“Well…”
“You wouldn’t let anyone come between us, would you?”
“Callie’s right. I wouldn’t let anyone come between us. Do you want me to drive you over there tonight, Dad?”
“No. I don’t know. Maybe.” Sam shifted in his seat.
“Come on, Dad. Let Mac take you. He’ll be there for moral support.”
“Okay. Can you go now, Mac?”
“Sure.” Mac pushed to his feet and fished the car keys out of the bowl on the front hall table.
* * * *
At 32 Linden Lake Drive, the tension was high. Merry was sitting on the sofa, pretending to be looking at a magazine and Bobby was asleep.
“Jack, we need to talk,” Pat said, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.
Jack poured a cup for himself and joined his mother.
“Okay. What do you have to say for yourself?” Accusation was evident in his eyes.
“I’m not going to justify my private life to you.” Pat poured milk in her cup.
“You mean you don’t want to discuss the fact you’re sleeping with a man?” Jack leaned back in his chair.
“Right.”
“Look, Mom. I realize it must be lonely without Dad, but can’t you date?”
“I am dating. I’m dating Sam.” She stirred her coffee, her gaze meeting Jack’s.
“But do you have to…to…sleep with him?”
“That’s part of dating. Didn’t you sleep with Merry when you were dating?”
“Mom! That’s private.”
“Private for you but not for me?” Pat cocked an eyebrow.
“You’re my mom. It’s different.”
“Is it? You know, I was a person, just like you, before I became your mother.”
“So?” Jack tipped the kitchen chair back.
“The rules of life are not any different for me than they are for you. By the way, I was sleeping with your father, you know. That’s how you got here.”
“That’s different. Besides, kids don’t think about their parents doing stuff like…like…”
“Like having sex?” Pat asked, lifting both eyebrows.
Jack’s face turned red.
“Yeah.”
“Just because you don’t want to think about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.”
“But do you have to rub my face in it? Naked in the shower with a man?”
“You rubbed your own face in it by not telling me you were coming…by not giving me the same courtesy you’d show a friend and ask…at least tell me you’re coming to visit. I thought I brought you up to know better than to drop in on people.” She shot him a stern look.
“You’re not ‘people’, you’re my mom.” Jack took a sip from his cup.
“I think you’re old enough to start thinking of me as ‘people’ and call first.”
“After this? You bet I will…if I come back at all.” He rose from the table.
Pat took his arm and pulled him back down into the chair.
“Please, Jack. Wait. Let’s not end this this way.” Jack sat down again and looked at his mother, his face still red with anger.
“Jack, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to see this…find out, especially this way. Sam is special to me. We’ve been seeing each other for almost six months now. I’m not in the shower with every Tom, Dick and Harry.”
“Thank God!” A small smile crept over Jack’s face. “So why didn’t you tell me you were going out with some old guy?”
“He’s not some old guy. He’s a respected university professor and world renowned ornithologist. I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you’d give me a hard time about it, like you’re doing right now. I had no idea you’d surprise us.”
“Maybe if I knew, I wouldn’t have walked in on you.”
“You’re right, I should’ve told you. Try to understand. I have a life now. Daddy is gone, but I’m still here. Don’t bury me with him.” She placed her hand on his arm.
Jack’s anger dissipated slowly as the logic of her argument seemed to sink in.
“I don’t want to fight with you, Mom.” Jack squeezed her hand.
“Good. Me either. We didn’t fight much when you were growing up and I’d hate to start now.” Pat let out a breath.
“I was too busy fighting with Dad.” He cracked a smile.
“I love you, Jack.” Pat touched his face.
“Me too, Mom.” He gave her a quick hug.
“Did you bring any problems for me to solve?” Pat sat back and crossed her legs.
“Later. By the way, Sam called you…twice.” He got up and retrieved the coffee pot from the counter.
“Twice? You didn’t let me speak to him? You didn’t tell me? Why?”
“I guess I was pretty mad at him.” Jack refilled his cup.
“How could you be mad at him?” Pat put her hand over her cup.
“He seduced my mother.” Jack returned the pot to the counter.
“He did not! He’s…it’s not like that. You’re interfering with my relationship with him,” Pat said, reaching for the phone.
But it was too late, Sam was coming up the walk. The doorbell rang.
“Sam!” Pat exclaimed when she opened the door.
“Hi. Is there some reason why you are not taking my calls?”
“That’s my fault,” Jack said. “I decided not to put you through to Mom or tell her you called. I’m sorry.”
Pat took Sam’s arm and brought him into the house.
“Come in, Sam. Let’s have a cup of coffee and talk,” Pat said.
“Mac is in the car. I have to go, but I wanted to make sure that we are still okay.”
“We are. Give me two weeks. I need to spend time with Jack and his family.”
“Can I see you at all during that time?”
“It’s only two weeks. Can’t we go on hold for two weeks?”
Sam’s frown gave away his feelings.
“Pat…am I some dirty little secret you have to hide away?”
“Never! Of course I don’t think of you that way.”
“Somewhere between that and being swept away like an old shoe.”
Pat took him in her arms and whispered in his ear. “Let me get this straight with Jack first.”
“Two weeks? Can I at least call you?” He moved toward the door.
“Of course. I’ll call you tonight and we can talk."
Pat stopped him at the door by pulling on his arm. He turned around and she moved into his arms. He looked at her quizzically.
“Taking a short hiatus doesn’t mean I’m not still crazy about you, Sam,” she said, going to kiss him.
But Sam pulled back, avoiding her kiss while Jack stood by watching.
“Kiss me when we’re alone, when you mean it, Patsy.” He put his hands on her arms and moved her back.
Pat watched the door close and knew he was angry. “What a mess.” She rested her forehead on her palm.
“How?” Jack turned to her.
“Sam is angry. I’ve shut him out so I can be with you, because you can’t be with him. I’ve spent time with his family, his sons and grandchildren. Now I’ve pushed him away from mine…all because you won’t accept him…us.” Pat directed a resentful gaze at Jack.
“It was a shock, Mom. You have to admit…”
“It was. But not putting his calls through to me…don’t ever do that again! He’s a wonderful man and I don’t want to lose him.”
“Is it too much to ask that we have your full attention for two friggin’ weeks?”
“It isn’t. It’s just…I don’t know…would it have been too much to have him join us for one meal? I’ve hurt Sam. I’ll have to work this out myself.” Pat retreated to her bedroom. She plopped down on the bed but through the open door she picked out Merry’s voice.
“Weren’t you a little hard on her? She is your mother, after all,” Merry said.
“Yeah? If your mother was shacking up with some o
ld guy, how would you feel?”
“I don’t know. But I hope I’d try to understand things from her perspective.”
“I’m trying. I’m trying. It isn’t easy. She’s my mom.” Pat heard Jack’s footsteps and knew their conversation was over.
* * * *
Mac drove his father home. They didn’t talk in the car. When Sam got in the door, he fixed himself a whiskey and soda and sat down at the kitchen table. Peter and Lara had gone to bed and the house was quiet. He didn’t know what to make of the situation. He knew he had to talk to Patsy, so he picked up the phone and dialed her number.
“Patsy, its Sam. Can you talk? So what’s up with us?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to play games. Are we still on?”
“Of course we are, Sam. You’re very important to me.”
“Am I? I don’t feel important, or good enough. Good enough to meet your son and his family, even for a breakfast or lunch out, my treat. I feel like you’re ashamed of me.”
“I know you feel that way…I’m not. Jack wants to have uninterrupted time with me for two weeks.”
“And what do you want?”
“I don’t want to rock the boat, I guess.”
“Wonderful. Where does that leave me?”
“We will pick up where we left off in two weeks. That’s not a long time. We can talk on the phone…”
“You’re right, two weeks isn’t a long time, but it’s more than that. I told you I loved you tonight. Yet you haven’t made any response. How do you feel about me?”
“I think I love you too, Sam.”
“You think?” Sam took a swallow of his drink.
“This is not an ideal way to have this conversation. It would be better in person.”
“But I can’t see you for two weeks, so this will have to do.”
“Sam…I…”
“I’d like to spend more time with you, Patsy. It’s almost six months and we only see each other on weekends.” Sam finished his drink.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m looking for more of a commitment.” Sam took his glass to the sink.
“I am committed. I’m not seeing anyone else. Are you?”
“No. I’m committed too. But I’d like to be committed to more time together.”
“My work schedule can be difficult.”
“But we could work around it, couldn’t we?” Sam asked.
“Can we discuss this more in two weeks?”
“Sure, sure. As you said, it would be better to talk about this in person. When I love someone, I want to see them more than Friday and Saturday night…and then only if we make plans ahead. I want you to commit the time to me each weekend. I want it understood we will be together…and maybe more too. It’s driving me crazy to say goodbye to you every Sunday night.”
“I wish I could hug you right now,” Patsy responded, a quiver in her voice.
“I wish I could do more than that, sexy lady.” Sam chuckled.
“I’ll miss you in my bed tonight,” Pat whispered into the phone.
“That goes for me too. Think it over.”
Sam sat back in the chair and crossed his legs.
“I’m going to miss you, Patsy.”
“Me too, Sam.”
“Goodnight.” Sam closed his cell phone and sighed.
Chapter Eighteen
The time for the audition was drawing near. Lara was scheduled to perform with Andres on December twenty-first the second to last day of auditions. Their rehearsals increased in intensity. Andres and Lara argued and fought, then made up and danced. As partners, they had become a couple, performing fluidly, close but not romantic. She came home nervous and tired every day. Some days she closed herself in the bedroom with a headache. Peter, facing final exams for his first semester at the university, was tense and drawn.
As December twenty-first drew closer, correcting exams and producing final grades kept Peter too busy to think about losing Lara. The rehearsals interfered with their love life as Lara was often too tired. When Peter did make love to her, he wondered how many more times he’d have the chance. He’d disappear into to the kitchen, to control his emotions. One night he ran into Sam.
“Peter, what are you doing here so late?”
“Getting a glass of water.” He turned away from his father, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.
“Is something wrong, Pete?” Sam turned on the flame under the kettle to make a cup of tea.
“Nothing new. It’s only a few more days until Lara’s audition.”
“You’re worried she’ll get chosen and not return?”
Peter nodded, as the words caught in his throat.
“Isn’t there some way you could be together even if she’s picked?”
“I’ve been thinking about it, but I can’t find a way out. Even if I apply to New York City universities, it’ll be a year before I can get hired, if then.”
“I’m sorry, Pete.”
“What about you and Pat, Dad?”
“Things are messed up on that front too, son. Love troubles…”
“Stink.”
“Well said, Pete. I’m going to try to get some sleep, after I finish this book.
“I’ve got to get back…”
“What a mess…for all of us,” Sam sighed, taking his tea with him.
Peter folded Lara in his arms. Her nearness soothed him and he was able to join her in sleep. But they were both restless.
Saturday morning, December twentieth, seven a.m., Peter was up first. Lara was catching the train to New York for her audition at ten. No matter what happened, Lara would return for her things at Uncle Jim’s. It could be their last morning together.
Peter wanted to make love to her before she left. He rolled over and watched her sleep. Her face was relaxed, calm and so lovely with her dark hair scattered over the pillow. Peter picked up some curls and rubbed them through his fingers, feeling their silky softness. He bent to smell the freshness of her hair and the faint sweet smell of her perfume. His lips brushed her shoulder, peeking out of the warm quilt. It felt cold and he covered it with his hand. Lara sighed, rolled around and reached out for Peter. He raised her hand to his lips causing her to open her eyes and smile. She touched his rough face.
Lara reached for his hand and put it on her breast. He pulled her close to him and kissed her slowly and gently, as his emotions skimmed along the surface of his skin. His hands moved over her body as if in slow motion, caressing and stroking her tenderly. She felt heat trail his fingertips from one end of her body to the other. He wanted to remember every sensation, every touch, every flame ignited by making love to her. When they were satisfied, he took her in his arms.
“This may be the last time we make love,” he said.
“I’m not leaving you forever, just a few days. I’ll be back.”
“Maybe. And maybe not.” He turned to stare out the window.
“Oh, bear, I love you so much. Please, Peter…I’m coming back.” She reached for his hand, turning him to face her.
“Lara, I love you, now and forever.” Fear settled in his heart.
Peter looked into her eyes. He saw love…but would it matter if she was chosen to dance? He hugged her.
Lara got up to pack her overnight bag. Callie was coming to take her to the train station because Peter couldn’t face going. To distract himself, he was at the piano. When Callie arrived, a grim-faced Peter took Lara’s bag out to the car. Lara and Peter hugged and he kissed her with passion. She clung to him. Finally he let her go, turned and went into the house and closed the door.
* * * *
In the car, Callie didn’t know quite what to say but spoke up anyway.
“Love like Peter’s love for you doesn’t come along every day.”
“I love him too. He’s overreacting. I’m not going to get chosen so there is nothing to worry about.”
“But what if you do? What will you do?”
“But I won’t.”
“Dancing for one season doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to dance there for years, does it?”
“In fact, you can be replaced from season to season. Being selected after this audition would only mean I’d have a secure position for one season…and only as long as I stay healthy…don’t get injured.”
“So you might lose Peter for only one season of dance?”
“But I won’t get chosen.”
“But if you did and you accepted…one season of dance and the loss of Peter’s love forever, right?” Callie persisted.
“Please don’t put it like that.”
“But it’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“I guess it is.” Lara looked out the window at the gray countryside, tears clouding her eyes. She watched the frost on the car window melt.
“A big price to pay to dance, isn’t it?” Callie turned the SUV into the parking lot of the train station.
Lara got out, closed her coat against the cold and bought her ticket at the window. Callie joined her on the platform lugging her small suitcase. The day was cold, slightly damp and overcast with low-hanging clouds blocking the sun. There was a sharp wind blowing, biting into them while they stood on the platform. Snow was coming. Lara stamped her feet one at a time to chase away the numbness from the cold. She hugged her bag and watched for the train.
“When will you know?”
“My audition is on the twenty-first. They have another day of auditions after. Then they will confer and decide by December twenty-third, I’ve been told.”
“No delay for Christmas?”
“They want the dancers to report for rehearsals by January second…they need to give some notice.” Lara trained her gaze on the train tracks.
When Callie saw the train approach, she hugged Lara and whispered in her ear.
“Please come home to us. You are family now, Lara. ”
“I’ll be back.” Lara broke from Callie and picked up her bag.
The train stopped and clouds of steam filled the platform. A few other people got on board along with Lara, who found a window seat right away and waved to Callie. Callie waved back as she watched the train pull away.
* * * *
Now & Forever 3 - Blind love Page 21