by Lara LaRue
Elorie’s face fell. “Oh. Well, that makes a little more sense. Except I don’t get how he would fall for a human anyway, if that’s the case.” She walked alongside me, keeping her crossbow propped on her shoulder.
“We’re going to talk to the healer about it. I don’t want him to suffer. I really do like the guy.”
The caravan master looked at me seriously. “He is suffering, though, Grace. When a True Mating is denied, those connected by it become sick. Dekkir could die without you if this goes on too long. I know he’s a tough guy, but he can’t do this forever. We need him. I know you can’t force yourself to love someone, but you should really think about that.” She looked me right in the eyes for a moment and then turned and walked back toward the caravan.
I stared after her, my eyes stinging. Well, crap. Now what do I do?
Dekkir could not eat his meal of dried meat and fruit. I watched him force down a few bites and some water and then give up, tucking the remainder back into his provision pouch. I remembered what Elorie had said to me and felt a fresh surge of shame. What the hell could I do? Just sleep with the guy because I felt bad and was being pressured from every side about it? It wasn’t fair to me, and if I actually went through with it, it wouldn’t be fair to him either. I could screw him, but I couldn’t love him in the same way.
I hate this place. Political problems, things trying to eat me, someone at the Command base deciding to try to start a war, and then this. I turned away from him and surreptitiously wiped away a tear. All this time, all this training, all these aspirations, and it was all being ruined by other people’s agendas and instincts. I should have stayed back on Earth.
“Are you all right?” He looked at me with concern.
“Oh, nothing. It’s fine.” The corners of my jaw ached from holding back an angry, weepy tirade. He was the one suffering the most here. He had put everything on the line to try to protect me, and it was his father who might be dying only a few meters behind us. I couldn’t just smile and spread my legs for him like a dutiful Victorian wife, but I wasn’t going to dump my problems on him. “I’ll manage.” I just didn’t know how.
“You regret coming to my world.” His voice was filled with tired resignation.
My eyes brimmed over again, and I turned away. “Yeah, good guess. Look. We’re both in a bad state right now, and I really don’t want to bring up my problems.”
“I can feel them whether you bring them up or not,” he rasped.
“Oh, great. That’s just wonderful. Well, I’m sorry I’m not all sunshine and fucking roses, then.” I didn’t even know if that translated correctly, and I was too upset to care. I gritted my teeth, but the tears just kept sliding down my cheeks no matter what I did.
He reached over and started stroking my hair gently. “What can I do to help you?”
Oh God. Please don’t do that. I don’t understand why there’s no spark there for me, but the more you act like someone I actually would want to date if I felt anything, the harder it is for me to live with myself. “You’re great. You’ve already done a lot. You really shouldn’t have to worry about it.”
He opened his mouth to answer—just as the Grogs up front let out rumbling cries of alarm.
“Stay here,” Dekkir warned in a sharp voice as he leaped down from the sedan. I saw him whip that telescoping spear off his back and open it fully with a flick of his wrist. He hurried toward the disturbance at the front of the caravan, shouting orders to the other warriors as he went. “It’s a Raptor ambush! Bring them down quickly. Their hunting cries will call others!”
I stood up and craned my neck to try to see what was going on. The lead sedan toppled to the ground suddenly, landing on its side as several Lyrans leaped free. The rest ran forward to rank up behind Dekkir as he strode toward the pair of Grogs that had taken the lead of the caravan.
The two hairy giants flailed at the ground in front of them, and after a moment, I caught sight of some sort of two-legged, birdlike creatures roughly the size of men, milling around, snapping at their legs. Wailing cries rose from the pack, so high-pitched they stung my ears.
The warriors formed a crescent shape around the Grogs and started moving forward, killing the Raptors as they went. I heard the grunts and shouts of battle and the heavy thud of steel on leathery hides. Dekkir waded into the middle of it, and I felt an immediate surge of fear for him. He wasn’t well. He wasn’t entirely himself. And worse, it was my fault. What if he got hurt?
In the sedan at my back, I heard Dorin let out a loud moan as the sound of battle roused him some. A number of the warriors had stayed behind to guard his sedan and looked at each other as he cried out. I pressed my back against the stretched-hide cover and wondered if I should step out of sight inside.
They had left me with no weapons, not even my knives. I finally decided hiding was the smartest course of action and grabbed my carry bag, along with Dekkir’s, planning to duck into the high chieftain’s sickroom. But then a familiar deep voice shouted a battle cry, and I looked back at the fight, only to be completely captivated by what I saw next.
Dekkir had closed with three of the creatures on his own, spinning the long-bladed spear in a circle before lopping off the first one’s head. A second beast tried to jump him from the side, only to get the butt of the spear in its gut. It staggered back, and the third lunged and then took the blade through its chest as he turned so fast I could barely track the movement.
I stared. This is how well he fights when he’s not well? Holy crap. Dekkir is a badass!
Suddenly, shouts rose up around me. I turned my eyes away from the fight ahead and found myself staring unexpectedly into the green eyes of one of the bird creatures. A trio of them had snuck up on the middle caravan while I was captivated, watching the fight.
Oh crap! I ducked as the one in front of me snapped at me and then jumped around the corner to the side bench, running down it as fast as I could. It gave chase, letting out that skirling cry as I scrambled to get away from it.
I looked around as I ran for my life and noticed none of the guards were coming to help. One or two of them actually looked my way as they continued fending off the other birds, but none made a single move to protect me. I saved my breath for running, suddenly understanding calling out for help was pointless. Sheltered and treated kindly by Dekkir, I had forgotten for a while that I had become a pariah. And now it was going to kill me.
I swung around the corner of the sedan, jumping onto the next bench. But before I could get any farther, the creature darted under the sedan and popped up to intercept me. Nearly running into it, I backpedaled, holding my hands up in a futile warding-off gesture as it crouched to spring.
It was midair when suddenly a black spear slammed into its side and pinned it against the sedan. It went limp immediately, and I looked up to see Dekkir standing empty-handed, staring at me with his chest heaving. He had just thrown away his weapon to save me.
I got over the shock just in time and screamed, “Duck!” He did, and one of the things sailed over his head. I saw him draw a pair of short blades from his belt and leap onto the bird’s back, driving the weapons into its flesh.
I drew a deep breath of relief and then turned to try to pull the spear out of the dead bird next to me. It took all of my strength to yank it free, but I had to get his weapon back to him. Those short blades forced him to close in with the creatures instead of keeping him out of biting range.
I had barely managed to pry it free when I looked up and saw two of the creatures jump on his back at once. His companions turned to pry them off and stab them to death, but as they were in mid-motion, one of the birds sank its teeth right through his scale-armor and into his arm.
I screamed as if I had been bitten myself. Blind with anger, I ran forward, only vaguely aware I was holding the spear in front of me in a desperate charge. The men made short work of one of the creatures, but the one with its teeth in his arm hung on doggedly as he shouted and stabbed at it with hi
s good hand. Forcing myself past hesitation, I ran smack into it, spearhead first.
Its teeth popped free of his flesh as it squealed. Dekkir immediately turned as I pinned it to the ground with the spear and drove his knife into its throat.
The air was suddenly quiet as the other creatures fled into the underbrush. I looked around, getting my bearings. One of the Grogs was bleeding, and two guards lay dead. About half a dozen others appeared to be nursing wounds besides Dekkir. We had won, but it had cost us.
I let go of the spear and turned to him. “Are you all right?”
He grinned, panting as he struggled to stanch the bleeding wound in his arm with his other hand. “You have survived and are unhurt. Because of this, yes. I am fine.”
That night, wounds tended, he lay resting in the infirmary sedan with his father and the other injured. I sat outside, alone on the bench, as we moved along through the dark. Thinking of his exhausted smile as he had seen I was safe, I felt tears fill my eyes again. He deserved something from me in return for his devotion and all he had done. But all I could feel when I thought of him was guilt, stress, and that smothering feeling of being trapped. I asked myself again as I rode through the dark, weeping, What’s wrong with me?
CHAPTER 8 / GRACE
“The high chieftain is resting comfortably.” Neyilla glided toward us across the polished hardwood floor, her silver-gray robes rustling slightly. Her hair was very white and was pulled back from her high, olive-skinned forehead in an elaborate mass of braids. “Now that I have him stabilized, I can have a look at the medicine your mentor Dr. Stirling gave you.”
Beside me on a wooden bench built into the wall, Dekkir nodded. His arm was still bandaged, but after a few more days on the road, I no longer saw blood spots seeping through the white cloth whenever he moved too much. “We wished to see if it might assist my father. Using one part of their technology against another, basically.”
“It’s an interesting idea. Let me examine the medicine.”
I removed the necklace and twisted the vial pendant open, shaking the single capsule out into my hand. The golden powder inside shimmered as I handed it over to her. “I was instructed to take this if my own health was badly compromised.”
She peered at the tablet, then walked over to a small desk in the corner and sat down at it. Pulling over a white porcelain tray, she opened the capsule and tapped out a bit of the contents. “You say your mentor claimed this to be human technology?”
“Yes. Nanotech. Tiny machines that fix people from inside, basically.”
Her lips quirked. “Well, it has been known to perform in such a manner. But I am afraid your mentor misled you, Grace.”
“What’s that? Is it dangerous?” Dekkir stepped forward to look at the powder. “It almost looks like—”
“It is.” Neyilla peered at me curiously. “And you say you received this from Dr. Stirling?”
“I did. He told me to use it in case of emergency.” I came up beside Dekkir and looked down at the plate. “Why?”
“Because this is no modern technology of Earth. It is instead a technology of our world. If you want to call it that.” She smiled at my startled look and carefully scraped all the powder back into the capsule. “This is a purified form of a symbiont that is essential to our health, culture, and environment. It is known as the Golden Strain.
“Long ago, our people were reliant on technology just as yours are.” Neyilla finished replacing the powder and closed the capsule. “When we decided to change our ways, one of the last things we invented with our biotechnological skills was this symbiont, which was meant to help our descendants adapt to our world more organically. The symbiont colonizes our neural tissue, as well as certain muscle groups. As a result of this, our eye color is uniformly golden.”
I looked up into Dekkir’s eyes, meeting a gaze so soft and wistful that I blushed. “What does it do?”
“It enhances the immune system, assists in wound recovery, enhances our sensory processing abilities, and awakens the inherent abilities of the pineal gland.”
“Such as?”
“The gifts used by those of us in the seer caste.”
I quickly put two and two together. “You are saying this Golden Strain gives its carriers psychic powers?” That’s impossible.
“Might I remind you, about a week ago, you believed psychic abilities in general were ‘impossible’?”
I stared at her for a moment. “Does that mean every single animal on the planet is psychic?”
“No. The Strain only colonizes the brains of creatures with at least some intelligence. For example, you have encountered the Rilleen we use as mounts. You may have noticed their eyes are the same color as our own. They have some minor empathic ability, which helps us to communicate with them. They also have a strong psychokinetic power, which allows them to counter their weight when they fly. That is how they can not only keep themselves aloft, but bear multiple riders.”
“Wait a second. So you’re saying Dr. Stirling wanted me to inoculate myself with this symbiont?”
“That certainly appears to be the case. I am not surprised he developed an interest in the symbiont without telling the rest of his fellow humans. He explained to me once that he did not believe humans were ready for some of the knowledge he had gained here.”
I thought of Damon Norcross and had to agree. “If I swallowed this, what would happen to me?”
“If humans react as Lyrans do, your brain would take about a week to adapt. You would slowly manifest whatever abilities are intrinsic in your nature. It could be empathy, it could be prescience, and it could even be a form of telepathy. In addition, any injuries and illnesses would be dealt with rapidly by the symbiont.”
“So Dr. Stirling wanted me to inoculate myself to protect me.” Doctor, what were you trying to do? I wish I could talk to you right now.
“If I know Dr. Stirling, I would say rather that he was attempting to help you adapt to our world and culture. I am surprised, in fact, that he never inoculated himself.”
Adapt to our world. I turned and looked at Dekkir again, who was suffering because I did not have the sensitivities he had and could not sense the bond he swore existed between us. I looked down at the pill again, and for a moment, I had to fight the impulse to simply swallow it down. If I could feel what he felt, then this messed-up imbalance between us would no longer exist. “What are the side effects of having something like this in my system?”
Dekkir’s jaw dropped. “You are actually thinking of inoculating yourself?”
“I’ve got a lot of reasons to.” Including you. I hesitated. If he realized why I was considering it, I didn’t know if he would feel flattered, grateful, or guilty. After all, if I did this, I was basically going to be rewiring my brain. Neyilla had already warned that it would be an ordeal that lasted at least a week. I turned to her. “Look, just answer the question, okay?”
She smiled. “I cannot tell you what powers may be bestowed upon you, but during the adjustment, they will run out of control. If you are telepathic, you will overhear thoughts from all around you. If you are empathic, depending on who you’re close to, you will have similar problems. Other abilities have other side effects. You will have to be watched over and mentored until you adjust.”
“Do you think if I follow what the doctor wanted me to do that it will prove some help in curing the high chieftain? The seers seemed certain I would be useful to you, but so far, I’m not sure how. I know nothing of poisons from my world. I’m an anthropologist, not a chemist.” And I was tired of feeling useless. I was ready to take a serious risk just to get a chance to help make things right.
“This may be what the prescient among them sensed. It surprises me that another human recommended you do this. As far as I know, the doctor never inoculated himself.”
“I see.”
“There are certain other issues that you and Dekkir are facing that this inoculation would help to solve,” she added very gently.
I looked back at Dekkir: big, hunky, brave Dekkir, who kept saving my life and shrugging off pain for my sake. That may be worth it just by itself.
“There would be no additional side effects. You do not have any of the mental or biochemical issues that can interfere with adaptation.”
“Thank you, Neyilla. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
She got up from the desk, smoothing her robes. “I will enter a trance soon to investigate the toxin used on the high chieftain. I am hoping my knowledge is sufficient to effect a cure.”
My head spun as we bowed and left for the room she had given us. Should I take this pill or not? It seemed like the best course of action, but the whole prospect was so strange it left me wary.
Later that night, I woke up to discover Dekkir was getting worse. When I opened my eyes, I saw him lying on the bed across the room, bathed in sweat, his eyes clenched closed and his teeth gritted. His breath came in short pants, like that of a man in a fever. I remembered Elorie’s words and felt a cold finger of fear run down my back. I’m killing him.
I grabbed the pendant and hurried out. I had no time to hesitate. I didn’t want Dekkir to die. If the only thing standing between him and me was my inability to feel what he felt, then maybe it was time I fixed that.
The retreat had been carved out from the heart of a gigantic tree, like a living tower. I found Neyilla meditating in a large round chamber at the very top. I hesitated in the doorway, worried about interrupting something important. But after a moment, she opened her eyes and beckoned me in.
“I have been preparing myself for your journey,” she said simply, shocking me again.
“You knew I would choose to do this?”
“I sensed a strong possibility. It’s Dekkir, isn’t it?” Her smile was soft.
I nodded. “He’s suffering because I can’t feel what he feels. I thought more than once that if there were some way I could, I would do it. Now the opportunity’s presented itself.”