by Hotcheri
Why, though? I’d known the girl for years, why was I thinking about her like this now? And why had I kissed her and lied about it after?
‘My vision doubled.’
My voice echoed in my head and I groaned, shaking my head. Jasmine gave me a quizzical look and I smiled, trying to act normal. But nothing was normal. Wanting to hang out with CiCi all the time- that wasn’t normal. Writing notes to her in class without caring about the consequences- not normal. Staring at the back of her neck and wondering what she was thinking- creepy. Wanting to kiss her again- a thought I could do without.
I ran a hand over my face, feeling rather warm. This wasn’t me. I never obsessed about girls. I could have any girl I wanted (I’m not being conceited) so why was I constantly thinking about the one girl I couldn’t- hell, shouldn’t have? She wasn’t even my type, for God’s sakes. I liked party girls, not perfect, hardworking girls with smooth brown skin, amazing hazel eyes and soft pillow lips.
I have got to quit thinking about her lips.
This wasn’t healthy at all and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I shook myself, trying to get my confused thoughts out of my head. Sexy Jasmine leaned in closer to me and whispered, “Are you okay?” in my ear. I nodded, breathing in her perfume. Spicy. Jasmine had been flirting with me ever since I broke up with Joanna and I had always flirted back. Unfortunately, I couldn’t even concentrate on the way her hand was squeezing my arm because all I was thinking of was Celsiana Sawyer. I stuffed the notes from her into my pocket and got to my feet. I needed some air.
Miss Swanson sighed as she saw me stand. “Sure, just get up and leave, right in the middle of my class.”
“I’m just going to get a drink of water,” I protested, fighting to keep a smile off my face at her frustrated expression. My pulse sped up as CiCi turned to glance at me, a bemused expression on her pretty face.
“No, don’t worry.” Miss Swanson shook her head. “There’s only five minutes left and, truth be told, you wouldn’t learn anything if you were in my class for a year. Bye.”
She stood in front of her desk, hands on her hips as she waited for me to leave. I shrugged, picked up my unopened book and walked out of the class without a backwards glance. She was right. I wasn’t going to learn anything, so why bother? At least it wasn’t only my dad who thought I was useless; my teachers were catching on to it too. Why not start a ‘We hate Luke Astor’ fan club while they were at it? Sighing, I headed to my locker.
At least this afternoon I would get a chance to hang out with CiCi again. Then I could figure out that thing that she had that made her so magical and figure out a way to deal with my- crush. Because I knew what it was now. I had a crush on Celsi Sawyer and it was scaring the crap out of me. When, why and how? I didn’t know. All I wanted to do was get a hold on myself and shake it off. Getting rid of feelings you had for a crush object couldn’t be that hard, after all. It wasn’t as if I was in love, after all. I laughed to myself. Hell no. I was just in like. And it wouldn’t last.
All I had to do was make sure Ahmed didn’t find out. After the gala, he cornered me, wanting to know exactly what had gone on between CiCi and me during the night. I didn’t tell him about the kiss coz I had a feeling that if he knew about it, he would have taken a swing at me. The thought that Ahmed probably had a crush on CiCi had occurred to me once or twice. Well, now I was in the same boat…
I rested my throbbing head against the cool locker door as the bell signaling the end of classes (and school) rang. Another day closer to my operation. At my checkup yesterday, Doctor Khan had the same news for me- aneurysm is the same size, we can’t operate, etcetera, etcetera. The cynic in me thought that dad was paying him not to operate because he wanted the aneurysm to rupture, just for fun. Well, that was just in my twisted little mind and even though dad didn’t like me that much, I knew he wouldn’t stoop to that level. I hope.
“Luke, sweetie, there you are!”
I turned my head only to see Joanna bearing down on me, a smile on her face. She obviously didn’t care about Timothy’s suspicion towards me. He gave me threatening looks every time we passed each other.
Joanna gave me a quick peck on the lips then stepped back, still beaming. She shook her hair back. “So, my parents are out of town tonight. Wanna come over? We can hang out in the hot tub.”
Sounded tempting, but I knew I wouldn’t be hanging out with Joanna today. I was going to give blood, working on the list she didn’t know about, and hanging with CiCi.
If only I could find a way to let her down easy.
Placing my hands lightly on her shoulders, I said, “I really wish I could, but I got stuff to do. How ‘bout a rain check?”
Wrong thing to say.
Joanna’s eyes narrowed and she shook my hands off of her. “That’s what you said last time,” she said in a low voice, conscious of the people around us who were probably pricking up their ears to listen in on our conversation.
I frowned. “What last time?”
“When we were making out in the supply room, you jerk. You took off and said ‘rain check, babe’. Next thing I know, someone spots you at Baskin Robbins with Celsi Sawyer.” Joanna scowled at me, red spots of anger appearing on her pale cheeks.
Shit. Now I remembered. But how did she find out that I had been at Baskin Robbins with CiCi? Was she having me followed?
“I just have some things I need to sort out, babe,” I told her as the hallways rapidly emptied.
“Things concerning Celsi Sawyer, right?” Before I could open up my mouth to respond, she continued. “I saw you two passing notes to each other in class. Don’t even try to deny it.” Her eyes were filled with hurt as she looked up at me. “So are you gonna hang with your new BFF?”
God, why was she guilt-tripping me like this?
“Babe-,” I started huskily, hardly knowing what to say. What could I say? I’m sorry, but who I choose to hang with is none of your business. We’re broken up, remember?
“You’re acting weird. Even Wendy and Ahmed have noticed.” She gave me a head to toe look. “What’s going on with you? You’re not yourself.”
Maybe the aneurysm has something to do with it.
“I’m surprised you guys notice anything out of your cozy existence,” I couldn’t help replying, getting a little dig in. Joanna didn’t rise to the bait. She just stared at me as the last stragglers slammed their lockers shut and took off into the chilly air outside.
Stolidly, she said, “You’re part of that cozy existence. Soon you’ll realize that your infatuation with Celsi is stupid.” She stepped closer to me, putting her hand on my chest. “She doesn’t belong in your life. She’s not your type. Once you realize that, you’ll come back to me. I’ll be waiting.”
How martyrish of you.
I stared down at her flawless face, wondering why it was so hard for her to accept the inevitable. We were never going to get back together. I was just using her for sex and she was just delusional, as much as it hurt to admit it. I couldn’t do this friend with benefits thing anymore. If I really wanted to change for the better, I had to let some of my past go.
And this has nothing to do with your crush on CiCi, right?
I shook my head defiantly. Nope. Nothing at all.
“Actually, Joanna, I- kinda wanted to talk to you about us.”
The hallway was deserted now. It was amazing how fast students could vacate the school grounds once the final bell rang.
Looking both surprised and hopeful, Joanna said, “Oh yeah? Do tell,” in a sexy voice. She had apparently forgotten that just a few seconds ago, she’d been pissed at me. After she heard what I was about to say, she’d be even more upset. But I couldn’t backtrack now. This was the perfect time.
“This- arrangement we have isn’t a good idea.” Joanna’s eyes widened as I forced myself to continue. This was painful for me too. But I knew it was the right thing to do. “I mean, the sex is great, but if Timothy hears about us- he could really hurt m
e.”
Incredulously, Joanna hissed, “You’re scared of Tim?” like she couldn’t believe her ears.
I had to laugh. Was I scared of that brainless beefcake? Hell no. But I had my own health to think about. If I got into it with him, I might not be so lucky.
“No way. But I just- I don’t think this is worth getting beat up over.”
I bit my lip as Joanna glowered at me, removing her hand from my chest and placing it on her slim hips.
“You mean I’m not worth it?” she asked, her voice coming out high and reedy. I swallowed. I hated hurting Joanna, hated it. Yet I always seemed to do it. Why did she keep on coming back to me?
“Exclusively, you’re so worth it babe,” I murmured, reaching out to her. She took a step back, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s not fair to me or you. I need to move on.”
Joanna’s eyes were filled with tears. “You’re dumping me?” Her voice quivered.
Running a hand over my face, I nodded. I had to be grownup about this. Backing down now would just make me feel stupid and more of a loser than I already did. “Yeah. I’m sorry, Jo…”
Her eyes were cold as she glowered at me. “You son of a bitch,” she croaked, before turning and stalking away from me.
“Aw, shit,” I muttered to myself, leaning against my locker. I didn’t love Joanna, I was sure of that, but it was still painful to go through another breakup with her. Still, even though I felt bad about hurting her like that, and even though it cut me like a knife, I knew I’d done the right thing.
CHAPTER 18
all falls down.
Luke's Bucket List- Give Blood.
Celsi's Point of View.
Despite Luke's prior warning, I didn't realize just how acute his phobia of needles was till we walked into the MetLife Donor Centre. Up until that moment, he'd been all smiles ever since we met at Grand Central Station, offering to buy me the hugest candy apple I ever saw.
“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you, but you look so cute when you eat,” he informed me, his eyes glinting with mischief.
Somehow, I don’t think I would look very cute with toffee dribbling down my chin. Pass.
Still, it was sweet of him to say, even though it was a huge lie.
Luke seemed to be in an amazing mood despite the frigid air and the frosty sidewalk. While I was walking as slowly as possible to avoid slipping on black ice and falling on my booty (my boots are old), he was practically bouncing around in front of me, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt, jeans and Converses, cracking dumb jokes.
“Okay, I got another one for ya,” he said as he held open the entrance door leading to the lobby, standing aside so that I could walk in before he did. “What kind of Christmas present do you give a man who has everything?”
I shrugged, making a beeline to the building tenant listing, searching for New York Blood Center. “I don’t know,” I replied, my eyes glued to the colorful directory as expensively dressed business people milled around the lobby. Why are these dang things always so complicated?
Undeterred by my obvious enthusiasm (yeah right), Luke came up behind me.
“Give up?” he pressed, sliding his hands slowly onto my shoulders.
“Yes,” I said in a tone I always hear frazzled mothers use towards their chatterbox toddlers. I didn’t know I had it in me! But really, today Luke was kinda acting like one of those annoyingly adorable little kids that never shut up.
Sliding his hands up and down my upper arms in a smooth, sensuous way (does he ever realize what he’s doing?) he brought his lips so close to my ear that I could feel the warmth of his breath fluttering against my neck.
“Want me to tell you?” he asked softly, a faint teasing sound in his voice as though he knew that the way he was touching me was giving me butterflies. He probably does know. And he probably likes it, too.
My voice came out breathless, and I wasn’t trying for sexy, which is unfortunate because I could have worked it. I just couldn’t breathe right when Luke touched me like that.
“Okay.”
Just don’t let go of me!
Brushing his lips (purposely, I’m sure) against my ear, Luke replied, “Crack, so that next year he doesn’t have anything.”
And on it went.
By the time I figured out how to get to the donation center from where we were, Luke had told me a variety of ridiculous Lady Gaga jokes (how do you make Lady Gaga cry? You ‘poke her face’) laughing all the while.
“Why are you in such a good mood?” I had to ask, feeling slightly jealous. I’d just found out that Nino, my boss, had to cut my hours at work and I wasn’t too happy about that. It meant less money at a time when my family needed it most.
Luke gave me that hot crooked grin and I almost melted. “I don’t know. I just feel free.”
Way to be vague, Astor.
However, the instant we started walking towards the donation center, all signs of happy camper Luke flew out of the proverbial window. He suddenly clammed up, staring at the floor as he shuffled his feet, something I could do without. I hate when people shuffle their feet. And even though the main reason I was supposed to be there was to support him, I took one look at the terrified expression on his face and burst out into a fit of giggles.
Luke shot me a reproachful look. “You’re not helping.”
Leaning against the wall, I wiped my eyes as my shoulders shook with laughter. “I’m sorry,” I spluttered, trying to compose myself. “But you’re joking, right? You can’t be that scared of needles!”
“I told you its crippling!” He glanced nervously around us in the deserted hallway (what was it with me, Luke and deserted hallways, anyway?) and took a couple steps towards me. “When I was a kid, the nurses had to tie me to the bed and blindfold me just to give me a shot.”
The image of a trussed up, blindfolded baby Luke thrashing around on a bed as nurses fought to hold him down set me off again. Tears of laughter rolled down my face as I clutched my aching stomach. It wasn’t that funny, but it was hilarious, know what I mean? Luke didn’t seem to think so.
“Where‘s moral support when you need it? My dad would be more comforting than you are.”
A hurt frown on his face, Luke folded his arms over his chest, looking steadfastly away from me. My mirth slowly dried up as I realized that he was well and truly miffed by it.
Buuurn.
Still, I guess I deserved that, after laughing at a very valid fear of his like that. Time to get serious, Celsi.
I put a hand on his shoulder, feeling the tense muscles beneath the soft fabric of his White Stripes t-shirt. Poor baby, he really is worked up about this, isn’t he?
How would he feel when the 16 gauge monster was stuck in his arm, sucking out a pint of his precious blood?
I bit the inside of my cheek hard to stem my laugh. This is not the place or time. I had to be a supportive friend, even if the need to laugh killed me.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, looking up into those green eyes of his. “No more laughing, I promise. I’ll hold your hand. I’ll even tell you a story to take your mind off things.”
Luke gave me a grateful smile. “Thanks. And thanks for showing up.” He heaved a heartfelt sigh. “None of my friends would have taken me seriously enough to come here with me.”
I smiled back. “That’s why you have me.” Celsi Sawyer said what? Hastily, I continued, lest Luke take what I had just blurted out straight out of context. “Helping you with your list, I mean.”
You just had to tack on the ‘I mean’, didn’t you?
As I opened my mouth to save (more like ruin) my own skin, Luke ran a shaking hand through his hair.
“Dude, I think I’m hyperventilating.”
Drama queen.
“Just breathe slowly,” I instructed him, glad that he changed the subject.
He shook his head, staring at the door to the donor center. “I think we should go. I can’t do this.”
I rolled my eyes, wondering why I was saddled with such a big baby.
“Luke, we’re already at the door.”
“I know but- I can’t go through with it.”
Nuh uh, buddy. I didn’t come out here for nothing. We’re gonna give blood even if I have to drag your butt in there! I gave Luke an appraising look. He was several inches taller than me, but rather thin. If worst came to worst-
“Why you looking at me like that?”
Luke’s voice jolted me out of my study and I blinked, my mind a blank. The only thing I could think of to say was “Huh?”
“You were looking at me like you wanted to- manhandle me.” He smirked, moving closer to me and wiggling his eyebrows. “Do you wanna manhandle me?”
Ye Gods, is my face really that expressive? Sure I wanted to manhandle him, but not in the way he was making it sound, with his husky voice and those sexy eyes- was he flirting with me?
Do. Not. Think. About. Luke. Flirting. With. You.
Putting my hand on my hip, I looked up at him, swallowing hard. Dammit, focus! “Don’t change the subject, Luke. You’re going to give blood. You already made an appointment and you’re not backing out now.” He opened his mouth to say something and I steamrolled over him. “If you back out now, you’ll let me down.”
A sexy groan from Luke. “CiCi-,” he started, but I wasn’t done yet.
“And what did you say about letting me down?” Digging into my jeans pockets, I pulled out the crumpled piece of paper we had written our notes on. Clearing my throat, I started reading. “‘I don’t wanna let you down. Luke. So what-.”