“What's all the fuss?" asked the Sheriff, not looking up from his reading glasses as he used a long pair of tweezers to adjust the mast of a tiny ship inside of a bottle.
"You sent for me," she said, after her lungs took in a deep swallow of air. "Said it was urgent."
“Did I?" asked the Sheriff, still clearly more focused on his ship in a bottle. "No, only pressing matter is me finishin' this, here model of the Santa Maria."
"You sure?" asked Eve, opening the note to show him.
The Sheriff looked over the note. Written across the document was 'Eve, Sheriff’s' and 'URGENT!' scribbled in enormous print across a blank death certificate. Only one place handed out death certificates like they were candy. It definitely came from the Sheriff's office.
"Pretty sure I wouldn't have written it in crayon," said the Sheriff, returning to the Santa Maria.
"Crayon?" Eve whispered to herself in awkward embarrassment. The Sheriff was right. When the school Secretary had given her the note, Eve was so eager to rush into another mission and abandon her teaching post that she hadn't even noticed the note had been written in blue Crayola.
"Probably written by some dang, fool kid," nodded the Sheriff.
"Hey, you got my note!" said a voice from across the room. It was Doctor Adam Townsend, popping out of a room at the back of the office as if he’d been waiting for just that moment to do so.
"I think you're right," agreed Eve, looking at the giant child in the lab coat in front of them.
The Sheriff's eyes went from Adam to the door he'd just exited.
"We're you in my bathroom this whole time?" he asked the Doctor.
"Is that where I was?" said Adam, looking back over his shoulder.
"How in the heck did you get past me?” demanded the Sheriff.
"You were pretty occupied with this boat,” said the Doctor.
“It's a three masted carrack, the Santa Maria. You know, Columbus and all? It's supposed to get my mind off of, well, whatever it is what causes me stress.”
“Well hope it's working because I have bad news for you,” said Adam grimly.
“How’s that?” asked the Sheriff.
“The Santa Maria… She doesn't float,” said Adam, raising the bottle that he had somehow managed to fill with water.
The Sheriff snatched it away from him, watching as days of painstaking work floated in pieces to the top of the bottle.
“Is there a point to you barging in here, Doc?!” asked the Sheriff angrily.
“Of course,” said Adam as he stepped back a few feet and clearing his throat. "I give you, the Shrew!" he shouted, lifting a small gray rodent from his lab coat pocket.
"The devil did you just take out of your pocket?!" hollered the Sheriff.
"Perhaps you missed my oratorically magnificent intro?" Asked the Doctor in a mix of confusion and offense that his presentation thus far hadn't been appreciated.
"Oh, I heard ya'," shouted the Sheriff, plopping back down in his desk and planting his boots on top of his hard wood desk.
"Look I barely tolerate you coming in here, let alone bringin' in critters and takin' over the joint!"
"Don't worry, Sheriff," apologized Adam. "Won't happen again."
No sooner had he said “Won’t happen again” than a lab assistant stepped in and placed a film projector on the desk next to the Sheriff’s boots.
"Thanks Steve," the Doctor muttered to the assistant.
The Sheriff looked at Eve, then back to “Steve”. A second assistant stepped in to load a film into the projector. Apparently Adam had brought an entire entourage with him.
"What's with the projector?" asked Eve, as the Sheriff for once seemed to be out of words.
"It puts a movie on the screen," explained Adam.
"What screen?" started Eve, but before she could finish the question, a third assistant was setting up a Da-Lite projection screen next to the good Doctor.
"That'll be all, Steve," said Adam, apparently calling all of his assistants by “Steve”.
The Sheriff was watching in disbelief as the assistants rushed left and right, closing the shades and setting up folding chairs.
The deputy shrugged and had a seat in the front.
"You're going to wanna’ take notes,” said Adam, handing the deputy a crayon and another death certificate from a stack on the filing cabinet.
The Steves sat down next to the Deputy and offered him a box of popcorn.
"All of this,” said the Sheriff, motioning violently to the movie theater now in his office, “this is all about a danged shrew?”
Adam quickly shushed him.
"One, Claudia has been rehearsing for this all week," explained Adam. "Two, this is more than a mere shrew, Sheriff. Why she's an untapped miracle of science and nature! But don't just take my word for it…"
Adam nodded, and one of the Steves flipped the projector on, launching an Atom Labs Education Short The Shrew and You onto screen next to him.
"Oh, Hello. I'm Doctor Adam Townsend," said the on-screen Doctor. The real Adam at the front of the room just smiled and nodded.
“Ugh,” groaned Eve. “Adam in Stereo?”
"Jes' let me know when I'm all done learnin' stuff," muttered the Sheriff as he leaned back in his weathered chair, tipping the bill of his Stetson down over his eyes.
Eve shoved his boots off of the desk and they slammed onto the floor.
"There goes the hip!" he grunted in pain.
"If I have to suffer through this, so do you," insisted Eve.
"Today's topic is ‘Blarina carolinensis’," continued the on-screen Adam. "Or as I call it, ‘Shrewis Spectaculous’, but you may know it as the common shrew. But is it so common? I wonder… Let's take a look, shall we?"
As on-screen Adam reached towards the edge of the projected image, the real Adam reached Claudia behind the movie screen, and like magic, an arm appeared on screen and handed the movie Adam the shrew!
"Thank you, Doctor," said on-screen Adam.
"You're welcome, Doctor," said real Adam as both smiled at each other.
"A seemingly simple creature," continued the film as the view widened to see an easel with a large picture of a shrew. "But did you know this little fellow is the half-brother of the mole and second cousin to the bat?" He flipped the shrew pictures to reveal photos of moles and bats.
"What do these have in common?" asked the screen.
"Echolocation!” said on screen text and an echoing voice.
“Yes, this poor little creature is blind and must find food purely by using sound, like a form of radar."
"To help me illustrate this, Jimmy?" the Doctor called off-screen.
Jimmy, a fourth grader in a striped shirt and overalls, entered on his bicycle with the front end basket loaded with newspapers.
The Doctor quickly placed a blindfold over Jimmy's eyes and knotted it in back.
"Off to your paper route, Jimmy!"
"Gosh, I'll try Doctor Adam," shrugged Jimmy.
"That's the spirit!" smiled the Doctor, patting him on the back as he rode off set. "You see, with the loss of their vision, a shrew's senses have learned to compensate. Is it possible a human could do the same?"
Car tires screeched followed by a loud THUMP!
"Clearly not," admitted the Doctor, unfazed.
"I'm okay!" Called Jimmy from off-screen. "Gee, this Echolocation is hard!"
"You betcha', Jimmy!" nodded Adam. "But that's not the only amazing feature of our friend the shrew. To better explain, I've brought in a world renowned expert!
As Adam turned to a blank page on the easel, a film within the film lit up on the empty poster board.
"Oh, hello," began a third Adam. "I'm Doctor Adam Townsend.”
“Three Adams?!” muttered Eve. “This is going to give me nightmares!”
“Why do you think I ain’t slept in years?!” responded the Sheriff.
The Adam on the Easel continued.
“Did you know a shrew may consume up to three to four times their own body weight in a single day? Why if they were the size of you or me, they might eat an entire car in only a matter of days!"
He held up model car the size of a shoe and nodded to the camera.
"Amazing, right? Now, let me show you what we've been working on." As easel-Adam headed off screen, he tossed the car over his shoulder.
"Heads up!" called out on-screen Adam as he stepped back from the easel and looked up in the air.
"Got it!" answered real Adam as he stepped away from the projection screen and reached out an arm. Like magic, the car from the movie within the movie dropped from somewhere in the air of the Sheriff's office and into Adam's awaiting arm.
"Good catch, Doctor," said on-screen Adam.
"I know," smiled live Adam.
“How long have you been rehearsing that?” asked Eve.
“Three weeks,” said Adam. “And don’t worry, you’ll get to see it again when I come to your classroom on Thursday.”
“Do you mind?” asked the on screen Adam.
“Sorry,” apologized the live Adam.
“Go on Doctor,” advised on screen Adam to the film within the film.
“Thank you,” continued the Adam on the easel.
Eve and the Sheriff looked at each other in bewilderment, then back at the screen.
"Now, if they can't find enough food, they may even turn on their own kind!" exclaimed Easel-Adam as he stepped over towards a pale lab assistant.
"To experiment on the power of hunger, Steve here hasn't eaten for two whole days!"
A fresh steak is set on a table in front of the weak assistant.
"There you go, Steve," said Easel-Adam, patting his assistant on the back and studying him closely.
Steve didn't wait for permission. He dug in, slicing off a sizeable piece of meat and chewing excitedly.
"You see?" asked Easel-Adam. "If hungry enough, any species will eat its own kind!"
Steve slowed as he processed what Adam had just said, then froze when it finally sank in that the steak wasn't from a cow.
Adam just smiled as the camera moved tighter on his grinning face, despite the sounds of Steve gagging in the background.
All three Adams then concluded in unison, "I'm Doctor Adam Townsend and you're welcome!"
“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to be knee-deep in shrews fighting for my life by the end of the day?” asked Eve as she gripped her temples with the onset of a sudden headache.
“Don’t worry,” said the Sheriff. “If I knows the Doc, I’m sure it’ll be far worse than that.”
The film ended, the projector’s bulb dimmed, and darkness swallowed the room.
INSPIRATION FOR:
THE HANDS OF THE SWAMP!
To experience some of the camp and genius that inspire the Atom Town series, please enjoy the following links and topics:
Film & TV:
The Crawling Hand – 1963
Alligator People - 1959
The Monolith Monsters – 1957
Mystery Science Theater 3000
Svengoolie
Rifftrax
The Twilight Zone – 1959-1964
Books:
Cheap Tricks and Class Acts by John “J.J.” Johnson
Art of Imagination by Frank M. Robinson, Robert Weinberg, Randy Broecker
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JASON SCOTT NEBEL lives in Omaha, Nebraska with his wife, four sons, and several furry, four-footed children. He lives on a steady diet of cheesy movies, classic TV and Film, and more cartoons than anyone ought to admit to.
To learn more about the author, or Atom Town Books, visit www.atomtownbooks.com or follow us on Facebook and Twitter.
Atom Town Book 2: Hands of the Swamp! Page 10