“Well, lassies. What can I do for you?”
“Can I fish too?” asked Annie.
“Come on in.” Kevin lifted little Annie and Bubbles into the boat. “We’ll fish a little and then have our lunch.”
Lavinia watched Kevin patiently get Annie settled. Bubbles hung his head over the side of the boat, staring mournfully at Lavinia.
“Don’t know as our man Bubbles is much of a seaman,” commented Kevin.
“He’ll be fine,” said Lavinia. “Catch a fish, Annie.”
“I’ll try,” grinned Annie.
Lavinia watched as they rowed out to the middle of the pond, and then returned to her painting, enjoying a moment of peace. Annie had trouble staying with anything too long and consequently, it required a great deal of patience to keep her occupied. Not that Lavinia minded. Life was much more exciting with Annie around.
She looked up just as Annie’s fishing pole curved sharply toward the water.
“I gots a fish!” cried Annie. “Watch me, Lavinia!”
Lavinia clapped her hands. Kevin helped Annie pull a nice sized trout into the boat. Annie hopped up and down in excitement and the boat began to rock. It was obvious that Kevin had his hands full, steadying the boat and putting the trout in the pail. “Settle down, Annie or you’ll tip the boat.” Annie immediately sat down but not before Bubbles tumbled into the water.
“Bubbles!” Annie shrieked. Bubbles’ little head stuck up out of the water, and Kevin fished him out with the net. He looked like a drowned rat. Annie immediately placed him in her lap and started drying him with her skirt. Kevin rowed over to shore.
Annie leapt out of the boat, and Lavinia took Bubbles, who was no worse for wear. Kevin dragged the rowboat up.
“Well, that’s enough excitement for one day,” he commented.
“Have you enough fish for supper?” asked Lavinia.
“I do.”
“I am going to give my fish to the General,” said Annie as she dried off Bubbles with a towel Lavinia took from her rucksack.
The three sat companionably, enjoying the lunch Mrs. Lawson had packed for them. They feasted on fried chicken, biscuits with strawberry jam, sliced tomatoes and pickled cucumbers, and oatmeal raisin cookies.
“I believe it will be some time afore our man Bubbles will go boating again.” Lavinia laughed. “It was a good thing that our Rainy Day Man was there to save him.”
“And how,” replied Annie.
Exhausted, Bubbles stretched out in the sun, and Annie lay down beside him. The two fell asleep within minutes.
Lavinia and Kevin watched Annie sleep.
“She’s a happy little thing, I’ll say that,” commented Kevin.
“She makes us happy,” said Lavinia.
“Full of mischief, though.”
Lavinia agreed.
Kevin stood up. “Well, I’m going to drop off the fish to Mrs. Lawson and see what Timothy and the General are up to. I’ll take your easel with me,” said Kevin.
“Thank you. I think I’ll let Annie and Bubbles sleep. We’ll gather some flowers and stop by to see Mama on our way home.”
Kevin put everything into the rowboat and pushed off. “Tell Annie that I’ll let Mrs. Lawson know her fish is for the General.” He paddled over to the dock and tied up the old rowboat. He whistled as he sauntered away with the string of fish slung over one shoulder and the easel tucked under his other arm.
Lavinia pulled Flora’s Dictionary from her rucksack and studied her flowers. Annie stirred and moaned, a frown creasing her forehead. Lavinia patted her gently, and Annie settled back into a peaceful sleep. Bubbles crawled over and curled up in Lavinia’s lap. Lavinia continued reading.
“Lavinia?”
“Are you finally awake, Annie?”
“I think so.” Annie yawned and stretched her arms out. “Are we going to pick flowers?”
“Yes. I am going to stop by and see Mama.”
“Can I come too?”
“Of course.”
“What kind of flowers should we get?”
“Marigolds for remembrance, wild roses for love,Sweet William for smiles, and ivy for friendship so she knows that the flowers are from both of us.”
“I want to get some flowers for Mrs. Constance.”
“What do you want to say?” asked Lavinia.
“That I love her,” said Annie.
“Let’s make something happy then. We’ll use wild roses, honeysuckle for devotion, and blue bells for kindness.”
The girls spent a pleasant afternoon gathering flowrs. Lavinia showed Annie how to make a tussie-mussie for Constance. They folded up the blanket and packed the rucksack. Lavinia picked up Bubbles. “We must be very careful along the waterfall, Annie. Sometimes Bubbles loses his balance, and I think he’s been pretty lucky so far today.”
They picked their way carefully down the trail without incident. Annie stopped to take a drink along the stream.
“I never knew you could drink water like this,” she said with relish.
“The country is very different from the city, I expect,” said Lavinia.
“As different as night and day!”
The girls reached the clearing and followed the path past the glass-house to the gates of the small cemetery. “Are you sure you want to come in?” asked Lavinia.
Annie had previously avoided the cemetery, preferring to wait outside on the occasions that Lavinia visited her mama.
“I think so.”
Lavinia opened the gate and Annie followed her to Julia’s grave. Lavinia placed her flowers next to Mama’s headstone and knelt down.
Annie knelt down too.
“I love you, Mama,” whispered Lavinia.
“I love you too, Lavinia’s Mama,” whispered Annie.
Lavinia leaned over and kissed Annie’s cheek.
“Who is your papa?” asked Annie.
“His name is Alex Rexford.”
“From New York?”
“Yes.”
“I know who that is,” said Annie.
“You do?”
Annie started getting very excited. “He owns a place down by the docks with a lot o’ big ships.” “Have you seen him?” “Lots o’ times. He has a big fancy carriage. Did you ever ride in it?”
“No. I only receive a gift from him once a year, at Christmas.”
Annie was dumbstruck. “You mean you have never met your papa?”
“No,” said Lavinia sadly.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“He gots a wife, you know, and two little girls.”
“Really?”
“God’s truth.”
Lavinia burst into tears. Annie put her arms around her.
“I’m sorry, Lavinia. I shouldna’ said anything at all. I didn’t think! Oh, my manners is still in a bad way,” wept Annie.
“No, no, Annie. I want to know about Papa. I don’t ask Grandmama because I know that it hurts her to talk about it. I just didn’t know that Papa had remarried and that he had other children.”
“I wouldna’ hurt you for the whole world, Lavinia. You are my own true friend! I love you more than anyone!”
“It is all right Annie.”
“Your papa is a bad man! I hate him!” shouted Annie.
“Don’t say that, Annie.”
“I do! I do hate him! He has the best girl in the whole world and he doesn’t even know it!” Annie sobbed. She stood up and ran out of the cemetery.
Lavinia put her face in her hands. “Mama, what is this all about?” It struck Lavinia as very strange that Annie knew who her father was and where he worked, and Lavinia herself knew nothing at all. It hurt her terribly to know that he had other children. “Perhaps that is why he has no time for me,” she thought.
“Soldier!”
Lavinia turned to see the General standing above her. George and Martha crowded around her and licked her face. The General awkwardly sat down next to her.
“Dratted leg!”<
br />
Lavinia hugged him.
“Ran into little Annie. Seems she passed along some upsetting information.” Lavinia nodded and buried her face in the General’s coat.
The General patted Lavinia on the back. “My sister is a good woman but I think she might have told you a little more about your parents. What do you want to know?”
“Why did Mama marry Papa?”
“This is old business, Soldier, and it involves people you know and love. I’ll answer all of your questions, but you must be very careful with the information you are about to hear.”
“I promise.”
The General reflected for a moment and said, “Claire has a mind of her own but Julia was more complacent, and generally went along with what Constance and John wanted for her. When I returned from the war with Timothy, Constance and Julia remained here most of the time while John and Claire traveled back and forth from the house in Philadelphia.”
“Is that because Grandmama was taking care of you?”
“Actually, Timothy looked after me, but our father was getting old, and I was in no condition to take on the day to day management of Millstone Manor. It was up to Constance to keep everything running smoothly.”
“And Mama?”
“As I said, Julia was more like Constance, and she preferred to be with her mother. She was also very involved with the church, and had started her fund to help the families of the Union soldiers. We were very proud of Julia. She was a good girl.”
“What happened?”
“Over the years, she and Timothy became very close. Apparently too close to suit John and Constance.”
“Oh my goodness!”
“That’s right. Constance found out about it, and she and John decided to send Julia off to Philadelphia. She met your father shortly thereafter. Alex Rexford was a wealthy and powerful man, and he persuaded your mother to marry him, and she did."
“Just like that?”
“Well, considering her unhappiness at being separated from Timothy, and how naïve she was, your father literally swept her off her feet. He was quite different from anyone she had ever met. I think your father was what she thought she wanted at the time and, of course, she was only eighteen.”
“Did she love my papa?”
“I think she did, and he certainly loved her. Constance and John did everything they could to prevent the marriage, but Alex took control of the situation and Julia just followed along. Unfortunately, Alex was very busy, and Julia was lonely and homesick in New York. She became pregnant and John died before she could tell him. After the funeral, Julia stayed with us.”
“Didn’t Papa want her to come home?”
“Of course he did, but Julia made excuses and Alex blamed my sister.”
“That must have been hard for her.”
“It was, and you know the rest of the story. You were born, and Julia died a few days later. Your father came down here, and raised holy hell with Constance! They parted under the worst of circumstances, and he chose to return to New York without you, and he hasn’t had anything to do with any of us since.”
“I had no idea!”
“Well, now you know. Help me up, Soldier!”
Lavinia helped the General stand with the assistance of George and Martha.
“Life is neither fair nor predictable. I suggest that you do some serious thinking about what you have learned,” instructed the General as he turned to leave. “Some things are best left undisturbed, Lavinia. Remember that.”
Lavinia did not know what to think. She herself loved Timothy very much, and she could see how Mama could love him too. It must have been painful for Grandmama to send Mama away and awkward also, since they owed a great deal to Timothy.
“Lavinia!”
“Annie!”
The two girls hugged each other.
“Do you feel better now?” asked Annie. “I told the General what happened.”
“I know and I do feel better. Let’s go home.”
After supper, Constance pulled Lavinia aside. “I am so sorry that you found out about your father’s current family the way you did, my dear,” said Constance. “I should have told you everything sooner, but I wanted you to be old enough to understand the situation. What I want you to realize is that you are not at fault for your father’s behavior.”
“You are not either, Grandmama, although he blames you,” Lavinia replied.
“I think it is best that he does blame me. In many ways, I am responsible. Your mother married him because of decisions that her father and I made for her. We did what we thought was best at the time.”
“What about Timothy?”
“We have never spoken of the matter. I know that is an unsatisfactory reply, and I am also aware of how hypocritical the situation appears. We have all suffered a great deal, and the subject is a painful one.”
“The General made that clear to me, Grandmama.”
"I’m sure he did,” murmured Constance as she held Lavinia close.
Lavinia pondered over the situation for some days before she approached her journal:
I thought truth would be the easiest virtue to understand. I have been told that not telling the truth is wrong, but life is not that simple. We create our own versions of truth, sometimes to protect others. Now I must decide if finding out the truth is worth causing those I love pain. I dreamed that Mama and Papa loved each other very much but some tragedy prevented Papa from raising me. That is not the way it was at all and the truth is uglier than I had ever imagined. Papa hates Grandmama, and perhaps he hates me too. He never knew that Mama loved Timothy and Uncle Edward is right, some things are best left alone. Timothy’s part is more important than I would have guessed, and I wonder if that is what Claire meant when she said that the story was not hers to tell. Perhaps the story belongs to Timothy, but I know it also belongs to me. The General trusts that I will do the right thing. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially my family, but I need to know the truth. It is part of who I am and where I come from.
LSR
Bergamot -“Tolerance”
Chapter 11
It was late October and Annie and Lavinia were studying with Ellinor May in the den. Annie had a difficult time sitting still, and Constance had asked Ellinor May to tutor the girls since her gentle and patient nature worked well with Annie’s aversion to schoolwork.
“Why do I need to learn about places I will never go?” Annie complained.
“How do you know that you will never go anywhere?” asked Ellinor May.
“Well, I might go to England some day, but I am sure I won’t go to Africa.”
“What if you meet someone from Africa? Don’t you want to know something about them?”
“No.”
“Dear Annie. The world is a much bigger place than you can imagine. The more you know, the better you can understand other people.”
“When I was in New York, a lot o’ people didn’t like me ‘cause I was Irish.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that, and that is why it is important for people to learn about other nations,” said Ellinor May. “You don’t want to be like those unpleasant people, do you?”
“I am sure I don’t.”
“Very well, let us continue.”
Lavinia admired how successfully Ellinor May always brought Annie around to her studies. She looked out the window and saw Timothy and the General walking along the garden path. George and a very pregnant Martha trotted along behind them.
“May I be excused please?” she asked.
“Of course, Lavinia,” said Ellinor May.
Lavinia and Bubbles wandered into the kitchen, where Mrs. Lawson was punching out dough for bread.
“Well, here is our Miss Lavinia. Are you hungry?”
“No,” sighed Lavinia.
“Are you thirsty?”
“No.” Lavinia sighed again.
“All right, child. You’ve been moping around for weeks. Let’s have it,” said Mrs. Lawson as
she untied her apron and sat down at the table.
Lavinia sat across from her. “I don’t know. I feel like I don’t know what’s what any more.”
“Well, why don’t you start with one thing, and maybe we can figure that out.”
“All right,” said Lavinia. “We all live in this house together but we really aren’t all together, are we?”
“In what way?”
“Well, if you wanted to marry the General, you couldn’t, could you?”
Mrs. Lawson stared at her. “Other than the fact that I would have completely lost my mind, and forgettin’ that I am already married to Mr. Lawson, I’ll try to answer that question.”
Lavinia looked at her expectantly.
“There is workin’ class folks, and then there is other folks. A lot o’ things keeps us apart.”
“Like what?”
“Well, money for one thing and education is another, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t respect each other and we can’t be friends. Folks just have different ways of looking at each other. We have certain things in common like, too.”
“Like what?”
“Like wantin’ what is best for our children. I expect that is where this conversation is going,” Mrs. Lawson said.
Lavinia looked down at the table.
Mrs. Lawson leaned over and lifted Lavinia’s chin up. “You listen to me, Miss Lavinia. That thing with Timothy and your mama was just a sort o’ puppy love. It was never going to go nowhere, and Timothy knew that even if your mama didn’t. Master John did right when he took your mama off to Philadelphia.”
“But it turned out all wrong.”
“Who is to say that it did? Your papa loved your mama somethin’ fierce and though he’s a hardheaded stubborn fool with more money than brains, he was your mama’s choice. Miss Julia did have a mind of her own after all, and I think you ought to respect that.”
Lavinia nodded, but she wasn’t convinced.
“If you don’t believe me, ask Timothy yourself.”
Lavinia looked up in surprise.
“Oh, I know. No one says anything, but the situation’s been hushed up too long if I do say so myself. Go ahead and ask him, it just might do him some good to talk about it. There are too many people in this house mourning the dead. It’s time some of them woke up and joined the livin’,” she said. “Now go on.”
Lavinia's Window Page 8