by Zoe Norman
“Jesus, Liv. You look amazing.”
He twirls his index finger so I'll spin around. I oblige and turn in a small circle, giving him an eyeful. Seeing enough, Owen takes ahold of my wrist, tugs me to him and kisses me on the neck.
“Mmmm. And you smell delicious. I'm going to have a hard time keeping my hands off of you tonight.”
“I don't remember saying that would be a problem…” I smile into his shoulder. He takes my hand, and we make our way out to the waiting car service.
Two hours later, the party is in full swing. Owen has really been hitting the drinks since we got here, but he's having a good time, so I'm trying hard not to be that girlfriend. Laney is having a blast and has really taken to Tanner. We spend a great deal of the night dancing and drinking fruity, frilly drinks. I have a very healthy buzz, but I am still in that 'feel good' place.
It's getting late and I'm starting to get tired. I see Owen at the other end of the bar. We haven't interacted much tonight, but that's okay. I didn't want to leave Laney hanging since she doesn't know anyone. Plus, I've gotten to know some of the other girlfriends and wives of Owen's co-workers, which is really great.
Owen's back is toward me and he's surrounded by a group of his friends, all of whom seem to be watching someone on the opposite side. One of them is probably doing crazy shots or something again. As I move toward where Owen is standing, I see him shaking his head in disbelief, and then… Did he just adjust himself? Suddenly a blonde jumps up in front of him, seemingly out of nowhere. I can see now that she's been dancing for them, and she turns in front of him, bending over and rubbing her ass against his crotch. He slides his hand up and down her back. I am dumbfounded. Did I seriously just see that?
I march up to him, my buzz quickly disappearing. I tap him on the back as she continues to rub against his crotch, and he turns. His face is a combination of drunk/surprised and drunk/not so surprised. He's not pushing her away. Tanner sees me and moves toward me, moving the blonde out of the way.
“Hey, Liv. What's up, doll?” he asks me. “These crazy motherfuckers got me a dancer, can you believe that shit?” He sounds nervous.
I'm glaring at Owen, unable to believe what I just saw. Without taking my eyes off of him, I say, “I'm leaving. I've had enough.”
Owen turns and starts to reach out to me. “Baby, baby, baby, baby… Wanna go into the bathroom and reenact our first weekend together? That would be so hot,” he breathes at me. He reeks of alcohol.
I put my hands on his shoulders and push him away. “I think you've had all you're getting from me tonight.”
Tanner puts his hand on Owen's upper arm. “Dude, come on. Let her go home.” He nods at me. “I'll get him home, Liv. We'll be right behind you.”
I nod, and as I'm walking away, Owen grabs my upper arm painfully, turning me around. “What, are you mad or something?” he asks, disbelieving.
I stare at him. “Really? That blonde was just fucking your crotch with her ass and you were practically inviting it. So yes, I'm angry. I'm going home.”
“Oh lighten up, Livvie Poo. It's not like we're married.” His words feel like a simultaneous slap in the face and punch in the stomach.
Tanner takes a deep breath and starts to pull Owen back from me. I just shake my head in response, tears pricking my eyes. I can't bear to look at him again, so I look at Tanner.
“Do whatever you want with him. I'm going home.”
I take the car service back to Owen's house alone. Why I'm going there, I have no idea. Probably because all my shit is there. Ugh.
Laney stayed behind. She and Tanner were really getting along, and I think he may get her to go back to his place. I would be really thrilled for them if my stupid-ass boyfriend hadn't fucked up so royally tonight.
When I get back to the apartment, I take off my clothes, wipe off my makeup, and put on a t-shirt. After sliding into bed, I pull the covers up to my neck. I try desperately to shut my mind off, but all that keeps playing over and over is the last sentence he said.
“It's not like we're married. It's not like we're married. It's not like we're married.”
I have had moments where I thought we had a really substantial future, Owen and I—this recent weekend at my folks being one of those moments. I guess I have been misreading the cues. He warned me early on that he wasn't looking for anything more than this. Maybe I shouldn't have been so wishful. I want to be strong, but the combination of alcohol and my genuinely hurt feelings cause me to start crying. And that is how I drift asleep.
I feel someone shaking my shoulder. My eyes open, adjusting to the dark. The clock says 5:00 a.m. God, I've only been asleep for two and a half hours.
“Olivia… Baby...” I hear a voice say in the dark.
I turn around and see Owen kneeling next to me. He is freshly showered, and as my eyes adjust, I see he looks contrite.
“What?” I snap, not attempting to be nice.
“I am so, so sorry. I'm an asshole.”
“Yes, you are,” I confirm.
He rubs his hands over his face and then his hair. He eventually places them back down on his knees. “I deserve that. I apologize. Tanner told me what I said and did. I haven't drunk like that in a very long time. I don't know what came over me. If the tables had been turned, I'd be a madman right now. I have no idea what to say.”
He looks truly sorry and ashamed. This pleases me to no end. I crook my finger at him and he lies down next to me, pulling the covers over himself. He tucks me into his arms and buries his face into my hair.
“Don't let it happen again,” I whisper.
He shakes his head into my shoulder and we close our eyes. There is so much I want to say, but my fear of losing what I do have with him is stronger than my need to work this out with him. There is always tomorrow, I think to myself as I drift off.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Owen
It's been an interesting week for Olivia and me. She's had some time off from work, so she has been staying over my place more and more. I love having her here, love even more having access to her body every night, but I'm not sure how I feel about having someone in my space all day every day. I'm starting to feel a little panicked. I chalk it up to my having not had anyone living with me since Molly, but I feel bad that I'm not ecstatic that she's been here. Things have been a little tense the last twenty-four hours, and I think that Olivia is noticing my uneasiness.
I didn't sleep well last night. My mind wouldn't shut off, and I just kept ruminating about Olivia. Not to mention, I had another stress-induced nightmare. I got up early and watched Olivia sleep peacefully while I got ready for a run. I needed to get out of the apartment and burn off some of this nervous energy. Runs always clear my head, and I craved that adrenaline rush.
When I get back from my run, I walk into a quiet apartment. "Liv?" I call out. I hear a muffled voice coming from the bedroom. As I get closer to the voice, I can hear that it's Olivia on the phone with, I think, Charley.
"Are you kidding? That's awesome. I'm glad you and Marc are getting along so well!" she says excitedly.
I smile. I'm kind of glad Marc and Charley hooked up too. Marc's a good guy.
She continues. "Who me? Oh shut up, Charley. Marriage? Are you crazy? I mean… I don't know. This week has been awesome. Yes, I've been here all week. I don't think he wants that Charley. I know. Yeah, I guess I do. I don't know. Oh, okay. I'll call you later then. Love you, Charley."
I scramble away from the door, my heart hammering. Marriage? Oh fuck no, not marriage. She knows how I feel about that. How did we go from fucking like rabbits to her spending the week to marriage? Fuck…fuck…fuck!
I need to get to the firehouse. I'm two hours early for my shift, but I need some space. I walk purposefully into the room to find Olivia sitting on the bed, legs crossed, phone in hand as she checks her messages. She looks up and smiles. That smile…I love that smile…
"Hey, baby," she says, "Good run?"
I
walk into the bathroom and start to strip my clothes off for a shower. "Yeah, it was good. I'm gonna shower. I was asked to come in a little early today.” I'm lying, but she won't know that. Since when did lying to her become so easy? I scrunch my eyebrows at the realization.
“Oh,” she says quietly.
Damn. Now she's disappointed.
She watches me as I walk into the bathroom, and she follows, leaning against the doorframe as I start the water running. “Owen, are you okay? Did I do something?” Olivia asks with a concerned look on her beautiful face.
“What? No. I'm just a little amped up from my run. That's all.” I turn my back to her as I slip off the rest of my clothes and grab a towel from the closet.
"You want some company?" Olivia asks with a seductive lilt to her voice.
"I'll need to take a rain check. I…I really need to get going and you'd be a distraction.” I give her a quick wink and shut the door on a confused-looking Olivia.
I press my back to the door and look towards the ceiling. I'm acting like an asshole, I think to myself. Since when did I care if she was being a distraction?
* * *
I step out of the shower into the steam-filled bathroom. I halfway thought Olivia would have joined me in the shower, but I'm sick from thinking that I'm glad she didn't. I just need some space. Some time to breathe. Some time to think. Just the same, I should apologize. I was just plain rude to her. I secure a fluffy white towel tightly around my waist and step out of the bathroom.
“Olivia?” I call out, but the apartment is silent. “Liv?”
I pad barefoot into the living room, hoping to find her there. I look over to the kitchen and see a note on the counter.
Going to run some errands. Hope you're okay.
You seem a little off. I'll swing by the firehouse
later with some lunch for you. xo Liv
I rub my hands over my face and through my wet hair. I'm such a dick. I wanted to talk to her, damn it. She's the one person I should be talking to about this. She deserves to know what's going on in my head. I need to just let her in. I promise myself that I'll talk to her about it when I get home. I look at the clock and head back to the bathroom to get dressed for my shift.
* * *
Three hours later, I'm bored out of my skull in the firehouse. We have cleaned, rearranged, and played cards. It's just a quiet day, which isn't a bad thing. That means there are no fires destroying the city, but it's boring nonetheless. I grab a book and move out to the truck bay, where there is a nice breeze. Sitting back in a chair, I prop my feet up to read.
“I'd forgotten how devastatingly handsome you are,” I hear a voice say from the parking lot at the side of the firehouse. I look up and my heart lurches into my throat.
Molly.
Tall, leggy, blonde, beautiful bitch Molly.
She saunters over to where I'm sitting. “What. No hello, Owen?”
I take my feet down and sit up in my chair. “Molly. What are you doing here?”
She smiles and starts to play with her hair. I used to love it when she did that. “I was in the neighborhood, feeling a little lonely, and I somehow got myself right here. Like you were calling my name or something,” she says with seductive lilt.
I stand up, hoping that will create some space for me, but no dice.
She steps in closer. “I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Thinking about the good times we had.” She starts to look around the firehouse. “Right here actually. Lots and lots of good times had here,” she giggles sweetly.
“Molly, I'm touched that you've been reminiscing, but I don't have anything to say to you.”
She closes the space between us and places a hand delicately on my chest. Fuck. My heart is racing, but it's not because of her. I don't want her to feel that.
“Ooowennnn,” she sings, drawing out my name sexily, “I know you think about me. How could you not? We both made mistakes. There's no reason we can't fix those mistakes, is there?” She leans forward, unexpectedly kissing me on the lips.
My eyes close as I am taken over by confusion and unease. What the fuck is going on today? When I open my eyes, my heart falls into my stomach. Olivia is standing in the bay, lunch bag in her hand and her mouth open.
“Olivia,” I say in a huff of almost inaudible breath.
The bag falls out of Olivia's hand and hits the floor with a splat, her eyes filling with tears. Molly pulls away and looks up at me with confusion. Seeing my eyes focused elsewhere, she turns around to look at Olivia, who is frozen in place at the bay door, looking at us.
“Can we help you, honey?” Molly asks Olivia.
Olivia turns on her heel and walks out of the firehouse without saying a word.
I can't move. I'm rooted to my spot, and all the blood has drained out of my face. My stomach churns in disgust.
Molly turns to look at me and runs a hand down my chest. “Who was that? Do you know her?”
I grab her hand from my chest and push Molly away. “You need to go. I need to go.”
Molly places her hands on her hips and looks frustrated. “Owen, I want you to think about this. We were so good together. You know that. We made some mistakes. I made some mistakes. Please…” She reaches up and kisses me on the lips.
Fuck. I push her away more forcefully. “I did make mistakes, Molly, and my biggest one was letting that woman walk out of here.” I wave in the direction of where Olivia was standing. “You need to go.” I turn and walk back into the firehouse, leaving Molly behind, bewildered. I take the stairs two at a time. “Tanner!” I yell.
“In here, man,” he calls back.
I find Tanner sitting at the table in the kitchen. I'm out of breath. I'm going to lose Olivia. That's not what I wanted. What the fuck was I thinking today? I don't want her to go. Fuck.
“Dude, I need to run home. I—I have an emergency that I need to take care of. Can you make a few calls and get some backup in here for me?”
“Sure thing, O,” he replies, eyeing me cautiously. “Is everything okay, man?”
“No. Everything is not okay,” I answer honestly.
I grab my belongings from my locker and run back out toward the bay. Molly is thankfully gone. I start to jog toward my apartment, praying that Olivia is still there.
* * *
I walk into my apartment and see a distraught Olivia gathering items from around the apartment—panties left on the couch, her laptop on the kitchen counter. Seeing her like this makes my heart ache so badly, I can hardly breathe.
I close the door behind me, and the click of the lock draws Olivia out of her daze. “Olivia,” I say, leaning against the door.
“Don't,” she bites out through a clenched jaw. She doesn't even bother to turn to face me. “I'm almost done getting my things together. I'll be out of your hair in just a minute.”
“Olivia, please stop and listen to me. I don't want you to go, baby.” I say quietly and push off the door to approach her.
She raises her hand to me. “Do not call me baby, and please do not come near me,” Olivia spits out angrily. “Just let me go, Owen.”
I stop dead in my tracks. “I can't do that, Olivia. I'll never do that. Please listen to me. I promise you. It's not what you think,” I plead. “That was Molly, my ex-fiancée. She—”
Olivia throws me a look that warns me to stop talking as tears roll down her cheeks. “Owen, look. You don't owe me any explanations. I obviously had this wrong. You made it clear to me the first day I met you what you wanted and didn't want.” She sniffs loudly.
“What? What is that supposed to mean?” I ask, growing frustrated.
“Just please...I don't want to make this harder than it already is. I'm supremely embarrassed. Just let me go.” She turns her head so I won't see her cry, but the shaking of her shoulders can't hide that.
I come up behind her, wary. Seeing her cry is tearing me apart, and I don't know what to say. She is trembling; it's awful. I put a hand on her shoulder. “
Olivia, I—”
She swings around and glares at me. “Leave. Me. Alone.” A fresh tear falls from her eye. “Let me go, Owen.”
“I'm not letting you go, Olivia,” I say, hoping that she'll just stop packing, look at me, and let me talk for two freaking minutes. I know I can make this better if I can explain.
“I'm leaving,” she says, “I am accommodating your wants and needs.” She grabs her bag and stands in front of me, sniffling but defiant. “Now move so I can go catch my cab.”
“You won't even let me speak? You clearly don't understand what my wants and needs are, because I want you, Olivia. I need you. Don't leave me without letting me get two words in. Everything you saw was—”
“I saw everything I needed to see, Owen. I saw you kissing another woman who, I come to find out, is your ex-fiancée, for God's sake!” Olivia yells, throwing her hands up in the air. “Now move out of my way, Owen. Don't make me ask you again.”
I reluctantly step to the side to allow Olivia to walk out on me, taking half of my heart with her. “I'm nothing like Jay, Olivia. Don't make the mistake of lumping me together with him. This is nothing like that,” I say, seething and not looking at her.
Olivia pauses momentarily, my words hitting her core, but she continues out the door and to her waiting cab.
As I watch her walk out the door, I feel completely defeated. She left me. Olivia has made it pretty clear that she wants to be left alone. I know I've hurt her, but damn it, she can be so fucking stubborn. If she would have just calmed down and listened to me...
I know I've hurt her and I know that it looked bad. Ugh, I can't believe that just a mere five hours ago, I was questioning wanting a life with Olivia. Now, the thought of being without her is crippling. The reality of everything comes crashing down on me, and I sink to my knees on the floor with my head in my hands. For the first time since my father died, I start to cry.