And besides, Auli was beautiful. What healthy, sane man could look at her and not want to be with her?
That, he realized, was the half of the main part of the problem. If she'd been a plain woman, an average woman, he probably would have said no. But she was Sha'Kar, ethereal, almost breathtakingly beautiful, and that beauty was a more effective weapon against his morals than anything else could have been. The other half of the problem was the fact that Auli was his friend. He liked her, he enjoyed spending time with her, and he wasn't going to ignore her, even if he decided that he didn't want to pursue a relationship with her. That would make spending time with her tricky, he knew, but he'd try. She was too much his friend to distance himself from her just because she wanted to take their relationship to another level. As long as she wasn't bitter about him rejecting her, he was more than willing to keep on being her friend.
The other issue was with Jesmind and the Were-cats. He was surprised that Jesmind had been following him around, but he guessed that he shouldn't have been. What bothered him more than that was how they were treating him, like he was a toddler still in diapers and tied to his mother's apron, trying to run his life. Triana had done it to him from the moment he'd woke up, and now Jesmind was trying to do it. Kimmie, thankfully, didn't seem to be willing to do it, only obeying Triana's orders. At least she partially understood how their controlling him made him feel. Tarrin was a very independent young man, and having them lord over him like that was really aggravating him.
And what was worse, he really hated how they simply decided that he was going to change back. It was like they didn't care at all how he felt about it. What right did they have to determine how he was going to control his own life? Until he got his memory back and could make a conscious, rational choice, he honestly had no idea what he was going to do. He really didn't think about it that often, because until he got his memory back, there was really no good reason to do so. He expected the Were-cats to think that he would change back, but the way they'd decided that he was going to change back really infuriated him. Even Kimmie seemed to be doing it, planning her future around the fact that he was going to change back.
And what exacerbated that was the fact that they seemed to think that since he couldn't be changed back right now, that he should simply stop living. That he should sit in a nice safe room and do nothing but wait for Phandebrass to finish, so he could get back his memory. If they even bothered to wait that long. Part of him angrily wondered why Triana was keeping the others from simply biting him and being done with it. If they really did intend to make him change back, then why wait? Why not do it now, before he got his memory back, before he had a chance to choose for himself?
Not long after Jesmind left, he told himself to just ignore them until he got back his memory, but just as he wasn't willing to ignore Auli, he wasn't willing to ignore the Were-cats. He did like Jesmind and Kimmie, but he just couldn't ignore his daughter. He'd been totally ensnared by the wide-eyed child, and though some of the things she said surprised him at times, he just couldn't deny that he loved her. She was his daughter, and no matter what, he was going to love her. He wanted to spend time with her, and he was already looking forward to seeing her. He felt as much a duty and responsibility to Jasana now as he knew he must have before he lost his memory. No matter how mean he'd gotten or cruel he'd been, he just knew in his heart that he could never have distanced himself from his child.
The only problem with that was how to be mad with Jesmind and Triana and not have it affect his time with Jasana. The easiest way would be simply to take his daughter out and away from them, but he wasn't sure he could manage that. As paranoid they were over him, it'd go up several notches if he took his daughter out from their protective presence. He still wasn't sure about that one, but he'd figure something out before the time came. He was sure of it.
What to do, what to do. He did manage to get a little sleep, but not a whole lot. He was standing out on the balcony, which faced the ocean, and he could see it between two of the smaller towers that surrounded the big central one. He watched the lanterns begin to wink out as the sun started to rise on the other side of the Tower, but none of the many ships in the harbor had begun to move quite yet. There was alot he had to figure out to do. Firstly, about Auli. Did he really want to enter into a relationship with her? Still, part of him did, but part of him didn't. He really wanted to get Auli back in his room and kiss her again, but for now, at least for a few days until he got things hammered out with Jesmind, he decided it may be best to leave that alone. If Jesmind or one of the other Were-cats walked in on him and Auli when they were doing more than kissing, things could get very, very ugly. Tarrin had no doubt that Jesmind meant it when she threatened to tear Auli limb from limb. Besides, the few days would give him time to work out what he wanted, give him time to decide if he wanted to pursue her or not. Until he did know one way or the other, it was probably best to gently decline any of her other invitations. Since he knew he'd feel a little guilty if he did let her seduce him before he made up his mind, he decided that a short time of frustration and disappointment was better than days and days of guilt.
That layered into the other problem. He was still very angry with Jesmind, and he didn't expect to forgive her for a while, mainly because he knew she'd never apologize for what she was doing. Triana would be just as recalcitrant. Kimmie would probably show some compassion for his position, but she would not go against Triana, so he didn't expect much in the way of help from her. At least he could talk to Kimmie, and Jula, and pass any information he wanted on to Jesmind and Triana. He had a feeling that he wouldn't be talking to them very much by the end of the day. He was going to step on this now, before the Were-cats got it settled too firmly in their minds that he would do what they wanted, and that he would be easy to push around. He had to establish his autonomy now, before things got out of hand.
Of course, now he knew he had a weapon to use against them. The problem was, he didn't know how it worked. He'd used Sorcery somehow when Jesmind angered him, but he still had no idea how he did it. And he wanted to know how he did it. He hadn't noticed at the time, but using Sorcery had felt so familiar to him, like it was more than just a forgotten memory. Almost like it was a part of himself that he had only just rediscovered, something that hadn't been taken from him when he'd lost his memory.
That problem wasn't a very big one. He was absolutely surrounded by Sorcerers, and any of them should be able to teach him how he'd done what he did so he could do it again. Jenna would probably be the best one to do it, if he could get her to devote enough time to his education. She was also one of those sui'kun people, like him, and it would probably be best for her to teach him what he wanted to know. He had the feeling that his magic worked a little differently than other Sorcerers--he'd only seen that glow when Ianelle and the Sha'Kar used powerful magic to Teleport them to Suld--so it would be best if another sui'kun was the one who taught him.
It shouldn't be too hard. She was his sister, after all, and if she didn't have time for him, then who did she have time for?
Oh yes, he wanted to learn. Jesmind had been afraid of him, and he wanted that option to be available in the future. He wanted those high-and-mighty Were-cats to be afraid of him, he wanted them to understand that he would not be pushed around. He wouldn't go and pick a fight with them, but he wasn't going to let them bully him into doing whatever they wanted him to do either. He remembered the very poignant lesson that Kimmie had taught him. Their physical power made the Were-cats supreme, at least when one played them by their own rules. Sorcery would allow him to take them to a level they couldn't reach, and give him the advantage over them. If he wanted to establish his independence from the Were-cats, he'd need an advantage. And, he had to admit, there might come a time when he'd have to defend himself against them. If he chose not to be changed back, he felt that there was a good chance that they may try to force the issue. If it did come to that, he wanted some kind of way to protect
himself from them.
He wondered again what Auli was doing, and just how serious she had been. Was she flirting with him? Was she playing with him, or was she being serious? If Jesmind hadn't come in, just how far would Auli have gone? He chided himself when he daydreamed a bit about her going all the way, and the image of her standing on the edge of the bathing pool nude wouldn't get out of his mind. Gods, she was so gorgeous. Like a living piece of art, all perfect lines and curves, and she had a unique personality that attracted him just as much as her body did. She was the first girl he'd ever met who was so adventurous and fun-loving, who did what she wanted and didn't worry about what her parents or the others might think. She had such a rich sense of humor, and she was so fearless! That probably attracted him more than anything else. Auli was fearless, alot like he was, but in slightly different ways. Despite those differences, he felt a communion with Auli that wouldn't let him get her out of his mind. She was very much the kind of woman he'd always wanted to meet. Strong and outspoken like his mother, drop-dead gorgeous, a woman that wasn't afraid of being feminine, a woman that wasn't afraid to be strong when it was needed. She was so many things that he found appealing in a woman. No wonder he was having so much trouble putting her out of his mind. He wondered if Jesmind or Kimmie had similar qualities, if they were reasons why he'd fallen in love with them.
Jesmind certainly seemed fearless. And she was very strong. Kimmie was very feminine, the most feminine-seeming of the four adult Were-cats he'd met so far. After all, she wore a dress. But he knew that she'd put aside that femininity in a heartbeat if it was necessary, and from what he knew of Kimmie, she was very smart and very, very brave. In her own way, she was fearless. Jesmind seemed rather calm to him most of the time, very much unlike the stories he'd heard of her. Jesmind was supposed to be wild, hot-tempered, fiery in nature and very confrontational. Kimmie was the opposite of that. She was calm, mellow, and she avoided such confrontations whenever possible. It wasn't that she couldn't win those confrontations, she simply preferred to avoid them. She was the most peaceful of the three Were-cats he'd known long enough to compare. Thinking about it, he could see qualities in Kimmie and Jesmind that would have attracted him to them The fact that both of them were very attractive didn't hurt, either.
Weird. The last thing he ever expected to have happen to him when he left home was to have girls chasing him around. He wasn't used to it...and in a way, it felt oddly appealing. They were going to give him a big head, with them virtually fighting over him the way they were.
But it was sunrise, and despite the fact that he hadn't had much sleep, it was time to get up. He wanted to find his sister and she if she could teach him any magic. He had the feeling that it was going to come in handy in a very short period of time.
"Hold on hold on hold on!" came an excited call from down the hall as Tarrin trekked the distance towards Jenna's office. It had certainly taken long enough to find someone who knew where it was, mainly because he didn't want to ask anyone who may willingly or unwillingly get that information back to Triana. It wasn't that he was worried that she'd find out that he went to see his sister, but he certainly didn't want her to know that he was trying to learn how to use magic again. At that moment, though he liked her, he had to think of Triana and the other Were-cats as potential enemies. It was only wise, mainly because if they did resist if he chose not to be changed back, they would definitelybecome enemies. It pained him to think so, but something deep inside him warned him over and over again not to underestimate anyone. That had to be the feral nature that was gone now, some memory of it that echoed inside of him. The last vestiges of paranoia.
The speaker was Phandebrass, and the white-haired Wizard, who was a riot of contradictions, jogged up holding his old gray robes up so he wouldn't trip on them while he ran. He was alone, his white hair flying behind him, that ridiculous pointy hat somehow managing to stay on top of his head when it would be best for everyone involved if he'd simply lose it. "I say, hold on there, lad!" he called, running up to him. "I've been looking everywhere for you, I have!"
"What's the matter, Master Phandebrass?" Tarrin asked curiously, stopping in place and waiting for him to catch up.
"I need to check some things before I can continue, I do," he answered, reaching him and pausing to pant a little after his exertion.
"What things?"
"I say, I need to get a better understanding of the kind of memory loss you're enduring, I do," he answered. "And for the best results, I need a Sorcerer to help me, one good with Mind weaves. Do you know of a good one, lad?"
"I don't really know anyone, Phandebrass," Tarrin reminded him.
"Oh dear, that's right. I guess you wouldn't at that, would you?" he grunted. "Ah well, let's go find someone who can point us in the right direction, lad. We need to get this done, we do. I can't move any further."
"Alright," Tarrin said. "I was going to see my sister. She'd know who could help us."
"Capital idea!" Phandebrass said happily. "Lead on!"
Tarrin led the white-haired Wizard along the passages, trying to remember the exact directions that would take him to his sister's office. "How is it going with that, Master Phandebrass?" he asked curiously.
"Call me Phandebrass, my boy," he replied. "I don't need all those frilly titles, I don't. As to the research, it's going very well," he reported. "Thanks to the very extensive library here in the Tower, I've found no less than four possible approaches to restoring your memory, I have. I say, that's why I need to do some checking on you, so I can decide which would be the most effective approach to utilize, I can."
"Oh. Any idea how much longer it's going to be?"
"I say, not really, lad. Depending on which technique I use, we could be trying to reverse the damage as soon as next ride or as late as next year. It's all going to depend on what the tests reveal, it will."
"How can there be different approaches? I mean, I lost my memory. Why would there be differences?"
"I say, you're right, you lost your memory, but the how of it is what's important," he said. "I need to determine as closely as I can exactly how the magic attacked your mind. That will tell me which approach would be most effective in restoring it. After all, you haven't completely lost your memory, you know. It's buried deep in your mind, it is, so deeply that it's going to take some very powerful, very specialized magic to bring it back out."
"I haven't forgotten about that," he answered as they came up one of the long spiral staircases. "How many different ways could there have been for it to affect me?"
"Well, several of which I can find," he replied. "I say, firstly it could have simply erased it from your mind, like blotting out ink. It could have put something in its place, like filling a pie pan with clear water. There's something there, but you can't see it unless you look at it the right way. It could have left it there, but placed a block over it, like laying a blanket over a mirror. You can't see yourself in the mirror because the blanket is in the way. It could have buried it--I mean to say, it could have pushed those memories so deeply into your mind that even you can't find them. Or it could have not done anything at all to the memories, but tricked your mind into thinking that they weren't there."
"Wow, I didn't think there would be that many ways."
"I say, those are just the ways I can think of, lad," he grunted. "The magic that did this to you was very powerful, and it was done by a god. Gods can think in ways we can't even imagine, they can. It may be that I simply don't have the intelligence to undo it. Just to warn you, lad. I think it's fair that you understand the full situation, I do, unlike some of the others."
"I appreciate that, Phandebrass," Tarrin told him sincerely. "You're one of the first people around here that isn't treating me like a child, or an invalid."
"Whyever would they do that?" Phandebrass asked curiously.
"That's what I'd like to know," Tarrin agreed.
As he expected, they found Jenna in her office. The office of the Ke
eper was a remarkably spartan affair, with just a single banner on the wall behind her large rosewood desk with a multicolored shaeram--the symbol of the katzh-dashi--on it, and portraits on the two walls to each side holding a dark-haired man and a blond woman, each holding a strange staff and with an amulet looking like it was carved out of diamond around their necks. They had to go through another office to reach hers, the office of Duncan, who had faithfully served three Keepers with quiet efficiency over the years. Duncan rarely spoke, and when Tarrin and Phandebrass had entered his office, he simply led them into Jenna's private domain. Jenna looked a little piqued, sitting there chewing on a tendril of her hair as she read from a scrolled parchment in her free hand.
"What's wrong, Jenna?" Tarrin asked as Duncan bowed silently and withdrew.
"Oh, not much," she replied. "This is from Shiika. Her messenger gave everyone down at the gate quite a shock."
"What happened?"
"Well, one of her daughters delivered it, and it seems that they can Teleport now just like their mother, any time they want. I guess the restoration of the Weave also restored some of the powers of the Demons too."
"Why would that surprise them? Don't they see magic things all the time?"
"You don't remember seeing them, do you?" Jenna asked with a smile.
"No, not really."
"Well, let's just say that you don't forget seeing one of the Cambisi." She set it down and rubbed her temple. "Shiika's starting to annoy me. She's really hot about us rebuilding a Tower in Dala Yar Arak. This is the fourth proposal I've gotten in three days. I can't make her understand that I can't make that decision. Alexis can't either. It has to come from the Goddess, and she hasn't told me to do anything about it yet."
"Why would she be so serious about it?" Tarrin asked.
"I say, you don't understand the power and advantage a city has when there are Sorcerers present," Phandebrass told him. "No city that has a Tower would usually ever get attacked by anyone, except for recent events, of course. They were rather remarkable circumstances, they were."
Tarrin Kael Firestaff Collection Book 5 - Weavespinner by Fel © Page 13