by Liwen Ho
The emotions tugging at Ashlynn’s heart did waver between disappointment… and something else she couldn’t pinpoint. Could it be indifference? Over the past few months, she had come to respect and trust Jeremy. Naturally she expected more from him. She believed God had brought him to be her knight in shining armor. But if he didn’t meet her expectations, maybe she had set the bar too high in the first place? She gave a halfhearted shrug. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m making it a bigger deal than it should be. I mean, does anyone wait for their wedding night anymore?”
“Ashlynn, don’t buy into those lies. It is a big deal. I learned the hard way why God says physical intimacy should be reserved for a husband and wife. When you take sex out of the context of marriage, a lot of things go wrong. The relationship I had with Sara was unhealthy on many levels. I lost sight of God and my priorities got turned upside down. I ended up caring about getting what I wanted more than anything else. That’s not what loving someone is about.”
She felt a twinge of empathy at seeing his eyes darken in remorse. “What happened? Why didn’t things work out with her?”
“We went our separate ways after graduation-she moved out here to California for grad school and I got an internship back home. The truth is we had been growing apart for a while. We tried the long distance thing for a few months, but then Sara met someone from her program. That’s when we called it quits.”
“Wait, she moved to California? Is she still here?”
“Yeah, she is,” Jeremy replied with an uneasy expression. “We work at the same company. That’s how I found out about my job.”
Ashlynn sat up straight and felt her shoulders stiffen again. “What? You work together? You didn’t tell me you work with your ex-girlfriend!”
“Well, the topic never came up until now. It’s not something I could casually bring up over dinner.” He gave a cursory glance around the restaurant. “Well, not that lunch is much different.” He locked eyes with her and spoke firmly. “You don’t need to worry, Ashlynn. We work on different contracts and only see each other during meetings.”
“She’s a negotiator, too?”
“Yes, which is likely why it didn’t work out between us. She’s a nice person, but we were always debating with each other and seeing who could get the upper hand.”
“But, you guys are okay being friends now? I don’t think I could do that with a guy I had been intimate with.” The last words tumbled out of her mouth with a sense of sadness. She couldn’t imagine letting go of memories like that very easily. Or the emotions that went along with them.
Jeremy nodded. He knew Ashlynn was especially soft-hearted. “Well, we did have a period of time where we didn’t talk after the break up. We reconnected online a few years ago and there were no hard feelings. It took some time to move on from the past, but time does heal. We’re both in new stages of our lives and we’re happy for each other.”
Ashlynn stared down at her club sandwich, which the server had just delivered to their table. So Zoe was right about Jeremy. He was experienced with a capital E. She pushed her plate away and set her napkin beside it. “I’ll box this up for later. I’m not really hungry right now.”
He reached over and covered her hand with his. He wanted more than anything to erase the sadness and doubt in her eyes. “Ash, I can’t change the past, but I hope you know I view relationships very differently now. That’s why I wanted to take it slow when we met again. I planned to spend time getting to know you as a friend first. And now that we are dating, I’m even more committed to making sure we are headed in the right direction. Especially after what you shared last night, I want our relationship to be about so much more than the physical aspect. I hope you see that.”
“I-I do.” The concerned expression on his face softened her heart. She couldn’t deny how patient and sweet he had been towards her since they began spending time together. “I appreciate how patient you’ve been, even from the very beginning.”
“It was easy to take it slow because I really did enjoy our friendship phase. It was good hanging out together without any pressures, just talking and joking around like old times. I almost felt like we were teenagers again, without the glasses and braces though.”
Ashlynn smiled in spite of her sober mood. “Yeah, thankfully without the glasses and braces.”
He breathed an inward sigh of relief to hear the positive lilt in Ashlynn’s voice. “I wouldn’t have minded continuing that way for a while longer, you know. But it seems someone had a hard time waiting.” The playful tone of his words matched the glimmer in his eyes.
“You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Only because I’ll always be grateful to you that we got to kiss sooner than I expected.”
Ashlynn’s breath caught in her throat. Jeremy truly had a way with words. Memories of their first kiss flooded her senses, making her unable to resist the intense pull he had on her. Maybe he wasn’t exactly the Prince Charming she had imagined being with, but he still made her feel like a princess. That was worth something, wasn’t it? “Thanks for being honest about your past. I know it’s probably not easy to share personal information like that.”
“It helps to have someone as understanding as you to share it with.” Ashlynn’s gracious response warmed his heart. His revelation had gotten him treading on thin ice, but it seemed he was safe, at least for the moment. Maybe there was hope for someone with a track record like his. He said a quick prayer of thanks and felt his spirits lift even more when he saw that Ashlynn’s appetite had returned. “How’s your sandwich?”
She swallowed the bite she had taken and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Pretty good. How’s yours?”
He lifted his French dip to her mouth and offered her some. “Here, give it a try.”
She bit into the sandwich, her eyes widening in pleasure. “Wow, the beef juice is really tasty. I’ll have to get that next time.”
“Here, why don’t we trade?” He switched his plate with hers before she could protest.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. It’s worth it to see you smile.”
One thing was sure, he did know how to make her happy. “Thank you. Feel free to eat the onion rings. I know how much you love them.” She picked one off her plate and fed it to him.
“Thanks. I think I love them even more when you feed them to me.”
Ashlynn couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “You’re too much.”
“I’m just speaking the truth.” He smiled as an idea popped into his head. He hoped Ashlynn would agree to his suggestion. “Hey, do you have any plans for Christmas break?”
“Not yet, why?”
“My family’s been asking me to visit. They’d like to see you, too.” He paused to gauge her reaction. “I was thinking we could fly out to Boston and spend a week there, enjoy a real white Christmas. I could take you to some of the places I used to go to when I was younger so you could see for yourself what my life was like back then.”
“You want to take me home to meet your folks?” she asked with a wide eyes. “That sounds kind of serious.”
“Hey, it’ll be nothing compared to the interrogation Ben put me through.” The corners of his eyes crinkled with humor. “It’s not like you haven’t met them before, aside from my stepdad who I’m sure will have nothing but good things to say about you. If you’re worried about my mom, you could easily win her over with another set of jewelry.” He ended his sentence with a wink.
“I remember your mom being very nice to me in junior high, but the circumstances were a little different back then. For one thing, I wasn’t kissing her son.”
“True, but it makes her son extremely happy when you do. And whatever makes me happy, makes my mom happy. In the negotiation world, that’s called a win-win situation. It doesn’t get better than that. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Just out of curiosity, have you brought anyone else home before?”
“Besides S
ara, no. I don’t bring just anyone home.” He squeezed her hand. “It would mean a lot to me to show you off to my family.”
How could she refuse those adoring blue eyes looking at her? “Okay. I’ll need to check with Zoe about getting time off, but it should be fine.”
“Thank you. It’s going to be a great trip. I can’t wait to create new memories with you in Boston.”
New memories sounded wonderful to Ashlynn. After today’s meal, she was ready to focus on the future instead of the past.
NINE
“Are you sure it isn’t a bit soon to be doing this?” The hesitation in Ben’s voice echoed in Ashlynn’s ears. He stood in the doorway to her bedroom and watched her place neatly folded sweaters into a black suitcase.
“Ben, I’m visiting his family, not eloping.” Ashlynn smirked as she saw his eyes widen in horror.
“Hey, don’t get any ideas into your head. No eloping now, you hear me?” Ben crossed his arms, assuming the stance of a bouncer, though a much less threatening one. “Mom and Dad would not have been okay with that.”
“I’m totally kidding.” Her hazel eyes grew round in exasperation. “Why are you suddenly so worried? I thought Jeremy was on your good side already.”
“I can tell he’s grown up some and I’m sure glad he’s not the cocky teenager he used to be. But he’s still a guy, Ash. I know my own kind. The brain is not the only organ we think with.”
“What?” It then dawned on her what he was referring to. “Yes, Ben, I’m well aware of how some guys think.”
Ben rubbed his jaw. He had never seen his sister this way before, so happy and confident about a man. She acted as if Jeremy could do no wrong. “It’s just that you’ll be across the country with him for a whole week. All that time alone …”
“We’ll hardly be alone. His whole family will be over. And we’ll be staying in separate rooms at his sister’s place.”
“Just be sure to lock your door at night so you don’t get any unexpected visitors.”
Ashlynn rolled her eyes. “Ben, I’m a big girl. You need to trust that I know what I’m doing.”
“I trust you, but I don’t know if I trust Jeremy’s hormones.” He lowered his voice to convey the seriousness of his next words. “He’s not pushing you to do stuff you don’t want to, is he?”
“No, of course not. No sex, no funny business that might lead to sex … not until marriage.”
“So you have talked about getting married?”
“I meant that in general terms. Calm down, big brother. You worry more than Mama and Daddy ever did!” A wistful look crossed her face. Talking about the future always reminded her of what she would be missing with her parents gone. “Sometimes I still can’t believe they’re gone. There’s so much I wish I could talk to Mama about. I think she would have been happy to hear about Jeremy and me. She knew I had a crush on him even before I told her.”
“Well, those cheeks of yours have always been like a window into how you feel. So what did Mom think of Jeremy?”
“She said he was cute, but too old for me of course. Daddy was the one who told me it’s important to look at a guy’s heart and not get caught up in his smile.”
“Dad always had wise advice.”
“Yeah, he did. And the best hugs, too.” Ashlynn sat on her bed with a sigh. She felt her eyes begin to well up. “Ben, without Daddy here, I’ll need someone …”
“What is it?”
“Will you walk me down the aisle? I mean, when the time comes?”
He walked over and gently squeezed her shoulder. He knew life had dealt them a bad hand of cards, but they had always had each other to lean on. He would do anything for his sister. His expression softened when he looked into her downcast eyes. “Hey, of course I will. It would be my honor to give you away.”
A hint of a smile appeared on her lips. “You know what that means, right? You’ll need to hand me over to my future husband.” She suddenly had an image of Ben holding tightly onto her arm and refusing to let go of her at the alter. “We might need Mel to pry you away from me.”
“Very funny.” Ben breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t have to worry about this scenario just yet. “Anyway, we have plenty of time to work out the details.”
“Thanks, Ben.” Ashlynn gave him a quick hug. “You are the best brother I could ask for, you know that? I don’t know if I ever told you how much I appreciate you, especially with all the stuff I put you through before.”
“It’s alright. I know you didn’t mean to be a brat on purpose,” he said with a lopsided smile. “There was so much for both of us to adjust to when Mom and Dad died. You were so young. I had just gotten used to living on my own. Both of us had to grow up fast. But we did all right, all things considered. God’s seen us through every step of the way.”
“Yeah, He has. I’m so thankful there are so many more good days than bad now. So many more.”
They looked up as the doorbell rang. Ben gestured to Ashlynn’s suitcase as he walked out of the room. “You go ahead and finish up. I’ll get the door.”
Ben walked downstairs and opened the front door to let Jeremy in. “So, your flight’s at midnight?”
Jeremy nodded. “Yeah, we thought it’d be better to take the red eye and get to Boston in the morning. That way we don’t waste any time flying.”
Ben seemed to be deep in thought as he ran a hand through his dark brown hair. He cleared his throat and gestured for Jeremy to take a seat. He crossed his arms and his face turned serious. “While we have a few minutes alone, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
“Sure, what’s on your mind?” He sat down opposite from Ben on the couch.
“You and Ashlynn have been going out for a while now. Six months, right?” In this short amount of time he could tell Ashlynn was falling hard for Jeremy, and this knowledge worried him. He knew his own species well. Was Jeremy worth Ashlynn’s trust? Would he disappoint her or worse, hurt her? Ben squared his shoulders and looked Jeremy in the eyes. “I want to know what your plans are. Where do you see your relationship heading?”
Jeremy understood the role Ben was playing as the concerned and protective older brother. Since Ashlynn’s parents weren’t around anymore, he was left with the job of watching out for his sister. That included questioning the boyfriend about his intentions. He knew what to say to put Ben’s mind at ease. “I’m completely committed to Ashlynn. She’s honestly the biggest blessing to come into my life. The more I get to know her, the more I value her. I plan to see our relationship through to the end, as long as she will have me. But know that I would never do anything without asking for your blessing first. When the time comes, Ben, you’ll be the first to know.”
Ben’s face relaxed into a smile. “Good man. I’ll be waiting.” He reached his hand out to shake Jeremy’s. “By the way, I didn’t mean to be so stern. I figured you were serious about Ashlynn. Statistics show that most couples who do break up do it around three to five months. Numbers don’t lie.” Ben winked playfully as he took in Jeremy’s serious demeanor. “You know I’m just watching out for my baby sister.”
Jeremy chuckled. He hadn’t been the least bit intimidated by Ben, but out of respect for him, he had played along. “I understand. I know how special Ashlynn is. She deserves the best.”
They turned as Ashlynn entered the room. She wore jeans and a pale pink sweater, and a headband held back her blonde curls. She had caught their handshake as she descended the stairs. “What are you guys up to? Striking a secret deal?”
“Just guy stuff.” Ben ruffled Ashlynn’s hair and smiled. “Have a good trip and text me when you guys land.”
“Will do.” Jeremy called out as they walked out the door.
- - -
The drive to the San Francisco airport took about an hour. During the ride, Ashlynn took control of the radio, turning the dial to find the songs she liked.
“Are you playing Name That Tune?” Jeremy looked at her with am
usement. “You barely hear one phrase of a song and you change the station.”
“It’s just so hard to find positive songs these days. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to hear about heartbreak all the time. Life is hard enough as it is.”
“What’s with all the gloom and doom? Something on your mind?”
“Sorry. It’s just that the holidays always remind me of my parents. Their anniversary is in two weeks, which is when the accident happened.”
He grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry. Are you okay with this trip? I wish I had known earlier-”
“I’ll be fine, Jeremy. I think going to Boston will help take my mind off of the sad things. Really. I’d rather be spending Christmas with you than sitting at home with Ben and Mel. A girl can only play so many games of Scrabble, you know.” She suddenly leaned forward in her seat as the rhythmic twang of guitar strings flowed out of the speakers. “Oh! I love this song.” She turned the volume up.
“Ah, finally. Which one is this?”
“God Bless the Broken Road. It’s the country version by Rascal Flatts. It was my mom’s favorite. She and my dad used to dance to it when she cooked dinner. He would come in to the kitchen, put the CD on and she would take off her apron as soon as she heard the first notes. He would then swirl her around the kitchen island where I was doing my homework.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I can almost smell soup cooking on the stove. Hmm, the sweetness of carrots mixed in with some tangy pepper and fresh parsley. My mom’s chicken noodle soup was the best.”
“Sounds like a wonderful memory.”
“It’s one of my favorite memories of them,” she said as she leaned her head on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Listen to the lyrics. They’re really beautiful.”
He listened to the singer describe how a string of broken relationships had led him to the woman he loved. All the heartaches he had experienced along the way were part of a grander plan. God had blessed his journey and brought him straight to his love. As he listened closely, he felt as if he was hearing his own story in the song. “I never paid attention to the words before, but they’re so true, so heartfelt. I understand why your mom liked it so much.”