by W. J. May
Jennifer took a step closer to Rae. “Only your mother could have created that fire.”
She still refused to believe it. “If she killed my father with her tatù, she would have survived the fire.”
“No.” Carter shook his head. “There were two bodies.”
Rae blinked back the tears of frustration trying to force their way out. It had been one hell of a long day. Her next thought was crazy, but she knew it had to be true. “It wasn't my mom. It was Kraigan's mother. She died in the fire.”
“Kraigan's?” The pity in Carter's eyes as he stared at her made her want to lash out at him. He didn't believe her. None of them did.
“Kraigan said his mother took off on him. She didn't. She must have died in the fire. Maybe my mom killed both of them.”
“And then what, Rae?” Carter's voice dropped to a calm, quiet one. “What's your theory on what happened next?”
Theory? He was turning her words against her. She had mocked him on his theory of two abilities. “Maybe they kidnapped her. Maybe you guys did, and you're hiding her somewhere safe.”
“Like under a witness protection program?” Carter asked, rubbing his neck.
Rae clapped her hands. “Exactly!”
Carter shook his head. “Don't you think if we had done that, we would have put you with her?”
She didn't have all the details figured out obviously. “Maybe you needed me around so you could figure out what my tatù was when I turned sixteen.”
“And we couldn't have done that under witness protection?”
She threw her hands up in the air. “I don't know!”
Jennifer took both of Rae's hands in hers.
The action threw Rae off guard; Jennifer didn't comfort. She was hard as nails. Tougher than anyone.
“Your mother is gone. I honestly wish I could tell you she's alive somewhere, but I would be lying. I would have done anything to trade places with her. Anything.”
So you could have Carter all to yourself and make him love you, not her? Rae shut her eyes tight, forcing that terrible thought out of her mind. How could I even think that? She let out a long sigh. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Jennifer straightened and dropped Rae's hands. “You good then?”
“Yeah.” She faked a yawn. “Sorry. It's been one heck of a long day.”
“It has.” Carter nodded. “Why don't we meet, here again, at thirteen hundred hours? We'll go over your assignment before you leave.”
“We're leaving tomorrow?” Rae had barely had time to process what had happened, and she had agreed to jump immediately into another mission?
“When the Queen of England requests, you do not make her wait.”
“We'll be ready, sir.” Devon moved close beside Rae. “I'll take her back to her dorm. Make sure she's all right.”
“Good.” Carter nodded and walked across the room, opening the door for them. “Tomorrow. Thirteen hundred hours.”
Rae let Devon lead the way out of the office. She stared at his strong back as she followed him. She thought of her tatù and swore she could feel the Gaelic suns burning against her skin. Her mother was alive. Just no one else believed it.
All she needed to do was find proof of life… and save the future Queen of England in the meantime. Cake…right?
Chapter 2
Just outside of the Privy Council building on the concrete steps, Devon tried clearing his throat quietly. He did it again as they walked side by side across the parking lot.
Rae stared straight ahead to where his car was parked, all the while trying to watch him from her peripheral vision. His awkwardness wasn't something she was accustomed to.
He pulled out his car keys and pressed the button to unlock the doors.
When he cleared his throat a third time, Rae couldn't take it anymore. She was short on patience after the emotionally and physically draining day. “Just say it!”
His head shot up. “Pardon?”
“You've never been nervous around me.” She rolled her eyes as she jerked the passenger door open. “Scratch that. You were. One time. When you dumped me.” She closed her eyes, not wanting to see how that affected him, regretting the tone of her voice and the words she had said. “Sorry. That was a low blow and totally uncalled for.” She tried to soften her voice. “Is there something you want tell me?”
Devon sat down in the car, while she leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes. He started the engine but didn't put the car into reverse to pull out. “Rae? Are you okay?” His voice trembled with emotion.
“Really?” Rae couldn't stop herself from blasting him. “Now you want to talk about feelings?” Now he's all concerned how I felt about his breaking up with me? She opened her mouth, ready to drown him in a tirade of words she had never used in her life, only to hesitate. Her brain was on overcharge, she was so full of a myriad of emotions, and she was shaking with it. The feeling was almost overwhelming, but there was a still, small, quiet voice in her mind telling her that she needed to look at Devon's face.
She took a deep breath, let it out slowly and turned to meet his concerned gaze. That's when she saw it, the truth. Devon wasn't talking about their break up. He simply meant today and everything that had happened inside Carter's office.
She turned away, closing her eyes and trying to suppress her embarrassment for her outburst while simultaneously trying to still her shaking body, which she didn't seem to actually have control of at the moment. She barked a laugh, then coughed, trying to cover it. “I'm exhausted.” Her laughter turned instantly into tears. She tried to smile and force them away, but inside the small confines of his sports car, it was just the two of them. No accusing eyes, no sense of responsibility, and no wall of civility that needed to be upheld at all costs; just her and Devon - the only boy who had managed to steal her heart, who then had rudely handed it back to her. Jerkface…I don't want to be here. I don't want to feel this. I don't want him to see me like this. He doesn't deserve to see me like this. Who am I kidding? He doesn't care.
The thought brought a fresh supply of salt water to her eyes. She buried her face in her hands. “I'll be f-fine. Can you jus' take me ‘ome?” Her words came out muffled, but she refused to move, to let him see her face.
Stony silence was the answer, at least for several minutes. It felt like a lifetime later that Devon finally gave it some gas. Gravel crunched under the wheels as Devon pulled the car out of the small parking area of the house and down the lane to the main road. He said nothing.
When Rae felt the car turn left instead of right toward the dorms, she lifted her head. “Where…”
“You need to eat,” Devon answered firmly. “I bet you've barely had anything all day.”
I'm a snotty, tear-stained, emotional mess. The last thing I want is to spend more time in his company looking like this. “I'm not hungry.” She tried to wipe the tears away without him noticing.
Devon concentrated on the road. “Then I'm hungry. I'll be quick. Just let me hit a drive through and grab a burger or something.”
A golden pair of arches lit up the sky on their right. He pulled in and drove up to the intercom where they were greeted by a very unexcited male voice. “What can I get you?”
Devon raised an eyebrow and glanced at Rae. He tapped on the door handle as he checked out the menu. “How about a cheeseburger and fries? Make it a number four combo with a Coke.”
“Sure,” came the monotone reply. “Anything else?”
Devon pointed at Rae.
Rae shook her head, only to have the scent of deep-fried potatoes waft up her nose. Oooh… fries… Her stomach rumbled in protest to the action her head was doing. “Oh, fine.” She leaned over Devon toward the intercom. “Can you add a number six, please? With sweet and sour sauce? And the lemonade.” Her hand reached for Devon's arm to steady herself. She inhaled, hoping for the cool fresh air outside to mingle with the scent of French fries again, but instead, Devon's musky cologne filled her nostrils. He smelled go
od. Too good. She quietly drew in another breath, trying to get the scent to linger longer. She glanced up to see Devon watching her with an amused look on his face. Anger and embarrassment instantly had her already blotchy face glowing red. She quickly pulled away and dropped back against her seat, wishing she could just disappear entirely.
Devon said nothing as he drove the car forward to the pickup window. He collected their order and paid for it.
Rae held the warm bags on her lap and stared out the window into the darkened night. She wanted to be away from him as soon as possible, almost as much as she wished she could turn back time to when they had still been together. More than both those things, she wanted to gain back some control because she was feeling decidedly out of it. Why can't I just be cold? He seems to be. Why can't I be whatever the hell I want to be? I'm tired of emotions for now. I feel like I'm about to explode I'm so full of emotions. I need…I need to burn off some of this somehow. “Are you feeling crazy? Like a bit of a rebel?”
Devon's foot lifted off the gas pedal as his words stumbled out. “Wh-What do you mean?”
Rae giggled as she felt a bit of the power balance between them shift her way. She'd caught him off guard. Right then, that helped somehow. She pulled a fry out of the bag and popped it in her mouth. As she chewed it, savoring the salty flavor, she commanded, “Pull the car over.”
Devon turned into an empty shop parking lot and idled the engine. He turned in his seat to face her fully. Look at Mr. Serious Face…I wonder what he thinks I have in mind?
She tossed him his hamburger bag. “Let's eat in the car.” She leaned back, set her feet on the dashboard and dug into her combo for another fry.
He caught the paper bag with one hand, still holding it in the air, staring rather pointedly at her feet. “What?”
“This car still smells brand new. You've had it a year now?” She stuck her straw into her drink. “I bet you've never eaten in here.” A breath escaped from Devon's lips. Rae thought it sounded disappointed, but she couldn't be sure. “Be a rebel and wipe a greasy finger on the leather seat. I dare you.”
Devon shook his head. He turned the car off and opened his window a bit. “I eat in here.”
“Really?” Rae laughed as he stared at her feet on the dashboard. “You're going to clean this spotless tomorrow aren't you?”
“No, I won't.” He shrugged and grinned, opening his bag and pulling his burger out. He hesitated before taking a bite. “The PCs have a concierge-type service that cleans and takes care of their agents' cars. I won't have to clean it myself.”
It had been a long, hard day, and she could feel her body start to relax as her tummy grew content. The shaking had almost stopped altogether. She was only mildly vibrating now, and most of that she could truly mark up to pure exhaustion. She would be fighting drowsiness on the ride home, but for the moment, she wished she could hang here with Devon all night. It felt like before, when she had first come to Guilder, and he had tutored her on what tatùs were, had introduced her to the world she now inhabited. She kind of didn't want it to end. “You can go outside. I'm good right here.”
They ate in comfortable silence as the front window began to fog up. A man walking his dog went by, and Rae wondered if he assumed the windows were fogging for a different reason.
Devon must have had the same thought cross his mind. He started the engine and switched the defrost on high. “Is the journal really gone?”
She tossed her leftover wrappers into the paper bag and balled it up, purposefully tossing it into the back seat while staring straight into his eyes. Is that an eye twitch I see on his face? Serves him right for ruining the moment. “I'm ‘fraid so.”
“You had it this entire time?”
And the good feeling that had been there a minute ago disappeared like the fog on the windows. “Are you trying to accuse me of something?”
“I'm just wondering why you might have had the journal and not bothered to give it to the Privy Council.”
He was such a doofus sometimes! “It's my journal.”
“It's not yours. It was Simon Kerrigan's.”
What nerve! “No, it was my uncle Argyle's and he entrusted it to me!” Her voice rose as she finished the sentence. She made a mental effort to lower her volume and control her tone, but her words still came out clipped and short. “It doesn't matter who had it, or what happened. It's gone now. Burned to nothing. Gone.” And all the information in it, the information she had never had the chance to review.
“Did you make a copy of it?”
Good question. He was always the organized one, thinking and planning, two steps ahead of everyone. “No. I wish I had now, though.” She hated how he put so much importance on the rantings of a dead man, her father. No, I hate that he's right. It annoyed her. He's always right. She sighed. “There was nothing in it that mattered. It was a high school club that never lasted and then some ramblings of a teenager with crazy plans. My dad was nuts.”
Devon put his hands on the wheel but didn't put the car into drive. “Some people think he went coo-coo because of the double tatù.” He kept his eyes straight ahead, refusing to meet her gaze.
His tone, his posture… it was obvious what he was implying and it made her even angrier. She leaned forward, and using a tatù, forced his head to turn to look at her. “Is that what you think is going to happen to me? You think I'm going to go crazy because I'm double marked?”
His eyes softened a moment before turning unreadable. “I've never thought you were anything but normal, for our kind.” He blinked before breaking the hold of her tatù and shifting away to face her properly. “I'm not the enemy, Rae. I never have been, nor will I ever be.”
“Sometimes I wonder, Devon. You were so keen on getting close to me when I came here, and now it's like my touch burns you. What did I ever do to make you so scared of me?” She couldn't believe she'd said those words to him. She had barely let herself think them, but as she said them aloud, she knew they were true. He was scared of her.
“I'm not scared of you.”
“Then what is it? Why do you run like a dog with your tail tucked between your legs whenever I'm around? Why do you watch me from the shadows?”
“I don't!”
“Really?” Frustrated anger boiled inside of her. She tried to keep it down but after all the crap she'd had thrown at her in the last 24 hours, she needed to vent. Devon was an unfortunate, but convenient target.
“I almost hurled a fireball at you because I thought you were Kraigan!”
Devon rubbed his face with his hand. “RRGGH! You have no idea how frustrating you are!”
She blinked, surprised at his words and the agitation in his voice. It just didn't sound like him, like the controlled boy he'd become around her.
“You have no idea what it's like to be around you!” He threw his hands in the air. “You have all this incredible talent. You're smart, incredibly beautiful, and you rock a freakin' tatù that blows everyone's mind. The Privy Council sees you as an indestructible tool, but they are terrified you'll turn on them. Only Jennifer and Carter don't see it that way. They are constantly arguing with everyone, trying to convince them you are on our side… that you are not your father! Julian fights too. He's always defending you. He's furious at me because I don't say anything.”
“Why not?” She knew she should focus on those who supported her, but at the moment, she only wanted to know why he didn't want to be her knight in shining armor.
“You don't need me to defend you. Every day you prove how much of an asset you are to the PCs.”
She was always questioning herself and what the Privy Council thought of her. They were right to worry about her allegiance. She didn't know herself which side of the fence she wanted to be on. It made her so mad. She didn't want Julian to have to fight with people he worked for. She appreciated Carter and Jennifer's commitment, but the Privy Council had hired her, she hadn't asked if she could work for them. She clenched her fists tightly
at her sides, her anger centering on Devon. The only person who seemed to be willing to tell her the truth. Well, at least some of it. “You always pick the safe route, don't you? Afraid to rock the boat?”
Devon pounded the steering wheel. “I'm not scared of you! Or your tatù!”
The anger boiled over. “Then what the hell is your problem?” she screamed. “Why are you avoiding me?”
“I'm scared of what I'll do when I'm around you!” His chest and upper body heaved up and down as he stared at her, and she knew she was seeing him lose control. Not completely, but enough, enough to see inside his shell.
Chapter 3
Rae did not know how to respond to his words, to the intensity in Devon's eyes, the way he fought to control himself or the air inside the car that had grown thick with unspoken thoughts. Emotions ran through her at a pace so rapid, even she couldn't figure them out. As her body tensed, her tatù shot warnings off inside her like a nerve ending firing messages to the surrounding tissue.
Devon recovered quicker than she did. He closed his eyes and inhaled a long breath, slowly exhaling it before opening his eyes again. His face became a mask, hiding the emotions that had been so clearly displayed a moment ago. “I apologize. I was completely out of line. I shouldn't have said that.”
But you did.
“They were heat of the moment words.” Devon shifted the car into drive and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. “I didn't mean them. That came out completely wrong.”
She straightened her jacket and flicked an imaginary speck off her thigh to cover the sensation of having the ground open up beneath her. She felt like they had been on the verge of some actual truth, raw, unfiltered. But he had shut down so quickly. How can he do that? How can he be like that? How can I feel safe with him one moment, then totally exposed and defenseless the next? How… How can I be like that? How can I have the same protection? I deserve it. “Okay.” So the conversation was over before it even had a chance to start. Well, she could do that too.