Beware the Power of the Dark Side!

Home > Humorous > Beware the Power of the Dark Side! > Page 10
Beware the Power of the Dark Side! Page 10

by Tom Angleberger


  “What? Chewie?” calls Han. “What?”

  By the time Han catches up with him, the mighty Wookiee has sniffed out the source of the smell, the previously mentioned hunk of fresh meat, dangling from a tree.

  “It’s just a dead animal, Chewie,” says Han, realizing that the Wookiee was after lunch2 not Leia.

  But, as Chewbacca reaches for the meat, Luke arrives with the droids and instantly senses the danger.

  “No! Wait, Chewie!”

  But he’s too late—and he wouldn’t have been able to stop the hungry Wookiee anyway.

  Chewbacca grabs the meat and the trap is sprung.

  Again, the trap is not elaborate, but it is clever!

  Our heroes never knew they were standing on a large net concealed among the weeds at their feet. When the bait is pulled, a peg is dislodged and high above a bent tree branch is loosed. It springs upward with great force, pulling a rope that lifts the net—and our heroes—into the air.

  “WURRRHHHGG!” moans Chewbacca.

  It is not a dignified scene. A Jedi, a star pilot, a great hairy Wookiee, an astromech, and a protocol droid all squeezed and squashed into the crude net, legs and arms sticking out this way and that.

  “Nice work, Chewie!” growls Han. “Just great! Always thinking with your stomach!”

  “Will you take it easy?” snaps Luke. “Let’s just figure out a way to get out of this thing. Han, can you reach my lightsaber?”

  “Yeah, sure,” says Han, realizing the lightsaber must be what’s been jabbing him painfully in the side. He reaches for it but is too late.

  R2 has found another solution. He has extended yet another of his mechanical arms, this one with a small saw blade typically used for cutting through a ship’s pipes and cables. It will zip through this homemade rope in no time.

  “Artoo,” warns C-3PO. “I’m not sure that is such a good idea.”

  But he’s too late. R2’s saw cuts through a chunky knot in the net and the whole thing splits open.

  The scene becomes even less dignified as our heroes drop to the ground, landing with thuds, groans, and clanks.

  Han sits up and quickly notices the tip of a spear being waved in his face. He looks around. More spears.

  They are surrounded by a sizable Ewok hunting party.

  The Ewoks wave their spears and chatter excitedly. Their trap has worked! They don’t know what they’ve caught, but it does look edible. There will be a feast tonight!

  THESE EWOKS ARE BIGGER and fiercer than Leia’s new friend, Wicket, but compared to Han or Luke—to say nothing of Chewbacca—they are still quite small and, yes, cute.

  And again, being cute saves their lives here. If they looked like, say, Greedo, Han and Chewie would have blasted them to bits by now.

  But they just don’t seem that threatening. Annoying, maybe, but not a threat.

  So instead of reaching for his blaster, Han just shoves the spear away from his face.

  “Point that thing someplace else!”

  But the Ewok pushes it back in Han’s face. And another hunter rushes in to join him. Behind them dozens more cautiously creep forward.

  Han frowns. This could turn into a big annoyance and they don’t have time for annoyances right now—they’ve got to find Leia.

  Reluctantly, he goes for his blaster, but Luke stops him.

  “Han, don’t. It’ll be all right.”

  At first it is compassion that makes Luke stop Han. There’s been plenty of death already, he thinks, and killing these cute furballs will get them no closer to Leia or the shield generator. And that’s when he realizes that these creatures might actually help them find both of those things.

  They don’t just know the forest like a map. They know it as their home. They are part of it.

  Who better to help our heroes through it?

  But first they’ll have to find a way to make friends with these creatures….

  And that’s when C-3PO finally recovers from the fall and sits up.

  “Oh, my head,” he exclaims, then sees the Ewoks. “Oh, my goodness!”

  “Ooooooh!” the Ewoks gush, and bow low to the ground.

  “Hrrrmgg?” mutters Chewbacca.

  “Beats me, Chewie,” says Han in amazement.

  “Coro way nim-nee ash Knaa Naa?” screeches an Ewok.

  “Treetoe doggra. Ee soyoto ambuna nocka,” replies C-3PO.

  “Eesch shy whise, Moga da eeshrii!” chatters the Ewok in amazement.

  “Do you understand anything they’re saying?” asks Luke.

  “Oh, yes, Master Luke!” chatters C-3PO. “Remember that I am fluent in over six million forms of—”

  “What are you telling them?” interrupts Han.

  “Hello, I think…” replies C-3PO. “I could be mistaken. They’re using a very primitive dialect. But I do believe they think I am some sort of god.”

  Luke and Han can’t help but laugh and, of course, Han quickly sees a way to turn the Ewoks’ confusion to their advantage.

  “Well, why don’t you use your divine influence and get us out of this?”

  “I beg your pardon, General Solo, but that just wouldn’t be proper.”

  “Proper!”

  “It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.”

  Han, exasperated, reaches over to knock on C-3PO’s metal head.

  The Ewoks react swiftly, throwing themselves between Han and the droid. Ready to fight to the death to defend their new, golden god.

  “Ungat! Hodo unn usk!”

  “My mistake,” says Han, sinking back down among the ferns with his hands raised. “He’s an old friend of mine.”

  “Yabu shadu abu,” growls their leader.

  SOME HOURS LATER, the Ewoks return triumphantly to their treetop village with much to show off!

  First comes the holy C-3PO carried on a wooden throne by about a dozen straining Ewoks.

  Then comes the meat: two humans and a Wookiee tied to poles and also carried by about a dozen straining Ewoks each.

  And last, another horde of Ewoks carries R2-D2, laid out flat on a sort of wooden raft. For some reason, the Ewoks don’t consider R2-D2 at all godlike and have actually tied him up with vines.

  This strange parade has the desired effect and the villagers bow and ooh and chatter in a way that is very pleasing to the hunting party.

  And then Han is lowered into position over a barbecue pit.

  “I have a really bad feeling about this,” says Han, realizing that now he actually is rather helpless, with his hands and feet tied to a pole and his blaster confiscated.

  Meanwhile, the leaders of the hunting party have been talking excitedly to two older Ewoks. One is the tribe’s chief, Chirpa; the other is the shaman, Logray. They all chatter excitedly and Logray waves his stick about mystically.

  Chief Chirpa steps forward, one hand on his chief’s medallion—a pretty rock—and the other raising his own staff—the leg bone of a great lizard he slew many, many seasons ago.1

  “Acha, meecho iyo bugdoo!” he commands.

  Several Ewoks rush forward with firewood and begin arranging it under Han Solo. Others start banging drums.

  Han watches all this with growing concern. “What did he say?”

  “I’m rather embarrassed, General Solo, but it appears you are to be the main course at a banquet in my honor.”

  There’s a bustle in the doorway of a hut and then everyone looks up as someone much larger than an Ewok ducks through.

  “Leia?”

  “Leia!”

  “GRHHHHWWRL!”

  “Wreeeee boo-deep!”

  “Your Royal Highness!”

  Yes, it is Leia. She’s let her hair down and traded her camouflaged military gear for a dress hastily fashioned from a few of the Ewoks’ spare blankets. Somehow, she looks quite at home here in this bizarre village, high in the branches of the forest’s mightiest tree.

  She rushes forward in confusion, shocked to see Han, Luke, and Chewbac
ca the prisoners of these tiny creatures.

  “What are you doing? These are my friends.”

  Chirpa waves and several Ewoks with spears step between Leia and the rest.

  “Yes, we’re her friends,” shouts Han. “C-3PO, tell them! We’re her friends.”

  “Roke ta toe-toe,” translates C-3PO rather frantically. “In nee chandu toma tiktik. Ree peetah bah.”

  “Ah vey vey vey,” insists Chirpa, shaking his head. Then he calls, “Tohtha ya peek.” An Ewok steps forward with a torch to light the fire pits.

  “Somehow I get the feeling that didn’t help us very much,” moans Han.

  “Threepio,” commands Luke, “tell them if they don’t do as you wish, you’ll become angry and use your magic.”

  “But, Master Luke, what magic? I couldn’t possibly—”

  “Just tell them.”

  “Horomee ana fu, toron togosh! Toron togosh!” C-3PO warns the Ewoks. “Terro way. Qee t’woos twotoe ai. Ue wee de dozja. Boom!”

  “Tohtha ya peek,” Chirpa repeats, and waves to the torch bearer, who begins to light the wood directly under Han.

  “You see, Master Luke, they didn’t believe me. Just as I said they wouldn’t,” says C-3PO, but even before he finishes he begins to rise in the air, wooden throne and all.

  “Heeelp! Somebody help! Master Luke! Artoo! Somebody, somebody, help!” yells C-3PO as he begins spinning around and around in the air. “Do something, somebody! Oh! Oh!”

  Meanwhile, the Ewoks are terrified, and who can blame them? It’s one thing to have a shiny golden god visit your village, but it’s another thing to have a shiny golden god floating over your village shouting crazily in an unknown language.

  Chirpa barks the orders to free the prisoners, and the Ewoks rush to obey.

  Han is freed first and rushes to embrace Leia. Chewbacca is right behind him. R2-D2 is cut loose, tips over with a loud thud, and then pops back up fighting mad. He zaps the leader of the hunting party, Teebo, with one of his astromech tools.

  And Luke, quietly concentrating, lowers C-3PO safely to the wooden deck with a small motion of his hand.

  “Oh! Thank goodness!” the droid exclaims.

  “Thanks, Threepio,” laughs Luke.

  “I didn’t know I had it in me,” murmurs the droid, quite unsure what has just happened.

  AH, YES, the Ewoks have their feast. Since the hunters’ catch became guests, however, they all have to make do with root stew.

  Not quite as bad as Yoda’s root stew, though, thinks Luke with a smile.

  And then C-3PO begins to tell the Ewoks the story. The whole story!

  The story of how he and R2 loyally served the Republic.

  FWOOSH! How R2 flew dangerous missions with his rocket thrusters during the Clone Wars.

  PZAP! PZAP! PZAP! How the clone troopers betrayed and murdered all the Jedi.

  HEH HEH HEH…How Chancellor Palpatine became the Emperor and crushed freedom throughout the galaxy.

  WSHHHH-WSHHH-WSHHHH. How a Sith Lord in a terrifying black mask appeared to help the Emperor rule through fear and violence.

  “Eek!” squeaks Nippett, a small Ewok.

  WHOOOOSH! Then brave rebels far away began spreading the word from planet to planet to fight back. And one boy sent a message across the worlds that ignited a spark of rebellion.

  THERE’S ONE SET FOR STUN! How Darth Vader and stormtroopers caught one of these rebels, Princess Leia, but not before she had given secret plans to R2.

  “Aaah!” said Wicket, beaming proudly at Leia.

  PLOD PLOD PLOD! How R2 and C-3PO crashed in the desert and wandered helplessly until they were reunited by the Jawas—“UTINI!”—and sold to Luke Skywalker.

  DO DO DO DOO DE DOO DEE…How they traveled with Obi-Wan Kenobi, hero of the Clone Wars, to Mos Eisley…

  RGGGGHHAR! Where they met Chewbacca and Han Solo…

  ZOOOOM! And flew to Alderaan in the Millennium Falcon.

  “Oh, dear,” says C-3PO, pausing his story when he realizes how painful the next part might be for Princess Leia.

  “Neeb chub! Neeb chub!” the Ewoks all demand. Leia nods at C-3PO to continue. It is time these Ewoks know the purpose of the Death Star.

  So C-3PO goes on, telling the Ewoks how the Empire built a great metal moon that shot fire through the sky and destroyed a whole planet…Leia’s home planet, Alderaan.

  BZAP BZAP BZAP! And then he and R2, along with the others, were held as prisoners on the Death Star, but escaped and very cleverly rescued the princess.

  “THIS IS RED FIVE, I’M GOING IN!” And then Luke and R2 flew back to the Death Star in a tiny ship…

  ZROOOOOSHHHH ZROOOSHHH! And were blasted by Darth Vader and his fleet of TIE fighters…

  The Ewoks are wide-eyed in terror.

  YEEEHA! But Han and Chewie swooped in at the last second and blasted Darth Vader in turn…

  “Nub chee hoah!” cheers Teebo.

  KABLROOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH! And Luke blew up the Death Star!

  Now all the Ewoks are cheering.

  “Mirchiwa—”

  But their triumphant war cry is cut off by:

  WSHHHH-WSHHH-WSHHHH.

  The Ewoks freeze in horror at the sound of Darth Vader. Isn’t he dead?

  No, C-3PO tells them. He survived and in fact still lives!

  “Mitka-gana!” groans the huntress, Asha Fahn.

  STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! He stormed the rebels’ snow fortress with great metal monsters…

  PZAP! PZAP! ZOOOOOM! But they escaped just in time on the Millennium Falcon…

  SMASH SMASH CRASH! Only to find themselves stuck in an asteroid field! With TIE fighters close behind!

  GULP! And then they were almost eaten by a giant space worm…

  KERSHMASH! And then he, C-3PO, was blasted by stormtroopers on Cloud City!

  WSHHHH-WSHHHH-WSHHHHH! And Darth Vader was there, too!

  ZZZZZK! ZZZZK! And Luke fought him…but lost. Nooooo!

  “Neesh Zon CHA!” moans Teebo.

  WHOOSH! And they just barely got away on the Falcon….

  The Ewoks start to cheer, but C-3PO stops them.

  Darth Vader and the Emperor have a new metal moon, he tells them, and points to the sky.

  So that is what it is. The Ewoks have spent several seasons wondering what is hanging in the sky over their forest.

  And now they know.

  It is a monster that kills not just forests, but whole worlds with fire.

  “Neesh zon cha!” growls Chirpa. “Neesh CHA GREE!”

  C-3PO SKIPS OVER many details—notably the many times he has wanted to give up during their adventures—but still his story takes a long time to tell.

  Somewhere there in the middle, Luke Skywalker feels something—a mind reaching out to his mind through the flow of the Force—through the darkest parts of the Force.

  It is his father. And Luke can feel that he is coming closer.

  Vader is indeed getting closer every second, piloting his own shuttle down from the Death Star to the Imperial base that guards the shield generator.

  Of all the Imperials who have completely ignored the beauty of the forest moon of Endor, none have ever ignored it quite as fiercely as Vader does.

  He swoops over the treetops and plunges into the heart of the dark forest seeing only the massive shield generator and its blazingly lit landing platform.

  It’s a hideous sight: a great industrial gash in the midst of a beautiful forest; a tangle of pipes and wires and blast shields and bunkers.

  But of course, Vader doesn’t see the horror of it, only the purpose of it. The shields will protect the new Death Star until the Death Star is ready to bring order to the galaxy by destroying those parts that are not in order.

  Vader hardly cares. His concerns are more personal. The Force is strong in his son, Luke. And Vader well knows that the Force is stronger than any Death Star.

  Nothing matters until he has faced his son again.

  And n
ow, landing the shuttle and stomping down the ramp, he is close. Maddeningly close. Yet he can go no farther. The Emperor has told him to wait at the base.

  Why wait? Why not summon his own stormtroopers, the 501st Legion? Why not lay waste to this whole forest and find his son now?

  But there are other ways to search. So Vader searches with his mind….

  And he feels Luke’s presence, and Luke feels his presence—a dark presence.

  And Luke feels fear. He has known he must face Vader again. He has prepared himself for this. And yet the depth of the darkness that calls out to him is terrifying.

  He fights to control his feelings. He leaves the others, ducks out of the hut, and stands on a long bridge that stretches out into the gloom to one of the village’s lesser trees.

  From here Luke has a clear view of the new Death Star, one half smooth and armor plated, the other half a jagged mess of girders and half-built floors.

  It is the most terrifying thing the galaxy has ever seen.

  Yet there is something worse, closer, yet unseen, out there through the trees, on this moon…and looking for him.

  And he knows he cannot hide from it.

  AND THEN he is surprised by a light touch on his shoulder.

  “Luke, what’s wrong?”

  It is Leia. He turns to look at her.

  There is something else he can’t hide from anymore: the truth.

  “Leia…do you remember your mother? Your real mother?”

  “Just a little bit. She died when I was very young.”

  “What do you remember?”

  “Just…images, really,” she says. “Feelings.”

  “Tell me.”

  “She was very beautiful. Kind…but sad,” says Leia, but she is unsure how she knows this. Unsure, in fact, if she really did ever see her mother or just invented these memories to fill the hole in her life. “Why are you asking me this?”

  “I have no memory of my mother. I never knew her.”

  “Luke, tell me. What’s troubling you?”

  Luke has been trying to. But it is so hard. The weight of learning that Vader is his father has almost crushed him. And now he is about to burden Leia with the same knowledge.

  “Vader is here…now, on this moon.”

 

‹ Prev