I laughed, blushing as I hugged the pad to my chest. “If you’re thinking that it’s some dark and horrible drawing that shows my inner turmoil, you’re wrong.”
There was no way I wanted him to know I was obsessing over this little girl, because technically, that meant I was obsessing over him and I didn’t want to scare him away from me. I needed him now; I didn’t want to go back to my life before him – alone and scared. I shuddered at the thought. I suddenly realised that I’d already done what I said I wouldn’t do. I’d let him in. I liked him, cared about him even. Plus, I hadn’t had nightmares for days because of him. What on earth was I going to do in eight months when it came to the end of his assignment and he left me to go make some other girl deliriously happy? The thought alone hurt, and I’d only known him for a few days. What about when I’d known him for eight months? What would I do then?
Panic built inside me because I’d unknowingly made myself vulnerable by letting him close to me – but the thing was, I wouldn’t actually change anything. I liked being around him, and I liked the person that he allowed me to be when I was around him. It was a glimpse of the old Anna, the one that was too frightened to make another appearance in case something went terribly wrong again. Ashton was slowly bringing that lonely, frightened girl back to life again. And I hadn’t even realised until just now. I suddenly found myself wishing he would stay forever. I didn’t want him to go and be reassigned somewhere else and get a girlfriend, I wanted him all to myself so I’d always have this contented, comfortable, safe feeling surrounding me.
“Anna?” he prompted, touching my foot tenderly.
I gulped, swallowing my feelings that didn’t quite make sense to me. “What?” I answered, unsure what he wanted from me. Maybe he’d been talking to me while I was off trying to make sense of my emotions.
“I said, are you really okay? You ran off right after we kissed, and now you’re all quiet and distant with me. Are you wishing that didn’t happen?” he questioned, dipping his head so that my eyes had to meet his.
Again, I didn’t know the answer. “I’m fine. It’s all just complicated. I can’t explain my feelings to you, I don’t know how I feel,” I admitted. I chewed on my lip nervously. My answer was the truth – how could I explain something that I didn’t even understand myself?
He stood and looked down at me worriedly. “Well, if you need to talk to me, I’m here to listen, anytime.”
I smiled gratefully at his back as he stalked to the door. “Ashton?” I called, needing to say something else, because it didn’t feel right leaving it like that. He turned at the door, looking at me quizzically. “Thank you.” The words seemed right, and the only ones that I could think of.
His answering smile was dazzling, and my tummy fluttered again. “No problem, ma’am,” he replied. I groaned as he shut the door behind him. How on earth can one word be so hot when it comes out of his mouth? How can one word make my insides melt? It just isn’t fair.
Chapter Seventeen
~ Ashton ~
For an hour, Dean and I planned out our positioning, ready for the first day of school. We’d gone over pretty much everything three times, but you couldn’t be too prepared in my opinion. I’d also memorised the map of the school so that I knew where all the exits and meeting points were, just in case.
Over breakfast, I’d gone through the rules with Anna. She’d agreed to them all, not protesting, and actually looking a little happy with them. I’d insisted on a few changes to her normal routine which she seemed quite happy about. For one thing, no one knew who I was, so while the boyfriend cover worked, we were going to play it to the maximum. Dean would be in plain clothes the whole time, not even acknowledging us unless there was a huge problem that I couldn’t resolve amicably. I had my gun and police credentials with me, but I was praying they wouldn’t ever need to be of use, because that meant that Carter would never find where she is.
The school knew of our situation and that I wasn’t actually a college student, so I wasn’t going to be expected to hand in any masterpieces – which was handy considering I couldn’t draw.
Anna had agreed, finally, to stay with me at all times – even bathroom breaks where I’d have to stand outside and wait for her. We’d already agreed that I could kiss her a couple of times throughout the day so that the boyfriend story stuck. She’d even consented to trying to meet up with the friends that we’d made over the weekend for lunch so that we could integrate with society better and move easier through the crowd.
Of course, Anna had scolded me a few times at how seriously I was taking this whole operation. She’d called it “going overboard.” She’d accused me of acting too much like a SWAT officer rather than secret service, but I’d let it slide. She didn’t know about Carter and his letters; if she did, then she wouldn’t be as hostile about being guarded. She’d promised to be on her best behaviour and let me deal with any issues so that she wouldn’t be kicked out of yet another school. I had high hopes for her at this one, hopefully my arrangements would allow her to finish her course and start to take a hold on her anger and insecurities that she had deep-rooted inside her.
While she was getting dressed, I put my hands on my hips and did a few stretches. My body was really starting to protest about sleeping on the floor, but thankfully I’d received an email last night saying that the sofa bed would be delivered this afternoon. Peter was going to take delivery of it for me, so at least I’d have something soft to sleep on tonight, which would hopefully make me feel less like an old man.
When the door handle of the bedroom moved, my stomach seemed to twist into a knot. I frowned and shook my head at myself. I knew I had it bad now, but this was bordering on ridiculous. I was so excited to see her, yet I’d only seen her over breakfast forty minutes ago. This didn’t bode well for me.
As she stepped into the kitchen with a tentative, nervous smile on her face, my heart seemed to stop. She looked so hot that my mouth actually started to water. My eyes slid down her frame, taking it all in slowly as she played with her fingers and chewed on her lip, waiting for my opinion on her outfit. The insecurity about wearing normal clothes was clearly still there.
I gulped. The black shorts she wore came to about mid-thigh, showing off her long, gorgeous legs. My hands were itching to trace the line of them and feel the soft skin under my fingers. The tight, black top she had on clung to her flat stomach and pert breasts, showing a sexy, red bra-strap. The loose fit, red chequered shirt over the top completed the outfit and made her look so sexy it was starting to hurt as my jeans constricted across the crotch.
Stop, Ashton, focus! She’s looking at you, you need to say something. You look like an idiot!
“Er… You look, er…” I stuttered. Come on you stupid prick, think of a word!
She raised one eyebrow in question as she looked down at herself and straightened her shirt. Clearly, she had no idea that she looked like a goddess and that all I wanted to do was crush her against me and run my tongue over every inch of her. I mentally groaned. I wanted to beg her for a chance; I wanted to be with her so badly that I could almost taste it.
I took a deep breath and tried to stop embarrassing myself. “You look stunning, and you’re going to make this hard for me all day,” I said honestly. There was undeniably a double meaning to those words, she certainly was going to make me hard all day, that was for sure.
Her shoulders seemed to relax at my compliment, and she looked at me gratefully. “Hard for you, why?” she asked, turning to get a glass of juice from the fridge.
I groaned quietly. From the back you couldn’t see the shorts; it looked like she was just wearing a shirt and ankle boots. Oh man, how the heck am I going to be able to do my job with her looking like that? Maybe I should ask her to change... Can I ask her to change without making myself look like a freaking pervert?
“Ashton? How is it going to be hard for you? What are you talking about?” she asked, interrupting my examination of her legs.
<
br /> I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down downstairs. “You’re gonna get hit on a lot today,” I admitted.
She turned back and held out a glass of apple juice to me, making her bangles jingle as she moved. I smiled down at them weakly. I’d noticed that whenever she wore short sleeves, she always wore something on her wrists, covering up the scar from her suicide attempt and the various other small scars on her wrist where she had obviously self-harmed at some point in her life.
When she boosted herself up onto the kitchen counter, my body moved of its own accord. I stepped closer to her, setting myself between her legs. Her minty breath blew across my face as her breathing started to speed up. Her eyes widened a fraction as I leant in closer.
“With you looking like this, I may have to kiss you a fair few times today,” I warned. I kept my eyes trained on hers, watching for her reaction as I reached out and traced the line of her cheekbone with one finger.
Her breath seemed to catch in her throat as she nodded slightly. “If you think that’s necessary,” she replied, not taking her eyes from mine.
I could feel the passion building between us and I knew she could feel it too because of the way she was looking at me. That look made the hair on the nape of my neck stand on end. There was no denying that she was attracted to me too, but she didn’t like the fact that she was, I knew that for sure.
“With you looking like this, Baby Girl, I think it’s going to be very, very necessary.” My voice was so husky and thick with lust that it was almost embarrassing.
Her knees tightened around my hips as her gaze flicked down to my lips. All I could envision was pressing my lips to hers and tasting her again as I pressed every inch of my body against hers. Before anything could happen though and I could act on what my instincts were telling me to do, there was a knock at the door. My heart sank because I knew that the intimate moment was over. I seriously needed to get a grip on myself.
“That’ll be Dean,” I whispered, not taking my eyes from hers. “Are you ready to go?”
She blinked a couple of times as if coming out of a daze, and then nodded, clenching her teeth together. It was almost as if she was mentally scolding herself for allowing me close to her or something. She did that a lot after we’d almost had a ‘moment’.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” she confirmed. “Do you have your iPod? You’ll need it.”
~ Anna ~
As the rental car headed towards the school, I could still feel the residual ebb of the sexual tension from the apartment. I had no idea how he did it, but one smouldering look from Ashton seemed to reduce me to a needy, quivering mess.
I flicked my eyes over to him, trying to be discreet as I watched the way his muscles tensed in his arms while he drove. He looked particularly irresistible today. He was wearing blue again – I liked him in blue. My teeth sank into my bottom lip as a thousand lustful thoughts of him seemed to hit me at once. Clear as day, I could remember the feel of his skin under my hands, the taste of his tongue, and the sensations that his lips created with the smallest of kisses. A wistful sigh escaped my lips as I forced my eyes away from him, looking out of the windshield instead. I needed to stop this because it wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair on Jack for me to keep lusting after another man.
After another five minutes, we pulled into the campus parking lot. Ashton turned to me. His eyes were stern and warning, just as they had been this morning when we’d discussed the rules of him guarding me. “Wait there for me to come around and get you. You stay with me at all times.”
I nodded in agreement, trying to keep my breathing steady. This was my last attempt at school because I wasn’t going to start over again. I was really going to try hard this time, just like I’d promised Jack I would. Hopefully, Ashton would make that possible with all the changes that he’d made to my usual routine.
As he opened my door for me, I took a deep breath and took his offered hand, closing my fingers around his tightly. He smiled reassuringly. “You’ll be fine,” he whispered, pulling me to my feet gently. “This’ll be fun, and I’ll look after you. You trust me, don’t you?” he asked, bending his knees so that his emerald green eyes met mine.
An involuntary smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “I trust you with my life, Ashton.” That was the honest truth. He was the only one that made me feel safe, but I didn’t know why, there was just something about him that told me that I could put my faith in him.
A dazzling, proud grin spread across his face as his arm slipped around my shoulder, pulling me to him as he guided me across the parking lot and towards the large campus building in front of us. As we walked past people, I pressed against his side, trying to melt into him as inquisitive glances were cast in our direction. The tension was practically radiating off him in droves as he discreetly surveyed the area. Dean was doing the same thing about a hundred yards off to my right. I smiled because no one was paying the slightest bit of attention to my far guard, which meant that maybe the undercover thing would work here like Ashton kept assuring me.
A group of girls fell silent as we walked passed, all of them eyeing Ashton like he was their next meal. “You could get a lot of action here, Pretty Boy,” I teased, shaking my head in awe. He wasn’t even trying, yet it looked like girls were willing to throw themselves at his feet.
His forehead creased with a frown as he shook his head. “I’m not interested in any of these girls, Anna.” His tone was a little brisk, as if I should have known better or something. He opened the door to the building and pulled me inside with him. “Come on then, let’s get to our first class,” he whispered, guiding me down the hallways as if he knew exactly where he was going.
“Don’t we need to go to the office first? How do you even know where our first class is?” I asked, confused. Usually I had to book in at the office and someone gave me a tour of the school before showing me the way to my classes.
“They sent me everything already, and I spoke to the dean this morning while you were getting dressed. Plus, I have the map, remember? You know, the one I was looking at this morning when you said I was taking this too far,” he mocked, smirking at me.
I laughed, slipping my arm around his waist. “Okay, I guess your memory will come in handy for finding our way around then.”
He stopped walking, pulling me to a stop too. “Wow, that’s almost an apology.”
More people were watching us now. I shook my head in rejection. “No it wasn’t, I don’t do apologies very often,” I denied, shrugging and narrowing my eyes at him teasingly.
He grinned, cupping my face gently as he stepped closer to me, so close that my skin prickled with sensation. “Oh, I know that,” he purred as his mouth closed over mine, claiming my lips in a kiss that made my tummy flutter with excitement.
Waves of desire crashed over me; they were so powerful that I was surprised we were still standing. I moaned in the back of my throat and wrapped my arms tight around his neck, trying to get closer to him, tangling my fingers in his soft hair. When he nibbled on my lip, wanting to deepen the kiss, I kissed him with everything I had in me. The passion from the kitchen was spilling over as he ran his hands down my back, gripping fistfuls of my shirt, clamping me to him. A small moan escaped his lips that set my heart soaring.
I wanted him. I needed him. When Ashton’s mouth was on my body, everything felt right and whole again, like all of that awful stuff with Carter hadn’t happened. But the kiss didn’t seem enough for me, I wanted more. I wanted him to lavish attention on my body like he had done that one time at my parent’s house. I wanted him to make me feel like that special, beautiful girl that he looked at with those sultry eyes that shone with desire. My whole body ached for it.
By the time he pulled away, my head was spinning with need. He pressed his forehead against mine, still holding me against him as our breathing slowed to normal. His eyes that met mine were dancing with excitement too. He looked like he was fighting for control. I could see the conflict across
his face; he wanted to drag me to the nearest supply closet too, just like I was silently envisioning.
“What was that for?” I whispered, raising my chin and brushing my nose against his softly.
He swallowed loudly as his hand slid down my back, coming to rest on the small of my back. “Just wanted everyone here to know that you’re mine.”
Mine. The word made a shiver of something run down my spine as I pressed myself closer to him. “Why don’t you just take me against the wall or something then with everyone watching?” I joked.
A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he dipped his head towards mine. “Gladly.” His lips met mine again, and I sagged against him in contentment. The kiss didn’t deepen though, it was just a little chaste kiss before he stepped back and ran his hand down my arm, taking my hand and interlacing our fingers. “We should get to class before we’re late.”
I swallowed the lust that had built inside me and nodded in agreement, letting him give me a gentle, little tug to get me moving again. Now that I was out of the little bubble that he seemed to create around me, I could see people watching us again. Clearly, being new and having a major make-out session in the middle of the hallway was drawing peoples’ interest. As we walked, I tried my best to ignore the stares and whispers. I cringed into Ashton’s side as a couple of guys let their eyes wander over me just that little too long.
Finally, after lots of twists and turns, he stopped outside a classroom. I peeked in, seeing people already sitting on desks, chatting amongst themselves as they waited for lessons to start. The teacher was perched on the edge of her desk, sipping coffee. I scanned her, making my estimations of how good she would be. She was thin and wearing all black and her brown hair, flecked with the occasional grey, was pulled back into a severe ponytail. If I had to guess, I would put her at mid-fifties. She looked friendly enough, and just the right amount of eccentric to teach art at college.
Guarding the Broken: (Nothing Left to Lose, Part 1) (Guarded Hearts) Page 23