by E. M. Fitch
"It might not have been you-"
He cut off at her look of wild exasperation. There were hundreds of people living in health and harmony behind a giant concrete wall and this was the first time, the first, that someone behind the wall had gotten infected. It wasn't a coincidence. She was sure. She hadn't been careful enough and now three people were dead.
He had calmed her down enough to agree to spend the night, though she couldn't promise to stay longer than that.
The rest of the women were all given cabins and small homes as well, bunking together on floors and spare sleeping bags. There was a gathering in the square that night, torches burned in the corner, the light flickering in bright reflections off the pane glass windows of the abandoned dorm.
Harris sat silently in the back as the rest of the Council tried to calm the population.
"We're not sure how it got in," Miranda said gently. Of all the Council, she was the most soft-spoken, the most compassionate looking. She was rounder than the others, not overweight, just softer looking. Her hair was dark auburn and she locked eyes when she spoke to someone. Overall, Emma thought she looked most like a mom, and somehow this made her seem knowledgeable and trustworthy. It made sense for her to take the lead tonight. "We shut the building down and we'll go over it carefully."
"Is the infection dormant for that long? Could we get it from touching something that was bled on?"
"No one is sure-"
"Was someone bit? Has everyone been checked?"
Miranda calmly addressed each outburst, the rest of the Council, even Harris, chiming in to back her up when it seemed necessary. It took a long time for people to settle down. On the fringes of the crowd, Emma, Jack, and Marco rested back against a fence. The rest of the Scroungers had come back just in time for the meeting; they stood patiently nearby, none asking questions. They all blended well into the tree line, leaning against and crouching under massive oak trees that stretched bare branches into the night. Emma was too frightened someone would be able to see the infection in her somehow, that she would speak and suddenly long dormant tremors would take over her body and her eyes would stain dramatically yellow. The rest just didn't seem concerned, though that made sense. As Scroungers, they would be the most used to seeing infection run rampant.
"Those poor girls," Marco kept muttering, his eyes cast over the worried crowd. It was hard to tell if he meant the survivors in the crowd, or the girls who had been infected and were now corpses.
"Everyone has to be careful," Corey said from his crouched position. He tossed the twig he had been breaking into pieces at the base of the tree, shifting his weight from one leg to another. He remained as aloof as ever, catching Emma's eye on occasion but almost immediately looking away. "That's the way it is now. We build some big, fancy wall and think we're safe. It's stupid to let your guard down."
The rest of the men murmured their agreement. Patrick, standing close to the fence behind them, moved forward. The chain link rattled when he pushed off. The firelight from the nearest torch cut his features in half, the right side of his face in shadow, the left a brilliant orange. It caught in the stubble of his sandy beard and sent jagged shadows down his neck.
"Let the Council calm them," Patrick said softly, dismissively. "What else are they good for?"
"Making dumb rules?" one huffed. The men all chuckled low in agreement. Patrick, too. He jerked his head at them a moment later and they all stood, following him as he headed back through the shadows towards the men's dorms. Marco was the only one to linger.
"You okay?" he asked, peering at Emma through the darkness. She nodded stiffly and he smiled, waving goodnight.
He was too friendly. This place was too nice. She was too dangerous.
I have to leave. The thought, the urge, pounded through her. She was shaking with the impulse, envisioning open trees and the whispered rush of the forest. Empty lands, quiet spaces, peace from the ever tormenting thought that she was about to kill everyone she knew.
~
Jack followed her as she snuck out of the cabin early the next morning. They wouldn't be expected to their work detail until after breakfast, and breakfast wouldn't even start for another two hours. Emma realized he was behind her almost immediately but she didn't stop. She could still hear the faint sounds of sleeping, the lazy feel of a camp not yet roused. Slow drifts of smoke were curling from the chimney of the mess hall, white twists in the purple sky, the start of a new day in camp.
But not for her.
Jack didn't speak until they were at the first fence. She tossed her bag over the chain link fence and started to climb. When they did their work detail, they exited from a gate located nearer to the square. It wasn't Willy's gate, the one surrounded by the infected bodies roaming through their moat to the tune of Willy's only poem. This one was smaller, used to let work details out into the less secure areas.
The entire camp was set up like a giant target, the center protected by a secure ring of fences that rippled outward, like water that had a rock dropped in the center. Emma would need to jump four more fences before she came to the last. And that she could walk to the end and skirt around, letting the wilderness claim her.
Jack was silent for the first two fences.
"Where are you going to go?" he asked as she paused at the base of the third. She didn't turn back, didn't acknowledge him, as she threw her bag over and started to climb. He let her go, following along after she had landed.
"It's going to snow any day," he said softly, walking just behind her. He was right, that crisp coldness of the air, she could taste the impending snow. "You have no food, no car. Don't be stupid."
She wasn't being stupid. She was being safe. She was trying to keep others from getting infected, trying to let Jack live a normal life, as normal as possible, without having to lie and cover up and pretend like it wasn't her fault they were all in danger all the time. She had wanted to wait for Kaylee and Andrew, Bill and Anna, but yesterday proved that she couldn't any longer. She wasn't going to get the chance to say goodbye to her sister. But maybe it would be better that way, easier for everyone.
Jack could say goodbye for her. He could tell them all, yes, Andrew too, that she loved them. He could say it straightforwardly and honestly, she'd seen him do that before. He was strong enough to do that, in a way she never would be. But she could walk away now. She was strong enough for that.
At the fourth fence, Emma paused. She turned to Jack. He stood there silently, his hands forced in his pockets, his jacket open even though the sun hadn't had the chance to warm the earth yet. Every footstep landed on frozen earth, no give in the mud to cushion her boots. He caught her eye and held it as she took a deep breath.
"Tell Anna she was like a mom to me, thank her for that, please," she started.
"Should I run back and get a notepad?" Jack asked, frowning at her. She threw him a look and continued without pause.
"And tell Bill thanks, he was always honest with me. Hug Kaylee for me, she'll need it. Tell her I love her and that this wasn't your fault, tell them I gave you no choice." Jack snorted and shook his head but Emma plowed on. "And tell Andrew, tell him I love him, too. Tell him I'm sorry I wasn't able to show him."
"You do not have to do this," Jack murmured.
"You know that I do."
She tossed her bag over, gritting her teeth. Her eyes had that awful, hot itchy feeling they got whenever she was about to cry. It was too cold and she didn't have time for that.
"And what about me?" Jack said, the nerves sounding in his voice.
"Tell yourself thanks," she muttered. "And take care of my sister."
"That's what she-" Jack cut off suddenly, so quickly that Emma turned to look at him in confusion. His lips were parted and his face was glowing. He was up and over the fence in a moment. Emma didn't even have time to wonder why. He landed with a soft thud, dust scattering as his feet hit the ground. With a shout of joy, something collided with him.
A hollow ch
asm settled in the pit of Emma's stomach as she saw who was standing next to Jack and the girl entangled with him.
A machete fell from Andrew's hand as he stepped forward, his eyes locked on Emma's. Jack and Kaylee fell to the ground, breathless laughter and roaming hands, a pair squirming to be as physically connected as possible on the leaf strewn ground.
Emma's name fell from his lips, a whispered prayer and an oath. Her hand stretched out, forgetting for a moment the fence between them. Her fingers collided with the cold chain link, rattling it. His face was different. It held the shadows of healing bruises and she could see a pale scar on his lip. He was breathing funny, or so she thought, his chest rising differently than it used to. But he was here, alive and in front of her. His lips quirked in an amused grin.
"You're here," she whispered just as Anna came into view behind him.
"Emma!" Anna cried out, racing for the fence, slamming into it as though she wanted to magically pass right through. Emma laughed, the tears that were threatening before falling now. She turned from them, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. The chain link shook as someone climbed over and she looked up, finding her sister there, beaming at her.
Kaylee pulled her into an embrace, holding her tighter than she could ever remember being held. Their jackets were bulky, smelling of dust and dead leaves, Emma's still had the faint whiff of the soap she used last night. Kaylee's grip left no space between them. Every muscles in Emma's body stiffened in protest though Kaylee didn't seem to notice. She held Emma like she wasn't dirty, contaminated, even rested her smiling lips against her sister's hair. A small part of Emma broke apart like a young child and she let herself cling to her sister as the others climbed over the fence.
It wasn't until Kaylee let her go that Andrew spoke. "Is my dad here?"
Emma felt her eyes widen. She saw Jack tense. "He isn't with you?" she asked, stepping away from Kaylee and towards Andrew. Something shifted behind Andrew's eyes and she knew, no, Bill was gone.
"We haven't, not since-" Andrew stuttered and then stopped, clearing his throat. Emma stopped just in front of him, her hand reaching forward. She pulled it back before she touched him, balling her fist.
"Andrew," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."
He nodded into the following silence, clearing his throat a few more times before he looked up again. He looked a little broken, haunted. He took a deep breath, resolving himself to this new reality, the world without his father. After a moment he looked up at Emma, a question brewing in his eyes. He held her bag in one hand, Emma just noticed.
"Are we going somewhere?"
~
They did not take the news of Emma's running away well. That warm smile from Andrew, the glow in her sister's eyes, it all vanished when she explained to them. It was just as she had imagined them when she was missing them both, smiling faces morphing into familiar ones of frustration and annoyance. She had almost laughed. But it wasn't at all funny.
Jack wasn't helpful. "I told you so," he muttered like a four-year-old, leaning against a boulder nearby. Anna grimaced, shaking her head, while Andrew and Kaylee exploded.
"This is what we were looking for, why we left the city!" Kaylee shouted. "We wanted to find a safe place to live, a place for all of us to live. That was the plan all along, you knew that."
"We only said that to get Dad to leave Mom," Emma said. She tried to keep her tone gentle, knowing the words would hurt her sister. "We know there isn't really a cure. No one can fix this for me."
"And if you're not infected?" Andrew asked. "If you really are immune, you'd be isolating yourself for what? Nothing at all. You want to live like that? All alone, forever?"
"Andrew, don't be naive!"
"I'm naive?" he burst out. "You have no idea what's even going on with you and you're running away instead of trying to figure it out!"
"Figure it out? How, exactly?" Emma spat. "Should I stick my tongue down the throat of the next bad guy I meet and sentence him to death? Wasn't killing those three girls enough?"
"You don't know you did that!"
Emma couldn't force them to see reason, just as she always knew she wouldn't be able to. She explained in shaky tones why she was leaving, how she couldn't be trusted in the closed confines of the camp, how people touched her constantly, innocent brushes that had her jolting away. She hated it, she feared it. She told them about the girls who had been infected. They didn't understand. Quinton had understood. If he was here, he'd have some answer, some way to make them see. But he was gone, just like her mother, father, even Andrew's father now. Any one of them could be gone at any moment. And it seemed as though that moment would only come faster if Emma stuck around. She eventually fell silent, realizing the futility of taking on Andrew and Kaylee alone. She nodded along with them, appeasing them though she didn't think she was fooling anyone. Anna was the least argumentative. There was a quiet understanding in her eyes. Emma threw one wry grin in her direction and the thoughtful smile sent back towards her confirmed it. At least Anna understood. Jack stayed silent. He didn't speak again until the sky lightened to a pale yellow.
"It's snowing," he murmured. Small flakes had started to break past the dead branches that strung out overhead. Emma looked up just as a puff of snow landed on her cheek, it melted on contact, leaving a small patch of moisture just under her eye.
"Well, that settles it," Kaylee said smugly. "You can't go in the snow."
"And we'd just follow your tracks anyway," Andrew added.
A well of misery rose of in Emma's chest. Even as Jack had followed her that morning, she had been focused on visions of herself alone, longing for the peace and serenity of not having to worry every minute. She wanted to leave the fear of her own infection behind her. She sucked in a deep breath and turned away, not willing to let them see it. But she whipped back around at Jack's next words.
"There's another way," he said softly, almost apologetically. "I'm sorry, Em, but you know I'm right."
He explained about the camp, about the dorms and the expectations placed on the group members. He very sheepishly explained to Kaylee about claiming her as his wife. Emma looked up at that to see the pleased shock that flashed on her sister's face followed by a blush that tinged her pale cheeks pink. Kaylee was happy about it. That was good. It was the next part that made Emma's skin crawl.
"So if I say we're married, she wouldn't be put back in the dorms?" Andrew asked, catching on quickly. Jack nodded as Emma seethed. "So problem solved then."
It was his casual acceptance, the indifferent way he shrugged his shoulders as though this was no big deal, that pretending to be married was just commonplace, that made her snap. She could feel the muscle in her jaw straining as she grit her teeth but she couldn't force her body to relax.
"No, the problem is not solved!" she spat. Andrew's eyebrows rose and he finally looked at her. "What is the matter with you? Do you realize what you're doing? Look over there! Look!"
She pointed towards the camp, towards the cabins and homes filled with non-infected humans. Andrew's eye reluctantly left her, following the path over the fences towards the camp. Even from here, the faint wisps of smoke could be seen and smelled.
"People," she whispered in a rush. "There are people there, through those trees. Men and women and boys and girls. There could be someone for you there. Someone you could be with. I'm not taking that away from you."
"It's not up to you," Andrew replied coldly, his gaze shifting from the trees to her face. "It's safer for you. I'll decide what I can live with."
"But I don't get to decide what I can live with?"
"It doesn't mean it's permanent, Em," Kaylee said, a hint of exasperation leaking into her tone.
"But-"
"No, enough!" Andrew yelled. Emma jumped, stepping back from Andrew. "We all just found each other again. It's snowing. You can't leave now even if you wanted to, which you obviously do. You can't live in the dorms because you're convinced you're infecting people just by breathing on
them. So it's this. We're married. We'll act like we love each other. We'll put on a damn good show. We'll keep you safe and that's that!"
A spasm of pain shot across Emma's face at his words.
"Which way?" Andrew asked roughly, turning to face Jack. He jerked his head towards the camp, indicating the direction. Andrew took off without a backwards look, Emma's bag still gripped in his fingers. Snow was already gathering on his shoulders and in his hair.
"Well," Jack said uncertainly, rocking back on his heels. "That's settled then."
Emma shot him a nasty look and then strode off, heading in the direction of the camp but keeping her distance from Andrew. She could just hear her sister's admonishment from behind her, her voice cutting through the soft snow.
"It's no use, Kay," Anna added after Kaylee finishing scolding Jack. "They will never get it. Must be in their genes or something."
~
Andrew's footsteps slowed ahead of her and Emma slowed hers to match, keeping his back just far enough ahead to watch without actually interacting with him. Every part of her was humming, subtle vibrations that shook her. If she didn't know any better, wasn't sure it was her own mind breaking apart under the combined elation, terror, and frustration of having them back, she may have thought the infection had finally taken its hold on her. But it was clear enough, that it was really the war between anger and joy that was shaking her.
They were alive. Not all of them. Bill was gone, dead or possibly just missing. But Kaylee was here, Anna, Andrew.
Andrew was alive.
"You can't just avoid me or this is never going to work," Andrew said. Emma looked up and caught his eye, he had turned and was waiting for her in the falling snow. His voice was colder than Emma liked and she frowned. Snow was coming faster now. Already the fallen leaves were covered in a light dusting. Breakfast was probably being served and if Emma and Jack didn't get back soon, their work detail would miss them. Andrew stood firm, waiting her out. The rest had been behind them, picking their way through more carefully than either of the teenagers stomping ahead. Kaylee and Anna were probably catching Jack up with everything they had missed. Maybe Jack was telling them about the camp. Emma and Andrew should really be with them, but they needed this moment, Emma was loath to realize, to work out how they needed to behave around each other.