by Daris Howard
She pondered for a long time, daydreaming of ways she could get even. Then a thought occurred to her. She would show him she could be a woman - something he could never be. She would show him she could be graceful and beautiful. Her thoughts had stopped there. Was she beautiful? She didn't even know. The last time she acted like a girl was when her father was alive. She had learned so much about her father from her grandmothers. She had even learned how much she truly was like her own mother. But was she beautiful?
She went and stood in front of the mirror. The image of a boy that stared back at her made her heart fall. She didn't think her father would be proud of her now. He had loved her as his daughter, but, at that moment, she didn't look much like his daughter. She cried all over again. When she stopped, she made up her mind to do two things. She would make her father proud of her, and she would teach Jacob a lesson. But how? She knew almost nothing about dressing the part of a young lady. She had realized she could go to her mother, but she feared her mother's disgust about her appearance and a possible "I told you so" attitude. She also didn't want her mother to know she had feelings for Jacob. She could get servants to help her, but then news would spread all over the palace, and she so hated everyone knowing her business.
Then she had thought of her grandmothers. They had shared the stories of her parents with her. They had approved of her mother marrying her father. Of course! That was the answer. They would help her.
She found them as they were having tea. Not wanting to face her mother and have her know she had been crying, she had sent a servant to relay the message that she would be having tea with her grandmothers, knowing her mother would accept her absence for that.
She told them the whole story. They looked at each other knowingly. Her grandmothers were excited about the prospect of helping her. They almost skipped tea altogether. Grandmother Ellen, the old queen, said, "We've got a lot to do before tomorrow."
While Grandmother Ellen set about the palace to find the right dress, Grandmother Margaret prepared a bath for Marie. She scrubbed Marie's hair until Marie thought she would surely be bald. She was amazed that such an old lady could have so much strength. She was just getting finished with her bath when Grandmother Ellen came in with a beautiful dress that had been one Marie's mother had worn while she was courting Marie's father.
Marie looked at the tiny waist and could hardly believe her mother had ever been able to wear it. She tried it on, but found it snug. Since Grandmother Margaret had been Grandmother Ellen's lady-in-waiting, she knew just enough sewing to let it out. Marie wasn't sure she liked the thought of having to have her mother's dress let out for her, but Grandmother Ellen assured her, "You're just bigger boned than your mother because your father was a good, strapping man."
While Grandmother Margaret was working on the dress, Ellen was busy getting the right mix of lotions and perfumes. Marie thought she would hate the softness that came from lotions, but as she put some on herself and felt what it did to her skin, she didn't mind it - at least not too much.
When dinner time came, they requested dinner in their room. Again, she requested the servants relay a message to her mother that she was with her grandmothers. This time, the messenger came back with a message from Louise wondering if all was well. Duke Elnard was there, and her mother thought she should join them.
Grandmother Ellen had replied, "Just tell her that we are in the middle of something important, and she needs to be with her grandmothers."
The messenger never returned, so they felt all was well. Marie wanted Jacob to be the first one, besides her grandmothers, to see her look different. She thought that would show him. If word got to him before he saw her, it would all be ruined. Her grandmothers agreed. They talked for a long time while Margaret worked on the dress, with Marie wearing nothing but layers of slips. They soon fell to talking of men, laughing at their idiosyncracies, and such.
Finally, the dress was ready. It was still slightly snug, but it would have to do. She would see about getting more dresses later. As she was twirling around in the dress, enjoying how it floated around her, Grandmother Margaret came in holding Marie's old clothes at arms length. Marie caught the scent of horses and sweat emanating from them and felt aghast and embarrassed. She had had no idea how they smelled. It took getting away from them to realize. Grandmother Margaret held them up. "What should I do with these?"
Marie looked from one grandmother to the other. They had never been judgmental; they had always been there for her. She realized how foolish she must have seemed at times. She remembered grinning at them as she said, "Burn them!"
Shock shown in both of her grandmothers' faces. Then they both laughed. "Gladly!" Grandmother Margaret exclaimed.
In that instant, they all knew she had decided to change her life. She thought of her father. She wanted him to be proud of her. But what about Jacob? What did she want him to think? She still struggled with her emotions as far as he was concerned.
They worked half the night getting her ready, checking and redoing the dress and putting her hair in rags for curls. They were back up early to finish brushing her hair and fitting her just so. They requested breakfast in their room. Pleased with the results, her grandmothers pronounced her ready and led her to a mirror. Marie had almost cried as she looked at herself. There in the mirror was an older version of the little girl that stood confidently with her mother and father in the picture that hung in the great hall. That picture had been painted long ago. Her reflection had showed her how much she looked like both of her parents.
Her grandmothers went into the hall to act as sentinels. They did not want anyone to see her before Jacob did. They went from hall to hall, clearing any occupants, until they finally arrived at the library. They peeked in. Jacob had his back to the door. He was sitting on the table with a book in his hand, but he didn't really seem to be reading. Instead, he seemed deep in thought, as he would sigh heavily now and then. Her grandmothers fluffed up her hair, and then Grandmother Ellen winked at her. "Go do it!"
Marie entered quietly on her tiptoes. This was going to be perfect. She came up within a few feet of him. She turned and looked at her grandmothers peeking in the door. They smiled encouragingly at her and waved her to go on. She turned back to Jacob and cleared her throat.
He stood and turned to face her, wearing a look on his face that was unlike anything she expected. She had planned to gloat - to really teach him a lesson. But as he turned, she saw something in his eyes, something that told her he was sorry for what he had said. And then, almost instantly, she saw the shock that came over his face and a look that she could hardly describe.
She could hear him gasp for breath, and even if she couldn't describe the feeling, she knew it. She had felt it when he had danced with her and held her in his arms the day before. Her breath had rushed from her, and her heart had raced, until the oxygen left her brain and made her dizzy.
She still couldn't help but rub it in a little as he dropped the book. She teased, "I see I must teach you how to treat books." She enjoyed his dazed look. Jacob, who was always so calm and never flustered, stammered for words. She had to rub it in just a bit more. "Do I look like a woman now, Captain?"
Then, as he blushed, and his voice seemed to choke with emotion, his words had erased all the pain she had felt. He bowed. "I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. You are most beautiful."
Instantly, she had almost felt like crying. She could see in his eyes what he was going through, for she felt the same. She was falling in love with him, and she knew it. That wasn't what she had expected, or was it? She couldn't say she didn't want it. Deep in her heart she knew that was why she had burned her other clothes - because she wanted to please him.
She could sense the struggle within him. He was fighting the turmoil that she could see in his face. It was unimaginable for a soldier to fall in love with a princess. She swallowed hard as she realized what she had done. She had taken away every barrier between his heart and hers. She sudden
ly felt as helpless as he seemed. He continued to stare at her in disbelief, and it didn't bother her at all. She tried to ease the awkwardness of the moment as she looked at him questioningly. "Well?"
"Well, what?" he'd asked.
She held out her arms. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?"
As he had taken her in his arms, and they began to dance, she saw her grandmothers give her the thumbs-up sign and quietly close the door. Jacob couldn't seem to hum any music, so she filled the silence as they floated around the room. Everything had felt so right - the look in his eyes that he admired her, the feeling of his arms around her. She couldn't have been happier. But he had slowly stopped. He dropped his arms from around her and backed away. She sensed what the problem was, but she was flustered because she could have danced forever. When she had questioned him, he answered that he wasn't feeling well. His face told the whole story. She wished he would just come out and say it, though she knew perfectly well he really couldn't.
As she started to express her frustration, he had lunged toward her, yelling for her to watch out as he pulled her behind him. The suddenness of it confused and angered her as she stumbled, and then she heard the fearful sound of clashing steel. She turned to see Jacob recovering from a surprise attack, only to see two more assailants move in. He yelled for her to run, calling her by name. She had stood frozen for an instant at hearing him utter her name. Then, fear for his safety surged through her.
Horrified, she realized that she left her sword in her room. But instantly she remembered the family crest. She ran to it, pulling out a sword, and turned in time to see a fourth assailant coming up behind Jacob. She warned him, and he turned just in time to miss the full force of the blade. She had rushed at the fourth assailant, who turned to take her assault. He deftly drove her back to the wall. She had felt anger building within her - anger that they might hurt Jacob, and anger they had stolen this perfect moment from her. She kicked her assailant hard in the shin, causing him to stumble and drop his sword.
Miraculously, Lord High Chamberlain appeared, as did the Royal Guard, and it was all over. She was still seething with fear and anger and her heart was pumping wildly. Her perfect moment was stolen from her forever. She lashed out at Jacob and, then, instantly felt horrible as she saw his wound, a wound he had received protecting her.
As she began binding up his arm, she trembled from the multitude of emotions she had experienced. She had also realized something about herself. She truly had been falling in love with him all along, and the fear that he might be killed had forced her to face it.
These last few weeks since that attack had just flown by. Jacob tried to keep that formality between them, and, for the most part, she had played along. But she was not about to let all the magic of that day disappear. Since that day she had insisted on taking his arm wherever they went so she could learn the proper etiquette of being escorted. She had also informed him that they must spend additional time together, in the evening, so she could learn to dance with the real music of the chamber orchestra. She told him it was to make up for the time she had lost. He was not fooled by this ploy, but seemed more than happy to oblige.
Now the time for her birthday ball was only hours away. But what would happen to them after the ball? One thing was certain: she wasn't about to let him go.
Chapter 26
Escorting Marie To The Princess Ball
The last weeks leading up to Marie's birthday went quickly; way too quickly, Jacob thought. They had spent almost every waking minute of it together. She did have her tea and dinner with her mother, but she had insisted on going to chamber music sessions and even horse riding in the evening. She had said she needed the extra time to make up for her "foolish years" so that she might be ready for her Princess Ball.
Jacob didn't complain at all, taking advantage of every chance to be her escort. But he couldn't fool himself any longer. He knew he was in love with her and that it was truly only an excuse to be with her. But how did she feel? Could a princess ever truly love a soldier? He pushed the thought from his mind. Surely not.
Perhaps if she were not the princess, or if, somehow, he could have been born a prince... He truly did not desire a royal station, but he knew he was in love with her, and if she had not been of royal birth he could have expressed that love. As it was, what he desired couldn't be, and it showed him to be nothing more than a fool for even wishing it were possible.
Everywhere they went, now, she linked her arm through his, saying he needed to practice being her escort, and she needed practice being escorted. He thought he'd soon get used to it, but he never did. Every time she took his arm, his throat would get dry and his vocabulary would become monosyllable idiocracy.
Her corn, pumpkins, and sunflowers were growing quickly, and she was proud of them. He found himself taking pride in what pleased her. If she was pleased, he was pleased.
Then there was the dancing. Marie no longer dressed like a boy at all. She wore a beautiful gown each morning for the dance lessons, and a regular dress in the afternoon for the other studies and their walks in the gardens. Sometimes, in the evening, they would dance along with the chamber orchestra music. It was there, listening to the beautiful music instead of humming it, that his heart would nearly choke him as they glided around the room in each other's arms.
It was now the night of her Princess Ball, and his heart was tearing at him until he had to fight his emotions continually. He knew this would be the end of their time together. He almost felt an anger rising in himself against the queen. How could she have put him into this situation? How could she do this to him? But then he realized he would not have had this last year with Marie if she had not. Even as his heart was breaking within him, he had to admit he wouldn't give up the last year with her for all of the heartbreak in the world.
But tonight, he would be her escort for the last time. He was dressed in his best uniform, his rank and medals hanging from his coat, as was customary. His boots were polished to a shine; his high, starched collar chafed his neck; the regal gold trim of the captain bars hung from his shoulders.
His thoughts went back to the previous night. It had been an emotional one for both of them. After the ensemble finished the last dance, he had slowly walked her back to her room, neither wanting time to hurry them. The knowledge that he had danced one of his last dances with her pounded in his head. He knew he would not see her all day the next day, for she would be preparing for the ball. He had said he would come for her when it was time to escort her there, but she insisted they meet in the library. He presumed it was just for the sake of the memories. As he sat there waiting, his mind went back to the first days, the days she had struck at him and kicked at him. How much they both had changed!
Jacob's thoughts were broken by John entering the library. He came to Jacob and saluted. Jacob stood. "John, my friend. How is the security?"
"We have checked every wagon, every carriage, every horse entering for the grand ball. We have men posted at every door. All will be well." John paused and looked at Jacob. He seemed to sense something. "You seem nervous."
Jacob nodded. "I am more nervous about the princess than about the security."
"Can she dance?" John asked.
"Beautifully," Jacob replied. "We have practiced every morning and many evenings for the last month. We have listened to the music of the masters, studied the philosophy of the greatest thinkers, discussed history and current events. I even feel she has begun to enjoy these things. She will be the toast of the ball and the delight of every man who meets her."
John spoke reassuringly. "Then what can be your concern?"
"All the richest high-brow, blue bloods of many countries are here to meet the princess, and she to meet them," Jacob said. "She will..."
Jacob's thoughts choked the words from his throat. He meant to say she would find someone with whom she would fall in love, but he couldn't say it. It was too painful to think about, let alone to mention.
J
ohn kindly tried to understand. "Oh, you are afraid of what everyone will think of your efforts with her."
Jacob sighed, preferring that thought to the actual truth. "Yes. That must be it."
John patted him on the shoulder. "Well, don't worry. Your ordeal is almost over."
Jacob said nothing. He could say nothing. The fact it was almost over was exactly what was tearing at his heart. He simply nodded and saluted. John returned his salute and returned to his post.
Alone again, Jacob could feel the tears near the surface. He knew he needed to keep his emotions in check, but it was almost too much. He spoke aloud, as if it would help him. "Yes. Too soon it will be over. Far too soon."
He swallowed hard, and then he heard Marie speak softly behind him. "Who were you speaking to, Jacob?"
He whirled to face her. "Oh, Your Highness. I didn't see you come in."
She looked at him kindly. "Your Highness?"
"Marie, you know I must address you that way, especially tonight." As she stepped more into the light, Jacob caught his breath. Her hair cascaded across her shoulders, the lamplight sparkling off of it. Her beautiful dress was open around her neck and pulled tight around her waist, showing her figure well. Her arms were bare, except for white gloves that went to her elbows. He found it hard to speak. "Marie, you are so beautiful."
She blushed slightly and looked down, embarrassed. She looked up again, and her voice quivered as she spoke. "I'm scared, Jacob."
Jacob nodded. "So am I."
She smiled at him bravely. "Why are you scared?"
He turned from her. He didn't want her to look into his eyes. She seemed to be able to read his thoughts when she did. He shook his head. "It is best if I do not say."
She stepped closer. "Tell me what will happen."
Jacob forced a smile. "Surely you've been to a grand ball."
She shook her head. "I've always avoided them until now."