by Amy Peterson
I hope so.
But years out, I have no way of knowing if Veronica is parched or flourishing. All I can do is trust that God does love her, more than I do, and that God will never leave her or forsake her.
* * *
So what will I tell them, these American college students who have fallen in love with the country during our month here, and are thinking of returning to Asia for longer periods of time?
I’ll tell them that cross-cultural exchange is far more complicated than I understood when I first moved to Southeast Asia, but that this isn’t cause for despair. This isn’t a reason not to go. Instead, it’s a reason for those who go to stay longer, to be more curious, to seek partnerships and reciprocal relationships, to always maintain the posture of a learner.
I’ll tell them that cross-cultural exchange is far more shattering than I had ever expected. My understandings of God, faith, heroism, sacrifice, and surrender fell to pieces while I was overseas. I realized just how much of my understanding of Christianity was cultural rather than essential. I realized how little I knew. Rebuilding my language of faith became a lifelong—and life-giving—work.
It’s all been more heart-wrenching and more beautiful than I could ever have guessed it would be.
Being one of “heaven’s heroes” has very little to do with high adventure—persecution is not glamorous. It’s not about wanderlust or never being “bored.” It doesn’t even have much to do with the passion of my commitment to Christ.
But understanding what it means to be held by God, to be beloved apart from performance, is the heart of the gospel. Ironically, I wasn’t really able to grasp that truth until I went to share it in another country.
Some of these American college students will talk to me about calling. They will wonder if their vocations lie overseas. And this is what I’ll say: “calling” is a complicated beast. If you want to go, you should go, but only in full recognition of your status as the Beloved of God, in full recognition of your own mixed motives, your very limited understanding of any situation, your need to be a learner. Don’t go out of guilt or desire to achieve. Don’t go because you want to be one of heaven’s heroes. Don’t go to save the world—go because you want to learn to love it. Go because you know that you are loved.
You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.
Further Reading
I grew up reading missionary biographies, and as I wrote this book I re-read some of those and devoured many more, as well as several books on missiology. For shaping the ideas I present in the Interludes, I am particularly indebted to:
Short-Term Mission: An Ethnography of Christian Travel Narrative and Experience by Brian Howell
There is no shortage of books critiquing short-term mission trips, but Howell’s approach to the topic is unique. As an anthropologist and a Christian, he studies the phenomenon of the short-term trip in a way that is both academic and personal. In this book you’ll get a brief history of the short-term mission trip, as well as a close look at the narratives we use to talk about our trips—and why those narratives matter.
Playing God: Redeeming the Gift of Power by Andy Crouch
We’ve been given power and privilege, but what are we to do with it—particularly with regard to the work of evangelism and the fight for justice? Crouch’s answers are intriguing, especially in his chapter on injustice. He argues that American Christians often act like “little gods” on short-term mission trips, and he advocates a change in approach.
Overturning Tables: Freeing Missions from the Christian-Industrial Complex by Scott Bessenecker
Through research and story, Bessenecker shows that many of our Christian “ministries” have been shaped more by the values of the free market than by the values of the kingdom of God. Our metrics of success in mission are borrowed from the corporate world rather than taken from Scripture. How can we change? Bessenecker has some ideas worth exploring.
Red, Brown, Yellow, Black, White—Who’s More Precious in God’s Sight? A Call for Diversity in Christian Missions and Ministry by Leroy Barber with Velma Maia Thomas
To be honest, I never wondered why missionaries from America were predominantly white until I started researching for this book. Leroy Barber explains why and how our missionary organizations are structured to benefit white people and disadvantage people of color, and offers some helpful directions forward.
Guardians of the Great Commission: The Story of Women in Modern Missions by Ruth Tucker
I can’t even imagine the amount of research that went into the writing of this masterful history of women in missions. Abundantly readable, quietly subversive, and skillfully woven together, this book ought to be read by anyone seeking to understand the nineteenth- and twentieth-century missionary movements.
Other sources
For more on the early nineteenth-century missionary movement, the best resources I found were in academic journals. Two particularly helpful articles are “David Brainerd and the Nineteenth Century Missionary Movement” by Joseph Conforti in the Journal of the Early Republic and “Can Women Be Missionaries? Envisioning Female Agency in the Early Nineteenth-Century British Empire” by Clare Midgley in the Journal of British Studies.
Acknowledgments
Many thanks to my agent, Heidi Mitchell, for taking a chance on me. I’m indebted to my editor, Miranda Gardner, and the entire team at Discovery House, especially Paul Muckley and Andy Rogers. You made the publishing process a joy.
Thanks to The Curator for publishing the original version of the essay “Speaking Faith as a Second Language,” which appears slightly edited in this book.
I’m grateful to early readers who offered helpful feedback, particularly Katie Glupker, Meredith Pace, Lauren Winner, Briana Meade, Elizabeth Ann Lepine, Julia Oller, and Kirsten Kosik.
Collegeville Institute, Taylor University’s BCTLE, Shepherd’s Gate Inn, and The Bridge: thank you for precious gifts of time in quiet places of beauty.
Katie and Elliott Walker offered the best of Brooklyn hospitality and one of the first places where I could get away to focus on this book. Katie, thank you for often being my first and best reader.
Beth and Dan Bowman: you are the kinds of friends who help me believe that all things are possible. Here’s to many more nights on the back porch.
Thanks to Anna and Mollie for lifelong friendship that sometimes understands me better than I understand myself.
I might never have written this book if it weren’t for Danielle Mayfield, Jessica Goudeau, Kelley Nikondeha, Christiana Peterson, and Stina Kielsmeier-Cook. For your activist pushes, your academic smarts, your theological brilliance, your mystic hearts, your astute edits, and your support, friendship, laughter, tears, chickens, and monkey business, I am forever grateful.
Katie, Jimmy, John, and David, you are all the GOAT. Thanks for being first readers and for making life so good.
I’m able to believe that God is good and that God is love because of the way my parents have loved me. Mom, Dad, thank you is inadequate. But thank you.
Rosie and Owen—why do I write like I’m running out of time? In part, to be sure that you will have these stories forever. Sorry about all the movies you had to watch while I was writing.
And most of all, of course, Jack: words fail. Thank you for your patience and grace, for the hours you spent with the kids while I wrote, for your thoughtful notes on the manuscript, for your gentle wisdom. You make me better. I love you.
About the Author
Amy Peterson teaches and works with the Honors program at Taylor University. With a B.A. in English Literature from Texas A&M and an M.A. in Intercultural Studies from Wheaton College, Amy taught ESL for two years in Southeast Asia before returning stateside to teach in California, Arkansas, and Washington. Amy is a regular contributor to Our Daily Bread and Off the Page. She has written for Books & Culture, Christianity Tod
ay, The Other Journal, Comment Magazine, The Cresset, The Living Church, and Art House America, among other places.
Read more of Amy’s writing on her blog, amypeterson.net, and sign up for her newsletter to receive giveaways, book and blog recommendations, and links to the best of her published writing.
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Table of Contents
Contents
A Note on Memoir
Introduction
I Can’t Tell You This Country’s Name
Interlude
Backpackers and Wanderlust
Expats Will Change the World
Do Not Easily Leave
Interlude
The Strictest American
Locusts and Miracles
Long Walks on the Beach
The Backstreet Boys and Salvation
Christmas Parties
Solos at Karaoke
Headless in Thailand
Interlude
Further Out
Deeper In
The Impossibility of Self-Care
High Places (Mistakes Were Made)
Home
“The Police Were Following Him”
Instant Messages
Saying Thank You in the Dark
Due to Curriculum Changes
Choosing Cambodia
Why Are We Here?
Interlude
The Spirit of Christmas Past, and Other Ghosts
The Killing Fields
A Whittled Arrow, Hidden
Falling in Love
Being the Beloved
Fireflies and Honey
Gethsemane
Interlude
Speaking Faith as a Second Language
Epilogue
Further Reading
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Landmarks
Title Page
Table of Contents
Start of Content