The same thing happened the second night. I kept busy, packing up all of my things. I decided to leave the kitchen stuff Tessa and I had purchased when we first moved in, so that Alex wouldn’t have to replace everything. Besides, I was moving back in with Mom—I didn’t need it anymore, and it seemed cruel to take it.
I mostly took my clothes, the quilted blanket my grandmother had made, and my photographs. I had no attachment to anything else in the apartment. The only thing I wanted to hang on to was my friendship with Alex, and from the way he was acting—I wasn’t going to get to keep that. I knew it was unfair of me to even want to.
I’d stupidly forgotten my cell phone back home on my bed. I hadn’t been able to call or text Braden all week, and while I had sent him several Facebook messages, I had an uneasy feeling that he hadn’t got them. I was eager to get back to Parry Sound.
But I couldn’t leave without talking to Alex. He’d finally shown up, about an hour into me loading up my little car with boxes.
He crammed the last box into the back seat and closed the door. His hand remained on the frame, the muscles in his forearm taut.
“Well, that’s it,” he said, drawing in a deep breath and turning his head to look back up at the apartment. He’d avoided my gaze all afternoon.
“That’s not it,” I protested, shaking my head. I keep my arms wrapped around my midsection, my eyes fixated on his face and the slight tick in the corner of his jaw. He was aggravated, and he wanted me to leave. “I’m sorry, Alex. I should have never started something with you. You deserve better—you deserve someone who can give her heart truly and completely to you. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for it to happen. I wanted to love you like you deserved…but I’ve never gotten over him. I should have told you the moment I realized it, but I was afraid.”
He chuckled without humour. His eyes locked on mine, full of hurt and anger. “It would have hurt a hell of a lot less if you’d told me sooner, if I hadn’t had to find you…with him…like that.”
“I know,” I stepped towards him, my hands reaching out. “And I’m sorry. I truly didn’t want to hurt you. You are one of the most important people in my life.”
“Just not important enough,” he said, his tone defeated.
“Alex, you’re an incredible human being and I wanted to be everything you needed, but I wasn’t. I fell short, not you.”
He nodded slowly and stepped away from my car.
I wasn’t sure if Alex could forgive me and I didn’t expect him to. Nevertheless, I wrapped my arms around him anyway. I wasn’t sure when I’d see him again, or even if I’d ever see him again.
“Thank you, Alex. For everything you’ve done for me, for being an amazing friend and person. You truly are an incredible human being,” I told him, my voice muffled by his shirt. My eyes felt heavy with tears, and a couple of them spilled over—his shirt absorbing them.
He said nothing, merely sighing. His arms came up to wrap around me for a second before he released me.
“See you around,” he finally said.
I opened the door to my Camry, watching as he disappeared up the walkway to the apartment that I used to call mine—ours.
I climbed in, slamming the door shut. The gray sky opened up, raindrops splashing against my windshield. I started the engine, casting a final look up towards the building. I could see Alex in the kitchen window, watching as I pulled away.
I drove as quickly as the road conditions allowed me, which admittedly wasn’t very fast. My fingers tapped harshly against the steering wheel. I closed my eyes, picturing Braden’s face in my mind.
We were always inevitable, and I’d always known that—even in the deepest stages of my denial. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my future; I didn’t know what I would do for work now that I was no longer a paramedic. I didn’t know if quitting the job that had me spiraling out of control was enough to make my post-traumatic stress disorder go away forever.
But the one thing that I did know was that I loved Braden Miller, and I wanted to be with him. I wanted to let go of the past and let myself be happy. I knew that I could find that with him; in fact, I’d already found it. Twice.
Bypassing the exit that would take me home, I took the one that would lead me to Braden.
His truck wasn’t parked in the driveway, but I ran up and knocked on the door anyway, leaving my car running and the door open. The rain was picking up now, each droplet seeming bigger than the one before it.
Becky answered my knocks. She eyed me suspiciously, taking in the frantic look in my eyes and my heaving breaths. “Where is he?”
“He went to Brock’s cabin—” she answered not quite finished speaking, but I’d already started running back to my car, my heart racing from the exertion and the desperation to reach him.
Ten agonizingly long minutes later, I pulled onto the access road that led to the cabin. The rain was really coming down, making the water level raise at the nearby creek, flooding the road ahead. My tires struggled to find purchase on the slick, muddy road. I should have replaced my tires, I should have bought a vehicle that could handle off-roading conditions. Impatient, I directed the stupid thing off to the side of the road, cutting the engine before I’d even put it in park. If Braden had caught that, he’d have lit into me about how I was damaging the motor. I grabbed my keys and took a deep breath.
The rain was cold, drenching me within seconds as I ran the rest of the way to the cabin. My breath shot out in puffs in front of me, and my skin was pebbled into goosebumps.
I pounded on the door, shivering before it. A moment passed, then another, before Braden threw open the door. “I told you Becky, I’m fine!” he barked out before his eyes landed on me. “Elle,” he said, almost in disbelief.
“I forgot my phone at home,” I said, my teeth chattering. “I sent you Facebook messages, but I don’t think you got them.”
“No, I didn’t get them. I’ve been here.” The look in his eyes was still guarded, still wary.
“Why did you think I was Becky?” I asked, tilting my head. My brows furrowed as I studied him, noticing the way he winced slightly.
“She’s just worried.” He said, his tone booking no room for questioning. Naturally, being me—I didn’t listen.
“Why?” my heart plummeted as I envisioned all of the terrible scenes that could have inspired worry in Becky.
“I went to the bar,” he admitted, shame lacing his words. “I didn’t drink, but I went. Alone. And I spent five hours there.”
“But you didn’t drink,” I pointed out, stepping towards him. I ran my hands along his forearms, griping them gently.
“No, I didn’t.” At his words, I felt some of the tension roll away.
“Why did you go?” I questioned, knowing the answer before I asked it.
“Because I thought you were gone. You didn’t text me or call me back.” He didn’t say it in an accusatory way, he was just explaining how he’d felt in the moment. I reached up to cup his cheek, the rough stubble rubbing against my palm.
“I told you I had a meeting with my boss. You knew I needed to get my stuff packed up too,” I reminded him, not unkindly. I knew what insecurity could do. I knew how it could chip away at facts until it altered your perception of reality. He was already dealing with so much, my silence must have felt terrible to him.
“Yeah, I know,” he said, scratching the back of his head sheepishly.
“I came here as soon as I got back.”
“I see that,” he smirked, peering around me. “Where’s your car?”
“Down the road, I couldn’t drive it in.” I shrugged, shivering again. He pulled me inside to the warmth of the cabin. Hunter barely lifted his head from his spot on the floor. Brock and Tessa weren’t expected back from the Dominican until Sunday night, and the fact that we were completely alone wasn’t lost on either of us.
His eyes were feral, his tongue darting out across his lips, as if he wanted to bite into me. My skin
was freezing, but the blood in my veins burned. He pulled me against him, not caring that I was drenched and soaking him in the process. His hands gripped my ass, the points of his fingers pressing hard enough to leave bruises.
I welcomed the roughness of it; welcomed the frantic frenzied way his mouth moved against mine. He lifted me up, carrying me backwards enough to slam the door behind me.
He spun around and held me against the front door, breaking away long enough to look at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes upon. He brushed away a few strands of wet hair that clung to my cheek, his eyes searching mine. His mouth slated against mine, claiming me once again. Hands fumbled on wet clothes, peeling and stripping.
He lifted me up when we were both naked, rubbing against my centre as he carried me into the spare bedroom. We fell into the bed together, his hands stroking and igniting.
He slid into me, stretching and filling me as he drove home. I gasped at the beautiful intrusion. He stilled, looking down at me with reverence. “Just so we’re clear, you’re mine now, like you should have always been.” He said, his voice gruff.
I nodded, the smile on my face as bright as the lightness I felt in my heart. “I’m yours.” I repeated, my legs falling open. I arched up, drawing him in more, loving the hiss of his breath.
* * *
We spent the remainder of the weekend together at Brock’s cabin. We talked for hours, filling each other in on everything that had happened during the last four years. We reconnected and spoke freely about the future while we sat on the front porch of the cabin, watching the sun rise with steaming cups of coffee in our hands and Hunter at our feet.
“I’m probably going to stay at Chuck’s garage for a bit,” he admitted to me, as if he thought this news would upset me. “Until he decides what he’s going to do with the business. He might close it or he might sell it.”
I smiled at him, lifting a shoulder up in a shrug. “I’ll probably be jobless for a bit, until I figure out what it is I want to do with my life,” I pointed out, pausing to take a sip from my mug. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the fact that I wasn’t panicked about the prospect of being jobless and without a career.
He was quiet for a few moments, lost in thought. “You should really be an event planner. Start up your own business,” he said, his blue eyes twinkling.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “I’m pretty sure you need a diploma to do that, anyway.”
“So go back to school,” he smirked, his hand coming up to wrap around my shoulders.
“Maybe,” I murmured on an exhale, leaning into him.
We were silent for a few moments, watching as the sun slowly set over the lake. “Move in with me, Elle.”
I’d been taking another sip of coffee when he’d asked that, and I choked on it, coughing hard and sloshing the hot liquid over my hands. He took the mug from me, setting it down on the railing, and faced me with a vulnerable look in his eyes.
“I can’t take things slow with you,” he told me sincerely, his eyes locked on mine. “This—asking you to move in with me…it feels right. It’s what would have happened if I didn’t screw it up, right?”
“Yeah, but I can’t Braden,” I sighed, biting my lip. I wanted to—more than I’d ever wanted anything before, but so much was at stake. “Not yet, anyway. I need to get back on my feet, and I need to figure out what my next move is.”
He pulled me closer and sighed. “I get it, I do, but I still want you to move in with me.”
“Face it Braden, I’ll be over more often than not,” I joked, and he laughed. “But I won’t officially move in until I figure everything out.”
“You don’t have to do it alone. I can help you figure things out Elle. We’ll do it together,” he told me. “You’re my future.”
His words made me swoon, and I smiled, the happiness I felt expanding in my chest until it felt as if my heart would burst. I thought it would be harder to believe him, to trust that he meant what he was saying, but it really wasn’t. I still wanted to take my time, to not rush into things before I truly thought we were both ready, but hearing him say those words meant everything to me.
“You’re my future too, Braden. You’ve always been my future,” I whispered. I kissed him, pouring everything I felt in that moment into the kiss. He smiled against my lips, resting his forehead against mine when we finally came up for air.
J.C. Hannigan lives in Ontario, Canada with her husband, their two sons and their dog.
She writes contemporary new adult romance and suspense. Her novels focus on relationships, mental health, social issues, and other life challenges.
Facebook: http://facebook.com/jcahannigan
Twitter: www.twiter.com/jcahannigan
Website: www.jchannigan.com
Collide Series
Collide
Consumed
Collateral
Damaged Series
Damaged Goods
Reckless Abandon
Rebel Series
Rebel Soul
Rebel Heart
Rebel Song (Coming Soon!)
Table of Contents
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
www.twiter.com/jcahannigan
www.jchannigan.com
Rebel Heart: (Rebel Series Book 2) ((Rebel Series)) Page 23