beauty. But he did not dare even a kiss. Did she go to Lyon?s bed without her
maidenhead, he could repudiate her, thereby ending Gilbert?s hope of getting his
hands on the old lord?s wealth.
So all he said was ?Then come, we ride for Kirkburough today. You will be wed
tomorrow.?
And be in his own bed at the very first indication that she was safely breeding.
Chapter 2
They arrived at Kirkburough just as the sun was setting. The gates of the town
were still open, but it was to the keep overlooking the town that they rode.
Rowena found it appropriate to see the high walls of this large fortress awash
in a red glow, a portent reminder that she was entering hell.
Gilbert had wisely kept his own counsel during that twelve mile journey, for
Rowena had reached the point where she no longer cared what she said to him.
Legally, he was her stepbrother and her guardian, and there was no one to decry
that he was both of these by foul means. But if it were not for her mother,
Rowena would have utterly balked and done anything to escape her present
situation. She thought she might even be able to kill Gilbert, so much did she
hate him after today. But she could not escape, for she had no doubt whatsoever
that her mother would suffer horribly for it, and her mother had suffered enough
at the hands of the d?Ambrays.
She understood more fully now why she and her mother had been separated
immediately after they had been taken from Tures. If Rowena and Anne could have
somehow escaped together, they could have found aid from one of the powerful
magnates who were opposed to Stephen, as Walter Belleme had been. Likely Rowena
would have had to marry then to protect herself from the d?Ambrays, but it could
have been to a man of her choosing.
None of which mattered now. She was here, to be wed on the morrow. If only? God?s
mercy, how often she had thoughts that began so.
If only her father had not loved her so much, she could have been safely married
at the tender age of fourteen, as most daughters were. Her betrothed was an
honorable man. He would have waited to consummate the marriage until she was
older and better capable of bearing children. But her father had not wanted to
tempt that kind lord with her budding beauty, nor had he wanted to give her up
so soon.
If only he had not ridden out himself to face d?Ambray?s army, he might still be
alive. Tures would have been besieged, but they could have escaped and gone to
Henry?s court, or even to one of the other lords who supported him.
If only the laws governing women were upheld, if only Henry were king? if only
Gilbert would die. But ?twas too late even for that.. She was in Lyons keep,
which put her effectively in Lyons control, as if they were already wed. He
would still marry her to have whatever it was he sought, whether Gilbert was
there to force her into compliance or not.
Rowena was almost numb with despair as she mounted the stairs to the Great Hall.
?Twas immediately apparent that Gilbert had not spoken falsely of Lyons worth.
Just crossing the bailey, Rowena had counted nine household knights, and the
towers and walls teemed with men atarms. There were more knights inside the hall,
where tables were set for the evening meal with gold plate and fine linen. Even
the walls displayed the lord?s wealth in useless weapons of polished silver and
gold, most encrusted with fine jewels.
Servants abounded, surely one or more to serve each guest, but in this Lyons did
not waste his money. Their clothes were nearly rags, their bodies none too clean,
their demeanor cowed to the point of trembling hands and haunted eyes, and no
wonder. In the space of crossing the hall to the raised dais where Lyons sat
like a king in state, Rowena saw three servants cuffed for no apparent reason,
one struck so hard that he fell to the floor, only to be kicked twice where he
lay unmoving so it could be determined if he was merely shirking his duties.
Rowena was so appalled by this that she stopped walking, making Gilbert jerk on
her arm to get her moving again, but not before the knight who was kicking the
downed man noticed her watching him and smiled at her. No shame, no contrition.
He smiled.
It was a well known fact that without any ladies present, men would behave
nearly as beasts. But there were ladies present, wives of some of the household
knights. Obviously, they had no effect on the men?s behavior. This spoke clearly
of the character of the lord of Kirkburough, for most men will do as their
master does, in good or ill.
She had avoided looking toward the lord?s table, putting off as long as possible
what was to be her fate. But Gilbert stopped, telling her the moment was at hand.
Even so, her first sight of Godwine Lyons of Kirkburough nearly made her cry out
in horror. Gilbert?s hand tightened on her arm, for she had taken an involuntary
step backward.
?Twas worse than she could have imagined. The man wasn?t just old, he looked
like a corpse. His skin was a pasty white, and so deeply wrinkled there was not
an inch anywhere to be seen that could be called smooth. What was left of his
hair was white, except for one narrow streak of blond to attest to what the
color had been. His body was so bent, he stood no taller than Rowena, who was
only a few inches above five feet. His bright silk robe, trimmed at neck and
sleeves with costly fur, merely made him look ridiculous.
The whites of his eyes were dark yellow. A white film covered the iron gray of
one of his irises. He was almost blind. He had to come mere inches in front of
Rowena to have a look at her, and she was assailed by his fetid breath, which
nearly made her gag before he moved back. With crooked fingers, he pinched her
cheek and cackled, revealing the only two teeth remaining in his mouth.
Gilbert was shouting the introductions, which told her the old man was also
almost deaf. That was fortunate, because Rowena could not stop herself from
swallowing her pride and begging.
?Please, Gilbert, do not do this to me. If you must marry me off, choose another,
any other?
?Be quiet,? he hissed in her ear.
? Tis done, promises made.?
Before he had her consent?
?Promises can be broken,? she told him.
?Nay; there is no other who would agree to all I ask.?
What he asked for. For his benefit. She had lowered herself to plead with him
for naught. She had even known it would be for naught. She would never beg again,
not to him or any man, for only God had mercy. Men had only greed and lust.
She turned to look up at him, having to bend her head back, he was so near. And
quietly, without emotion, she said ?Guard your back well, brother, ere my dagger
finds it. The first chance I have, I mean to kill you for this.?
?Do not speak foolishness,? he replied, but uneasily, his eyes searching hers.
And something in hers must have convinced him ?twas not an idle threat. He
actually looked stricken when he cried out ?Rowena!?
She turned her back on him and summoned a servant to take her to whatever room
had been prepared for her. If Gilbert or Lord Godwine had t
ried to stop her from
leaving that hall, she probably would have shown them all a fine rendering of a
madwoman. But neither did, and she had to stop on the darkened stairs that led
up to the tower room where she was to pass the night, for her own tears, finally
released, were blinding her.
Chapter 3
Rowena woke with some disorientation, but it lasted only moments before she knew
exactly where she was. When she had finally gotten to sleep she could not guess,
but it had been long after midnight. Now she could almost feel her blood turning
cold as dread seeped into her bones, keeping her immobile on the bed.
Some little light came through the high window in the tower room, but not much
more than was had from the hearth and candles set about the small chamber. A
long while passed before she wondered who had lit those candles and restoked the
fire. And who, for that matter, had drawn her bed curtain open? If Gilbert had
dared?
?T>o you mean to lie abed until ?tis time to face the priest??
?Mildred?? Rowena gasped in surprise, recognizing that dear voice.
?Aye, my sweet one.?
Rowena sat up and located the maid sitting on a chest that had not been there
when she had first entered the room. Her own chest it was. And her own maid
sitting on it.
Mildred had been her maid for as long as Rowena could remember, and before that,
she had served Lady Anne. She was a small woman, smaller even than Rowena,
though not small in girth. Quite round she was in that respect, for Mildred did
indeed love to eat. Two score and five years in age, with gray streaking her
brown hair, and warm brown eyes, she had been allowed to accompany Rowena into
her isolation three years ago, the only kind thing Hugo d?Ambray had ever done
for her.
?How came you to be here?? Rowena asked as she looked about the room to see if
anyone else was there.
?When he came for you yestermorn, he left orders for all that you own to be
packed up and brought here. Those churls thought to leave me behind, but I set
them right on that notion.?
?So sure he was that he would have my cooperation in this farce,? Rowena said
bitterly to herself.
?I saw that old man last eventide when I arrived. How could you agree to wed
that??
Rowena could feel the tears starting to gather in her eyes, but she fought them
back. Her lower lip still trembled, however, when she said ?Gilbert was beating
my mother. I doubt he would have stopped until I did agree.?
?Oh, my lamb,? Mildred cried, and came swiftly forward to gather Rowena into her
arms.
?I knew he was a monster, just like his sire. Those soft words of his never
fooled me, each time he came sniffing ?round your skirts.?
?God forgive me, but I hate him now. He has no thought for me in all this, only
his own gain.?
?Aye, that is true enough. Already they prepare for war here. ?Tis said this
keep will be nigh empty come the new dawn. Every knight, and near a thousand men
at arms, your new lord has committed to young Gilbert. And there is gold enough
to hire thousands more. ?Twill not be long ere you have back all that Fulkhurst,
that monster from the north, has reft from you.?
?Not from me,? Rowena snapped.
?Think you Gilbert will ever give up my lands? He?ll have them back, and when
Lyons dies, he?ll have me back as well, to marry off again the next time he
finds himself in similar straits.?
?So that is the way of it, is it?? Mildred asked indignantly.
?So he as much as admitted. But in the meantime, I am to get myself with child
to secure Lyons lands to Gilbert as well.?
Rowena gave a broken laugh.
?Can a man so old still beget children, Mildred??
The maid snorted.
?So all men would like to think, but ?tis nigh impossible. Yet did I spend the
eventide being regaled with stories of how this lord has tried to get himself
another son to replace those who died in war. Four wives he has had in as many
years, recent years, and that does not count the six he had in his youth.?
?What happened to so many??
?The early wives all died of one means or another, but the servants claim mostly
by foul means. The recent wives he repudiated. All innocent maids they were, yet
he claimed otherwise when they did not give him the hoped for son as quickly as
he expected. ?Tis all he wants from,you, my sweet one.?
?So if I do not give him a son, he is like to repudiate me within the year. No
wonder Gilbert assured me I would not be married long.?
?Nay, that old lord will not last even that long, do you ask me. Five years ago
he should have been dead. Why he still lives can only be from a pact with the
devil.?
?Shush,? Rowena hissed, crossing herself, yet she was inclined to agree. She
herself had thought that he already looked like a corpse.
Mildred looked at her narrowly now.
?Do you truly mean to wed Lord Godwine??
?You say that as if I have a choice.?
?Aye, you do. We could kill him instead.?
Rowena scowled to have her hopes raised in one instant, then dashed in the next.
?Think you I have not considered that? But if I ruin Gilbert?s plans in that way,
he might well beat my mother to death, he will be so furious with me. I am not
prepared to take that chance.?
?Nay, of course not,? Mildred agreed. She bore as much love for the mother as
she did for the daughter, and could not bear to think of either one suffering
when she had certain skills with herbs to prevent it.
?Then if it must be, it must be, but you need not share your body as well as
your bed with that old lecher. He can be rendered incapable?
Rowena waved that notion aside before it was completed.
?Only blood on the sheets will satisfy Gilbert.?
?It need not be yours.?
Rowena had not thought of that. She need not suffer those wrinkled and twisted
fingers, that fetid breath, the revulsion that was like to wither her soul? If
only? She cringed inwardly.
?If onlys? had never come to her aid, nor would they now.
?Lord Godwine might be ready for the grave, but that does not mean he is stupid.
If he has no memory of consummating the marriage, is he not like to see the
matter repeated the next morn?? She shuddered at the very thought.
?I would rather suffer this horror in the dark of night than in the light of day,
Mildred. I do not think I could bear watching him touch me, as well as feeling
it.?
?Very well, my sweet one. I will make a drink for you instead. ?Twill not put
you to sleep, but ?tis the next best thing, for you will be so unaware of what
goes on about you, you will not care what that old lecher does to you.?
Rowena frowned. She wasn?t sure she wanted to be totally senseless around
Godwine Lyons. She was helpless enough in this situation; that would just make
her more so. But which was better, not knowing, or merely not seeing?
?How long would your potion last?? she asked thoughtfully.
?A few hours. Long enough for him to do what he will do.?
?And if he took it by mistake??
? ?Twould do him no harm. If he can perform, t
hen he will. Merely will he not
recall it.?
Rowena groaned, dropping back on the bed.
?Then again I must deal with him come the morn.?
?Nay, why should there be a mistake? I will leave the potion in the nuptial
chambers, already mixed in your wine. Yours will be poured and ready to drink,
his will not. Merely do you drink it as soon as you arrive there. No matter who
will be with you, no one would gainsay you that extra fortification for what you
must endure.?
?Then do it just so. Anything must be better than?
Rowena broke off at the sound of a knock at her door, but it was not Gilbert, as
she had half expected. Servants came in, a great number of them, with bath and
water, with a tray of bread and cheese to break her fast, with a wedding gown of
deepest cream. She was told Lord Godwine would like her to wear it, if she had
nothing appropriate. She was also told, or actually overheard the maids?
whisperings, that his last two wives had also worn that gown. How frugal of the
man, to get so much use out of it. This certainly showed how little he cared for
her feelings.
When one of the maids held the gown up for her to better examine it, Rowena said
?Why not? His other wives were fortunate enough to escape him. It might bring me
the same luck.?
There was an appalling silence for a moment that made Rowena realize she should
have kept her thoughts to herself. These servants were his after all. But she
had done no more than shock them with her frankness, and soon there was a
nervous giggle, then another, and she found that they were in wholehearted
agreement with her, for all of them hated the man who was to be her husband.
Chapter 4
The day progressed, despite all hope that it would not, and just after Sext,
Rowena was married to Lord God wine Lyons of Kirkburough. Naught had happened to
save her. Before witnesses, with man?s blessingshe would like to think God
withheld Hisshe was given over from the control of one man to another, her new
husband. Feebleminded as he was, he had slept through the entire mass.
A feast had been prepared to last the rest of the day. Rowena sat beside her
husband, watching him gum the slops he was forced to eat because of his lack of
Lindsey, Johanna - Prisoner Of My Desire Page 2