Lydia cleared her throat. “Gianna, this is Holt. Holt, meet Gianna.”
“Nice to meet you,” Gianna said.
“Likewise,” Holt said, smiling. “Sorry to barge in like that.”
“Please.” Gianna waved a hand and grabbed her purse. “It’s fine. I’m leaving, anyway, so you guys will have the place to yourselves.”
Lydia smiled. “See you later.”
“You too.” She wiggled her fingers as she slipped out into the hallway. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Once she was gone, Lydia stared at Holt, who cleared his throat. “She seems nice.”
“She is.” Lydia tapped her fingers on her thigh and peeked out the door. “What were you saying earlier about not being done?”
“Oh. Right.” He reached down for something on the floor in the hallway, but didn’t pick it up. “You have been good to me when I’ve been cranky, surly, and at times…standoffish. So when I saw this, and it made me think of you, I just had to get it. As a thank you.”
She blinked, holding a hand to her heart. “Okay. You didn’t have to get me anything, though. I took care of you because…” I care about you. “…it was the right thing to do.”
“And so was this. You deserve to be treated like a princess, Lyd.” Swallowing hard, he pulled a big box out of the hallway. “This is only a tiny thing in comparison.”
She reached out with trembling hands and took the box. It was wide and not all that heavy. She sat on the couch and ripped it open, more eager than a child on Christmas morning to discover what Holt had gotten her. She couldn’t wait to see how—
“Oh my God.” When she lifted the last piece of cardboard, she gasped out loud in delight. “It’s Rose and Ten! On the wall! In parallel worlds!”
Holt relaxed, a grin taking over his previously intense expression as he’d watched her open the present. “Yep. I remembered you saying you liked that moment…”
Heart racing, she stared down at the drawing, blinking back tears. He’d gotten her a lovely depiction of her favorite couple from Doctor Who, in her favorite scene. The fact that he’d remembered her passing remark about this being her favorite part of the show made her heart melt. Heck, it made her melt.
She should literally be a puddle of goo at his feet right now.
“This is…” She trailed her fingers over the glass, staring down at David Tennant and Billie Piper. “Perfect. It’s just perfect. Thank you.”
He sat beside her and rested a hand on her thigh. “No, thank you. For way too long, I’ve believed that being alone was the thing for me. That I couldn’t trust anyone, or let anyone in. But then I met you, and for the first time ever…I want to do it. I want to let you in.”
She gripped the picture frame. “You mean…like, a real couple or something?”
“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know.” He clasped her hand, entwining his fingers with hers. “I’m a hot fucking mess. I get migraines and nightmares, and I don’t really believe in happy endings for guys like me. I’ve done horrible things I will never talk about.”
“Holt…” she whispered, her heart wrenching. “You know—”
He held his hand up. “And, yes, I know you deserve more than I can give you, but will you be mine anyway?”
She blinked rapidly, fighting to keep the tears back, and set the picture down on the table safely. Turning to him, she framed his face with both of her hands. “Y-Yes. I’d love to be yours, but just so you know? I already was.”
He dragged her onto his lap and kissed her, just as he’d done plenty of times before. But this time it felt different. As his mouth melded to hers, she melted into him, and figured out why it felt different. This kiss was filled with wonder and tenderness.
And so much more.
When he ended the kiss, he pulled back and smiled at her. “So it’s official, then? We’re dating?”
“I guess so,” she said, running her thumb over his cheekbone. “Now what do we do? Tell people?”
He groaned. “Can we not? I just know that this is all so new to me, and having your brother glaring over my shoulder as I try to figure out the way to be a good boyfriend…”
Part of her felt let down that he didn’t want to tell anyone, like she was some dirty little secret or something, but the other part of her understood. Mostly.
“Then we won’t tell anyone,” she said, forcing a smile. “But at some point, provided you decide to stick around, we’re going to have to let people know.”
He looked more relieved at being let off the hook than she would have liked. “Okay, good. And we will tell them, eventually. I promise.”
“Right.” She swallowed hard and focused on the picture again, trying to ignore the part of her that was upset. “Sounds good.”
He captured her chin and turned it toward him. “Hey, why so sad?”
“I’m not sad,” she said quickly.
“Yes, you are. Don’t lie to me.” His fingers flexed on her chin. “You want to tell Steven. That’s what it is, right?”
She bit down on her lip. “Yeah. It’s just…it almost feels like you’re hiding me because you’re ashamed. Like you don’t want to admit you like his annoying little sister, or whatever.”
“No. That’s not it at all.” He shook his head and sighed. “If anything, it’s the other way around. I know you deserve better than me, and you can bet your ass Steven knows, too. Not to mention the fact that he specifically told me to stay the hell away from you. There’s that, too.”
She winced. “I know, and I get the bro-code. I do. But…if you really want to be with me…”
“I’d tell him,” he finished flatly.
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
He let go of her and dragged his hands down his face. “All right. I’ll do it tomorrow at lunch. It’s a Friday, so it’ll give him the whole weekend to get over his urge to kill me before I see him again.”
“Really?” she asked, her heart picking up speed. “Want me to be there?”
“No.” He blew out a breath. “I think this is something that’s better done on my own, in case he decides to kill me right away. You won’t want to watch that.”
She winced. “He won’t kill you.”
“Yeah, he probably will.” A grin lit up his face, and he yanked on her legs till she was flat on her back on the couch. Without wasting a second, he was on her, his body covering hers. “But it’ll be worth every single moment of pain. You’re worth it.”
And then he kissed her again.
Chapter Fourteen
An hour later, Lydia curled up with Holt in bed and yawned. After what they’d just done, she’d be limping for a few days, to say the least. But she’d be limping with a huge smile on her face. And maybe a sore butt cheek…
But again. Totally worth it.
She stared at her phone, nibbling on her lower lip. She’d finally come to a decision…mostly. She wasn’t going to take the job in Delaware. Yes, it was a wonderful opportunity. One she was lucky to have. But she didn’t want to live in Delaware.
Didn’t want to leave her family.
Steven had been overseas fighting for the past five years, and she’d barely seen him during that time, had never known if he was alive or dead…or worse, captured. Now he was back, and he wasn’t going anywhere. So why would she want to move away and miss out on being with him? He was the only family she had left. She didn’t want to leave him, no matter how great the opportunity might be.
Plus, even though she and Holt were just starting out, she did like him. She wouldn’t stay for him, but staying here would let her get to know him better.
Holt was simply the icing on the cake.
“You all right?” Holt asked, kissing the top of her head. “You’re being quiet. That’s an anomaly all by itself, but you’re also sighing.”
“I’m fine. Just…thinking.”
He tugged on a piece of her hair. “About…?”
“Us. Life. Choices.” She rested her chin on his c
hest and studied him, her concentration turning to his scars. “All sorts of things, really.”
He followed her line of vision, a frown coming over his face. “Like my scars.”
“Well, yeah.” She blew her hair out of her face. “It’s something I think about. I’m not going to lie. Not the scars, per se, but the things that caused them…and the ones I can’t see.”
He stiffened. “They’re just marks from war. Nothing else.”
“I know.” She bit down on her lower lip. “But they are more. I can see the shadows that haunt you. I’m not blind, you know.”
“Yeah, and they’re going to stay where they belong—behind me. Buried and hidden and mine. Just mine.” He shifted away from her, both mentally and physically. “They come with the nightmares, and the headaches, and the episodes.”
She knelt beside him, refusing to back down. “I know. And it’s all a part of you.”
“Yeah, the bad parts,” he muttered. “Stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you want to fix me.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I can’t be fixed with a tender conversation and a kiss. This is me. This is what you get. The good and the bad.”
“I know that,” she said, pressing her mouth into a tight line. “I wasn’t implying I could fix you. As a matter of fact, I don’t even think you need to be fixed at all.”
He snorted. “Yeah, you do. That’s a lie.”
“I think you should tell people about your migraines, but that’s about it.”
He glowered at her. “So I can get fired for being unable to do my job properly? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.”
“You might not get fired, though.” She curled her hands in her lap, forcing herself to remain still, because he kept pulling away from her when she pushed too hard. “Maybe, just maybe, your boss would understand, and give you time off when you needed it. If you rested when the episodes started up, instead of working through them, I bet they’d be more manageable. And you just might be more useful to him in the long run.”
“I’m sure they would be very manageable,” he said sarcastically. “Because I’d be out of a job half the month. Something tells me that Cooper, no matter how understanding he might be, wouldn’t be okay with that. Just…just leave it, Lyd.”
She held her hands up. “Fine. But you act like your condition is something to be ashamed of. Like your injuries are this awful thing you have to hide.”
“Because they are.” He stood up and grabbed his pants, stepping into them angrily. “You have no idea what I went through. What I did.”
“You’re right. I don’t, because you’ve told me in no uncertain terms that you’ll never talk to me about it. And that’s fine. I would never force you to talk about something if you didn’t want to.” She crossed her arms, watching him dress. “But you can’t throw it in my face how I don’t understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”
He yanked his shirt over his head. “Obviously, you want to know all about it. Or we wouldn’t be fighting about it.”
Wait, what? “We’re not fighting.” She grabbed his hand. “We’re not—”
He snorted. “I might not know much about relationships, but I know a fucking fight when I see one.”
He’s right. We’re totally fighting. “Holt—”
“And I also know that fights always end with the man giving in, so fine. You…you want to hear all the gory details? Want to hear how I watched every single guy around me die? Want to hear how the one guy I was friends with, who I was closest with, begged me to finish him off as he bled out on the field?” Shoving his arms into his sleeves, he glared at her through his glasses. As he’d spoken, his voice got louder and louder until he was practically shouting at her. “The animals were howling in the woods, so he knew it was only a matter of time till they came looking for food. And he didn’t want to be alive for it.”
Her stomach turned at the thought of what he’d gone through. What he’d seen…and yes, done. It wasn’t too hard to guess whether or not he’d done what his friend had asked. “Holt…”
“I did it, you know. I put him out of his misery. I killed him.” He locked gazes with her and sat down. “I did it because he asked me to, and I’d expect someone to do the same thing for me if I asked. But I have nightmares. Every. Fucking. Night. I relive it, every night. So why the hell would I want to tell you about it, so you can relive it, too? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Especially not you.”
She crawled across the bed and onto his lap. Straddling him, she hugged him. Just…hugged him. Because he seemed like he really needed a hug, and she wished she hadn’t started this conversation in the first place. “I’m so sorry. So sorry you had to do that, and even sorrier that I kind of, sort of, forced you to tell me.”
For a second, his arms hovered at his sides, as if he didn’t know how to hug someone back. But then closed his arms around her and squeezed, letting out a broken breath. He buried his face in her neck and shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I…I didn’t mean to.”
“Shh.” She rubbed his back, not daring to move. Not just then. He’d opened up to her, and then he’d stayed. That was huge, and she knew it. “It’s okay.”
He set his hands on her shoulders and tugged her back. “It’s not…not really. You have a right to know, if we’re going to make this thing between us real. You should know how much of a mess you’re getting into.”
Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Okay. Yeah. But I don’t think you’re a mess. And I never will. I think you’ve been through a lot, seen a lot, but that doesn’t make you a mess. Or a bad guy. It makes you a hero.”
He flexed his jaw. “Hell no. I’m not one of those.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree.” She forced a smile. “Because you’ll never get me to change my mind.”
“Now that you know what I did—who I am—do you…?” He cleared his throat and swallowed. “Do you still want to try this? Because I’m not kidding when I say I have nightmares. I do.”
Her heart twisted, but she forced her smile to remain firmly in place. “I drool. A lot.”
“Uh?” he blinked. “That’s not even close to the same thing.”
Shaking her head, she somehow managed to look dead serious. “Sure it is. Wait till you roll over into a puddle of it in the middle of the night. Then say that it’s not a deal breaker for you.”
For a second, he stared at her. Then he laughed, and all of the worry and tension faded away. “Shit. What the hell am I getting myself into?”
“I don’t know. You might want to run while you can.”
“Uh uh.” He tugged her until she laid flat on her back, and trailed his fingers down her bare skin. In all the emotions of the past few minutes, she’d forgotten that she was naked…while he no longer was. “I don’t scare off that easily.”
Her muscles clenched at his touch. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He splayed his hand across her stomach. “It might be crazy to think that something like this could actually work, but you’re stuck with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Why would it be crazy?” she asked softly. He watched her, but wasn’t really there. He seemed lost in thought. “What’s so crazy about us being together?”
“You’re shiny and clean. Wholesome and new.” Gently, he trailed his thumb over her lower lip. “And I’m…not. Not even close. The two pieces don’t fit together.”
She shook her head. “That’s where I think you’re wrong.”
“That doesn’t make you right.”
“One of us is,” she argued, flicking her tongue out at his thumb. “It might as well be me.”
His thumb pressed against her mouth. “Might as well be.” Leaning down, he kissed her. By the time he pulled back, she was even more certain she was right. He lay down beside her again, staring up at the unmoving ceiling fan. “Lydia?”
She blinked sleepily. “Yeah?”
“Thank
you.” His fingers tightened on her. “Thank you…for making me talk. And for listening, without judging.”
“I’d never judge you for something you’ve done. Or anything you do.”
He flexed his jaw. “You have no idea what you’re saying right now.”
“Actually, I do. And I mean every word.”
Sighing, he rolled to his feet and stood. “I have to go. You should get some rest.”
“Can’t you stay?” she asked, leaning up on an elbow. “You don’t have to leave…”
“I-I have work to do,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But we’ll talk tomorrow after…you know. Okay?”
She bit her lip and nodded. For some reason, it felt as if he was leaving her for good…instead of for tonight. “Okay.”
“Don’t look so sad.” Leaning down, he pressed a fleeting kiss to her lips. “After tomorrow, the hard part will be over. Steven will know, and I’ll be free to…well, shit. I don’t know. Walk with you in the streets. Whatever people do when they announce they’re a couple.”
Her lips twitched. “The same thing you’ve done with other girlfriends.”
“Nothing else scared you away, but this might. You see…I’ve never really had one before,” he admitted, rubbing his jaw. “But I’ll figure out what that all means after I tell Steven.”
She blinked at him. “Wait. You’ve never had a girlfriend before? Like…ever?”
“Ever. I told you that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into,” he muttered, avoiding looking at her. “Still want me to tell Steven?”
Swallowing hard, she nodded. “Of course. But can I ask one more question?”
“Yeah…”
“Why haven’t you had a girlfriend?”
“As a kid, I was kind of nerdy.” He rolled his eyes. “As if you didn’t guess as much from my love for all things geeky.”
She smiled. “Okay. And as an adult?”
“Well, I never met someone who made me want to settle down.” He gazed at her. “Not until you.”
Her heart skipped a few beats. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh.” He fisted his hands at his hips, staring her down, his whole body tense. He looked like he might snap if he tensed even a little bit more. “I like you, Lyd.”
Taking What's His (Entangled Brazen) Page 12