by Yoru Sumino
At night, I become a monster.
Tuesday
Night
IT COMES ON SUDDENLY in the dead of night when I’m all alone in my room. It comes whether I’m sleeping or sitting or standing or squatting. It starts from my fingertips, or my navel, or sometimes my mouth.
That night, the black droplets came as tears spilling from my eyes. Mote by mote, a river of unending pitch-black tears, the streams growing gradually until they fell like two waterfalls from my eyes. The simmering, writhing black drops spread to cover my face and then flowed down my neck to my chest, arms, and waist—until every last inch of my body was covered, down to the tips of my fingers.
All colors but black drained from the surface of my body at that point. I’ve never had a chance to watch my body’s transformation, so I have no idea what it looks like. I merely get a sense of my body changing. Assimilating into the black drops, into a form without skin, without flesh, without bone, a form which is no doubt dreadful to look upon. But like I said, I haven’t actually seen it, so I couldn’t actually say for certain. For all I know, maybe I look rather endearing to an outsider, like one of the soot sprites from that one movie. A makkuro kurosuke.
When I was finally able to see my own body, it had transformed into something like a six-legged beast made of pure darkness. As I gazed at my reflection in the full-length mirror, the only things that shone on my wavering black form were the whites of my eight eyes, set above a bottomless, inky crevice of a mouth.
The first night that I viewed my own form, the black drops on the surface of my body went wild with the shock. I nearly ended up demolishing my room. However, I found that I accepted it with unexpected ease once I tried thinking of myself as something like a monster appearing in a video game or the strange beasts that I had seen in anime. How lucky that I was born in the modern age.
When I first transformed, my body was around the size of a large dog. If I want to grow larger, I can will the black drops to move and become as large as a mountain. There was no point in enlarging myself now, though. I was still stuck in my room.
I thought then that I might go outside. Careful not to smash my window the way I did on that very first night, I sprang up lightly and squeezed myself through a tiny crack in the windowsill, slipping out of my second-story room.
My body briefly scattered like a liquid, reforming into a more aerodynamic shape as I tore through the air. In a flash, I landed soundlessly upon the ground. I was in an empty lot about three hundred meters from my home. Previously, I’d just jumped as hard and as far as I could, but after landing on a doghouse in a stranger’s yard and crushing it, I decided to start aiming for more open areas. Luckily, the poor pup happened to be sleeping outside his home that time. I slipped him a bit of jerky later.
The night breeze felt good, and there was a comfortable quiet around me as I expanded my body to about three times its original size, under the gaze of a half-sleeping stray cat nearby. After testing out a variety of sizes, I had determined that this one was the most comfortable for sitting, which was the closest I could get to a comfortable resting position. Seeing this dark monster suddenly spring up beside it, the sleepy-looking stray skittered away at top speed. Sorry to have disturbed your peaceful sleep, kitty.
Now a beast as wide as a road, I strode down the empty street, my six legs moving in an insectoid rhythm. Normally, this was when I would start thinking about what I wanted to do next, but tonight I had only one destination in mind.
As I continued walking, scaring off a dog who was harassing a cat along the way, I came to a crossroads. Last night, I’d turned left here and made my way out to the sea. The shore was quiet this late, and the sound of the waves put a pleasant stop to the pulsing motion of my inky form. I still had a bit of time, so I thought perhaps I could stop by the sea again tonight before moving on to my objective.
As I let the fond memories of the night before overtake me, a scream came from off to my left. I shuddered and turned to look.
I saw a fellow who had been riding briskly along on his bicycle. He seemed to have noticed my presence just as he was about to collide with me. He let out a loud scream and toppled over on the spot. I felt badly for the poor guy, but there was nothing that I could do for him. For now, I put thoughts of the sea aside and made a break down the road in the opposite direction. Whenever I caught wind of others around, I always ran away. That guy would almost certainly think that this was all just a dream when he woke up the next morning. Of course, it wasn’t a dream at all. I would still be here, the window still broken, and the doghouse still destroyed.
My quick retreat was perhaps a bit too speedy. Before I knew it, I ended up somewhere that I didn’t recognize. Hoping to get a better grasp of where I was, I moved to a nearby park and made myself larger than a house. As I swept my gaze around, far taller than even the power poles, I found that I really had traveled an incredible distance. Far on the horizon, I could see the shore where I had spent those fleeting moments the night before.
I needed to get back home before dawn. So, for the time being, I shrunk back down until I was around the width of the road again and began leisurely making my way back towards the sea.
If I ever was discovered, the ones who found me would definitely be shocked. However, it was easy to avoid being seen. For example, if I were to see a car coming, I could just leap up high enough to pass over the car unseen. Of course, I don’t really have to avoid cars. It wasn’t as if I would die if one hit me, and even if it did, I could simply let them pass right through me by diffusing the black drops of my body at the point of impact. The real reason I avoided them was to prevent any accidents caused by startled drivers. Besides, I had tired of the game of frightening people long ago.
Tonight, I leapt high enough to overtake any approaching vehicles. Even with a form like this, I could feel the evening breeze. I could hear sirens wailing faintly in the distance. Night is such a peaceful time.
When I arrived at the shore, I found the lovely, familiar reflection of the moon upon the ocean.
This night, however, someone had arrived here before me. Two people sat upon the beach, their arms around each other’s shoulders. I got the feeling that they had come hoping to spend a little time enjoying the ocean as well. Though they were some distance away, having a monster appear at a time like this would definitely spoil the mood. I was sad to go, but I decided to quietly leave the shore behind. I was rather proud of myself for managing to be so considerate.
Seemed I had no choice but to head straight for my objective.
From where I stood, my intended destination would take about ten minutes to reach by bike. If I were to run in this form, it would not even take ten seconds. That said, I had less and less of a reason to rush now, so I took my time heading there, so as not to startle anyone.
In the end, it took me about twenty minutes to arrive at my destination. Separated from the residences and surrounded by greenery, the place was utterly silent. I stretched my back up, literally, and peeked over the outer walls. Naturally, no one was there. Melting and dispersing my body, I slipped through a tiny hole in the wall and crept into the schoolyard.
Just a few hours prior, I had been in the bath. It was not some sort of whim that led me to return to campus, nor was I interested in causing mischief. I definitely hadn’t come back because I sincerely adored the school that I attended. It was because there was a change in tomorrow’s schedule, and I had left my homework in my locker.
I gathered up the black drops and reformed my monstrous body. I could see glimpses of light from inside the school building, likely a security guard making the rounds. I had to be sure not to startle him, and that meant staying out of sight.
&
nbsp; I shrank myself down a bit, pretending to be a large dog. I hugged the edges of the schoolyard as I walked towards the building. Of course, I could pretend all I want, but if anyone got close, they would see my jagged mouth and eight eyes, my six legs and my four tails, and probably have a heart attack. Even if I could change my size, or momentarily alter my form, I seemed to be beholden to some guideline that required I maintain this basic appearance—a guideline set by whom, I don’t know.
When I arrived at the closer of the two school buildings, I clung to the wall, climbing to the roof in one swift move. Hoping to make a silent entrance, I hopped clear over the chain-link fence and landed soundlessly. Honestly, I should have just slipped in through one of the windows along the way, but I hoped to take a bit of a detour.
I hadn’t been up on the roof since I first toured the school as a new student. I let myself indulge in a sense of loftiness, of being above it all. The illusion was slightly marred when I happened to spot a cigarette butt on the ground nearby. For better or worse, my eyes are sharp even in the dark of night.
Once I finished relishing the feeling of the wind—and my own sense of satisfaction—I slipped in through the keyhole in the heavy door.
It was silent inside—or rather, there was a low sound, some kind of electric hum. Probably a ventilation fan or something. It wasn’t pitch-black, either. The emergency lamps and the light of the moon filled the halls with a dim glow.
Still, even with the sound and the light, the school was kind of eerie at night.
If I were to bump into anyone, they would be the one most surprised. Plus, I can make myself enormous at a moment’s notice if need be, so I wouldn’t have any trouble even if a ghost or something popped out. All the same, I felt a chill down my back. Time to hurry up and do what I came to do and get out of here.
The school building had five floors, and the third year classroom that I was assigned to was on the third. As I slowly descended the stairs, even my black drops seemed somehow uneasy, jittering silently on the surface. I passed by the fourth floor, which held the library and the art room. The moonlight piercing through the window shone upon my dark form. There was a full moon tonight.
Though I transformed every night, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be less disruptive to my life if I only transformed into a monster during the full moon, like a werewolf or something. As I arrived at the third floor, thinking about such frivolous things, I heard the sound of running water from the bathroom right beside the staircase and immediately leapt to hide myself. Of course, it was probably just an automated cleaning system. I’m not sure what I was thinking, really, given that I never looked particularly intimidating in this form.
Step by step, I approached the classroom. Class Two—my class. As I passed by a pair of other classrooms, I felt the chambers of my heart seize. I’m not sure a heart even beat within my chest, but I felt it all the same.
The end of this infiltration—which seemed strangely long given how little time had actually passed—was now in sight. I slipped in through the crack under the door at the back of the classroom. As I entered, I felt like I had been plunged into a completely different world. It was so quiet I could feel my ears ringing.
Whoever was on cleanup duty that day was sloppy, so the rows of desks were misaligned. However, it was not my responsibility to be concerned about such things, so I quickly opened my locker with one of my tails. I hated looking inside—I intentionally messed the contents up a bit, despite my daytime self’s love of order.
Inside were my math textbook, workbooks, and handouts. I kept them all in line with my tail, which I could easily control. I thought through my next steps. I would have to open up the door of the classroom and put these outside before I left, since unlike me, they were too thick to pass through the small crack beneath the door. Would exiting from the hall side be less work, or maybe the window side facing the courtyard? I definitely couldn’t just drop them out from the window. Perhaps it would be better to place the bundle of materials up on the roof and then come back down later to close the window? What a bother.
I scratched my head with my tail, rather than my hands, as I always did when I was lost in thought.
Then my gaze flitted back towards the blackboard.
“What are you…do…ing?”
I had been sure I was alone.
Before me, I saw the form of a girl standing with her hands on the lectern. I was so startled by her appearance that my breath stopped. I couldn’t form a single word. Instead, the sensation of goosebumps rippled across my whole body. The black drops began to writhe.
As the drops trembled, they kicked up a wind and then a storm. Papers tore from the wall. Desks went crashing to the floor. The droplets continued to rage, covering the whole classroom, even reaching out for the girl and the lectern.
“Aah!”
The cowering girl’s scream finally quelled the storm within my heart. The droplets ceased their rampage, and though they still seemed a bit distraught, they slowly started to return to my body. Despite their return, they refused to settle into their typical state. My whole body swelled, pulsing with violent, quivering waves.
The girl stared at me, as though she had only just barely worked up the courage to speak. I met her eyes with two of my eight. Why? Just how on Earth? Here? At a time like this?
I’m sure that she had a lot of questions about me, but I had just as many about her.
We stared at each other in silence.
I still hadn’t forgotten that I meant to escape—I was merely concerned. I didn’t know whether she had seen me fiddling with the lockers, nor if she had spotted the textbook lying at my feet, nor what I ought to do if she had.
She had me completely off balance.
“Y-y-y-y-y-you scared…me.”
She suddenly began to tremble, as though in delayed shock. Or perhaps she was a little slow on the uptake and had previously set her shock aside.
The girl looked around suspiciously, eyes roving the room, shoulders swaying from side to side. She appeared to be trying to determine just what position she’d been put into. I watched her, unsure of what to do. I don’t know whether she came to some silent conclusion, but she turned towards me and held out both hands, palms out flat.
“W-wait… Wait a…mi…mi…minute…”
She hurried out of the classroom. Apparently, the front door was already unlocked.
I took a brief look behind me and resolved to put the girl’s reason for being here and the meaning of her actions aside. I frantically gathered up my textbook bundle and shut my locker.
Once I had hidden the evidence of my identity, a number of thoughts began to run through my head. Why was she here at a time like this, and where had she gone? And moreover, how was it that she could even bring herself to speak to a monster?
Honestly, I should have just run away while my head was still racked with confusion, leaving those questions unanswered. But I began to worry about whether she’d been caught by the school nightguard.
And so I waited.
Relatively soon after, she returned, a satisfied grin upon her face.
“I’m baaack. I went and…explained everything, so…it’s fine…now.”
Explained? I began to ask but abruptly stopped myself. I had no idea how my voice sounded to other people. If it was the same as normal, she might end up realizing who I was. I needed to avoid that possibility.
With that thought in mind, I should have dodged the question, but I began to wonder. How did my voice sound when I was a monster? Both she and I were soon to learn the answer to that question.
“So…any…way, what were you…doing?”
I did not reply.
“You’re…Acchi-kun, aren’t you?”
“Huh?”
A strange voice came out of my unsuccessfully stopped-up mouth. There it was.
A cold sweat—or so it felt; who knows whether or not sweat was actually there—ran along my whole body. The pulsing waves that
I had been trying to suppress grew again in magnitude.
How’d she know it was me?
I glanced behind me. She had seen my locker after all, hadn’t she?
“Oh, your voice…does…sound like Acchi-kun’s.”
She clapped her hands together very deliberately. The fact that it was the middle of the night, and that she was standing in front of a monster, didn’t stop her nearly irritating theatrics.
I did not reply. Instead, I tried raising a bit of a growl, thinking that I might be able to force her conclusion back out of her head. I knew that I could howl, at least. I’d done it before to chase away a stray dog.
She tilted her head, and I thought for a moment that she might be having second thoughts about me.
“Are you…hun…gry?”
Nope. Still speaking in that strange rhythm, punctuated in a peculiar way that made it difficult to follow, she approached me until she stood just before my eyes, her feet tapping across the floor. She peered into my face. I tried to back away, forgetting my own immense size, but I was trapped.
What could I do? I should have run away at once. However, if I were to leave now, and she tried to tell others that she’d met me as a monster in the middle of the night… Well, even if no one believed her, it would eliminate the distance that I had previously kept between us. That was no good.
She could probably tell that I was shaken. A vapid smile of self-satisfaction spread across her face.
“Aaah…well.”
I maintained silence.
“If you try…to pretend you aren’t…Acchi-kun…then I…might have to start…spreading rumors.”
“Wai—! Ah, no, uh—!”
I inadvertently let my voice return to normal as I bristled at her threat. Her smile widened, as though perhaps she was pleased to have heard my voice.
“It’s…fiiine.”
What was fine?
“I won’t…t-tell…anyone!”
I had no idea what was supposed to be reassuring about those wholly untrustworthy words.
“And in re…turn, you can’t…tell anyone that I was…here.