CHAPTER EIGHT
THE SLOT ON the door opened and lunch was delivered. Niklas ate beans and rice. It was tepid and bland and there were no herbs to pick out, but he was hungry and cleared his plate in silence.
His cellmate did the same.
It was how they both survived.
He refused to let the constant noise and shouts from other inmates rile him. He made no comment or complaint about the bland food and the filth. From the first day he had arrived here, apart from the odd necessary word, he had been silent, had conformed to the system though some of the guards had tried to goad him.
As he had entered the jail they had told him of the cellmate they had for him, of the beatings he could expect. They’d told the rich boy just how bad things would be in there for him as he’d removed his suit and shoes and then his watch and jewellry before they searched him and then hosed him.
Niklas had said nothing.
He had been hosed many times before.
There was no mirror to look in, so after his hair was shaved he’d just run a hand over his head. He wore the rough denim without real thought. He had worn harsher clothes and been filthier and hungrier than this on many occasion.
Niklas was streetwise. He had grown up in the toughest place and survived it. He had come from nothing and he’d returned to nothing—as he had always silently feared that he would. This anonymous, brutal world was one that he belonged in, and the one he truly deserved. Perhaps this was actually his home, Niklas had realised—not ten thousand feet in the air, swigging champagne as caviar popped in his mouth; not considering a home in the mountains and a family to take care of. He had been a fool to glimpse it, a fool to let down his guard, for those things were not his to know.
Assets frozen, friends and colleagues doubting him… The eventual snap of cuffs on his wrists had provided temporary relief as Niklas went back to the harsh world he had known one day would reclaim him. He’d returned to another system and navigated it seemingly with ease. But the temporary relief had soon faded and a sense of injustice had started to creep in. His head felt as if it would explode at times, and his body was so wired that he was sure he could rip the bars from the cell window with his bare hands or catch bullets with his teeth—but then, as he had long ago taught himself to, he simply turned those thoughts off.
Not for a second did he show his anger, and rarely did he speak.
His cellmate was one the most feared men in the prison. He ran the place and had contacts both inside and out. The guards had thought it would be like two bulls put in the same paddock. The motto of São Paulo was I am not led. I lead. So they had put the rich boy who led the business world in with the man who led the inmates and had waited for sobs from Dos Santos. But Niklas had held Fernando’s eyes and nodded when he had been placed in his cell. He had said good evening and got no answer, and from that point on Niklas had said nothing more to him. He had ignored his cellmate—as suited Fernando, as suited him—and over the months the tension had dissipated. The silence between the two inmates was now amicable; both men respected the other’s privacy, in a friendship of no words.
Niklas finished his lunch. He would exercise soon.
They had not been let out to the yard in over a week, so in a moment he would use the floor to exercise. He paced himself, sticking to routines to hold onto his mind. For while he slotted in with the system, while he followed the prison rules, more and more he was starting to reject them. Inside a slow anger had long been building and it was one that must not explode, because he wanted to be here when his trial date was set—did not want solitary till then.
He lay on his bunk and tried not to build up too much hope that he might be bailed in a fortnight, when he appeared for the pre-trial hearing. Miguel had told him that he thought bail was unlikely—there were too many high-profile people involved who did not want him to have freedom.
‘But there is no one involved,’ Niklas had pointed out at their last meeting. ‘Because I did not do anything. That is what you are supposed to prove.’
‘And we will,’ Miguel said.
‘Where’s Rosa?’ Niklas had asked to see Rosa at this visit. He liked her straight talking, wanted to hear her take on things, but yet again it was Miguel who had come to meet with him.
‘She…’ Miguel looked uncomfortable. ‘She wants to see you,’ he said. ‘I asked her to come in, but…’
‘But what?’
‘Silvio,’ Miguel said. ‘He does not want her in here with you.’
And Niklas got that.
Rosa’s husband, Silvio, had complained about Rosa working for him. Niklas and Rosa had once been an item for a few weeks, just before she had met Silvio, and though there was nothing between them now, her working for Niklas still caused a few problems.
As he lay there replaying conversations, because that was all he was able to do in this place, Niklas conceded that Silvio was right not to want Rosa to visit him here.
Nothing would happen between them, but it was not just Rosa’s sharp insight he wanted. The place stank of testosterone, of confined angry male, and Rosa was open enough to understand that his eyes would roam. She would let them, and he knew that she would dress well for him.
He tried not to think of Meg—did not want even an image of her in this place—but of course it was impossible not to think of her.
As his mind started to drift he turned those thoughts off and hauled them back to his pre-trial hearing. His frustration at the lack of progress was building—his frustration at everything was nearing breaking point.
He climbed down from his bunk and started doing sit-ups, counting in his head. And then he changed to push-ups, and for those he did not bother to count. He would just work till his body ached. But anger was still building. He wanted to be on the outside—not just for freedom but because there he could control things, and he could control nothing here except his small routines. So he kept on doing his sit-ups and as a guard came to the door Niklas carried on, ignoring the jeering, just kept on with his workout.
‘Lucky man, Dos Santos.’
He did not miss a beat, just continued his exercise.
‘Who did you pay?’
Still Niklas did not answer.
‘You have a beautiful wife.’
Only then did he pause, just for a second, mid-push-up, before carrying on. The guard didn’t know what he was talking about. No one knew of Meg—they were winding him up, messing with his head, and he chose not to respond.
‘She’s here waiting to see you.’
And then the slot in the door opened and he was told to get up. There was no choice now but to do as he was told. So Niklas stood, met Fernando’s eyes for just a second, which was rare. The change in routine was notable for both of them.
Niklas put his hands through the slot and handcuffs were applied, then he pulled his cuffed wrists back as the cell door was opened. He walked along the corridor and down metal steps, heard the jeers and taunts and crude remarks as he walked past. There were a couple of shoves from the guard but Niklas did not react, just kept on walking while trying to work things out.
Miguel must have arranged a hooker, finally pulled a few strings.
Thank God.
Maybe now his mind would hold till the trial date.
Not that he showed any emotion as they walked. He’d learnt that many years ago.
Show weakness and you lose—he’d learnt that at eight.
He had walked through the new orphanage he’d been sent to—he had been on his third orphanage by then—and this one was by far the worst. Still, there was good news, he had been told—his new family were waiting to meet him. A beautiful family, the worker had told him. They were rich, well fed and well dressed and had everything they wanted in the world except children. More than anything they wanted a son and had chosen Niklas.
His heart had leapt in hope. He’d hated the orphanage, a rough home for boys where the staff were often cruel, and he had been grinning and excited a
s the door had been pushed open and he had prepared himself to meet his new family.
How the workers waiting for him in there had laughed at his tears—how they had jeered him, enjoying their little joke long into the night. How could he have been so bold as to think that a family might want him?
It was the very last time that Niklas had cried.
His last display of true emotion.
Now he kept it all inside.
He would not give the prison guards the same pleasure. Whatever their plan, he would not give them the satisfaction of reading his face.
But then he saw her.
It had not properly entered his head that it might actually be Meg.
He had not allowed it to.
She did not belong in here. That was his first thought as he saw her dressed in a linin shift dress. Her hair burned gold and copper, the colour of the sun at night through his cell window, and then he saw the anxiety in her eyes turn to horror as she took in the shaved head and the rough clothing. A lash of shame tore through him that he should be seen by her like this, and his expression slipped for just a second. He stared ahead as his cuffs were removed, and though he remained silent his mind raced. To the left was Andros, the guard he trusted the least, and he thought again how Meg did not belong here. He wanted to know who the hell had arranged this, who had approved this visit, for even though he was confined and locked up he still had a system in place, and he had told Miguel that everything was to be run by him.
He could feel Andros watching as she walked towards him, heard the fear and anxiety in her voice as she spoke.
‘I’ve missed you so much.’
She was playing a part. Niklas got that. But as her lips met his cheek it did not matter. Her touch was the first reprieve for his senses in months. Her skin on his cheek was so soft that the contact actually shocked him. He wanted to know the hows and whys of her visit here, wanted to know exactly what was going on, yet his first instinct was not to kiss her, but to protect her—and that meant that he too must play a part, for Andros was watching.
It was a kiss for others, and his mind tried to keep it at that—except her breath tasted of the outside and he drank her in. The feel of her in his arms allowed temporary escape and it was Meg who pulled back.
Meg stood with her cheeks burning red, tears of shame and hurt and anger in her eyes, and her lips pressed closed as one guard said something that made the other laugh. Then a door opened and they walked into a small, simply furnished room. The guard shouted something to them, and whatever language you spoke it was crude, before closing the door behind them. Meg stood and then realised that she couldn’t stand for very much longer, so she sat on a chair for a moment, honestly shaken.
It wasn’t just shock at the sight of him—seeing Niklas with his hair cropped almost as short as the dark stubble on his chin, dressed in rough prison denim. Even like this he was still the most beautiful man she had ever seen. It was not just the shock that she had again tasted his mouth, felt his skin against hers, relighting all those memories from their one night together. It was everything: the whole journey here, the poverty in the streets she had driven through, the sight of the prison as she had approached, the watchtower and the guns on the guards and the shame of the strip-search. Surely all of those things had severed any feelings she had for him?
But, no, for then she’d had to deal with the impact of seeing him again, of tasting him. For a moment she just sat there and wondered how, after all she had been through, she could still hear her heart hammer in relief to be back at his side. She wanted to be over him—had to be for sanity’s sake—so she tried not to look at him, just drank from the glass of water he offered her.
He stood and watched her and saw her shock, saw what just a little while in this place had done to her, and thought again how she did not belong here.
‘Why?’ He knelt down beside her and spoke in a rough whisper. ‘Why would you come here?’
She didn’t answer him—Meg couldn’t open her mouth to speak.
‘Why?’ he demanded, and then she looked at him and he was reminded of the last time he had seen her. Because even with the absence of her bared teeth he could feel her anger, could see her green eyes flash with suppressed rage and hear the spit of her words when finally she answered him.
‘You’re entitled to me, apparently.’
Niklas remembered the first time he had met her. She had been anxious, but happy, and he knew that it was he who had reduced her to this. He could see the pain and the disgust in her eyes as she looked at the man she had married, as she saw the nothing he really was.
And he did not want her charity.
‘Thanks, but no thanks.’
He moved to the door, preparing to call for the guards. He might regret it later, but he did not want a minute more in this room.
As he moved to go he heard her voice.
‘Niklas.’ She halted him. This was not about what had happened between them, not about scoring points, she was here for one reason only. ‘Your people told me…’ He turned to face her. ‘I’m to tell you…’
He silenced her by pressing his finger to his lips and nodded to the door. He trusted no one—never had in his life, and wasn’t about to start in here. But then he closed his eyes for a second, for that was wrong. Because for a while he had trusted her, and did still. He came over to her, knelt down again and moved his head to her mouth, so she could quietly tell him the little she knew.
‘Miguel is working against you. You are to ask for a change of representation at your trial…’
His head pulled back and she watched as he took in the news. Quietly she told him the little she knew. His face was grey and his eyes shone black. He swallowed as if tasting bile and she heard his rapid angry breathing. His whisper was harsh when it came.
‘No.’
It had to be a lie, because if his own lawyer was working against him he was here for life.
She had to be lying.
‘How?’ he demanded. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know anything more than that,’ Meg said. ‘It’s all I’ve been told.’
‘When?’ he insisted, his voice an angry whisper. ‘When were you told?’
And she told him about the visit—how on Monday morning Rosa and her colleagues had arrived at her place of work. He thought of her momentarily in Sydney, getting on with her life without him, and now here she was in Brazil.
‘They should never have sent you…’ He was livid. ‘It’s too dangerous…’
‘It’s fine…’
It was so not fine.
‘Niklas…’ She told him all they had told her—that they had to have sex, about the bed and the bin, and that the guards could not know she was here for any other reason.
He saw her face burn in shame, and she saw his disgust at what he had put her through.
‘It’s fine, Niklas,’ she whispered. ‘I know what I’m doing…’ She could feel his fury; it was there in the room with them.
‘You should not be here.’
‘It’s my decision.’
‘Then it’s the wrong one.’
‘I’m very good at making those around you, it would seem. Anyway,’ she whispered harshly, ‘you don’t have to worry—you’re paying me well…’
‘How much?’
She told him.
And he knew then the gravity of his situation, understood just how serious this was—because he had no money any more. Everything had been frozen. He thought of his legal team paying her with money of their own and it tempered the bitterness that sometimes consumed him a little. Then he looked at the woman he might even have loved and tasted bitterness one again, for he hated what the world had done to him.
‘So you’re not here out of the goodness of your heart?’
‘You’ve already had that part,’ Meg said. ‘So can we just get it over with?’
She looked over to the bed and he saw the swallowing in her throat, knew that she was drenched in fear. He
looked to the door again, knowing there was a guard outside, one he did not trust, who must never get so much as a hint as to the real reason she was here.
Paid to be here, Niklas reminded himself.
He trusted no one again.
He stood and ripped the sheet from the bed, and she sat there as he twisted it in his hands before throwing it back. She heard his anger as he took the bedhead in angry hands and rocked the bed against the wall. He felt his anger building as he slammed the bed faster and faster. He had never paid for sex in his life. Yes, he’d have been grateful for a hooker, but he’d never taken Meg as one and his head was pounding as the bed hit the wall again and again. He did not know who to believe any more, and as the bed slammed faster he shouted out.
Meg sobbed as he shouted, but it did nothing to dissipate the fury still building, and then he picked up the condoms by the bedside and went to the small wash area and got to work to make sure evidence of their coupling was in place. Meg sat there, listening and crying. She understood his anger but she did not understand her own self, for even here, amidst this filth and shame, she wanted him. So badly she wanted to be with the man she had so sorely missed. Not just the sex, but the comfort he somehow gave.
‘Niklas…’ She walked into the washroom and ignored him when he told her, less than politely, to go away. His back was to her. She moved to his side and saw his fury, saw his hand working fast. He repeated his demand for her to leave him, and when it was clear that she didn’t understand just how much he meant the words he told her in French and then Spanish.
‘How many ways do you need to hear it…?’
How deep was his shame to be seen like this, to be reduced to this? His back had been to Meg, for he could not face her, yet she’d slipped into the space between him and the wall and her mouth was on his. One of her hands joined his now.
Playing the Dutiful WifeExpecting His Love-Child Page 8