded flash drive, she set it into his hand. “The video is done. You and Stephen can plug that into the computer and watch it on the big screen at the barn. Look it over and I’ll make any final adjustments you need.”
“Okay.” He took the memory stick and tucked it into his pocket. “We’ll go later and watch it together.”
Raining Fools (Madison Creek Bed & Breakfast Book 2) Page 20