“Hardly.” Her lips twisted. “Oh, some of it wasn’t so bad. We lived in some beautiful places. But I hated starting over, being the new kid in school every year. Sitting by myself, trying to figure out how to fit in and what to wear. And just when I’d finally get it right, when I’d start to make friends and relax, we’d have to move.”
“You can be lonely even living in one place.”
“True.” She glanced at him, wondering why she’d never viewed him as a loner. He’d always seemed so strong and confident, so impermeable to hurt. But apparently, she’d been wrong.
She gnawed her bottom lip, unable to stop the guilt creeping into her chest. If she hadn’t seen that part of him, what else might she have missed?
“Well, anyway,” she continued. “I didn’t like to travel.”
“How come you never told me that?”
Good question. “I didn’t like to talk about it. It wasn’t…It was a painful way to grow up. And I guess I assumed that you knew, that everyone understood the military lifestyle.” Obviously, she’d been wrong. And that assumption had cost her.
The road switched back, and she paused to haul air into her lungs. Sunlight streamed through the Douglas firs in narrow beams, highlighting the punishing climb ahead. Cade held out his canteen, but she shook her head.
His Adam’s apple dipped as he drank, and she steeled herself to go on. “My dad was always gone. That’s how I remember my childhood, standing on piers, watching his ship disappear, knowing it would be forever before he came back.
“There was this one time when I was nine and he’d been gone for months. I’d been counting the days until he came home. I’d made one of those paper chains, you know, where you tear off a link every day? And the chain was finally gone.”
They started walking again. “We got the call that the ship was in sight, so we drove down to the pier. We saw it in the distance, and then the pilot boat went out to meet it. I was so excited, I thought I was going to burst.”
Her stomach clenched at the memory. And that old dread trickled in, that horrible sense of betrayal. “And then the ship stopped, right at the entrance to the harbor, and it started to turn. I thought that the pilot had told them to, so it could enter the harbor at a better angle, but they’d been called out on another case. They just turned around and left. I didn’t even get to see him. And they were gone for another month.”
Cade frowned. “Your father couldn’t control that. He was just doing his job.”
“Exactly. A job he cared more about than me.” Her throat tightened, and she searched his face, praying he would understand. “And that was my biggest wish growing up. To find a man who loved me enough to stay home.”
She’d thought that man was Cade. He’d swept her away with his intensity, the way he’d made her the center of his thrilling world. And during those amazing months in the cabin, she’d lived the life she’d always dreamed.
Eventually, she’d discovered the truth, that she hadn’t really enthralled him, or at least not for long. That he did everything with the same high energy, and he thrived on excitement and change.
And no matter what she did or how hard she tried to please him, she couldn’t hold him down. Adventure lured him away every time.
Just as it had seduced her father.
Cade stopped and turned to face her. His eyes blazed, and a red stain inched up his neck. Shocked by his sudden anger, she took an unsteady step back.
He moved forward, crowding into her space. “So, because I didn’t spend every damned second by your side, you figured I didn’t care?”
Unease thumped through her chest. “It was worse than that,” she said, her throat dry. “I hardly saw you.”
“I stayed with you when I could.”
“Sure, during the off season.”
“During the summer, too. Every minute I wasn’t working. What more did you expect?”
That he love her enough to stay with her.
“Is that how you measured our marriage?” he continued. “By how many minutes I punched on a goddamned time clock?”
“No, of course not, but—”
“Hell, you didn’t want a man. You wanted a dog, somebody who’d sit at your feet every night.” He jerked his head toward the leash. “Well, it looks like you got what you wanted.” Looking furious, he turned and strode up the road.
Her face hot, her stomach balled, she slowly trailed him. Was Cade right? Had she expected too much from him? Had the problem really been her?
She dragged in a trembling breath. He made her sound so selfish. But was she wrong to want her husband around, to have a loving companion to warm the long nights?
She lifted her chin. “I don’t think that’s fair. Some men care more about their wives than their careers.”
He turned back to face her, his jaw rigid. “It’s not a matter of caring. A man has to support his family.”
“By being gone all the time?”
“If that’s his job.”
She shook her head. “Not all men think that way.”
He scoffed. “Good luck finding one who doesn’t.”
She looked away. “I already have.”
“You’re engaged?”
His incredulity stung. She snapped her eyes back to his. “Is that so hard to believe?”
His eyes narrowed even more. “What’s hard to believe is that any man would stay on that tight a chain.”
She flinched as he strode away. Phil was a man, a perfectly nice one. She pictured Phil’s easy face, his laid-back smile. The warm brown eyes that were as comfortable and welcoming as her favorite armchair.
And about as exciting.
She scowled. All right, so maybe he wasn’t as thrilling as Cade, but he’d make a great husband, wouldn’t he?
Still frowning, she tugged on the leash and resumed walking. In any case, she wasn’t looking for excitement this time. She wanted stability. She’d loved Cade passionately, but she’d been lonely without him. And it was far worse when she’d discovered she was pregnant.
Cade had been out on a fire, of course. And she had been so excited. She couldn’t wait for him to come home so she could tell him the news. So they could celebrate. She was sure he’d quit smokejumping so they could raise their child together, and create the family she’d always desired.
But instead of coming home, he’d veered off to Alaska. He’d sounded cheerful when he’d called to tell her. Excited. Lightning was striking all over and he’d get plenty of overtime pay.
And she’d felt hollow, betrayed, as if she were nine years old again and that ship had turned around.
She’d started cramping that same night.
Her stomach curled at the memories. The shocking gush of blood. The panic and fear. The terror of lying alone in that starched white hospital bed, her husband a thousand miles away.
God, she’d been scared. She’d needed Cade desperately, and he’d been off fighting fires. And when she’d left the hospital, no longer pregnant, drowning in depression and grief, she simply couldn’t go on. God forgive her, but she couldn’t make herself go back to that empty apartment. She couldn’t face the loneliness, the sadness. And so she’d left.
She sighed, unsure how to explain all that. How to tell Cade that he’d had a child, however briefly. And that she couldn’t cope when it died.
Just then, a plane flew overhead, and she squinted up toward the sky. White wings flashed through the pines and then they were gone.
Cade waited for her to catch up. “That’s the recon plane. They’ll check for a landing spot, too. With any luck they’ll pick us up soon.”
Which meant their time together was nearly over. And she still hadn’t told him about the baby. She cleared her throat. “Cade, I need to…”
Suddenly, a rabbit bounded across the road, flushed from the woods by the plane. It darted across their path in a fleeting zigzag, then disappeared through the trees.
A blur at her side caught her attention, and she turned
her head to look. The dog bolted forward. The leash abruptly tightened and yanked her into the air.
Unable to catch her balance, she pitched forward. Her knee slammed into the ground, and she lost her grip on the leash. Gravel gouged her palms as she skidded along the road, and then her shoulder smacked the earth, knocking the wind from her lungs. She let out a muffled cry.
“Oh, hell.” Cade ran over and crouched beside her. “Are you all right?”
She rolled to her side and groaned. “I’m fine. Just embarrassed.” Of course, the dog would chase the rabbit. “I should have seen that coming. And I can’t believe I dropped the leash.”
Cade grabbed her arm and helped her to her feet. She rotated her aching shoulder. “I’m just bruised.” But her knee throbbed. She glanced down and grimaced. “So much for my favorite jeans.”
“Let’s see.” Cade squatted before her. Using his good hand, he parted the torn fabric. His finger stroked the periphery of the scrape, sending chills over her skin. “This doesn’t look good. Can you walk?”
She bent her knee, felt the pain, and shook it off. “I’m fine.” But her palms stung. She wiped them on her jeans.
He rose. “Let’s see your hands.”
“They’re all right.”
“Jordan….”
She sighed and held them out. Gravel and dirt were ground into the shredded skin.
Cade grasped one wrist to hold it steady. “Does it hurt?”
“No.” She wasn’t lying. The warmth of his strong hand had driven out any pain. And suddenly, all she could feel were the rough calluses on his fingers as he stroked her wrist, and the answering leap of her pulse.
He moved closer, bending his head to examine her hands, and her gaze traced his strong tanned neck, the blond stubble lining his jaw. He’d removed his hard hat, and his short hair gleamed in the light.
He looked up and scanned her face. “Looks like you hit pretty hard.” He reached out and brushed her cheek. Her breath backed up as his fingers traced a path along her cheekbone, running thrills over her skin. Then he gently cupped her neck.
Her heart stopped.
His eyes narrowed, and he turned perfectly still. Tension arced between them. The familiar pulse of desire.
And suddenly, she wanted to kiss him, to feel that hard body lock against hers, those insatiable jolts of desire. To taste the bliss, the fire, even just for an instant.
And he wanted it, too. She saw the hunger in his eyes, the answering need. Her gaze fell to his mouth.
But he dropped his hand and stepped back. “We’d better get you cleaned up,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ve got bandages in my first aid kit.”
He turned away, and she hissed out her breath. What had just happened? Why had he stopped? She’d seen the desire in his eyes, just as she had on that rock.
It didn’t matter, she reminded herself. She should be grateful that he’d drawn back. She had no business kissing Cade, no matter how exciting he was. That road led only to pain.
“Forget it,” she said, determined to be as practical as he was. “We need to find Dusty first.”
“After that trick? I’d say we let him go.”
“Don’t tempt me.” He turned to face her, and she managed a shallow smile. “That was dumb on my part, though. I should have figured he’d chase the rabbit. I wasn’t thinking.” At least not about the dog.
And as a result, she’d lost him.
Cade pulled the canteen from his bag and strode back toward her. “Hold out your hands.”
“I’d rather wait—”
“I got that part,” he said, sounding impatient. “But at least we can rinse them off.”
“They’re not that bad.”
“Humor me.”
She sighed. Knowing it was useless to argue, she extended her hands.
He poured water on her palms, and the sting made her suck in her breath. “That’s good.” She pulled her hands back and shook off the water, then blotted her palms on her jeans.
“Let’s see your knee.”
She pulled a tissue from her pocket and held it out. “Just pour some water on this and I’ll clean it off. I can do a better job later.”
Cade dampened the tissue, and she quickly swiped at her knee. Blood oozed from the cut, but she didn’t tell him that. She would wait and bandage it later, after they’d found Dusty.
Her apprehension rising, she stuffed the tissue in the trash bag. Then she scanned the forest, hoping for a glimpse of the dog. Dense pines blocked the view on the downhill side, while above them, a tall chain-link fence edged the road.
She blinked, amazed she hadn’t noticed it before. Of course, her mind hadn’t been on the scenery. “Where did that fence come from?”
“The mine.” He stuck his canteen in his bag. “The entrance is probably ahead.”
“What kind of mine do you think it is?”
“Could be anything.” He picked up both bags and started walking. “Silver, coal, gold. Maybe vermiculite.”
“What’s that?” She limped beside him to keep up.
“A mineral they use in insulation. There used to be a big mine near Libby.”
She absorbed that fact, impressed by how much he knew about these mountains. Of course, he’d grown up in the state and spent his spare time outdoors.
But that wouldn’t help them find Dusty. Growing anxious, she whistled and scanned the woods. Surely the dog would come back. He knew they would feed him, protect him. Unless he ran too far and got lost….
A tight feeling spread through her chest. “Dusty!” she called, forcing back a surge of panic. She hadn’t lost him. She couldn’t have. She’d never forgive herself if that happened.
A few yards later, the road leveled out, and she stopped and gasped for breath. “We’d better wait here so he can find us.”
“He’ll catch up.”
“Not if we’re too far ahead.”
Cade squinted in the sunlight. “Let’s go up to that next bend. Then we can take a break.”
“All right.” Her knee aching, her palms burning, she reluctantly hobbled beside him. Locusts buzzed in the rising heat. The dry wind sucked at her skin. But at least the ground leveled off, allowing her pulse to slow back to normal.
Still worrying about the dog, she walked beside Cade to the bend, then turned the corner and stopped. To her surprise, boulders spilled over the road, blocking their path.
She wiped the sweat from her face with her sleeve. “What happened here?”
“I don’t know.” Taking the lead, he forged a path through the weeds around the boulders. “It looks like we can go this way.”
She followed slowly. “Shouldn’t we wait back here? The dog won’t see us on the other side.”
“That depends on where he is.”
“I know, but—”
“Watch out.” He stopped abruptly and held his good arm out to block her. She peered over his broad shoulder to see.
And gasped. Beyond them, the mountain had slid away. Instead of a dense stand of pines, huge rocks littered the hillside for hundreds of yards in either direction. Weathered logs were scattered throughout the debris.
She scanned the area in amazement. “My God. How did this happen?”
“Hard to say. Lightning could have burned some trees on the ridge and loosened the rocks. Or vibrations from the mine set it off.” He glanced around. “Or maybe the mining company blasted the road to keep people out.”
If so, they’d done a good job. She couldn’t even tell where the road had been. “How are we going to get through?” Maybe she could scramble over the rocks, but Cade had an injured shoulder. And some of those boulders were huge.
“We’ll have to go around.”
She glanced up the mountain. Climbing the steep slope didn’t look easy. And along the edges of the rock slide, where the earth remained intact, the chain-link fence blocked the way. “We’ll have to go downhill.”
“Too dangerous. We don’t want to be belo
w the rocks if we set off another slide. This thing probably happened in sections.” He nodded toward the nearest slope. “You see where that grass has taken hold? That’s probably the original slide. But look over there.” He pointed further out to a stretch of light-gray rocks. “That’s more recent.”
She nibbled her lip. Despite the danger, it would be faster to go straight across. “You don’t think if we’re careful…”
“It’s too risky. The whole damn hill could collapse.”
“Still…” A sudden yip caught her attention, and her pulse rose. “Do you hear that?”
“Yeah.”
“Dusty!” she called, and another bark rang out. She edged closer to the slide and scanned the wreckage, sure the sound had come from there. But the only thing she could see was a hawk soaring past on the wind, trailing a shadow over the rocks.
“Dusty!” she shouted again. “Where are you?” Then she saw a movement and her heart leaped. “There he is!” The dog crouched between two boulders halfway across the slope. “We’re coming, sweetie,” she called out.
She turned to Cade. “His leash must be caught. I need to climb down there and get him.”
“Forget it. The hill’s unstable.”
“But he can’t get free by himself.” Besides, this was her fault. If she’d held on to the leash, he wouldn’t have gotten away.
And no matter what, she wouldn’t leave him. Cade didn’t know it, but saving dogs helped her deal with the loss of their child, as if by rescuing them, she could alter the past, or make it a little less painful.
“We’ll have to go around and get him from the other side,” Cade said.
“But that could take hours.” The pitiful yips grew louder and tugged at her heart. She couldn’t make him wait that long. She had to get him out now.
And only she could do it. The dog couldn’t get free by himself, and Cade couldn’t climb those rocks with his sling. Besides, she was lighter than Cade and less likely to set off a slide.
His eyes narrowed at hers. “Forget it,” he said, as if reading her mind. “We’re going around.”
“McKenzie,” a voice on his radio called.
“I mean it,” he warned. He swung his PG bag from his good shoulder and pulled out his radio.
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