by Kimbra Swain
I gathered my senses. When you have a great loss in your life, you learn to cope and over time the pain does ease. But every once in a while, a smell, a song, a memory or a word will set you off, and the pain stabs your heart anew. I tried wiping the tears away. He looked as if he had done something wrong. I needed to get myself together to better explain it to him.
“That was no demon,” I managed to say. I felt a little light-headed. I sat back down on the mat, and he sat across from me again. His kind heart showed all over his face. He was going to beat himself up if I didn’t start talking.
“Just tell me when you are ready,” he said not pushing.
I tried to smile at him, but I’m pretty sure it came out as a wince. “The word is Navajo. There is a reason the United States used Navajo for code talkers in World War II. They continued to use the language through the Korean War for code. It’s barely understood by any non-Navajo people.” I had to stop for a minute and gather myself again. He moved closer to me on the mat, and put his hand on my knee. It reminded me when I awoke from passing out after the storm. He held my hand then. It was oddly reminiscent of having a loyal pet that instinctively comforted you when you were in pain. Perhaps it would seem weird or kooky to anyone else, but for me, his instincts to do it was amazing. I would have to pay more attention, and see what other animal instincts besides purely fighting he exhibited as a human.
“You drifted off again,” he said patiently.
I tried the smile again, but it still wasn’t much of one. “Yeah, sorry. It wasn’t a demon. The word is identical to my Quies spell. It means peace. I didn’t realize he was at your exorcism,” I choked up again.
He squeezed my knee. “I see now.”
I gritted my teeth. I would get through this without being a basket case. “It was Lincoln’s spell.” There I said his name. The weight lifted a bit, but I could feel that gaping hole in my heart.
“So, he stopped me from shifting at the exorcism,” he half-stated and half-asked.
“It seems that he did. He had not told me that about you,” I thought back about all of our conversations involving Tadeas and his gifts. Lincoln had interacted with him several times. I knew he was the one that arrived to pull Tadeas out of the room where Isabel died. I wanted to avoid that subject with him.
“What I saw while sitting in that chair when they branded me, looked evil.” he said not understanding.
“You saw him in the spirit world. He probably walked into the room that way to avoid confrontation with the priests. He had the ability to travel through multiple planes. Back then he was assigned to seeking out and collecting shifters. The Agency endeavored to save as many as possible. But at times there were too many. Lincoln was one of the few operatives that had a gift for seeing a shifter. That ability he taught to me. I don’t understand why he didn’t take you from them then,” I bowed my head and tried to understand. If Lincoln was there, he was there to remove Tadeas before he shifted. Why didn’t he do it? “If it isn’t too painful, can you tell me as much about the exorcism as you can? But if you don’t want to that’s fine.”
“No, it’s okay.” He proceeded to tell me about it. It was eerily similar to mine. They even called him an abomination. He knew now that the first shift tried to happen right there in the exorcism chair, and I knew that if he saw Lincoln in the spirit world and he used that word, then he did not shift. I listened to the story.
“It sounds a lot like mine. Very much like mine.” I looked up to his eyes to make sure he was okay. He had moved his hand from my knee while he told the story. That whole thing where he couldn’t tell a story without using his hands. The thought made me smile.
“Why are you grinning now?” he asked confused.
“I just thought about how I used to watch you in class talk with your hands, and how you always tried not to,” I grinned even more admitting to it.
“Aw, come on, I’ve worked on that. Why you gotta bring it up?”
“Sorry, it just occurred to me.”
“Crazy wandering mind,” he said as his smile faded. It was a temporary respite from our intense conversation. “Do you do that on purpose?”
“Do what?”
“Deflect when something gets serious or uncomfortable.”
“I suppose its human instinct to avoid uncomfortable topics. Right? But this time I honestly just let my mind wander a bit. My face just gave me away that time.”
“Hmph,” he grunted.
“You don’t do it though. Let your mind wander. That I’ve noticed. You generally seem to want to confront things head on. You could teach me how to do that or at the very least point it out to me when I start to deflect.”
“He looked like a skeleton in the spirit world,” he started back into the conversation, “Consider that pointing it out.”
I smiled. I did ask for it. “Yes, Lincoln was the legendary Navajo Monster Slayer. Ever heard those stories?”
“No, I don’t think I have,” he said.
“Lincoln and his brother Thomas, which were the names they adopted in more modern times, were twin brothers. Lincoln was the Monster Slayer, and his brother was known as Born for Water. He hunted and killed monsters for his people, then later on for all of us. He and his brother could be described as brutal. I admit the first time I saw him in the spirit realm, it scared the crap out of me. He and his brother were extremely formidable. They were war gods.”
“Wait, your ex-partner was a god! That’s quite the standard to live up to,” he said playfully, but it felt like it did bother him.
“I guess, but he really was no different that you and I. The Mayans considered a Jaguar Guardian to be an angelic-like creature, and part of southern Mexico in the Olmec traditions worshipped the were-jaguar as a rain deity.”
“I am not a god,” he said.
“Lincoln said the same thing. He would say that just because someone did not understand your true nature, and worshiped you for your talents did not make you a real god. But we both know that belief has a lot of power. As the years went by and the Navajo nation dwindled, Lincoln too, had less power. By that time his experience and talents carried him enough. He also said that Grandfather’s faith in him, and mine to an extent after I learned to tolerate him, gave him power as well. His enemy’s fear of him also made him powerful. He had plenty of enemies. Think about it like your students. Every time you take an extra moment with them or encourage them through a difficult sparring match, you are placing faith in them. Belief that they can do better. It gives them power. It gives them confidence.” I watched him taking it all in.
“You had to learn to tolerate him?” Out of that whole diatribe, that’s the one thing that he latched onto and asked to know more about.
“Well, more like he had to learn to tolerate me, and I had to change. After training with Samara, I felt invincible. I was a royal pain in the ass. And he got saddled with me. He felt like he was babysitting. But after being smacked down multiple times, I realized I was a little fish in a big sea. Samara taught me spells and power. Lincoln taught me control and constraint. Grandfather put me with Lincoln, because he knew that I would fail over and over, and I would need someone to bail me out. He always saved me. He and I...” I had to pause as the memories flooded over me. They were warm, and I missed him very much. I pulled my knees up and buried my face in them. I couldn’t hold the onslaught back anymore.
Tadeas moved next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t talk about it anymore. It can wait,” he whispered.
I had restrained myself around Tadeas, but now I leaned into him. He just held on and didn’t move away. All of the tension and unresolved issues between us just melted away. I tried to gather my emotions. I raised my head, and I guess I didn’t realize how close he was to me. He wiped my tears. My emotions raged back and forth. I didn’t want him to see me as weak. I wanted to move away from him, but I was transfixed looking at him. I was not used to anyone being that close.
“Abby, I know you are tough and powerfu
l, but you are human. You hurt just like the rest of us.”
“Do you read minds?” I blurted.
“What? No, why?”
“There are times it seems like you do,” I muttered.
“No,” he pushed himself up off the floor and offered his hands to pull me up. I put mine in his. He pulled me to my feet. “But I will tell you this. After talking to your Grandfather, I have a better perspective of my purpose here.”
“I should have just let him threaten you in the beginning.”
“It might have worked.”
“My way was much more fun, though right?”
“No, it wasn’t,” I had to look up at him, then realized he was joking again. Maybe because the loss of Lincoln was fresh in my mind at the moment, I didn’t catch on to the humor. “We’ve got to be getting back. The magic lesson will have to wait.”
“Yep,” I agreed. “Let me grab a few things including shoes, and we can go through the portal. We will have a few hours on the other side. But I want to get back and see if I can find out if any of the upstairs apartments are vacant.” I started to walk away, but realized he still held my hands.
“Abby, anytime you want to talk about all of that stuff, I’ll listen,” he offered.
“I’m not the only one with pain. The road goes both ways,” I said squeezing his hands, and he let go, “But thank you. Guess I didn’t realize I needed to let some of it out. You too, right?”
“Yes, sometime soon. I will,” he said. We headed back upstairs, and George stood there with my black duffle bag, my boots and Tadeas’ boots.
“I took the liberty of packing the things you wanted,” he explained.
I looked over to Tadeas and whispered, “Ever seen an Angel blush?” I turned back to him, “George, I told you to stay out of my lacy underwear drawer.”
“They are just so pretty,” he replied.
I stood in shock, and Tadeas almost hit the floor rolling in laughter.
“You dirty old man,” I walked up and hugged him.
“You will be back soon,” he said. It wasn’t a question.
“Hopefully, but I have no definite plans. You need anything from here, Tadeas?” I looked over and he was putting on his shoes. I picked mine up and just carried them with me.
“No, ma’am,” he replied.
“Take care, George,” I said as I hugged him again. I opened the closet door to the portal and stepped through.
I watched her step through the portal. George offered to shake my hand. I met his grip, and looked at his face.
“She is important to me, Master Tadeas. Please take care of her. Thank you for what you did down there. She’s needed someone besides me for a very long time. I had my doubts about you, but you are proving yourself to me daily. We are watching, Son.”
“I understand, George. I think she’s taking care of me more than me taking care of her though,” I replied to him. I genuinely liked him. I didn’t know any angels. I didn’t know what to expect, but he was like a wise, understanding father who loved his daughter.
“It’s a partnership,” he said.
I smiled, and patted him on the shoulder and walked through the portal. Abby waited there for me, and Meredith sat in the one office chair.
“Hey Mere, what’s up?” I said nonchalantly even though her presence there sent off every alarm in my body.
“Just needed to talk to you about your class, and I decided to wait for you to return,” she said.
“Do you lock your door?” I said to Abigail who sat behind the desk tapping on the keyboard. She shook her head no at me and grimaced. I suddenly saw the benefit of the communication spell.
“I’m right here. Did you have to ask that in front of me?” Meredith practically yelled at me.
“Tadaes, I have a few things I need to do here. You can go with her and discuss the class, and I’ll be down in a little bit. I’ll come by your apartment. If that’s okay with you?” she frowned at me. I could tell she didn’t want me to go.
“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit,” I said and motioned Meredith to the door. I turned with my back to Meredith and mouthed, “I don’t want to go.” I hoped she could read lips.
She smiled at me and held up 3 fingers and then made a zero indicating she’d give me 30 minutes.
I mouthed back, “Fifteen.”
“Are you coming?” Meredith insisted from the hallway. I shut the door, but I heard her laugh just a little inside the office.
“Meredith, it is 4am in the morning. What is your problem?”
“Not here,” she shot back at me.
We got to the stairwell and she was not the least bit quiet going down the steps.
“Meredith, people are sleeping. Could you please stop stomping?”
“I’ll stop stomping when I get to stop babysitting your people every time you run off with that tramp.”
“We cannot have a conversation if you continue to call her names. I’m sorry, Mere. I would never let anyone talk about you that way. I can’t let you do it to her either,” I said.
“Fine,” and she started walking a tiny bit more quietly. We exited the stairs and she walked to my apartment door and stood. She wasn’t asking to come in. She practically demanded.
I opened the door and let her go in. The moment the door shut she went off like a bomb.
“I am sick and tired of covering for you. Yes, I know we didn’t have traditional classes, but there’s all kinds of crap going on with your class. You let that little whore upstairs ruin a completely good class of recruits. Samantha has been in tears. A man she met in Boulder dumped her. I went to check on her since no one could find you. And on my way there, I ran into Travis and another other girl from another class fucking in a closet. He actually asked me to join them. I got Samantha calmed down finally, and I went to the cafeteria to get a drink. When I came back by, Samantha was in the closet with Travis and the girl. These people have lost their damned minds and you are off in a fancy portal with little Miss Witch.”
“You done?” I asked.
“No, I’m not even close to being done. Do you realize who she is? Yes, she’s his granddaughter, but there have always been rumors about who she is and what she is. Her father is a wizard, big whoop. But her mommy? Who is her mommy? Rumors say her mother is Fae. That makes her a Halfling. She is a Fae witch whore.”
“You can leave now,” I said firmly.
“I AM NOT DONE!” she yelled.
“Yes, you are. Get out!” I felt my anger rising. I suppressed the animal.
“See. That’s the other part Tadeas Duarte. In the nice little confines of this building you are a great instructor and a good friend to be honest. But the moment you leave this place, you are a freak. Everyone that looks at you will see that you are an animal on the inside. What happens when you can’t control it? What happens when you kill her like you did Isabel?”
I clutched my hands into fists and thought about Abby in the corridor on the island. About her power and how it calmed me. I shook trying to prevent myself from going off on her. Abby said I had to believe in myself. I had to accept what I was, but Meredith was right. I was a murderer.
“He said leave,” I heard her voice behind me. I felt the calm wash over me.
Meredith threw her hands in the air, “We will finish this when you come to your senses, but until then stay the hell away from me.” She stomped out the same way she stomped in.
“She is insane. What in the world?” I muttered.
Abby walked around to face me. “That’s putting it lightly. What she said…”
I went ahead and waved her off, “No, I know. She tried to provoke me. I don’t get it. She knows me too well to be doing that stuff to me.”
“Why would she do it on purpose?”
“I’m not sure,” I plopped down on the couch, and Abby sat down next to me.
“Nice TV. We should watch it,” she said.
“Deflecting,” I said.
“I can deflect about yo
u. I just am not allowed to deflect about me,” she stated.
“We probably should discuss the rules of this game beforehand,” I smirked. She had made me smile. In fact, overall, I was much calmer. Her belief in me made me stronger. I started to see what she meant.
“Nah, I’m making them up as we go along.” I turned the tv to late-night reruns of Night Court. I don’t think either of us watched it. I took my phone out and set an alarm for class tomorrow. I felt myself getting sleepy. The time zone change affected me. It was time for a siesta on the island.
“You find anything in your emails?” I asked.
“I didn’t have time to read them. I felt the hatred coming off her, and I followed down pretty closely. I’m getting weird vibes from her. I can’t pin it down,” I said.
“You look at her in the spectrum?” I asked. I just assumed she was always looking.
“In general, I don’t, but when someone is that angry it helps to look. The colors of an aura can sometimes define the source of any emotion. And yes, I looked.” she said.
“See anything?”
“Her aura is black right now, which means she knows I would look and is blocking it somehow. She probably just didn’t want me snooping. I can understand that completely,” she said dismissing it.
“Every once in a while, she gets wound up. She will calm down and apologize for it all soon,” I assured her. Meredith was mostly harmless.
She moved across the couch to sit next to me with her legs pulled up under her like in the recliner at the island. “You sure you are okay? Big tough man doesn’t want to talk about it.” She mocked, and I saw her shiver a little. I got up and went to the closet and brought back a blanket. It did get cold down in this underground bunker. I handed it to her, and she smiled and nodded.
I sat back down and propped my feet up on the coffee table. “No, it’s okay. I know what she said isn’t true to a point, but there are things I will eventually have to come to terms with, and I’ll discuss it with you. Just not right now.” I felt guilty. She had made herself vulnerable with me earlier, and I wasn’t giving her an inch. She moved back to the other end of the couch and positioned a pillow on the back of her head.