I glance down the hallway in both directions. When I’m certain that I’m alone, I duck into a little room. It’s cramped and filled to the brim with paperwork.
“What is this place?” I ask, looking around a space that is only a little bit bigger than a broom closet.
“It’s Dr. Briggs’s office.”
“What?”
“She left her laptop on.” Brie sits down at the table and moves the mouse around the screen. “She’s his primary doctor. There has to be something here about where they took him.”
With my heart racing, I stand over her shoulder as she searches Dr. Briggs’s computer. My hands get clammy and I shift my weight from one side to another to try to calm myself down.
“We’re going to get caught,” I whisper.
“We’re not, if you keep your mouth shut. Or better yet, go act like a lookout.”
I glance back. Okay, yes, I can do that.
My decision couldn’t have come at a better time. As soon as I walk out of the office and close the door slightly behind me, leaving it a bit ajar, I see Dr. Briggs walking down the hall.
“Dr. Briggs, hey.” I walk up to her, pulling her attention away until her back is to the office.
“Hello, Ellie,” she says quietly. I’m probably one of the last people she wants to see right now.
“I’m sorry to bother you again,” I say. “But is there anything you could do? I have to find Aiden. There are so many hospitals in Boston. Can you at least tell me if he’s in Massachusetts General?”
She inhales and exhales deeply.
“Did Mrs. Black tell you anything?” she asks. I shake my head. “I don’t have her number so I have no way of getting in touch with her.”
She takes out her phone. “If I tell you, you cannot ever say that it came from me.”
“Okay, yes, of course.”
“Where are you going to say you got this information?”
“I don’t know,” I say, trying to think of a plausible excuse. “I’ll avoid it for as long as possible and then if pressed I’ll say that I called all the hospitals in the area and someone finally told me. Aiden is quite famous.”
Dr. Briggs doesn’t seem completely convinced, but after a moment, she reads off the information on her phone.
“Dr. Shannon Duhaine and Dr. Lawrence Chapman are overseeing his condition. Yes, he is at Mass General.”
I let out a big sigh of relief.
“Thank you! Thank you so much!” I say, giving her a big hug. She pushes me away quickly.
“I didn’t tell you anything, remember?”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
“And he made it there okay? The move?”
“Yes, it seems like he did. It was still not a good idea.”
“Yes, I agree.”
“Well, I have to go. I have patients to see. Good luck with his mother.”
Suddenly, I remember that Brie is still looking through her computer. I’m about to run up to her and distract her again, but luckily she walks down the other hallway and disappears around the corner.
“Brie, let’s go,” I whisper. “She told me where he is.”
“Really?” She looks shocked. “Good. ‘Cause I got nothing from her computer. It must be somewhere on the main system.”
Chapter 12 - Aiden
When darkness descends…
There’s no more me. I’ve dissipated, vanished. There’s now a we. What are we going to do? How are we going to feel better? What steps are we going to take? I hear bits and pieces of their conversation. They don’t think I can hear them, but I can. Crystal clear. They fight and yell and laugh. They comment on my looks. Lackluster hair. Dry face. Tired. No, that’s just the fluorescent lights. HE doesn’t actually look like this. Of course, he does. My parents aren’t the only ones piping in. There are also the nurses. They laugh and snicker around me. They know I’m famous. The ones that don’t are quickly told that I am. Others show them pictures of me in my better days. Out on the town, dancing the night away with one socialite or another. The ones that came around last night have read Ellie’s books. They talk about how we met. The auction. One thinks it’s romantic, another thinks it’s creepy. Both of them lift up my pajama pants to take a look at my package. I don’t see them, but I hear them. I can’t move. I can’t stop them. I want to push them away. I want to tell them that I’m here. That I matter. But I can’t. I’m trapped in my body. Awake deep inside myself, but not on the surface. For all intents and purposes, I’m gone. Will I ever come back again?
I can’t stay in the moment for very long. My thoughts drift away on their own accord. Ellie. They always come back to Ellie. Her soft skin. Her luscious lips. Her curvy body. Her ample breasts. Her beautiful legs. Delicate ankles. Confident hands. Soft, soft hair. And those long eyelashes. The ones that have given me butterfly kisses on my cheek. How is Ellie? I haven’t heard her voice in some time now. How long, I don’t know. Is she here? Will she come? I need her now more than ever. I need to know that she’s here. I want her to tell me that everything is going to be okay. We’re going to be together again.
Ellie’s pregnant. The idea just pops into my head. It’s impossible to kick back out. My girl is having my baby. What will this baby be like? Will it be a girl or a boy? Will it like trucks or dolls? I don’t really care. If she’s a girl who likes trucks or he’s a boy who likes dolls, that’s okay with me. All I want is for my baby to be happy.
Come back to me, Ellie. Wherever you are, please come back to me. I need you, honey. I need you here, holding my hand. I don’t think I can do this without you. Find me. Find me. I’ll be yours forever.
Chapter 13 - Ellie
When we head to Boston…
Brie helps me pack for our trip. I don’t know how long we will be going for so I need to bring at least a week’s worth of stuff. I feel sick again from walking around for so long, so I lie down on the couch to calm down while she continues to pack.
“Are you sure you want to come with me?” I ask. “You really don’t have to.”
“Eh, what else am I doing, right?”
“I know, but I just feel like my life is dominating yours right now.”
“You’re going through a lot, El. I want to be here for you. But if you don’t want me to, I totally understand.”
“Oh, no, that’s not what I mean. Not at all,” I say. I hate to admit it, but I need her help. I get dizzy and queasy all the time and I’m not sure I can make it there without her.
“I just want you to know that I really appreciate everything that you’re doing for me,” I add.
Looking through the Hotels.com app, I book a hotel within walking distance to the hospital. Nothing fancy, very practical, and it still comes up to over $250 a night. Oh, well, I guess that’s Boston for you.
An hour later, we are finally ready to go. Brie pulls the car around to pick me up. We debated whether we should drive or fly, eventually settling on driving in case we need a car there to get around. It’s only three hours and forty-five minutes away.
After making four stops, so that I could throw up and take a rest from riding in the car, we finally arrive there, five hours later. Flurries are already starting to fall and the city is bracing itself for a big storm.
The streets are empty. The few people that I do spot are half-jogging home, pulling their coats closed. Brie parks the car. We leave our bags in the parking lot. I head to the fifth floor where Dr. Duhaine and Dr. Chapman’s offices are. At the nurses’ station, I ask about him. They give me a blank stare, and then say they have to make a call first. Shit. After all of this, they aren’t going to let me get in, are they? I wait patiently. I don’t want to make a scene.
“Ellie?” A familiar voice sends shivers up my spine. I know that it’s Arlene without even turning around.
“Hi, Arlene,” I say.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to see Aiden.”
She nods and crosses her arms. I’m debating wh
ether or not I should call her on what she did. But before I can stop myself, I say, “Why did you transfer Aiden here?”
Keep your mouth shut, I say to myself. You don’t want to make this worse. You want to see Aiden, don’t you?
“Why didn’t you tell me where you were taking him?” I say instead.
“It was a spur of the moment decision. And I didn’t even know your phone number.”
“Okay,” I say. That’s a lie, obviously, but whatever. I’m going to let it go.
“How is he doing?” I ask.
“He’s fine. He has good care here. Plus, my apartment is not too far from here.”
Of course, as if that’s the only thing that matters.
“Can I see him?”
She looks down at the floor and then at me. Finally, she exhales and says, “Why not.”
I follow her to the last room at the end of the hallway. I run over to him as soon as I open the door. He looks about the same as he did before. Pale. Tired. Alone. But just as beautiful as always.
“I’m here, sweetie,” I whisper. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
I give his hand a squeeze. His fingers move a little, pressing into my palm. My heart skips a beat. I focus on his fingers.
“Please, move again. Oh, Aiden, please,” I whisper. But he doesn’t move again. That must’ve been one of those involuntary movements they told me about.
“Visiting hours are almost over,” Arlene says in the doorway.
“I’m his fiancée. I will be spending the night,” I say. The tone of my voice means business. Serious. Determined. After everything that she has done, she’s not kicking me out now.
Much to my surprise, Arlene doesn’t argue.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then,” she says and closes the door.
“Oh, wow,” I smile, kissing the top of Aiden’s hand. “Really? Did your mom really just leave? I can’t believe it!”
I lean over and press my lips to his. They are dry. Chapped. I take out some lip gloss and moisturize them for him. When they catch the light, they are back to being the beautiful luscious lips that I fell in love with.
Where are you? Brie texts me.
I text her with directions to the room and return my attention to Aiden. It feels odd to just sit here and stare at him, so I decide that the only way to make this feel normal is to just talk to him just like I would if he could hear me.
Chapter 14 - Aiden
When she speaks to me…
She’s here. She’s here and holding my hand. Kissing me on the lips! Oh my God, what are you doing to me, honey? Wake me up. Bring me back to life.
“Okay, Aiden. I have a bone to pick with you,” Ellie says. “Thanks a lot for not introducing me to your mother.”
I hope you’re being sarcastic, Ellie, I say. She can’t hear me. I can’t reach her. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t talk to her just as she is talking to me.
“Meeting your mom under these circumstances was not the most pleasant thing in the world, let me tell you. On the other hand, I’m not sure if it would’ve been much better if I had met her earlier. She’s just sort of unpleasant, you know? No offense.”
Oh, none taken. My mom’s got her issues. She’s a little high strung and she likes things the way she likes them.
“And what is up with her and your dad?”
Did they fight in front of you? They’ve fought plenty out here.
“They’re divorced, right? I mean, what’s with all of that tension if they are already divorced?”
I have no idea. I have the feeling that if someone could answer that question, they’ll have the answers to all the questions in the universe.
“I don’t mean to just complain about your parents though,” Ellie says. “It’s just that your mom had you transferred here without even telling me.”
As I lay here, with my eyes closed, Ellie tells me everything that happened over the last few days. She tells me about how she met my mother, my father. About the tension between them. About my mom taking it upon herself to transfer me to another city against the doctors’ advice. Finally, she tells me what she had to do to find me. How close she got and how disappointed she was when it didn’t work out.
“I really thought that I may not be able to find you,” she whispers. “But that’s just…unthinkable.”
“I missed you very much, Aiden.”
I’ve missed you, too, I say silently.
“I just want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here for as long as you are here. I’m going to wait for you to wake up however long it takes.”
I love you, Ellie. I’m here. Even if you can’t hear me. I know you know that I’m here. Please wait for me. I’m going to come back to you. Soon.
I’m not really here, of course. I am and I’m not. The doctors keep telling Ellie and my parents that I’m not really here. I can’t hear them. I can’t see them. I can’t feel them. Technically, my body is alive. My brain is functioning. The beeping EEG machine is monitoring my brain waves and making sure that it’s in a certain pattern. Patients with brain injuries who are in a coma all have similar patterns. If the pattern is there, then they are comfortable that I am in a drug-induced coma. The point of this is to protect my brain.
“But what does his brain need protecting from?” Ellie asks.
“After a brain injury, the metabolism of the brain has been significantly altered,” someone, presumably a doctor, says. “There may be areas that do not have adequate blood flow. The point of the coma is to reduce the amount of energy that those parts of the brain need. This will allow the brain to heal and the swelling to go down.”
I’m not supposed to know any of this. I don’t really hear it. But I know it. I feel it. I’m here. Not exactly alive the way that Ellie is, but alive nevertheless. Stay with me, Ellie. Stay with me until I get through this.
Chapter 15 - Ellie
When he comes back…
The doctors are going to take him out of the coma. I sit by his side, watching the snow flurries fall outside the window. Everything turns white and gray, without a speck of light. I think back to our time in the Caribbean and how everything there was bursting with all of the colors of the rainbow. Bright pinks. Deep yellows. The turquoise waters that seemed like they came from another world altogether.
“We’re going to go back there, honey,” I whisper. “I’ve been thinking. And that’s where I want to get married. I want to walk along the soft white sand barefoot. I want to drink brightly colored drinks with little umbrellas in them. I want to dance with you under a million stars. You just have to get better and we will go back there. You’ll see.”
I look at his face. Expressionless as if he were made of glass. I wait for him to squeeze my hand, but nothing happens. He hasn’t had what the doctors called an involuntary response for a few days now.
“Come back to me,” I say. “Come back.”
Brie and the nurses come in a few minutes later. They are going to take him to another room where they will do the procedure. They’ve talked to all of us about this already. They need to do the procedure and they need to be prepared in case something goes wrong.
“How often does something go wrong?” I ask.
“Occasionally.”
What a non-answer. I resist the temptation to roll my eyes.
“These are the best doctors,” Arlene reassures me. “If they can’t do it, then no one can.”
I nod as if I agree. Personally, I don’t see a significant improvement. At least, Dr. Briggs and her team checked in on me every day. Came in with updates. These doctors barely make an appearance. Still, Arlene is certain that they are better just because she found them. I don’t have much of a position to argue from, so I avoid the discussion altogether.
Brie and I wait outside with Arlene and Dean during the procedure. Arlene and Dean sit in adjacent chairs, looking nervous. I don’t know why this is a surprise to me. They’ve only acted in their own self-in
terest this whole time, hardly paying any attention to Aiden at all. And now, looking over at them, I feel sorry for them. There’s a heaviness on their shoulders. If they aren’t praying, they are hoping. Just as I’m about to reach out to them and say something, the nurse calls us inside.
“Everything went well. He should be waking up now,” she says. I spring to my feet and burst through the door. I don’t know what I’m expecting to see, but I just see him lying there.
“He’s still…asleep,” I say, taking his hand. “Aiden?”
“It may take him a few minutes. Or some time. It’s different for every patient.”
“And then…he will be okay?” Arlene asks.
“We will have to see how much of his brain function will come back.”
My heartbeat skips around frantically as we wait. My hand shakes holding his, but I don’t dare let go.
“Come back, Aiden. Come back,” I whisper over and over.
Come back! I yell inside my head. Please come back!
Time moves like molasses. Seconds become minutes and then I lose track altogether. I don’t know how long this is supposed to take, but I just wait, staring at his blank face.
“Please, please, please,” Arlene says, taking his other hand and pulling him out of my fingers.
“Please, don’t shake him,” I say.
“I’m not!”
“Yes, you are,” I insist. Our agitation and anxiety over the situation is finally spilling out and onto each other. Intellectually, I know that this is going on, but emotionally I cannot stop it.
“Ellie, look,” Brie whispers. I look over. Aiden is slowly opening his eyes. Oh my God. The whole world stops all of a sudden. No one says a word. His eyelids open cautiously and then squint at the bright lights. He licks his lips.
“Aiden? Aiden?” I ask. Arlene pulls on his other arm, trying to move his face toward hers. I want to push her away, but I try to compose myself. This moment is about him.
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