by W. J. May
After an almost imperceptible pause, Devon wrapped his fingers around the lace and tore it gently apart. The straps were no match for his strength, tatù or not, and quickly fell in tattered ribbons down her sides. Without anything to hold it up, the slip also began sliding off her body, but both she and Devon caught it with quick hands. Their eyes met in the middle.
“You love me?” Rae whispered. It was too good to be true. Too simple an explanation to make sense.
Devon’s breath hitched in his chest, but he laced his fingers gently into hers, their closed hands resting on her pounding heart.
“With everything in me,” he answered, “I love you.”
Rae had no idea how long they sat there on the floor, gazing into each other’s eyes, but after a while, Devon’s face tightened and his hand twitched.
“Rae…a bit too tight.”
“What?” She looked down at their joined hands and quickly loosened her fingers. “Oh—sorry!” She rubbed his hand gently with her thumb and watched as the bluish tint slowly faded away.
“That’s okay,” he chuckled, lowering his head and coaxing her eyes back to his. “You know what Rae…you really know how to leave a guy hanging.”
Rae’s cheeks flushed crimson as she ducked her head again and pushed stray curls from her face. Devon loved her. What was she supposed to do with that? It’s not like they could be together. Everyone from the head of the Privy Council down to Devon’s own father would absolutely forbid it. And while he loved her…it seemed like there were things he loved just as much, if not more.
Devon lived for honor and duty. He lived for the mission. Just now outside, he’d stood between her and the possibility of finding her mother just for the sake of the Privy Council.
What did his love mean? If it could be derailed by all that?
“I love you too, Devon.” The answer came easily to Rae, after all, it was true. She just didn’t know what kind of weight that carried. “I always have—you know that. But…”
He squeezed her hand. “But what, Kerrigan?”
For a moment, it was so simple. Devon loved her. She loved Devon. But then reality sent them both crashing back to earth. “But you broke up with me.” It was impossible to keep all the hurt and bitterness from her voice, and her eyes stung with unwelcome tears she refused to let fall. “If you love me so much…how could you do that? I would never have left you—not for anything.”
“I didn’t leave you, Rae,” Devon answered quickly. “I was always there watching, looking out for danger, protecting—”
“From a distance,” she cut him off abruptly. “And I didn’t ask you to do that, Devon. I wanted you, not your protection. If you haven’t noticed, I’m quite capable of protecting myself.”
“Rae, you don’t understand. To have the person you love threatened—I mean, there were people out there set on killing you. I couldn’t just…I had to take a step back. I had to let you figure out who you were as a person, fully come into your power. It seemed, well, prudent.”
Rae raised her eyebrows. “Prudent?” She had pulled off his lap by now and was sitting beside him, both of them leaning back against the bed. “Do you hear yourself right now? You’re saying you’re in love with me, I’m saying I’m in love with you. But…you want to do what’s prudent.”
His cheeks flushed. “Okay, dumb choice of word. I’m just saying, you’re the most important thing in the world to me. I felt like it was my responsibility to keep you safe.”
“So you took the choice away from me,” Rae answered quietly. “Imagine if the roles were reversed. If I decided that you needed time without me for your own good. How would that make you feel?”
There was a second’s pause before he hung his head. “It would make me feel betrayed.”
Rae punched him suddenly in the shoulder and he looked up in shock. “And a little pissed off too, right?”
His shock morphed into a smile and he laughed, flashing his dimple and scooting closer to her on the floor. She smiled back, and when he opened his arms, she slid into them willingly.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed into her hair. “I was trying to do what’s best, but I was an idiot. You just…you overwhelm me sometimes. It’s like I lose my head. Julian's always telling me I'm an idiot.”
"He's right." She grinned into his chest, unable to believe the conversation they were having. Unable to process the words she had waited so very long to hear. But at the same time, she had a nagging suspicion that things wouldn’t be as easy the second time around. The stakes were as high as ever and it was getting harder and harder to know who to trust. She had trusted Devon once, trusted him more than anyone else in the world. And…he had left her. Could they ever really go back? Could it ever be the same?
But then he kissed her…and nothing else seemed to matter.
It started out tentative. Re-exploring familiar territory, slowly re-opening a door that had been long closed. Then her hands slid up into his hair and everything else became a blur.
He shifted beneath her, and the next thing she knew, she was back in his lap—straddling him as her arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss deepened and became frantic. His hands were everywhere. In her hair, down her back, fiddling tentatively with the straps that had fallen down her sides. She pressed herself up against him to keep her slip from sliding down, but in her haste to do so, she inadvertently switched into his tatù and the force of it sent them both tumbling to the floor.
He gasped in surprise, then flipped them both over so he was lying on top of her, chuckling to himself as he smoothed back her hair. “No tatùs,” he teased. “With Jennifer’s, you could crush me in a second.”
She giggled breathlessly as he began kissing her neck. “What?” she teased him back with a confidence she didn’t know she possessed. “Afraid you wouldn’t be up for the challenge?”
“Miss Kerrigan!” He pulled back for a second, flushed and grinning. “And here I thought you were a lady.”
“I'm wearing a corset. It’s easy to get confused.”
They burst out laughing and pulled themselves together, kissing and laughing like no time at all had passed. It was sheer euphoria. Losing themselves in each other. Loving each other like there was nothing and no one in the world that could tear them apart.
Then all at once, they were up on the bed.
A shiver ran down Rae’s spine as she tangled her fingers in Devon’s hair. Was this really happening? How far were they going to go? Was she…was she ready for this?
It’s a testament to how far gone they both were that neither of them heard someone walking up to the room. In fact, it wasn’t until the door opened that either of them registered another person was there.
Both Rae and Devon shot away from each other at the speed of light, but Molly didn’t need her tatù to see sparks. Her mouth fell open as the door swung shut behind her.
“Holy hot tarts!”
Chapter 3
It felt as if all the air had been sucked from the room. Rae’s mouth opened and closed several times, like a fish gasping for oxygen, but no words came out. Devon stood as far away from her as he could, his back pressed against the wall. And from the look on his face, Rae was willing to bet he would have traded his fox tatù in a second if it meant he could become invisible.
“Molly,” Rae finally started, “I can explain—”
Molly held one finger up, her eyes closed tight. “Don’t!”
“If you’d just let me—”
“Nope!”
“But really,” Devon said, trying his luck. “It isn’t what it looks like—”
“Please.” Molly finally cracked one eye open. “It’s exactly what it looks like.”
The three of them stood in silence for another minute. Devon staring at the ground, Molly staring at the ceiling, and Rae trying desperately to keep her slip from sliding down.
Finally, when it could go on no longer, Molly threw up her hands and broke the silence with an exasperated sigh. “Fi
sh and chips.”
Rae and Devon looked at her like she lost her mind.
“What?” Devon asked tentatively.
“If that’s a new expletive you’re trying out, I absolutely support you,” Rae automatically volunteered.
Molly’s eyes narrowed. “It’s what we need. Food. A boost in blood sugar. Fuel for a second wind. A distraction from this…unbelievable secret you two have been hiding!” Her eyes fell on both of them critically, before resting on Rae. “And I need to have a talk with my best friend.” She turned to Devon pointedly and cocked her head towards the hall. “Alone.”
“Got it.” Devon started nodding so fast it looked like his head might detach as he backed away to the door. “Three fish and chips coming up. I’ll bring them right back.”
Still shaking her head, Molly made her way slowly to the bed, taking a seat with another ominous sigh.
Rae crossed the room slowly to join her, catching Devon’s eye on the way out. Don’t you leave me with her! she told him, using Molly’s tatù.
Absentminded sparks shot from Molly’s twitching hands.
Devon shrugged helplessly, but flashed her a grin and a mischievous wink as he vanished through the door. She’s your best friend, he seemed to say. Deal with it.
The door clicked shut behind him and the two girls slowly faced one another, each one waiting for the other to speak. But just as Rae pulled in a deep breath to get started, Molly suddenly shrieked, “You and Devon!? You have got to be kidding me! This is…so amazing!”
Rae’s mouth dropped open in shock. “That is…not what I was expecting you to say.”
That was putting it mildly. Tatùs did not mix with other tatùs. It was absolutely forbidden and Molly had been indoctrinated in those rules just like the rest of them. Then again, if there was one thing Rae had learned about Molly, it was that she never ceased to surprise.
“OW!”
Rae flew off the bed with a giant shock and landed with a thud against the wall.
Case and point.
She got to her feet and rubbed a lump on the back of her head, thankful that Charles’ tatù was already taking effect. “Yeah. That’s more what I was expecting.”
“How could you keep this from me?” Smoke was still swirling from Molly’s fingers.
Rae stared at her friend before walking over to the dresser and pulling a shirt out to wear over her slipping slip. She kept a careful distance as she rejoined Molly on the bed. But just as she began to make her excuses, she forgot herself entirely and buried her face in her hands. She finally looked straight at her best friend. “It was killing me!” she wailed, rewarded by a startled look on Molly’s face. “You have no idea how hard it was.”
Molly’s usual cheerful eyes flashed electricity. “I had no idea, because I’d never do that to you, Rae! I told you the first time I…you know…and you keep quiet as a church mouse!”
Rae’s mind reeled back in shock as she realized where her friend was going. “Oh…oh no, no, no. No! We weren’t going to… I mean, we weren’t about to… I couldn’t—”
“Spur of the moment thing, huh?” Molly nodded knowingly.
“No, it wasn’t spur of the…well, I guess it was. But I wouldn’t have actually gone through with it,” Rae protested. “I’m not ready for that with anyone. I wouldn’t have done that.”
Inside, she wasn’t so sure. Everything about being with Devon felt right. Natural. When they were together, it was somehow easy to forget the monumental difficulties of the last two years. With Devon, she didn’t have to be Rae Kerrigan. She could just be Rae. The girl he met at Guilder. The one he said he’d fallen in love with.
The one he said he’d never stopped loving.
A tangled web of thoughts and emotions clouded her mind, crowding out all sense and reason. On this one thing, she was clear:
Devon loved her.
If nothing else ever happened, at least she had that.
She raised her eyes and stared across the bed to where her best friend waited impatiently for an explanation. Molly was right. It was time to come clean.
“I guess it started when I got to Guilder,” she began quietly.
“No freaking way!” Molly interrupted loudly. “We were living together for Pete’s sake! There is no way you kept that all from me! How could I have not seen it?”
Rae shook her head quickly. “No, we didn’t get together right away, I mean…the connection was there from the start. I think Devon and I started falling in love all the way back in my first year at school.”
“Love?” Molly raised her eyebrows so high they were in danger of disappearing into her hairline. “That’s what we’re talking about here? You two love each other?”
“I think so,” Rae’s voice came out almost a whisper. “He says he does, and I’ve never stopped loving him. It’s just…complicated. Really complicated.”
Molly snorted with laughter. “Yeah, I should say so! Not only is it completely illegal for two tatùs to date, but the both of you work for the Privy Council. It’s not like it’s going to be an easy secret to keep.” Her face clouded momentarily. “Then again, you did keep it from me all these years…”
“Molly!” Rae’s face crumpled in remorse. “You have to believe me—I wanted nothing more than to tell you. It was tearing me up inside, not having my best friend know. I just…I didn’t know how you’d react.” She hung her head. “You grew up in the world of tatùs, I didn’t. These rules banning us have been pounded into your head since childhood—I just don’t see it that way. Not to mention, I didn’t want to risk you getting in trouble if Carter or anyone else were to find out.”
Molly brought her hand up to her mouth, as if just realizing the gravity of their problem. “Oh…wow, that’s right! How do you get away with it? I mean, with Carter’s tatù and all? Can’t he just touch your arm and know?”
Rae shook her head. “I’ve wondered that a lot. And to be honest, I’m still not entirely sure he doesn’t. He’s had plenty of opportunities when my guard has been down to probe hidden thoughts. And not just mine, but Devon’s as well. I honestly couldn’t tell you what he knows. Kraigan,” she said, hating the name, “taught me one thing, he showed me how to block Carter’s ability.”
“Guess he isn’t completely useless. Besides wanting you dead and all that.” Molly got to her feet and started pacing, flicking her hand as if to push the thought if Kraigan away. “Rae, I don’t know, this is just…just so unexpected. I mean, it’s amazing, don’t get me wrong. My best friend finally has a boyfriend! But…you and Devon? Most of the time I think you guys hate each other. You’re always fuming or brooding or stomping off by yourselves.” She suddenly shrugged. “Although, come to think of it, the two of you have always had a strange kind of connection. Like there was the world that all of us were living in, but then there was a different world as well—one with just the two of you.”
Rae blinked in amazement at the unintentional profound nature of her statement. It was a perfect way to sum up her and Devon’s relationship. It was a relationship of two worlds. One was blissful, free. Two people clearly meant for each other coming together in the most natural of ways. But the other world couldn’t be more different. They lived under a microscope. Holding on to each other in the center of an ever-shrinking noose, just waiting for it to finally close in around them and end things once and for all. They didn’t know who they could talk to, they didn’t know who they could trust. In fact, in this other world—let’s call it reality—Rae thought bitterly, she wasn’t entirely sure she could even trust Devon.
“I don’t know what to do,” Rae said softly. “I know it’s against the rules, but I can’t help how I feel. The heart wants what it wants.”
“Oh Rae…” Molly reached out her arms like she was going to hug her, but at the last second had a change of heart and smacked her in the shoulder.
“Okay Molls, you gotta pick an emotion here.” Rae grimaced, rubbing her shoulder. “This whiplash is killing
me.”
“I just can’t believe I didn’t know!” Molly fumed. “I actually understand why you didn’t tell me, but I don’t know how I didn’t pick up on it myself. I was living with you, and I had no idea.”
Rea took a chance and flashed a mischievous smile. “Well, I am rather sneaky you know.”
Molly laughed and threw a pillow her way. “Yes, Miss Kerrigan, you have completely outdone yourself. But enough is enough. You and Devon are together? Fine.” Her eyes sparkled with scarcely contained merriment. “Now, you have to spill. Tell me everything!”
Over the last two years, there were dozens of times when Rae had imagined what it would be like to share her relationship with Molly. But not once, in all those imaginings, had she realized how much she actually needed to lean on her best friend.
She told her everything. Every detail, every question, every heartbreak. Every moonlit kiss and never-ending night when she had stared at her phone, waiting for him to text while he was undercover. How much it had hurt her to see him with another girl in their first year of school. How it had ripped at her heart to find him broken and bruised at the motel. How Devon’s own father had specifically warned her to stay away.
By the time she had finished, even she had to admit they had a rather epic tale. But unfortunately, they could only live in one of the two worlds at once. Right now they were happy, blissful, in love. But it was only a matter of time before the other world, the real one, caught up with them. And Rae had absolutely no idea what either she or Devon would do when it did.
“Okay…” Molly said slowly, blinking as she absorbed an absurd amount of information in a short amount of time. To be honest, it was the longest Rae had ever heard her go without speaking while awake. “So that covers how you two got together, and then how he said it wouldn’t work out, and you kind of fell apart. There’s just one thing I don’t understand.”
Rae grabbed a hair band off her dresser and swept her remaining curls up into a ponytail. Devon must have been aiming for a fish and chips shop on the other side of London because she had been talking for nearly an hour and there was no sign of him.