That’s the moment I broke down and cried.
Chapter Twelve
http://www.dearaubrey.com
Dear Aubrey,
There’s this guy on the basketball team who I’ve got it for bad. Even though I’m not into sports, I’m going to his first game Thursday night just to cheer him on. See how dedicated I am? Lol. I want him to know that I like him so he’ll get the hint to ask me out. But, I don’t want to make a fool out of myself if he’s not interested. How do you think I should approach this? It’s a fine line, you know?
Hot For Him
Dear Hot For Him,
Haven’t you heard the news? Guys don’t get hints. If you like him, then tell him, show him, whatever. Just get your point across CLEARLY. I know you want to avoid rejection, but wouldn’t it be worse to never know if it might’ve worked out between you two? If he is interested . . . well, you can cheer for him openly at the games wearing his letterman’s jacket. If he’s not interested, then the worst he should be is flattered.
Good luck and don’t forget to let me know how it goes.
Stay real,
Aubrey
HYPOTHESIS: People don’t want their hearts broken.
PURPOSE OF EXPERIMENT: Get teens to risk it all for love.
CONCLUSION: I’m a total and complete hypocrite who is off to tutor the boy who thinks I’m hot and cold. Actually, I’m probably an iceberg after Friday night.
Nerves bubbled in my belly as I opened the door to the school library. My new home away from home. After Beth had waxed poetic about missing me and wanting to make up, I’d walked toward our usual table in the cafeteria at lunch and found her eating with Amber and Mason. Amber was sitting in my spot and beside her was Trish Benson.
No way would I eat a meal with Trish. So I turned around and made a quick exit, spending my lunch hour (well, fifty minutes) in the library.
As for Daniel, he’d been sitting next to Trish in first period again, and hearing her giggle at everything he’d said had made my stomach queasy. Who was that girl crushing on anyway? Jake or Daniel? She flirted insatiably with both of them.
Walking into the library, I scanned the room. My gaze landed on a corner table where Daniel was sitting, his head bent over an open book. He was leaning on one elbow, his green-eyed gaze focused on a page before flipping to the next one. Part of me had wondered if Daniel would show up for tutoring after what happened Friday night, but it appeared as though he still wanted my help. At least I’d get to spend time with him even if it was just to work on U.S. History.
My heart rate picked up as I approached the table and guilt rolled through me for not calling him back this weekend. But, really, what could I say? He’d seen me kissing Jake and had been so hurt he’d left the club. What good would it have done to call him? To explain I’d had a crush on Jake Taylor for seven years but that once he’d kissed me I realized Daniel was the only one I truly liked? Even to my own ears, that sounded pathetic.
No, there was nothing I could say to fix the situation. I’d messed up too many times with Daniel and he’d admitted in his Dear Aubrey post that he’d had enough disappointment in his life and didn’t need anymore. Aubrey’s advice had been right on in her response to him. He deserved someone who reassured him, not someone who hurt him. I’d be his tutor though, which was something positive I could do for him at least.
“How’s the studying going?” I asked, avoiding his gaze as I slid into the chair across from him and pulled my notebook out of my backpack.
“Fine, I guess.” His voice tone was flat, neither cold nor friendly. “I got my U.S. History quiz back today. Got an A.”
I smiled at the news. “That’s great.”
“Thanks.” His expression matched his voice. “It’s good that my grade is coming back up.”
“Yes, you’ve worked hard for that,” I said, imagining how relieved I’d feel if my P.E. grade came back up again. But that just reminded me that nobody had thrown the ball to me today in P.E. Sigh. “We’d better get started if we’re practicing at the basketball court, too.”
He straightened, gripping the corner of his book between his thumb and fingers. “What would we do that for? You have Jake to help you with basketball.”
“Huh?” I asked, unintelligently. My forehead wrinkled. “Jake’s not helping me with basketball. Why would I ask him to do that?”
He shrugged. “Thought you two were close.”
My cheeks went up in flames. “Oh, that . . .”
“None of my business.” He flipped the page in his book even though he hadn’t read it.
“No, it’s not.” Suddenly, I felt hurt. He’d promised to tutor me in basketball and now he was abandoning me after I’d helped him get an A on his U.S. History test. I mean, yes, I’d made a mistake about why he’d been at Trish’s party. But was it any wonder I’d had doubts? I’d watched them flirt incessantly in English class, which they’d done again this morning. “It’s also not my business whether or not you had a good time with Trish at her party Friday night.”
“Didn’t you check your voicemail? I thought you had gone to her party.”
“Why would you think that?” I asked, my voice rising an octave. “You’ve seen how awful she treats me but you chose to listen to her word over mine.”
A line appeared between his brows. “Yes, but I—”
“If you don’t want to tutor me in basketball then I’m not going to hold you to it,” I said, a sharp pain stabbing my heart. “I’ll find another basketball tutor and you can find someone else to tutor you in U.S. History, too.”
I gathered up my notebook, shoved it into my backpack, and strode out of the library. My throat tightened, and even before I stepped outside a hot tear slipped down my cheek.
****
As I hurried away from the library, a million emotions stormed through me as I swiped at the tears on my cheeks. Jealousy, that Daniel continued to whisper with Trish during class. Betrayal, that he’d listened to Trish over me about my whereabouts Friday night. Indignation, that he’d cancel tutoring me in basketball even though he knew how much I needed help.
“Poppy, wait . . .” It sounded like Daniel’s voice coming from behind me, but no way was I talking to him during this emotional wave. I needed to get to my car, drive home, and lock myself in my room for a private tearfest.
“There she is, Poppy Pinkleton.” A girl from my math glass pointed at me as I whizzed by and I saw her elbow the guy beside her. “She’s the one who . . .”
Huh? Was that girl talking about me?
Two more girls gestured at me as I turned down the hall toward my locker. Then they gaped at me like I’d grown two heads. Weird. I entered my locker combination, pulled out the books I needed for homework and shoved them into my backpack as I wondered why people had been looking at me. Was it that obvious I was upset? I slammed my locker shut and brushed my fingers under my eyes to make sure they were dried.
Erika Scott, from my biology class, stepped in front of me as I was walking toward the student parking lot. “How could you?”
“Excuse me?” I checked behind me, but I was the only one around so she had to be talking to me. “How could I do what?”
“I just found out you were messing around with Jake Taylor behind Amber’s back while they were dating. We may not talk very often, but you seemed like a girl who had it together. Not one who would mess around with a hot jock who was already taken.”
I heard what she was saying, but it was like she was speaking a foreign language. The words made no sense. “I’d never do such a thing.”
Erika shook her head. “At least own up to it, Poppy. The whole school knows you hooked up with Jake Taylor at Daniel Baker’s party.” She glared at me, then started to walk away. “Amber did not look too happy when she found out. I’d stay away from her if I were you.”
“But that’s not true.” My voice came out in a squeak, but she was too far away now to hear me anyway. How could the whole school think I wa
s the reason Amber broke up with Jake? Who would start such a crazy rumor?
Across the courtyard, I spotted Trish and Karen—walking in their too-short shorts—toward the gym for cheerleading practice. Karen didn’t seem to notice me watching but Trish locked her gaze on mine, stretched her mouth into a wicked grin, and then blew me a kiss.
I should’ve guessed she was the one who had started this awful rumor. And from the looks I was getting from people, everyone seemed to believe it. I was in serious trouble.
****
Dear Aubrey,
I have a serious 911 and need your help. You know how Jake cheated on me? Well, I just found out who he hooked up with . . . Poppy Pinkleton. At least that’s what I was told. She’s, like, the biggest geek that ever stepped foot at San Felipe High. I know why she would be interested in him. I mean, Jake is just hot. But why would he hook up with her? She’s certainly not prettier than me.
Fine, she’s way smarter than I am and the girl is like a walking encyclopedia of wisdom. But that’s not what guys want. Believe me, I know. I’ve had four boys ask me to prom already and it’s barely even November.
Oh, Aubrey. Is that it? Was Jake just bored with me, because I’m not SMART enough? I desperately need your advice. My best friend, Karen, barely paid attention when Trish told us about Jake and Poppy. Instead of either of my best friends trying to make me feel better, Trish keeps telling me to confront Poppy about it. But what good would that do? Any advice? Please? You have no idea how badly I need it and you’re the only one I trust.
Your friend,
Amber
Dear Amber,
Maybe Jake’s just a giant tool. Trish, too. . . .
Sitting on my bed, I slumped my chin on my fist and stared at my laptop screen. No, that response to Amber wouldn’t work. Even though it was totally true. I backspaced the words, screwed my face up and tried again.
Dear Amber,
You know people say things that aren’t true, right? Also, why is Poppy the biggest geek at San Felipe High? Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she’s not a geek at all, just really motivated and smart? College is going to be about more than wearing the latest fashion. . . .
And no. Groaning in frustration I backspaced that response, too. I didn’t know what to say to Amber. I was just as confused as she was about friendships.
But, honestly, why on earth would anyone think Jake had cheated on Amber with me? Before I’d tutored him that one time, it had been years since we’d even spoken. And, okay, he did kiss me last Friday night for a brief and awkward moment. But they were way broken up when that happened and she’d even been on a date with another guy at the time. So why did Amber care who Jake had cheated with if she was so into Mason? Okay, this worried me.
Maybe she wasn’t really into Mason at all. Maybe she was just using him to get even with Jake, trading geeks back and forth like pawns in their twisted little romance. Ouch. That thought was really mean but it felt like a genuine possibility. Mason seemed to really be crushing on her at the club and I didn’t want him to get hurt. Plus, I so wanted him to end up with Beth.
I tossed myself backwards on my bed. I stared at the ceiling, hoping the right answer would somehow come to me. Nope, didn’t happen.
My mom cleared her throat from my doorway. “What are you doing?”
Trying to figure out how I’d messed up my life and everyone else’s right along with it. Sigh. No way could I say that to her though, so I said, “Studying.”
“The ceiling?”
I sat up. A few books and papers slid to the floor. I stared at them, but didn’t bother picking them up. What would be the point? I hoped my face wasn’t still puffy from crying. I’d been sobbing off and on the last few hours since I got home from school, trying to figure out what I could do about that awful rumor about me. Had Beth and Mason heard it? I didn’t have the stomach to call either of them. They both seemed too happy hanging with the It crowd this weekend and at lunch today. What if my best friends believed Trish over me?
My mom came into the room and I closed the laptop. The last thing I needed was for her to see my Dear Aubrey column. Not that I’d called her a dictator this time.
She let out a sigh. “Poppy, are you okay?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, why?”
Her eyes scanned my face. “You seem to be struggling lately.”
Boy, that wasn’t even the half of it. I didn’t know what to say to her though. Lately everything between us had been so tense and I always felt like one wrong word could lead us into an argument. I didn’t have the energy for that right now.
“It’s just school,” I said. It was the truth but the real answer was so much more complex than I could explain. School was a mess, along with my massive social mistakes, and now there were awful rumors about Jake and me that I didn’t know how to stop.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, raising a brow. “Do you want to talk about what’s going on?”
I picked at a fingernail, feeling more than a little guilty for sneaking out behind her back this weekend. I wanted to say yes, let’s talk about everything. But how could my mom ever understand what I was going through? She and my dad were adults and they couldn’t make their relationship work, so how could she help me with the complicated mess I’d made with Daniel? Or the Jake issue, for that matter.
Plus, it’s not like I even know how my mom’s high school career had gone. Maybe she’d been a big geek also. Maybe she’d been an It girl like Amber. Who knew? We’d never talked about her teen life in any real depth and now didn’t feel like the right time to start. My head started to spin and tears welled in my eyes again.
“Poppy?” she asked, a note of impatience in her voice.
I knew that sound all too well. Once again, I’d disappointed her. Story of my life. “I’m worried about getting into Stanford,” I said, which was totally true.
Her brow cleared. “I think you’re going to be okay. You’re a shoo-in for scholarships and I’ll find a way to help out with the rest when the time comes.”
Scholarships with a C in P.E.? Right.
I didn’t have the stomach to admit my awful progress report to her, so I mustered up a smile and ran a hand through my hair. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” She smiled back, which seemed like our first small connection in a long time. “Besides, you still have this year and next to build up your educational résumé before applying to schools. How’s the tutoring going?”
My throat tightened. Part of me wanted to talk about Daniel and how he’d slammed me by cutting off the basketball tutoring and how that had hurt. But then I’d have to fess up to sneaking out and going to Crush. No way could I do that.
“It’s going,” I said, guilt oozing through me. It was going nowhere. Finito.
“I’m sure you’re worrying for nothing.” She stood, slapping her hands together briskly. “Come help me with dinner. You look like you’re stuck on whatever you’re studying right now anyway. Sometimes when you walk away from a problem it solves itself.”
I took a deep breath. That wasn’t likely but maybe giving myself some time to breathe and thinking about something else might help me figure out the best way to answer Amber’s email. So I followed my mom downstairs and into the kitchen.
Stephen sat at the table, his eyes narrowed in concentration. His hands were grubby and his hair a mess. “Stephen, go wash up,” my mom said, the impatience in her voice.
Stephen gave her a wounded look, his bottom lip jutting out.
I should’ve been happy Mom didn’t seem to be playing favorites today. Instead, I wanted to hug my littler brother. I ruffled his already messy hair as I went by and he gave me a little gap-toothed smile before scampering off toward the kitchen sink.
My phone beeped. I ignored it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I also didn’t want to have to answer any questions about whether it was true that Jake had cheated on Amber with me.
I set the table and then took the delicio
us-smelling garlic bread out of the oven. Mom set dinner on the table just as Stephen came bouncing back into the dining room. We sat down to dinner. My phone beeped again and then it kept beeping.
Mom lifted an eyebrow. “What in the world?”
I grabbed my phone and silenced it then stuck it into my back pocket. “Oh, Beth’s probably just having a little crisis.”
I wasn’t completely lying. Beth might be having a crisis if she’d heard I’d hooked up with Jake while he was with Amber. She’d already lectured me at Crush over him kissing me, which had so not been my fault. Maybe she was texting to lecture me some more since her life was perfectly great since Aubrey had helped her become part of the It crowd.
Hurt simmered up and I tried to quash it but it felt like Beth was slipping away from me. If things were the way they had been before we ended The Pact, then Beth would have been in my corner and the first one I would’ve called when I found out about Trish’s nasty rumor. I would have known for sure Beth would back me up. Now I wasn’t so sure.
After dinner, I went back to my room and opened the laptop. Amber’s email glared out at me. I took my phone out and immediately got a gut-punched feeling. The texts weren’t from Beth. They were from random people slamming me for being a cheater. So many texts! My heart sank. Did everyone in the entire school hate me?
I didn’t want to read any more of those texts, so I deleted them. The feeling I got just looking at the number and the names listed there had made me queasy. My heart throbbed along way too fast and my palms turned sweaty. I couldn’t breathe either. Tears stung my eyes.
I hadn’t done anything wrong!
No, that wasn’t true. I had done a lot of things wrong.
I’d used Aubrey’s popularity to get things done the way I wanted them done. I’d lost Beth to the It crowd. I’d gotten so caught up in my former crush on Jake that I hadn’t seen who he was now. I also hadn’t considered that Amber might still like him.
The Crush Dilemma (Dear Aubrey Book 1) Page 15