by Kimbra Swain
“Like the deal,” I said.
“Yes, but no deal because I need to be free to act. I can’t have one of us accidentally saying something that might cause us problems in a fight. Does that make sense?” she asked.
I thought about how hard it was just to talk to her without giving her an order. “Yes, I remember the party very well. You are right.” I reached over and took her hand. “Abby, its fine. We can do it. It won’t be a problem.” I realized then, she wasn’t worried about me. She feared of how she would act.
As much as I wanted to avoid the subject altogether, I knew that I had to tell him. I knew now was the right time to do it. “I think I’m done eating,” I said.
“The food not good?” he asked.
“No, I’m just distracted. No appetite,” I replied.
“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” he asked. “You don’t have to, but if it will help, I’ll listen.” I sat there and tried to gather my thoughts. He got up and picked up all the plates and dishes and took them to the room service cart.
“If you push it outside the door, they will come get it,” I said. I heard him open the door and push the cart out. I got up, and closed the patio doors. “Bulla.” My silence bubble consumed the room, and he turned to look at me with concern in his eyes.
“It warrants a bubble?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. I went and sat on the bed. I crossed my legs and leaned against the headboard. The whole room exemplified classic French decor. The whole hotel did. While small, it was luxurious and private. I enjoyed the closeness of it. It had a certain intimacy. As much as I hated the thought, I needed to get over my reservations. Tadeas and I were about to start hunting the evils in the world. We needed to be as close as possible, but not too close. There was a fine line there, and even I wasn’t sure of where that line was for us. He turned the chair around at the desk and sat down to face me. I closed my eyes, and gathered my thoughts. “I don’t know how you are handling what happened to you with Meredith. I want you to know if there is anything you need to get out of your system I want you to come to me. Let me be the one you lean on.”
He bowed his head. “I think overall I’m handling it okay, but it’s not like she accomplished her goal. Whatever her goal was, I’m not sure. I was upset last night. It’s still a nagging pain, but I promise, if I need to talk about it, you are the one I’ll come to. Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Not entirely,” I responded. “I know all too well what it’s like to have something taken from you that you did not freely give.”
He looked up at me and seemed puzzled at where I was going with this. I did not want to prolong any of this story. I just needed to get it out.
“What do you mean Abby? Someone did that to you?”
“Yes, sort of. Every story is different.” I said quietly. I could see the anger welling up in his eyes, and his body became rigid.
“It is one thing that a woman that I once found attractive got desperate enough to drug me, but you are talking about something entirely different,” he said.
“Not really.”
“Yes, really,” he stood up and sat on the end of the bed across from me. “But Abby you don’t have to tell me this.”
“I do have to. There are things you need to understand about me, and why I am the way I am. Why I act the way I do, and maybe, just maybe I can find a way to finally heal from it. To move forward and...” my voice drifted off. I rarely admitted that there was something wrong with me. I was powerful. I was beautiful. I was smart. But I was unequivocally broken. He just waited. He didn’t push. “I’ll do the best I can to get it out, if you will just listen.”
“Whatever you need,” he replied.
“In 1917, New York City had one of the most uncivilized mayoral elections that they’ve ever had. The Agency sent three of us to help Tammany Hall in an effort to stabilize the city. The machine that was Tammany ran the politics in the city and had heavy ties to the mob. A man by the name of Charlie Murphy ran Tammany, and somehow a second endorsement arose out of Tammany for mayor. It ended up that their two candidates were competing with each other and thus dividing the vote of their supporters. We went in to encourage Murphy to do some public appearance and newspaper interviews which he hated to do, to clear up Tammany’s position on the race. Holding control in New York City was extremely important in those days. We could not jump on a computer and check the stocks. Everything traded there on the floor of the Exchange. We had to have a stronghold there. My grandfather sent Jeremy Stafford, a man named Brian Trevant and myself to deal with the issues there and assure Tammany that they had the Agency’s full support. On top of all of that the United States had declared war on Germany and started World War I. The country was in a state of turmoil. Murphy helped with the war effort too. Especially recruiting in the districts that Tammany controlled. Murphy was different that most of Tammany’s leaders. He pushed the politicians to avoid the dirty money of gambling halls and brothels. Tammany was not without corruption though.” I paused. “Sorry for the history lesson.”
“It’s okay. Keep going. You are working yourself to it. I’m listening,” he said.
He understood me far more than I ever imagined he would this early in our partnership. “Several of the controlling families, Italian families, were upset that the Agency involved ourselves in the mayoral problem. Ultimately all of the things going on in New York at that time, combined with the war, eventually lead to the Great Depression. As a side note, on July 4th, 1917 both Roosevelt boys were in New York. Theodore Roosevelt gave a speech in Forest Hills. FDR visited New York City and sat next to Charlie Murphy cementing his ties to Tammany, and it would eventually get him the White House. He would be the one to lead the States out of the depression. I met them both. Interesting men to be sure. After the rally with FDR I attended a banquet. Trevant, who posed as my husband, went back to our hotel to complete some reports to send back to the Agency. Everything had to be hand-written back then and relations took time. I attended the party, and Stafford drove me back to the hotel. I always rode with him in the front seat. I hated being chauffeured around when I didn’t have to be. He and I were friends. He was the same flirt then as he is now. I was young. I enjoyed his company. That night after sitting in the car talking, things got serious, and he tried to kiss me. I told him no. He obliged, but assured me that one day I would give into him. Looking back, it was an innocent exchange. He liked me. Hell, I liked him. I only worked with Lincoln part of the time, and he could care less about romance. In fact, back then, Lincoln scared the crap out of me with what he could do. In turn, Lincoln despised my lack of maturity. I went upstairs thinking about Stafford and what my feelings were toward him. I did not take the precautions I should have, because when I opened the door to the room, there were 5 men in the room that I did not know. Trevant laid bloody and dead on the floor. I panicked and tried to get out of the door. I put up a shield barrier, and tried to pull power. I suddenly realized one of the men in the room was a far more powerful wizard than I was at the time. I could not pull power, and my shield failed immediately. The four thugs with him were mobsters. They came to inform us that our interference in the elections would not be tolerated. One of them went to punch me. I avoided the punch, and got a hit on him. He hit the floor and the other three rushed me. The wizard sat back and laughed. Each one of them tried to subdue me, but even in an evening gown I kicked their asses. Finally, the olive-skinned wizard with his dark almost black eyes stood and said, ‘Enough.’ The four men stopped trying to fight me. I tried to move, but his spell froze me in place. To this day, I do not know what kind of spell he used, but I could not move. ‘Take her into the bedroom,’ he told them. They all approached me slowly, and when then realized I couldn’t move they dragged me into the bedroom. They tied my hands together. Even then I didn’t cry, I was constantly reaching out for power, trying to grasp it from anything. I had been taught not to pull power from humans. It was dark magic. Samar
a had actually showed me how to do it. He wanted me to know what it felt like, that way I would resist using it. He didn’t want me to stumble upon it and corrupt myself. I had no choice. The thugs who were part of the hustlers for the mob asked the wizard if they could take turns on me, and he granted it to them. When the first one,” I stopped again. I had to breathe. I pulled my knees up and put my head on them.
“Abby, please don’t tell anymore,” he said. “I can’t stand it. Please.” He fidgeted and his eyes flared with hatred and concern.
“I have to,” I said.
“No, you don’t. You don’t owe me any explanation or have to tell me this. I get the idea of what happened. What they did to you. I get it. You don’t have to say it.”
“It’s not what they did to me. It’s what I did to them,” I replied and resolved myself to continue. “When the first one got on me, I reached out to the life inside the one holding my right leg down. I could feel his blood pumping through his veins. I looked at the wizard, and he laughed. He knew what I was doing, and let me do it. He wanted me to corrupt myself. I pulled the life out of that man, and used his power to kick the man who laid on me into the wall. I heard his neck snap. The other two men started to run out of the room, but the wizard shut the doors and windows and they could not escape. He laughed. I realized what I had done. I would not do it again. The wizard ordered one of the men to have his turn. The man begged him to let him go. The wizard assured him that I couldn’t hurt him. I then tried to pull the life out of that thug, but the wizard had exerted more control over me and I couldn’t. After that one finished, he made the other guy do it too. Then he sucked the life out of the both of them like I had done. I saw his eyes gloss over black. He pulled a black bladed knife out of his coat and leaned into my ear, ‘You should thank me Miss Abigail. I avenged your rape. Unfortunately, my dear, we have rules. And the rules say, you cannot take the life force of another by magic and live. You are now an abomination to magic, and you must pay with your life,’ I lost it then. I screamed but no sound came out. I cried and tried to thrash around. Sheer panic set in, and he had me bound. He pulled the black knife across my neck, and it was cold. I felt the blood rushing out of my body. I felt my life draining from me. I had murdered two men, and now I would die for it. The world went dark, and I wandered in the darkness for I don’t know how long. I later found out that my grandfather had put a soul binding spell on me, the mark everyone sees now, that kept my soul from leaving my body. I never made it to heaven, Valhalla or Elysium. I just wandered in darkness until they brought me back. And when I came back, the darkness inside of me due to pulling the life out of that man consumed me. It drove me mad. The island and its supernatural properties helped restore me. You probably noticed how peaceful and calm it can be there. That’s when Grandfather assigned Lincoln to me full time. He hated it. He had compassion for me and my plight, but he hated being confined to the island. Later on, when I was ready, Grandfather forced him to work with me. I realized that work kept me sane. The one thing that I could focus on and really make amends for my past actions. Jay is the one that found my body. He came up to the room about an hour after we parted to apologize for being forward. He has never been the same. I give him slack for a lot of things. He blamed himself for putting me out of sorts, for not escorting me to the door, and for not being there to help. But the truth remained, if he had gone in that room with me, he would have died too. I…” my voice faltered then. I couldn’t speak anymore. I didn’t cry. I got it out without crying. I looked up to him and tears rolled down his cheeks. It has been said that real men don’t cry. Whoever said that was a fool. He crawled up the bed and sat next to me. I reached up and wiped his face.
“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered.
“I thought you should know everything. You should know there is darkness in me. That I control it. That if the day ever comes that it consumes me, I need you to either bring me back, or cut me down.” He got the most horrified look on his face and shuttered.
“No, I won’t do it,” he said.
“You have to. It’s why you are here,” I said.
He kept shaking his head. “I will just bring you back, no matter what.”
“I believe in my heart that you are a guardian, not only to me, but to all people. If there is a threat that comes along that needed to be neutralized, you would do everything in your power to stop it. One day that power might be me,” I explained.
“No, I’ve seen you. You won’t go there. I won’t let you,” he said. I did not want to push this with him too much. But there was one other thing that needed to be said.
“That is why we cannot ever be together. No matter what tension or attraction or whatever there is between us. If we were in a relationship, I couldn’t count on you to do what I needed you to do if I lost control. Our judgment would be clouded by our relationship,” I said. He moved out of the bed quickly and went to the door.
“I need some air,” he said.
“That’s fine. I understand. Do you have your bracelet?” I asked. I had noticed he wasn’t wearing it.
“I think Meredith took it. I haven’t been able to find it since then,” he said.
I put up my hand and called another one to it. I had more than one in my vault. Jewelry was easy to replace. He looked at me, and I tossed it to him. He put it on.
“I’ll be back in a little while. I promise,” he said and slipped out the door.
Then I cried. I did not know if he would come back. If he didn’t, I would understand. Part of it would be that he couldn’t fathom hurting me. I curled up on the bed, and drifted away to sleep.
As soon as the elevator door opened, I bolted in and hit the button for the lobby. I had forgotten my key card, but I was not sure I would need it. Part of me wanted to run. I wanted to run far away and hide from this. I would be doing the very thing she accused me of yesterday, but this overwhelmed me. There is no way in the world I could end her life. It would be like Isabel all over again. Even if we weren’t together, there is no way. The doors opened and the small opulent lobby smelled like cigar smoke. A small smoking room and salon sat off to the side of the lobby. I considered stopping for something strong and dark to drink, but I decided against it and hit the front door into the city. It was loud and bustling. I winced and tried to control my senses. I wasn’t in a large city very often. I did not like them. The sounds overloaded my senses. I started walking down the street. I did not know where to go, but I needed to breathe. I walked and turned down streets. I would be lost before I knew it. I felt lost before it started. I walked down one of the large boulevards and came to a huge building that favored a Grecian temple. It was a Catholic Church, L'église de la Madeleine. The building was impressive. It stood out on its own block in the city. I could hear music playing on the inside. I walked up the steps and looked at the relief carved above the large pillars. Christ stood in the middle flanked by two angels, one was Gabriel and his horn. I thought back to Abby, and Gabriel coming to her giving her the warning. The angels put their faith in a woman who had murdered two men. Granted, they got what they deserved for what they were doing to her. If they weren’t dead already, I would want to hunt them down myself. Standing in front of the church with murderous thoughts, I decided perhaps I should go in. There were people seated in sparse collections in the pews. Several people were praying at the altars and lighting candles. It felt familiar. It had been a very long time since I stepped inside a Catholic Church. I wanted nothing to do with them after the exorcism. I sat down in a pew and stared at the extravagance of the place. The statue of Mary Magdalene in the front of the church was enormous and imposing. I sat quietly. While I did not believe in the Church, I did believe in God. I bowed my head and said simply, “Help.”
The first thing I noticed was a cool breeze blow through the room, and it got utterly silent. I raised my head and looked around. I sat alone. The people were gone. I thought I had sat too long with my eyes closed that the place closed with m
e still inside. Then from the back of the room I heard a shuffling noise. I turned to see an elderly man hunched over a cane. He started to stumble and fall. I jumped up to steady him.
“Why, thank you Son, I can barely get around these days,” he said. He looked at me with kind eyes. They were the bluest blue I’d ever seen.
“I can help you to a seat if you’d like,” I offered.
“Right here is fine,” and he sat down in the pew I vacated. He left enough room for me to sit next to him. “Have a seat, Son. You look to have a heavy heart.”
Mindlessly I sat down next to him. There was something about him that felt calming and comforting. “I do sir, but I won’t bother you with such things.”
“I think I may have lived on this earth a little longer than you, young man, perhaps my wisdom can help. We all have times in our lives where we question our purpose in this world. We get lost and try to find our way. You look lost, Son,” he said.
I put my hands in my hair and said, “Yes, I am.”
He smiled, “Well, then you are in the right place to be found.”
“Forgive me sir, but I don’t have much confidence in the Church. I just happened by here earlier. I took a walk trying to clear my mind. The place looked impressive, and I wanted to see inside. I’ve never seen anything like this before in my life,” I explained.
“That’s understandable. The place is impressive, but ostentatious. Faith does not require such elaborate adornments. Faith is simple,” he said.
“Doesn’t seem simple sometimes,” I replied.
“If it isn’t simple, it’s because you make it complicated. This world is full of people trying to prove things. They want concrete evidence that the world was created by evolution or by the hand of God. They want unequivocal proof, but I say, if we found proof of everything in this world, we wouldn’t need faith. Faith is a driving and inspiring force. There are those who pervert faith and use it for evil. In contrast, there are those who use faith to fight evil. The whole of the world would suffer without faith,” he explained.