by Yoru Sumino
It was surprisingly thrilling to act as though I were a kaiju. Iguchi had gotten it right—there were some unexpectedly childish parts of me. Of course, was it really all that unexpected?
Even running through the rain, I reached the school quickly on my six massive feet. I stretched myself up high, shrank my body down, and landed atop the roof.
From there I had to put a spin on my usual method of entry, as I had not only myself, but the umbrella to sneak inside. This time I would have to actually bother with opening the roof door.
If Yano-san wasn’t there, then she wasn’t there, and that would be that, I thought. It was raining. I couldn’t imagine her coming even on a day like this.
I’m not sure if I was relieved or disappointed to find that I could pull the front door of the classroom open with my tail. Perhaps it was both.
“Even on a night like this, huh?” I said.
As I spoke, Yano-san raised her head. She’d been sitting at her desk, fidgeting with her phone.
“I didn’t…think you’d…come.”
I closed the door with my tail, moved to the back of the classroom, and changed my size to one more comfortable for sitting.
“You said you’d lost your umbrella. I had an extra one, so here.”
“Wah!”
Yano-san let out a puzzled cry when I gently tossed the umbrella her way—it smacked her right in the face.
“Oww. Hey, no…talking about the day…time.”
Again with that warning. I dismissed the advice with a “Hmph,” wondering just which of us was being the more annoying one here.
She stoically bowed her head. “Still…thank you.”
I’d half expected see her usual grin at a time like this, but I wasn’t one to go around forcing people to make the expressions I wanted, so I said nothing.
I recalled Iguchi-san and the pained smile upon her face.
Unlike our usual routine, there was something that I actually wanted to discuss with Yano-san today. But how to broach the topic? During the daytime, with someone like Kudou, this would have been a breeze—but I had no idea how to direct a conversation the way that I wanted when it came to Yano-san.
How to open the conversation? As I searched the ceiling of the classroom for an answer, Yano-san again asked a strange question, as though she had suddenly thought of something.
“Acchi…kun, are you…a Laputa fan? Or…Naussica fan?”
I hesitated, as I was unsure if I should tell the truth or give the prepared answer that I always gave when asked about my favorite Ghibli film.
“Uh, I prefer Totoro.”
“It was…all just a…dream, but…it wasn’t a dream.”
A famous line from the movie. For a moment it sounded like a completely different quote, thanks to Yano-san’s strange speech pattern.
In that moment, I thought that quote might encapsulate just how being a monster felt to me.
“What about you, Yano-san? Laputa or Naussica?”
“Ac…tually, I like…Princess Monono…ke.”
“Then why did you give me those two other choices?”
Maybe it was because of her fondness for Princess Mononoke that she wasn’t afraid of seeing me like this at first meeting.
“Actually, Yano-san, shouldn’t your favorite be Totoro?”
“Why…?”
“Well, I mean, your name is Satsuki.”
I had only said it as a bit of friendly ribbing, but for some reason she looked a bit peeved—which is to say, she very intentionally wrinkled her brow and pursed her lips, which wasn’t in the slightest bit intimidating.
“I’m not…that Satsuki.”
“No?”
“Though our names…do share the…same meaning: May.”
As I tilted that great head of mine, so massive I could swallow Yano-san up in a single gulp, she smugly answered a question I hadn’t even asked.
“It’s the name of a…flower.” Not waiting for my acknowledgment, she continued, “They should be bloo…ming right a…bout now. It’s…a little late for…them, but it’s a…spring flower.”
The phrase “spring flower” conjured up images in my mind of pearly pink sunsets swallowing up the sky and fields of golden blossoms. I had no mental imagery for the flower that shared her name.
“It’s…my favorite spring flower. It…would be even if it weren’t…my…name.”
“Not cherry blossoms, or rapeseed flowers?”
As I tried to convey the image that Satsuki gave me, Yano-san nodded. “Of course I…like those…too. But…if I had…to choose, I’d…say I pre…fer flowers that…bloom quietly on a mountain…top or on a back road over the…pretty, showy ones that every…one else loves.”
Projecting, much? I thought, unfairly.
Flowers that bloomed quietly, secretly.
A variety of people popped to mind.
“Oh, hey, when…the rain stops, let’s go…see some…satsuki. They’re blooming in the…mountains.”
So far, out of all the plans that Yano-san had proposed, that had to be the best one by far. However…
“I can manage that, but how will you get there?” I asked.
“Let me…ride on your…back.”
“No way. What happens if you turn into a monster, too?”
I expected her to say something like, Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But instead she immediately abandoned the idea. “That…would suck.” I was the one that had brought up the concern, but it still hurt a bit being rejected like that.
“By the way, why’d you start talking about Ghibli all of a sudden?”
“Naussica was on…Kinyou Roadshow. You didn’t…see it?”
“Oh, I forgot. That was today, huh?”
Ghibli films rarely came up in conversation with Kasai and the others, so I hadn’t been paying attention. I was a little disappointed—I’d seen the film plenty of times, but I would have liked to watch it again.
“Also, I…was reading this…blog about the behind the…scenes production and urban leg…ends about Ghibli…films.”
“Ah, stuff like, ‘Is Totoro really a Shinigami?’”
“Yeah, yeah. Acchi…kun, you like shini…gami, huh?”
“I’m pretty sure that rumor’s fake.”
“Legends…are fun because they’re…legends, so it doesn’t matter if it’s…fake or not. It doesn’t…matter, as long as…you like Totoro.”
It was annoying to be talked down to, especially by her of all people. All I had said was that I heard the rumor was false. I hadn’t insisted on it or tried to force my opinion on her, and yet she criticized me for it all the same. However, I didn’t debate her on it, since I happened to agree: legends were fun because they were legends. They were tales meant to be spread far and wide, not overanalyzed and picked apart.
I worked up my courage and decided to try and broach the topic I’d wanted to discuss with her.
“Iguchi-san said almost the same thing.”
“Igu…chan did?”
This little “Igu…chan” phrase that Yano-san had been saying since yesterday was strangely intoned, perhaps something that she had never actually called our classmate in person. Regardless, she had taken the bait.
“Yeah, Iguchi-san used to sit next to me last year. She always had a Totoro key chain on her bag, so I asked her about it one time, about whether she really liked Totoro. We talked a lot about it, and she said the same thing. She said that she loved things that are mysterious, especially while they’re still shrouded in mystery. After I heard that, I went and watched Totoro again with that in mind, and it became my favorite, too.”
“…Huh?”
Yano-san seemed bewildered.
“I mean, uh…”
Crap. I’d let myself get worked up and started babbling about my own interests when I should have just gotten straight to the point. I’m sure that she didn’t want to hear about all that, and I hadn’t intended to say it.
As I stood there, embarrassed, I rea
lized that she hadn’t chided me for talking about things from during the day. I suppose memories have nothing to do with either noon or night.
“Uh, anyway, the reason I mentioned Iguchi-san is that I wanted you to know that she was the one who wrote all over your notebook, but she didn’t want to do it. Other people forced her. I learned about that today, and Iguchi-san felt bad, and she was sorry for it. I thought that you should know.”
Hoping that it would alleviate some of my embarrassment, I rushed headlong into what I had originally wanted to say. Of course, after I said it, I realized I had no idea what I would do if Yano-san suddenly filled with rage towards Iguchi-san. No matter how apologetic Iguchi-san was, no matter how much she regretted it, she had still done it, after all. Such a reaction wouldn’t be strange at all.
For a moment, there was silence. Just how was she going to react? What would she say? As I stood there fretting, Yano-san, with a dumbfounded look still on her face, said simply, softly, “I see.”
She saw what? As I waited, she pointed at me with her little finger.
“Acchi…kun, you…”
And then, a smile spread across her face, like a little flower in full bloom.
“…you like Igu-chan…don’t you?”
A puff of air that sounded very much like “Wha?” spilled from my jagged mouth, and Yano-san gave a theatrical nod of understanding.
“I see…I see. You…should talk a bit more carefully about the girl…you like, though.”
“Huh? Wait a…hold on, what?”
My panic was incredibly obvious. As always, Yano-san entirely ignored my response and patted her fist onto her palm. Hang on now. My emotions couldn’t keep up with this.
“I see…why it was a notebook I…already used up. Because it was…Igu…chan.”
“What do you mean?”
“Daytime talk is…over now.”
Yano-san clasped both hands over her mouth. Well, that was sudden.
Just where did she draw the line? It was starting to feel like this whole thing was at the mercy of her whims, so I decided to ignore her advice. There was something that I desperately could not keep silent about.
“So, by the way…”
There was one more thing that I wanted to confirm, just in case. I needed to talk about this seriously, for the sake of calming my own nerves.
“About the graffiti on Iguchi-san’s notebook…”
Her mouth still covered, Yano-san furrowed her eyebrows.
“I just have to be sure. It wasn’t you, right?”
This time, with her mouth still covered, and her eyebrows still furrowed, she shook her head. “Of course not. Sorry.”
Though I’d meant that I was sorry for doubting her, Yano-san pointed my way, as if to lecture me.
“It’s…mid…night…break.”
Apparently, that edict was far more important to her than the fact of my suspicion.
There was a violent sound against the window. The downpour seemed to be growing stronger.
Just then, the bell rang. Between my trip to the department store, and the fact that I had transformed later in the evening than usual, tonight’s visit was a short one.
“Time to…go. Acchi…kun, I’m glad that Igu…chan is the one…who’s important to…you.”
“Hey. No talking about the daytime.”
I realized that by saying that, I acknowledged her decree, but not even a monster has the power to take back words that have already flown from its mouth.
“It makes the night…less…important, you know?” Her words were teasing but pure. I was at a loss for a reply.
So I said nothing. No “yeah,” no “uh-huh.” No matter what I said, I couldn’t help but feel that I would be the one who ended up getting hurt.
“I hate seeing…good people…get hurt,” she said in parting, just before I leapt from the window. Even at this, I couldn’t shake my shaggy black head.
It was not something I could deny.
Without saying another word, I leapt outside. The rain battered my body, but it made no difference to a monster like me.
I wonder. If I had simply said “yeah,” would that have changed anything?
If I had said “uh-huh,” would that have changed anything?
The next week, something dreadful happened.
Monday
Day
I HAVE TO CONFESS, I did stop back in at the school on Saturday night as well, but Yano wasn’t there. It seemed there was no such thing as midnight break on the weekend.
The rain had let up on Sunday, but on Monday the sky was still shrouded in grey clouds.
My number one concern on this day was not whether I could keep myself from slipping up or whether I could avoid having any one-on-one exchanges with Yano. It was whether or not Iguchi was going to show up at school.
Honestly, it was weird that Yano was able to proudly come to school, day in and day out, despite how she was treated. No one could blame Iguchi if she never showed up at the classroom again—nor Yano, for that matter.
Still, it would definitely be better for Iguchi if she came. If she took the day off, everyone would know that what happened on Thursday was the reason. Might as well get it over with—the more time went by, the harder it would be to keep from coming back to school. Also, we had exams coming up this year, so it was best to show up every day.
Of course, that was merely my public stance on the matter. Internally, I couldn’t help but worry that Iguchi had been so hurt by my ignoring her last comment that she wouldn’t be able to show up at all. I felt a huge weight lift off my chest when I entered the classroom and saw Iguchi sitting at her desk—even if I couldn’t ignore the fact that no one else was standing around her.
“Weather’s got even you down, huh?” Kasai spoke up as I arrived at my seat, sitting himself down atop my desk without so much as a greeting. “Looks like no soccer today, I guess.”
I quickly rearranged my face. “Yeah, guess not.”
“Hey, sour face, I got somethin’ exciting for ya.”
Whenever Kasai said he had something “exciting” to tell me, it was usually some factoid that he’d heard on TV, or gossip about our classmates’ love affairs, or something even more trivial. What could he possibly have to say this time?
“Something happen?”
“Yeah, yeah! You remember what I was sayin’ about that kaiju, right?”
“Right, the one that comes out at night.”
“Apparently, it’s been spotted near the school.”
“What?” I replied, decently surprised. Of course, I should have realized that at that size, someone could probably spot me from far away. But it turned out that was not the case.
“So like, apparently Motoda snuck into the school on Friday night.”
“…What?”
Without meaning to, I let out an unadulterated, genuine reaction.
“Ahaha! I’ve seen that look before.” Kasai laughed guilelessly, clapping his hands. “He’s such an idiot. Apparently, he realized in the middle of the night that he forgot his mitt in the club room. He had a game first thing in the morning, and he was worried that his coach was gonna kill him, so he came here. He’s definitely got a bike at home, but like, it was raining, hah. But apparently when he got here, the gate was open, and he just walked right in. Luckily the lock on the club room’s broken, so he got in and got the mitt. It was just when he was leaving that it showed up.”
As I grew more nervous, Kasai slapped my shoulder.
“The kaiju?”
“Yeah, apparently it’s crazy huge when you see it up close and super creepy. He called me in the middle of the night, all worked up. He really needed to tell someone. Right, you’d have been asleep then.”
I gave a modest “sorry” in response to the jab.
“Anyway, he was hiding in the shadows of the clubroom watching this thing, then it jumped up high all of a sudden, and when it came down it got smaller and vanished into the school.”
“The hell?”
“Right? When I asked if he expected me to believe that, he got all huffy and said that when he came to the school again on Saturday, it showed up again. Honestly, I think he was just dreaming, but apparently that idiot actually snuck inside the school building. He’s so stupid.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, now he wants to try and sneak a bunch of guys into the school to try and catch the kaiju. Ahaha, I honestly can’t wait for them to all get caught by the guards.”
“Ahah…hahaha… Good point.”
Though I forced a laugh, my heart quivered inside my chest.
This was bad, I thought. But then, when I considered it again, I realized that really, there was nothing bad about it at all.
As long as I never came near the school again, I’d be fine. That way, Motoda and his crew would realize that no monster was going to show up at the school, and I’d be somewhere far away where none of my classmates could see me. My nights would be peaceful as they had always been.
Yes, my peaceful night was assured. But Yano on the other hand? Her solitude was going to be destroyed.
Just as Kasai had said, the best outcome would be for Motoda and the others to be caught by the guards. It wouldn’t be good for them, of course, but it would be a huge help for Yano. However, if Motoda and his crew managed to sneak into the school undetected, as Yano did, and they ran into her there, things would be very bad.
Or worse—what if they were to encounter her when she was on her way to the school…?
No matter who came across me when I was a monster, no matter where, I could simply make myself larger and escape, and they could never catch me. But what could Yano do? The quiet peace of a young girl, without any powers to change her size or run like the wind, would disappear.
The midnight breaks that Yano spoke of would be ruined.
What could I do?
I probably had to do something, even if, honestly, this was none of my business at all.