by Patty Jansen
Eydrina took the box off the table. She must have left the room to change, because she now wore a gold and red embroidered marriage celebrant's robe. Mikandra remembered that her former tutor also did weddings.
The ceremony was very simple. Taerzo and Calliandra stood before the hearth, holding hands. Eydrina made a speech of love in the past and future. She looked ethereal and goddess-like in that gown, with her bushy hair falling down her back. She took the arm bands out of the box and opened them both. Taerzo and Calliandra each put their left arm on the cushion on the table and Eydrina fitted the arm bands, first around Calliandra's wrist and then Taerzo's. The locks shut with a definitive snap. Taerzo and Calliandra faced each other. Eydrina unclipped the chain from the arm bands. No, there were two chains—that was unusual.
Then she asked the boys to stand up, which they did, putting on their best well-behaved faces.
"Miruhan, Iztho. I'm going to ask you a big thing today for boys your age. As oldest sons, you must look out for your family. You must look out for your parents when they get older. You must also promise to look after each other, and any brothers or sisters you may still get. Do you promise that?"
Both boys nodded vigorously.
Ah, Mikandra thought she understood.
The secret of why they held the ceremony now rather than when all the trouble was over, clearly rested with the sentence any brothers or sisters you may still get. Calliandra was pregnant.
While Eydrina fastened the chains around the boys' necks, Mikandra glanced at Rehan. At the head of the table, he sat furthest from her. His eyes met hers, and he kept looking at her until she had to turn away from his intense expression.
Gillay and the cook brought in steaming dishes of soup, and bread, and beans in cream sauce, and perfectly-cooked fish.
"Mother really is trying to run down our stores," Taerzo said while lifting the lid on a tray.
"I told you so," said Braedon. "It's not like our pantry is full and good food is easy to get. And if the fighting continues—"
Isandra slammed her hand on the table. "Stop it, sons. I want to hear no further word about it. We have one evening of good food, and then we can go back to what is necessary to survive the low-winter. Gillay, sit down."
The housekeeper's eyes widened. "At the table with you?"
"Didn't you hear me?"
"But . . . mistress . . ." Gillay's cheeks had gone red.
"You have been part of Taerzo's life since he was born. We appointed you when it turned out that I was pregnant long after Braedon had gone the school. You stood by me while my peers made fun of me. You, and a much younger Eydrina were with me that long night when he was born. As you may remember, it was not an easy birth. Sit down. You're part of our family."
Gillay did as she was told, after taking off her apron. She still looked very uncomfortable.
They started eating. Mikandra had finished her soup in no time. It was rich, creamy and just the right blend of delicate spices.
People from elsewhere would make fun of Mirani food, because in the hands of an unskilled cook, it was awful. A good cook, however, could turn it into a highly refined meal.
Liseyo had also finished her plate and had started on a second one.
Isandra was looking at her. "Eat up, eat up. You are much too thin. You need some meat on those bones."
"Thank you so much for this," Mother said. "I don't even know where to begin. Winter has not been kind to us."
"You have your daughter to thank. You can stay with us as long as your daughter is part of our business and as long as you need."
"Thank you so much." Mother's voice trembled.
"I think Mother likes having girls around," Braedon said. "I think she's trying to pay us back for having to live in a house with five men."
Isandra said, "Together, girls are stronger. If we stand together as a family, we will be stronger. The world outside this house is no longer a friendly place."
They ate and drank. It got late. Mikandra almost cried when she heard that wonderful sound, Liseyo's laughter, ring through the room when playing a game of dice with the twins.
Whenever she looked in his direction, she kept meeting Rehan's eyes across the table, as if he spent all night looking at her. And whenever she looked his way—which she could not stop doing—her cheeks glowed.
She hoped no one noticed.
Chapter 34
One by one, the people started to go to their rooms to sleep. Braedon said he was tired, Taerzo and Calliandra took the boys upstairs and did not come back.
When Isandra commented on that, Braedon said, "Give them some privacy on their wedding night."
Gillay went to show Mother and Liseyo where they would sleep. "I have you three in the upstairs guest room. Two of you will have to share the big bed in there."
They looked tired, and Liseyo's red cheeks were a telltale sign that this was the first time since long that they had been warm.
"I'll come up soon," Mikandra said.
The left the room and then she was left in the chairs by the fire only with Rehan and Isandra.
"You did well, Mother," Rehan said.
"Hmph. They'd been together so long that neither of them was ever going to marry anyone else."
"I worry about the future. There's going to be so much trouble this winter."
"You will just have to lead the family through it."
"You don't think Iztho will be back at all?"
"Not for a while. He always wanted to play music. He said so at every opportunity, but no one took him seriously. He told me he's found somewhere where he can start again and where his name means nothing."
"Does he know about his son?"
"He does, but I think it was as much a surprise to him as everyone."
"Are you planning to contact the lady?"
"Eventually, but I'll wait until the anger is less raw and the lady has forgiven him."
"I think she already may have," Mikandra said, and they both looked at her. "I met the lady. Her husband is . . . strange. That's all I can say about him. Creeps me out. I don't know why she's with him. There must be a reason other than love. They like each other well enough, but I think she still loves Iztho."
"He snapped. We allowed him to drift away and he snapped," Rehan said.
"Don't keep blaming yourself," Mikandra said.
"We are to blame, all of us."
Isandra said, "Jihan should never have torn into him so much when he came across Iztho performing in the Trader bar. There was no reason for it, and Iztho hasn't been the same since. He turned inward. He stopped singing for us. I love his voice. Maybe he is a better singer than Trader. I'm sure he'll do well. When he comes back, we'll welcome him."
"Much needs to change," Rehan said. "We need to look after each other better. I love you, Mother. I know I was always closer to Father than you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."
Isandra laughed, her eyes scrunched up with wrinkles. "I see the female company has made you soft already, my son." She sighed and pushed herself up from her chair. "Well, I'm tired, and everyone else is upstairs, so I think I'll join them and go to bed. Behave yourself." She winked and crossed the room to the door in the far wall.
What the hell was that about?
Mikandra met Rehan's eyes. He shook his head. "Mother worries me, sometimes. Come, I'll show you the room where your mother and sister are."
He slipped the cloak on his shoulders and went before her through the cold hall and up the stairs. It was very cold and dark here, and Mikandra had to step carefully.
By the feeble glow of an oil light, she could make out a square hallway with four ornate wooden doors, all of them closed.
Rehan pointed at the door in the far right corner. "You sleep here. Gillay will have taken your things inside. The large bed is in the middle of the room. The smaller one is against the side wall to your right."
He hesitated and shrugged. "Well then, good night. My room is this one." The door at
the top of the stairs.
After an awkward silence, she said, "Thank you."
"No, I should thank you for what you did today. There are no words for how much." He hesitated. "If I ever appear to be pushing you and am never satisfied, it is because I believe in you. I'm only nice and polite to the people I don't care about."
She laughed. "That's the oddest compliment I've ever had."
"I mean it."
He did, she could hear that in the very tone of his voice. He was so intense, her laughter seemed inappropriate. And people were trying to sleep behind those doors and she might wake them up.
There was an awkward silence.
"All right then, I'll go to sleep." She didn't know what else to say. She turned to the door, half-expecting—
"Mikandra."
She turned around again.
"The best things in life are the things we fight for, because the passion comes from within."
She nodded. She could relate to that. "You're very philosophical today. I'm not used to that. What happened to all the swear words?"
"You are the best thing that's happened to us for a long time. The best thing that's happened to me. I'm going to fight for you."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means . . ." He came even closer to her, reached out and touched her cheek. His hand trembled. "It means I'm sorry for being stupid. If you think I'm a dick, I've probably deserved it. I'd very much like to prove that I'm not." His eyes were incredibly intense, the same expression they had carried during most of dinner. And she wanted to keep looking at him, but it was embarrassing, because she didn't want to go down the same path she'd been with Lihan. She'd thought he cared for her and it turned out that he didn't.
But here was his hand touching the soft skin on the side of her neck. His thumb caressed the line of her jaw. It was a pleasant sensation.
He continued in a low voice, "The truth is, I don't know what to say and that never happens to me. I always know how to bullshit myself out of some situation. Except now. I don't want to talk bullshit. This means too much to me. I'd like to be closer to you."
She said, flippantly, "You'll just have to marry me then." She laughed.
But he was staring at her. "You said . . ."
She was going to say I was joking but she wasn't. She'd had the thought before, about successful Trading couples.
"Are you serious?"
"I guess I could be, if you wanted me to."
He smiled as much as one can smile without actually smiling. His voice sang. "Well, lady, then you must do this properly. Here—" He slipped his cloak off his shoulders and handed it to her. It was warm and heavy in her hands. Now what?
"Come on, you play my role. If you're serious. If you're a kind of woman who wants to feel the heat and live as close to the fire as possible. If you think you can put up with a dick like me."
"You're not a dick." She spoke softly. "You like putting on a hard face with your rigid discipline and swear words. You terrify people who don't see through that façade. You care about hard work, you care about family, even though you'll swear at them. But your language is bluff. You care about doing the right thing. But underneath it, you are a deeply emotional man. In the letters you wrote, I saw someone intelligent, caring, engaging, someone . . ." her voice caught. ". . . someone desperately in need of love and a place of the deepest trust. I can only imagine what you must feel like when other people's lives encroach on your thoughts, knowing about your aunt and the way she's treated. I can only imagine the fear that you have inside and you cannot voice to anyone. The fear that you will go mad." She felt for the collar of the cloak. "The man who swears at employees and who turns off when emotional things are discussed is not the man I've seen. I don't want to live and work with that man." She raised the cloak. Her hands trembled. "But the man who pokes me when I'm lazy, who challenges me, who tells me his fears and happiness, and who is not afraid to cry in my presence, that is a man I want."
She had to reach up to put the cloak on his shoulders. While she reached over him, he grabbed both her arms, pulled her into the warmth under his cloak. When Lihan had kissed her, she'd been shocked, but now she knew what would happen. When his lips met hers, she was ready and kissed him back. He groaned softly, running his hands over her back. Shivers of delight ran through her. This was good. This was meant to be.
She lost herself in his warmth and thinking about nothing else except kissing and touching.
A door opened and closed in the hallway. A child giggled.
Rehan withdrew. "Damn Taerzo's boys," he said, kissing her softly on the nose. His breath was heavy. "Little rascals."
"Never mind them." She ran her lips along the line of his jaw and found his lips again. This was very addictive. She could get used to this.
The door opened again, and someone came into the hall with a light. "Miruhan, how many times do I have to tell you to—oh!"
Taerzo.
Rehan let her go.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know . . ." Taerzo grinned and then laughed.
"Well, yeah . . . Uhm. We were . . . busy." Rehan's cheeks had gone bright red. That was incredibly cute.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." Both boys stood behind him, trying to catch a glimpse of the hallway. "This is . . . unexpected. Is this official?"
"For us, it is. We'll get around to telling everybody eventually. For now we might want to keep it quiet."
"Well," Taerzo said. "As long as you stand here, my sons are not going to sleep. They're just going to be giggling their heads off, so you can either go to bed in your allocated rooms, or in the same room. It's all equal to me."
He turned around, and shut the door behind him, plunging the hall into darkness. Taerzo's voice drifted through the door. Calliandra replied, laughing.
"Taerzo is a clown," Rehan said.
"But I like him."
"Yeah. Our family needs a clown." Rehan kissed her on the top of her forehead. "But he's right. We better go to sleep. There's a lot of things that need to be done tomorrow." He hesitated. "Unless you are happy to keep me company." She could hear the hope in his voice.
"Isn't a young and pretty bride meant to be a virgin?"
A small surprised silence. He frowned. "What? Are you kidding? Did Lihan never . . ."
"Nope. He kissed me, once." And never spoke to her afterwards. Why had she wasted all this time waiting for him?
He laughed. "Oh, I love the arsehole right now." Then his face turned serious. "I leave it up to you. It won't change my feelings either way. I guess I can be patient, if I have to."
Mikandra hesitated. She could say yes and sleep in someone's arms on this tense and horrible night. Feel safe for the first time since leaving Miran.
Still, she had to face the hard questions first. She did not want to be left hanging again. "What about the family succession? I carry the infertility curse."
"Fuck that. I'd say between themselves, my brothers have that part sorted out. I don't need children. I need a companion. You know, we just saw Ydana Ezmi and your aunt get together. They've been lovers for—what? Thirty years?"
"She met him when they were at the academy."
"I don't want to end up like that. It was the saddest thing I've seen for a long time. Here was these two old people . . ." His voice sounded unsteady. "And I could see myself in her. Because Mother had been talking about getting married and she'd been scouting out some candidates. They were all limp, faceless, weak girls."
She slowly reached out for him, felt the tense-ness of his muscles under his shirt. She pulled him closer until their lips met. His heart thudded against his ribcage.
After a short kiss, he broke free. "I take that as a yes? It's lot warmer in the room than it is out here."
She glanced at the door behind him. "Is this your room?"
"You're welcome, lady." His voice vibrated with happiness.
She opened the door.
The room was warm with the glow of fire. The
bed stood in the far corner, covered with a fur blanket. There was a desk next to the door, with various items of gadgetry dumped on the surface. Two readers, a timer and a few other things of which she had no idea what they did. A carpet was soft underfoot. Mikandra stopped a few paces into the room while Rehan shut the door behind her. He came from behind and took his cloak off his shoulders and hung it over the chair at the desk.
"Welcome in my domain that has never seen a visit by a woman who was not either in my family or employed by my family."
"Never?"
"Never. I've had a good number of lady friends, but none serious enough to bring here. But now everything has changed. I have you."
He took her in his arms and kissed her softly. Then he drew back and looked into her eyes. She was shocked to see that a tear ran over his cheek. He wiped it off.
"Look at me, I'm on my knees, reduced to a trembling wreck. This is my promise to you. I will train you, teach you to fly and I will rent you a private unit at the Guild headquarters, and I will spend any night there that I don't have to be anywhere else. Then, on the day you're handed your medallion, I will call you into the Guild bar and propose formally to you for the eyes of the Guild and anyone I care about. I will never leave your side. You will never be alone. We will work together and be the greatest Trading couple there ever was."
"Sounds good to me." Her voice sounded oddly high. All of a sudden, she fought with emotion as well. All her life she'd been told not to expect a marriage of mutual respect because of her infertility. Tears blurred her vision.
Rehan laughed. "Look at us."
She said, "You are the best thing that has happened to me."
He undid the buttons of his shirt and then hers. While he kissed her, his hand trailed over the naked skin on her belly. It gave her delightful shivers. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders. It rustled to the floor down his back. His pale skin glowed in the low light, with the family crest tattoo clear on his shoulder. When she touched him, the skin broke into goosebumps.
"You are one crazy woman," he whispered. "I want you so much. I've wanted you ever since you came to us that night. You could have gone home, but you didn't. You insisted in helping us. You will make it, and we will be the greatest Trading couple there ever was—come you're shivering."