Cara shook his head. “He did more than that. He took over the scene. I’ve never seen him do that before. What about you, Jenna? You’ve been a member for a while.”
“Almost a decade. He’s never, ever done something like that before and I asked some of the other long term members after the second training session with Nigel in case I was misremembering. Even at the quarterly training sessions, he used to give the opening talk and nothing else. He might drop in occasionally, but he never gave demos like he does now. Which he does only with you, I’d like to point out. The man is going down for the count and he’s resisting for some reason.” She looked thoughtful.
Amanda looked around the table and smiled uncertainly at her new friends.
“Look, I appreciate the support, but I work for Club Hades now. I like the job so far. Just as importantly, I need the job.” Dozens of eyes looked knowingly at her. Amanda looked around the room and squared her shoulders. “I thought this was the Kinky Book Club. I thought there was a new Lori King book that we were going to discuss?”
It wasn’t until later that the subject came up again. She was in the ladies room and washing her hands when Jane approached her. “Are you okay, Amanda? I’m so sorry that everyone ganged up on you like that, but everyone cares so much for you and Gabriel and want to see you both happy.”
“I know. It’s going to be okay, it really is. It’s just… I tried to stay positive for so damned long. Sometimes I still dream of how he flogged me almost to orgasm. He played my body like we’d been together forever and he knew exactly what I needed. When he belted me…
“Every time he has touches me during the training sessions, I can feel the electricity between us, but afterwards, he treated me like a colleague, not the woman he just gave an amazing orgasm too.” She met Jane’s gaze in the mirror.
“Am I crazy Jane to give it one last try to break down his walls?”
“You aren’t crazy. You are an amazing woman and we both know that he wouldn’t keep coming to those training sessions if he didn’t feel something. He’s just too afraid for some reason to man up and start a real relationship with you. I think you are doing to right thing, but if this doesn’t work…”
“If it doesn’t work, then at least I’ll know I gave it every chance. But this is it. There’s a new training cycle starting in two weeks. When it’s over, if nothing has changed between me and Gabriel, I’ll start job hunting and find another club. But I’ll still keep coming to the Kinky Book Club, that is, if you all will still have me as a member.”
“Of course we’ll have you as a member regardless of which club you play at, but we’re all hoping that Gabe finally man’s up and gets his head out of his ass before he loses you.”
“So, Ms. Jayne Valentine, romance novelist extraordinaire… what would you recommend if Gabe and I were characters of yours? Wait… don’t answer that.”
“Are you kidding? You and Gabe are the stuff of an epic romance novel.”
“But this is real life.”
“This is real life. Do what you have to do. Give him one last chance and if he doesn’t see what a gem he has in front of him, then move on, but at least you will be able to do so knowing you gave the relationship every possible chance. But one piece of advice…”
“Yes?”
“When he gets back from vacation on Monday… play it cool. You might have to obey him during scenes, but in the office, you two are equals. If nothing else, that will shake him up big time.”
Suddenly there was the sound of flushing and Amanda realized they weren’t alone in the washroom. She gave Jane a quick hug. “My thirtieth birthday is coming up fast and I’m tired of waiting for him. Who knows? Maybe a miracle will happen and Gabe will suddenly realize we were made for each other. But once this training session is over, if he hasn’t manned up, I’m going to be moving on.”
The stall door opened and a blonde woman she didn’t recognize came out. Amanda blushed. Hopefully the stranger hadn’t heard too much of their conversation.
Chapter Ten
Monday
Gabriel carefully climbed into his SUV. His right foot was encased on what the doctor had called a walking cast. It wasn’t plaster and he could remove it when he needed to. It was molded plastic, straps and Velcro. His foot was cold, even covered with a sock, because his toes stuck out of the cast. Thank goodness he’d been persuaded to buy an automatic rather than a manual when he’d gotten his vehicle. And even bigger thanks for the fact that it was his left foot that was injured.
According to the doctors, he could get the thing off permanently in a few weeks. He would be counting the days. Damned stupid accident.
The ski trip itself had been wonderful or at least the first three days were. He’d exhausted himself each day and slept so soundly he’d barely dreamed of Amanda or brooded over her playing with other Doms while he was gone. She didn’t play much outside the training classes, thank goodness, and he’d never seen her having sex with any of the Doms when she played. Hell, for all he knew, she was bringing them home half dozen at a time for orgies outside the club.
Not that it was any of his business. He had his chance and rejected her. She’d moved on. He would move on when he was ready. He just wasn’t in the mood for sex right now. He sighed. He knew that was a lie. He was in the mood for sex, but only with her. She wouldn’t have sex with him during the demoes and the frustration was making him lose his mind. He was always on edge and snapping at everyone.
And things got worse whenever a new training class started. He would come in and make his usual welcome to the lifestyle talk. Then he’d look around the room and try to figure out which of the unattached Doms was going to make a play for Amanda and try to figure out if she was going to reciprocate.
So he’d started doing demonstrations with her to mark his territory. Even if she wouldn’t have sex during the demoes, at least he could touch her and give her orgasms.
She didn’t play much in his club. Occasionally she paired off with one of the Doms she training, but they never had sex. But one of these days, instead just supervising, she was going to pair off with one of the trainees for the full three month period and he would quietly lose his mind watching her with one Dom week after week after week.
He knew he was in a perpetual bad mood. Hell, his staff were so happy to have him out of the way for a week that they’d practically pushed him out the door. He’d had four different offers of drive to the airport. Clearly they wanted to make sure he really got on the plane. He laughed but there was no amusement in the sound.
He had hoped that getting away would put things in perspective but the distance had only made him miss her more. He had brooded all the flight to Aspen. Then he’d tried to exhaust himself so he wouldn’t think about her. He got up early and skied the hardest runs they had. In the evenings when it was too dark to ski, he worked out in the gym, running on the treadmill or sparring with the guys. Then he went to the bar, ignored all the snow bunnies who hit on him and drank himself into oblivion, something he couldn’t do back home. You didn’t drink when you worked in a BDSM club. It wasn’t safe.
Then on day four he decided to try snowboarding. Luckily it was a bad sprain and not a break. Even more luckily he’d been alone with the salesman when it happened and no one knew that he was in the shop still being fitted for the snowboard bindings when he’d lost his balance and gone down both hard and awkwardly.
The worse part was that he’d had to spend the rest of his vacation at the lodge watching television and playing on his computer. He couldn’t ski or jog or spar or do anything to work off the restlessness that had seized him. In the end, he’d locked himself in his room because when he went down to the lounge the snow bunnies wouldn’t leave him alone. He only came out for meals with his buddies.
“Look, Gabe. Whoever this woman is” said Riley, his former teammate in the SEALs told him on their last night there, “When you get back to Chicago, beg, plead, apologize, prostrate yourself, whatever
it takes to get her to forgive you and take her back.”
“What makes you think there’s a woman? Can’t I just be pissed off because my ski trip is ruined?”
“Hell, brother. You were a bear when you arrived and you clearly had something that you were trying to work though.”
“Why didn’t you say anything then?”
“You were still at one hundred percent physically. You would have pounded my ass.”
“What makes you think I won’t now?”
Riley snorted with laughter. “Until you heal, I’m faster than you are. But seriously, Gabe. This brooding isn’t healthy. If she won’t take you back, then pick out one of the snow bunnies at the lodge and get laid. That should make you feel better.”
“Don’t you think I haven’t considered it? She’s the only one I can get, er, interested in anymore. None of those other women does it for me.” He’d paused, expecting laughter and derision, but Riley had only looked more concerned.
“How does she feel about you?”
“I think she cares, or she did. I kind of rejected her. More than once. She’s been pretty pissed off at me ever since.”
“You really are an idiot? How were you ever able to lead your own SEAL team? If you feel this way about her, why the hell did you reject her? Is it because she’d not interested in this kinky shit you like? Because if she’s that amazing, surely the two of you could work out some kind of compromise?”
“That’s not the problem. She’s not just kinky, but she’s exactly the right kind of kinky for me.”
“Then what’s stopping you from asking for another chance?”
“I don’t want to hurt her. If we get involved, it’s sure to end badly. I am just protecting her.”
“Bull shit! You just said you hurt her by rejecting her. Stop lying to yourself by saying you are putting her feelings first. You are protecting yourself.”
“Excuse me?”
“You are shit scared of getting hurt, so you rejected her first. Dammit, Gabe. You were my hero, my leader, but you are really acting like a wuss. Man up. No, SEAL up!”
“Don’t you think I want to? You know I got married once and it was a disaster. And it was all my fault. I won’t do that to Amanda.”
“You were a soldier and you were only twenty one, a kid, really, when you got married. She knew what you did for a living. You were the best husband you could be under the circumstances. She’s the one who didn’t keep up her end of things. She knew you would be deployed periodically and she knew you liked that kinky shit. Instead of waiting for you or even talking to you about it, she cheated, took all your stuff and left you with nothing but a Dear John letter.”
“If I’d been a better husband… Hell, Riley, we met up to sign the paperwork for the divorce and some of the things she told me. I was a really bad husband, Riley. I didn’t listen to her wants or needs. I thought I knew everything but really, I knew nothing. And I definitely didn’t know her. She was totally unsuited to life as a military wife. And she definitely wasn’t suited to life with a Dom. What was I thinking?”
“You were in love, puppy love. You both were. Maybe it wasn’t the forever kind of love, but you both made a commitment to try, but you were both so young. Try to look at the situation objectively. You did the best you could. You were both barely more than kids. It was probably doomed from the start, but you tried. Learn from your mistakes so you don’t repeat them, but don’t let one failure define your whole life. Hell, you’d kick my ass if I did something like that. You know you would.
“And as for Sherry… she certainly wasn’t blameless of all this. What kind of a person walks away without even trying to talk things out? She didn’t give you a chance to make any changes. She just stewed and stewed and stewed until she decided to end the marriage. She didn’t even have the courtesy to tell you that she was planning to leave.
“Communication and respect. She owed you that. Maybe you could have worked things out or maybe you still would have gotten a divorce, but a relationship has two people in it. No one should be making unilateral decisions for the couple.”
Gabe swallowed hard as Riley’s words sunk in. Oh, crap. He’d done just that to Amanda. Not the money thing, but the making decisions without talking to her. Oh, yeah, he’d done that in spades. He’d played with her and then walked away, not asking or caring about her feelings. He knew that she’d felt something. He’d seen her face when he held her in his arms during aftercare. She’d been sweet and soft and he felt himself drowning in her big green eyes. So he’d panicked and pushed her away. Until the next time.
He was a coward. Riley was right. It was his own heart he was protecting, not hers.
Then he’d done worse. He hadn’t just played with other subs, no he’d made sure she’d seem him choosing others. He’d been an ass and hurt her. And she still let him do demoes with her. He’d seen the look of longing in her eyes when she thought he wasn’t looking. But she made no demands on him. She just gave him what he needed. She just set some new parameters such as no more sex, probably to protect her own heart.
He broke into a cold sweat.
“Hey, man. Are you okay. You look like you are going to be sick.”
“I might be.”
“I’m sorry, Gabe. I didn’t mean to be so hard on you…”
“No, Riley. I needed to hear it. I see her all the time and the club and it’s driving me crazy. She helps with the training of new Doms and subs. She helps me do demoes for the newbies. It is heaven and hell at the same time. I get to touch her, but I can’t fuck her.”
“Seriously? Why do you put yourself through that?”
That was a very good question, Gabe realized. He considered it. “Because… because that’s the only time I get to touch her, to talk to her. She has nothing to do with me any other time. She does her best to avoid me. Except during the classes. She can’t avoid me then. Then I’m in charge and can touch her any way and as much as I want to.”
“Why do you care about touching her or talking to her? She doesn’t want your cock? Then forget about the frigid bitch and come downstairs with me and get some pussy.”
“Don’t talk about her like that! She’s a goddess and I’m not worthy.” Gabe launched himself at his friend. It did not end well. He ended up on his ass with Riley standing over him laughing.
“A goddess? Fuck, you’ve got it bad, Gabe. Just admit it, you love her man. Admit it and then figure out what you are going to do about it.”
Gabe started to deny Riley’s words then stopped. “Fuck it. I do love her.” It felt like a weight lifted off his chest. “Yes, I love her so much I can’t breathe sometimes.”
“And what are you planning on doing about it?”
Gabe’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. What if I blew my chance with her?”
“Then you will die alone. Shit, Gabe. What did you do when you were planning a SEAL mission?”
“Identify the objective. Create a plan. Execute the plan. Celebrate success.”
“There you go.” Riley smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “So, want some help planning your campaign?”
For the first time in a long time, Gabriel felt light hearted. “No, I’m good, Riley. Go play with one of your bunnies. I’m good now. Just help me up and get out of here. I’ve got a campaign to plan.”
Riley reached down and pulled Gabe to his fee. “Heading out for Operation Snow Bunny, but one last piece of advice. Get a haircut. SEALs don’t wear manbuns.”
Chapter Eleven
And now he was home. No, he was better than home. He was on his way to his club. His. He felt good at the club, or he had before Amanda. Now he was overcome with a wave of guilt and despair. He had not been able to stop thinking about what Riley had said.
He had been a fool. Andrew had tried to tell him. Hell, half the staff and even some of the club members had tried to talk to him, but he’d shaken them off. He hadn’t wanted to hear their advice. He’d made up his mind and the result
was he’d hurt the one women he’d cared about since Sherry had left him. He was really kind of pathetic when you thought about it. The big bad Dom too afraid to take a chance and end up getting hurt again.
Riley was right too. He had to take a chance.
Well, he was done living in fear. He was going to do something about things with Amanda, that is, if it wasn’t too late. But he wouldn’t act rashly. No, he’d plan out a campaign to win her over. He had a lot of damage to undo. He’d start slowly. He’d chat casually with her, ask her about her day at work, compliment her on the great work she was doing with the trainees.
Then, gradually, he’d work up to the idea of them doing a scene together. He wouldn’t be pushy about it. He’d get her used to the idea gradually and when he finally got her strapped down and at his mercy, he’d give her exactly what she needed. He’d beat her ass and fuck her pussy and give her the biggest and best orgasms she’d ever had.
Twenty minutes later, Gabriel let himself into the club. It was early and the place should be pretty quiet. He ran a hand over the back of his head. It felt weird having short hair again, but it did make him feel different. He hoped Amanda liked it. And if anyone else made a comment, he’d fire them.
He limped down the hall. He would drop his briefcase in his office, grab a cup of coffee and then head down to the accountant’s office to see just how bad the situation was.
Even if Andrew had found someone, it would probably take at least two to four weeks for them to start so he still had to deal with the paperwork until then himself. Gabe was not in the mood, but had to be done, though and that put him in an even worse mood because it would take time from his campaign to win back Amanda.
On the positive side, he had hope for the first time in a long time. He’d hurt her badly, but maybe it wasn’t too late. As of a week ago, she wasn’t in a relationship that he was aware off. He’d make a point of finding Andrew and grilling him about Amanda’s current relationship status. Andrew would know. Everyone talked to him about their life and their problems. The craziest part was the he didn’t seem to mind listening or doling out advice. Forget Dear Abby. He should start a BDSM advice column… Dear Andrew.
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