stripped for me before. Whoever advised you, wench, advised you well. But know
this. If I cannot accomplish what I intend through lack of interest in what you
have to offer, you will have the blame for it. But you will not have another
reprieve if that is what you think, because what I cannot do, I will bring in
another to donay, ten others. I doubt you will disgust them as you do me.?
Rowena met his eyes as he stepped back and wished to God she knew if he really
meant that, or if it was just an idle threat. He looked cruel enough to do it.
He looked angry enough to do it. But he wanted like for like, and watching her
being raped by others would not be the same. Would it?
She dropped her girdle on the floor and reached quickly for the laces on the
side of her bliaut. She could not take chances with him, not with such
terrifying consequences. But she tried to remember Mildred?s advice and could
not recall a single thing. The chamber was too bright with daylight, her skin
too hot with embarrassment, her fingers too clumsy. She knew she was not the
least bit enticing.
Warrick?s blood was already raging for her. Her fear was exciting him, that was
all. Not that becoming flush to her cheeks. Not her virginlike demeanor.
Certainly not the small though exquisitely curved body he remembered, and which
was about to be revealed to him again. He realized, with chagrin, that he could
not continue to watch her, or he would not be able to do all that he had planned
to do.
With a silent oath, he moved to the other side of the bed and picked up the
chain. He had meant to make her stretch it out beneath the bed and position it
as he directed, just to increase her trepidation, but he did it himself now for
the distraction. Only it did not take long, not as long as it was taking her to
disrobe.
Her red outer gown was on the floor, her longsleeved chemise on top of it. But
she still wort a thin linen shift, though her fingers were grip ping the hem,
had been in the process of lifting it over her head, when she finally noticed
what he was doing.
?Please, no,? she pleaded, looking from the manacle still in his hand to his
cold eyes.
?I will not fight you. I swear it.?
He did not even hesitate in his implacable re ply.
?It will be the same, exactly the same.?
Rowena stared at the chains he had brought up on the outside of the posts at the
end of the bed, positioned so the posts would prevent her from closing her legs.
?That is not the same.? she said.
?Allowances must be made for the differences in the gender of the body chained.
My legs had no need to be open. Yours do.?
She closed her eyes at the vivid mental picture his words evoked. Like for like.
And she could not prevent it, could not even beg for mercy, for he had none. He
was ruthlessly determined to do this to her, and it would be exactly as had been
done to him.
?You are taking too long, wench,? he warned softly.
?Do not try my patience more.?
She yanked the shift over her head and climbed swiftly to the center of the bed,
anything to get this over with so this sick dread would leave her. She lay down
before he ordered her to, but her body was as stiff as a board. She kept her
eyes closed, tightly, only she could still hear him, and the sound of his steps
took him to the bottom of the bed.
?Spread them.?
She groaned inwardly, but she did not dare to defy him.
?Wider,? he added, and she did that, too.
But she still gasped as his fingers went around her ankle to hold it until the
cold iron was locked on. The manacle did not fit tightly as it had on him, the
weight of the chain pulling it down to catch on her arch and heel. Her other
foot was quickly done the same, but he uttered a curse when the chain did not
extend far enough over the top of the bed to reach her wrists. It had been cut
to his stretched length, which was much longer than hers.
? Twould seem another allowance must be made.?
Disgruntlement was clear in his tone. Hope stirred, that he would now forgo the
chains entirely. She should have known better, for he merely left her to come
back with two strips of cloth that he bound to her wrists, then to the manacles.
Like for like, so she had to hear the creak of the chain if she moved, as he had
heard it; feel its weight dragging on her limbs as he had felt it.
She tested the bounds and experienced an overwhelming panic. My God, was this
how he had felt? So helpless, so afraid? Nay, he had not felt fear, only rage.
She wished she could bring that more powerful emotion forth to sustain her
through this, but anger that he would do her thusly was the farthest thing from
her mind just then. So it would not be exactly the same. She would not twist and
fight to avoid his touch, would not try to smite him with her eyes or shake him
from the bed. She could only hope these differences would not matter to him and
make him angrier still.
Her eyes opened in surprise when the gag was shoved between her lips. She had
forgotten about that, but he had not. He did not want to hear her entreaties any
more than she had wanted to hear his, though their reasons were not the same. He
was feeling no guilt, as she had felt. He was enacting vengeance. She had only
tried to save her mother?s life.
Satisfaction at her helplessness blazed from his eyes. She wished she had not
seen it, or that he had removed his clothes before he fetched the gag. The
evidence of his readiness, however, gave her small relief. She need suffer only
his rape of her, then, not that enforced by many others while he watched. And
she already knew what he would feel like inside her. She could bear itshe would
have to.
?Are you virgin here, I wonder, as you were there??
His hands came to her breasts to tell her of what he spoke, both hands, and his
eyes went there, too, to watch what he did. Rowena stared only at his face so
she could gauge the moment he finished toying with her. And that was all he was
doing. There was no need to caress her and coax her to readiness as she had
found it necessary to do to him. He was already in that condition. ?Twas
unnecessary that she be. And she felt no more than the heat of his palms, and
momentary surprise that his touch was gentle. She was simply too frightened to
feel more than that.
He played long with her breasts, flicking at the soft nipples, squeezing and
pulling on them by turns. But when he ended with a frown, Rowena thought she
would die of fright. She did not know it was because he had been unable to make
her nipples tighten in response to his caresses, not even a little, not even
once. With that frown still terrifying her, he brought a hand between her legs
and thrust his finger inside her.
She groaned at the sharp discomfort she felt. His frown got darker.
?So you would deny yourself the shame that was visited upon me? I think not,
wench.?
Another threat, but she was lost in the dark this time, nor could she ask him to
explain.
She had no idea what had so displeased him, or what shame he thought she was
denying herself that he wanted her to know. She would have done aught that he
wanted her to at that point, just to get that terrifying scowl off his face. But
there was naught that she could do, chained to the bed.
She began to tremble, not as greatly as when she had thought she was about to
die, but enough for him to notice and growl ?Close your eyes, damn you. You do
well to fear me, but I will not have you reacting to my every frown, not now. I
will do to you no more than you did to me, and you already know the way of it,
so put your fear aside. I order it.?
He was mad to think she could do that, no matter what reassurance he gave her.
He was mad anyway, for by his own words, he wanted her to fear himbut not now.
What difference when, for God?s mercy? But he had ordered it. Ah, God, how, how
could she comply?
She closed her eyes. He was right in that respect, that she was reacting to the
dissatisfaction clearly written on his face. Not even the fear of being unable
to anticipate what he would do next was as bad as seeing those scowls. And what
he did next was as he had said, no more than she had done to him. He began
caressing her, not just her breasts, but all over.
She stopped trying to reason why he was touching her when it was not necessary
to his purpose. His hands were soothing, and she welcomed his touch as a means
to appease him. Somehow, she began to relax. She began to feel things other than
fear: the texture of his hands, callused yet gentle; his warm breath whenever he
leaned close; gooseflesh when he neared a sensitive area.
She was so relaxed when his mouth came to her breast that she felt only a moment?s
alarm that did not last. Heat engulfed her then, and a sharp tingling that
shriveled her nipple and sent a strangeness to the pit of her belly. She did not
mind the feeling. It reminded her of those not unpleasant things she had felt at
times when she had caressed him. Had he felt them, too, at the time? Did he feel
them now?
His caresses became slightly rougher now that he had drawn a response from her
that he wanted. She did not mind that either. In fact, unknowingly, she was
arching into his touch, on her breasts, over her belly, as if she suddenly
craved it. But when his hand drifted back toward the juncture of her legs, she
stiffened again. Only he did not attempt to thrust his fingers inside her this
time. He merely continued his caresses there, softly now, and he was touching on
something hidden in that area that produced the most deliriously languorous
feeling. She relaxed more, forgot why she was being done so, forgot who was
doing it. The sensations were exquisite, coursing and commingling into that
secret core of her.
She was not even aware of him moving over her, but when she felt his thick
manroot sliding slowly yet easily into her warmth, her eyes flew open in
surpriseand met his above her, so filled with male triumph that she inwardly
cringed. He was leaning over her with the full length of his arms extended, so
that the only place he touched her was where he filled her. She did not look
down at their joined bodies. She could not take her eyes off his.
?Aye, now you know how it feels to have no control of a traitorous body,? he
almost purred in his satisfaction.
?You made me want this, despite my fury, so I have made you want it, despite
your fear.?
She shook her head frantically, but he only laughed and thrust more deeply into
her.
?Aye, deny it as I did, but the proof is the ease with which I entered, the
wetness that surrounds me now. That is what I wanted, wench, to force you to
readiness as you forced me. And the shame of being unable to deny me will be
yours each time I take you.?
The pleasure he felt in achieving his revenge was as hard for her to witness as
his anger. Rowena closed her eyes once more against it, but that was a mistake.
It let her feel the fullness of him deep inside her, which was no new .experience,
except before she had never been ?readied? for him. The difference was beyond
description, as day to night. Each slow plunge made her crave the next, harder,
deeper, more? until she finally screamed against her gag as the full pleasure
exploded and carried her beyond anything she could have imagined.
She was left limp and sated, and a while later, when thought returned, as shamed
as he had wanted her to feel. It was inconceivable that she had found pleasure
in that ordeal, pleasure at the hands of her enemy, a man who despised her with
his every breath. And now she truly knew what he had felt, all of it, and hated
him for showing her.
Chapter 17
That first day in the lord?s solar continued endlessly for Rowena, despite the
fact that de Chaville had left her the very moment he had finished with herjust
as she had always done with him. Of course, she was to remain chained to the bed.
Like for like. And if he kept exactly true to what he had endured at her hands,
then he would not force her again that day. Verily, she was surprised he had not
waited until the middle of the night to summon her to him, for that was when
Gilbert had taken her to him that first time.
That first time? she had suffered terrible pain in giving him her maidenhead,
made worse because of her ignorance. To be fair, however, he had caused himself
pain each time he had fought her, onlyhe had suffered none today. And she had
received no pleasure in taking him, while he had received his man?s pleasure
each time. Yet in order for him to rape her here, he would still receive his man?s
pleasure, and there was naught fair in that. In fact, she resented it bitterly,
that he would have his revenge and that pleasure.
Like for like. If he did keep true, she could expect to be chained to this bed
for three nights, then to be released on the third morn. She could also expect
him to force her three times the second night, and the thirdif he could manage
to do so without her caresses to coax him to it. If he could not manage it on
his own? she refused to think of what he might do.
Hours passed with no sound to disturb her. Without realizing it had happened,
she lost all feeling in her arms. ?Twas when she stretched that she noticed, and
then the feeling rushed back with tingling discomfort. She carefully shook her
arms periodically after that, and could only imagine what it would feel like
after she had slept for long.
Sleep was a long way from coming, however. The chamber darkened with the
approach of night, but she did not close her eyes. She had to relieve herself,
but fought the feeling until it passedand began to fret that she would shame
herself on his bed if someone? Oh, God, she thought, he had never been released
from his chains to relieve himself. Mildred had attended him, and when Rowena
thought of how, her skin burned with mortification, and it had not even happened
yet to her. But it had happened to him, another humiliation that he had suffered
that she had not even been aware of. Yet if she had considered it at the time,
what could she have done to prevent it? Gilbert had not wanted anyone but her
and Mildred to know of his presence in t
he keep, so she could not have sent a
manservant to him to make it easier for him to bear.
Twas almost as if he could read her mind, even through the thick stone walls,
for the Lord of Fulkhurst returned then, and he had a maidservant with him,
bearing a tray of food. He came directly to the foot of the bed. The woman
stopped short as soon as she noticed Rowena, her dark eyes rounding in surprised
horror. He had not even covered Rowena when he left her, while she had always
drawn that bath sheet he had arrived with back over him before leaving him.
?Put that down, Enid, and go fetch what else is needed,? he told the woman.
Enid did not hesitate and left in a great hurry. Her lord did not notice, for he
was watching Rowena. She would not return his look, however, until he ran a
finger along the side of her foot, his way of demanding her attention. So she
gave it, but with all the hate he was forcing her to feel.
?Oh, ho, what is this? Finally do you show other than a faint heart?? He smiled,
but ?twas not true humor, was no more than a further indication of the triumph
he was still gloating over.
?Notice your antipathy does not displease me. Nay, I welcome it.?
She closed her eyes so he could not see the hatred that pleased him, one small
retaliation on her own part. He would not allow even that.
?Look at me,? he ordered harshly, and when she immediately complied, he said ?That
is better. Whenever you are in my presence, wench, you will look at me unless I
tell you otherwise. Do not make me repeat it.?
Another threat. He was so good at making them, without naming the consequences.
This time she showed him how she felt about it with another baleful glare. Why
not, when he welcomed it?
But he was off on a new subject, the one that had brought him there.
? Twould seem I needs make still another allowance because of your gender. You
sent a female to attend me. I would have sent you a male, make no mistake, but I
could think of no man I could trust to see to just your needs and not his own as
well, when the sight of you as you are would stir any man to lust. So Enid will
see to you, as she is used to tending the wounded and bedridden, and without
carrying tales, for she lost her tongue long ago when another held Fulkhurst for
a time.?
Lindsey, Johanna - Prisoner Of My Desire Page 11