by Mather, Anne
Inside the stables the air was warm and musty. The mingled scents of oats and pine disinfectant, of horses and coarse leather, were potently sensual to Rachel, and she decided she was allowing this man to have far too much of an effect on her senses. With him, she was aware of herself—of him—in a way that she’d never experienced before, and every inch of skin, every nerve in her body, responded to his sexuality.
Not that he’d actually done anything to warrant these feelings, she acknowledged tensely. Apart from expressing his attraction to her he had never laid a hand on her—not in any sexual way anyway. And she felt sure that the raw intimacy she felt in his presence must be totally self-induced.
The foal was a delight. His coat was a darker shade than his mother’s, and he balanced on spindly legs that didn’t seem to have strength enough to support his weight. He was shy, too, evidently unused to being separated from his mother, but, as with Hannah, Gabriel seemed to have no difficulty in persuading the foal to trust him.
‘Oh!’ Hannah clasped her hands together. ‘Isn’t he pretty!’
‘He is a handsome beast,’ agreed Gabriel humorously. ‘Do you want to stroke him?’
‘Oh, yes.’
Indeed, Hannah was desperate to get close to the foal herself, but her chair had been left at the entrance to the stall, and as Rachel watched with disbelieving eyes the little girl started to lift her feet onto the floor of the stable, as if she intended to stand up.
‘I—wait—’ Rachel began, certain she should intervene, but Gabriel glanced round at that moment and instantly saw what was going on.
‘Hey, Hannah,’ he said, his soft voice as soothing as velvet on Rachel’s tender nerves, let me help you.’ And, before anyone could object, he lifted Hannah out of the chair and into his arms. He carried her across to where the foal was waiting, nuzzling a bag of hay, and then shocked all of them by setting Hannah on her feet.
Although Rachel stepped forward almost instinctively, to stop him from letting go of the child, she needn’t have worried. Gabriel had no intention of letting Hannah fall, and the little girl was so entranced by the delicate little animal that she was hardly aware of what she was doing.
With Gabriel supporting her weight, she stretched out eager hands to the foal, touching his jerking head almost reverently, smoothing her small fingers over his shining coat. ‘Oh, look,’ she exclaimed, as the foal turned his soft mouth into her hand. ‘He likes me! He really likes me!’
That’s because you’re the same size he is,’ said Gabriel gently. ‘You’re not too big. You don’t threaten him in any way.’
‘Is that true?’
Hannah turned her head to look up at Gabriel again, and suddenly seemed to realise what she was doing. Rachel saw her sag against him, and once again, before she could panic, Gabriel swung her up into his arms.
‘How about that?’ he said, injecting an admiring note into his voice. ‘You were standing and you didn’t even know it.’
Hannah swallowed and looked back over her shoulder at her mother, and then, in a shaky voice, she said, ‘Yes. Yes, I was, wasn’t I? Did you see me, Mummy? I was standing.’
‘I saw you,’ said Rachel, trying not to show any of the panic she had felt when she saw what Gabriel was doing. Trying not to feel any resentment either that her daughter should have allowed him to help her to stand when neither Rachel, her mother, nor the therapist had been able to achieve as much. She looked at him now with guarded eyes. ‘But I think Mr Webb ought to put you back into your chair now.’
‘Does he have to?’
Hannah was liking being in Gabriel’s arms. She was so much higher than she usually was, and she could see so much more. Besides, it meant she was the centre of attention.
‘I’m afraid so,’ said Rachel firmly, ignoring her daughter’s pursed mouth and the inward knowledge that she was being unnecessarily strict. ‘I’m sure Mr Webb’s doctor wouldn’t approve of him carrying you around all day.’
Gabriel’s mouth tightened, but he only spoke to Hannah as he set her back in the chair and adjusted the footrests. If he was annoyed with Rachel for using his illness against him again, he chose not to say so, and Katy living’s arrival provided a welcome distraction.
‘D’you want to come and see some of the other horses now?’ she asked, squatting down beside the little girl’s chair, and Hannah nodded enthusiastically before launching into an account of how she’d stood to stroke the foal.
‘I might show you later,’ she added, but Rachel couldn’t have that.
‘Not today,’ she said firmly, aware that she was loading her fears onto the child. Then, looking at Katy, ‘But I’m sure she’d love to see the horses. I’ll come with you.’
‘No.’ Now Hannah chose to be awkward. ‘I don’t want you to, Mummy. I’m old enough to go on my own.’ ‘All right.’
Rachel couldn’t help feeling a lump come into her throat at the child’s words. Hannah was old enough; of course she was. Heavens, she went to her school on her own. But Rachel couldn’t help the unworthy belief that it was Gabriel who had inspired this sudden bid for independence, and she didn’t like it.
Katy pulled an apologetic face as she took charge of the wheelchair, and Rachel forced a smile for her benefit. I’ll look after her, Mrs Kershaw,’ Katy added, after exchanging a brief glance with her employer. ‘We’ll just go over to the paddocks. Okay?’
‘Okay.’ Rachel realised the young woman had recognised her misgivings. And that Gabriel must have told her their names in advance. Just another reason for resenting his high-handedness, she brooded. ‘Bye, darling. Be good.’
‘I’m always good,’ muttered Hannah crossly. Then, ‘G’bye, Mummy.’ And this time she didn’t look back as Katy wheeled her away.
However, when Rachel would have followed them out of the stables, Gabriel caught her arm. Wait!’ He came fully out of the stall and secured the gate. ‘Give them time. You don’t want Hannah to think you don’t trust her, do you?’
Rachel wrenched her arm out of his grasp. ‘I don’t think I need you to tell me what to do where Hannah is concerned,’ she declared coldly. ‘I suppose after that little—exhibition—’ she gestured towards the stall ‘—you think you’re the expert!’
Gabriel released her arm, but he had moved into the aisle that led out of the stables so there was no way she could beat a retreat. ‘I think you’re allowing your resentment towards me to blind you to the fact that I didn’t actually do anything,’ he retorted mildly. ‘For a few moments Hannah stood on her own two feet. What’s so terribly wrong with that?’
Put in such a way, Rachel found it hard to think of any objection. But she couldn’t allow him to have the last word. Holding up her head, she said, ‘You’re building up impossible expectations in Hannah’s mind.’
‘Impossible?’ His brows arched in speculative enquiry. ‘Didn’t you tell me that Hannah’s paralysis was only temporary? That her doctor believes it’s more psychological than physical?’
Rachel pressed her lips together before replying. ‘I shouldn’t have discussed Hannah’s condition with you.’
‘Why not?’ To her dismay, he moved to narrow the gap between them. ‘Are you afraid that if Hannah does get her mobility back she won’t need you as much?’
‘No!’ Rachel was horrified. ‘How dare you suggest such a thing? I want Hannah to walk again just as much as—as anyone else.’
‘All right.’ To her alarm, he put out his hand and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. ‘But it would be quite natural if you had misgivings. After all, it must have been quite a blow when you lost your husband.’
‘What are you implying?’ Rachel dashed his hand away. ‘Do you think I’m using Hannah as a prop to boost my own self-esteem, is that it? That because Larry died I’m lacking any other purpose in my life?’
You tell me,’ he said softly, his hand falling to his side, and Rachel was suddenly incensed.
‘I have no intention of telling you anythin
g,’ she stated angrily. ‘Now, please, get out of my way!’
She stepped forward then, expecting him to do the decent thing and move aside, but he didn’t. Instead, he remained where he was, so that her impulsive action brought her into contact with his hard unyielding body. For a moment they were chest to chest, hip to hip, and the heat of his flesh rose to meet hers. Then Rachel recoiled again, and came up painfully against the wall of the stall behind her.
Her head banged against the solid oak and for a moment she felt dizzy with the pain. She couldn’t prevent the cry she emitted, but even as she lifted a hand to rub her bruised skull Gabriel forestalled her. His exclamation was much less polite than hers, and his hands came to cradle her head, pushing aside the silken weight of her hair, massaging her scalp with long probing fingers.
‘Are you all right?’ he demanded, his frown deepening when his fingertips found the tender spot at the back of her head and she winced. ‘God, Rachel, don’t you know I wouldn’t hurt you? Dammit, there was no need for you to behave as if I’d attacked you.’
Rachel moved her head cautiously from side to side. ‘It was my fault,’ she said tightly, unhappily aware that inside she was panicking again. He was so close to her, and in the ripe humidity of the stables she couldn’t help but be aware of him in a purely physical way. The collar of his shirt was open, exposing the brown column of his throat, and his scent, that clean male scent she had noticed before, was now over-laid with a trace of sweat. ‘It was an accident, that was all.’
‘An accident I instigated,’ he said harshly, his thumbs moving to the sensitive hollows of her ears. ‘I’m sorry.1
‘Please...’
Rachel didn’t know how much more of this she could take without betraying herself. She doubted he was aware that his thighs were against hers, that his wrists were brushing her neck, or that her anger—the anger, she realised now, she had induced to escape being alone with him—had been engulfed by other, more complicated emotions.
It would have been so easy to put up her hands and grasp his wrists. Or even to cup his dark face between her two palms and trace the sensual contours of his mouth. What would he do, she wondered, if she reached up and touched his lips with hers? If she parted her legs and drew his hand to that throbbing place between her thighs...?
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he said suddenly, and she realised that something of what she was feeling must be evident in her face. ‘For God’s sake, Rachel, don’t make me hate myself any more than I do already.’ ‘I don’t know what—’
‘Of course you do.’ He was savage. ‘You’re feeling sorry for me again, aren’t you? And I thought I’d explained all that. I’m not an invalid, Rachel. I’m a man. I don’t want your sympathy. I want—ah, God, if you only knew.’ ‘Gabriel-’
She said his name softly, lingeringly, and, with a groan that mingled naked frustration with raw desire, he moved his hands to the back of her neck. He groaned again as he jerked her towards him, as his mouth searched for and found her own, but Rachel was overwhelmed by the hungry ardour of his loss. She had never expected this, she thought incredulously, but she couldn’t prevent the instinctive response that made her clutch at the neckline of his shirt and part her lips to the possessive invasion of his tongue.
Now she was glad of the barrier of the stall behind her. Without it, she was fairly sure she’d have slipped bonelessly to the floor of the stables. Maybe even taking him with her, she acknowledged dizzily, as the weight of Gabriel’s hard body pressed sensuously against hers. God, what was she thinking? There were grooms and other stable hands around. Did she want the world and his wife to know that she wanted this man to—to—?
To what?
His hands had moved from her nape to the collar of her shirt, his fingers probing the hollows of her throat as his tongue probed the moist recesses of her mouth. Beneath the thin fabric her breasts felt tight and swollen, and she didn’t object when he wedged one leg between her trembling thighs. Indeed, she was glad of the support, although she was half afraid the hot wetness she could feel there would communicate itself to him.
But that awareness alone was enough to convince her that she was only fooling herself in pretending she didn’t know what she wanted from this man. Crazy as it seemed—crazy as it undoubtedly was—she wanted him to make love with her. Here, now, on the stable floor if that was what he wanted. She didn’t care. She just knew she was aching for him to do it.
‘God, Rachel!’
His strangled use of her name was sobering. That, and the realisation that he was trembling, too. Although his mouth was still delivering burning, urgent kisses over every inch of her face, his fingers were now biting into the bones of her shoulders. She had the feeling he was as fiercely angry with her now as he had been with his mother earlier, and she swallowed her chagrin when he abruptly thrust himself back from her yielding body.
We can’t do this.1
‘No.1
How Rachel got the denial out she never knew, but somehow she managed to articulate the word. And to gather her scattered senses. At least to the extent that she was able to stiffen her legs and draw herself up against the wall behind her with an element of dignity. But inside she was in turmoil, and she didn’t know how she was going to get through the remainder of the ‘visit pretending that what happened had meant as little to her as it had apparently meant to him.
This wasn’t meant to happen,’ he continued, raking hands that shook a little through his dark hair. Hair that was damp along his hairline, Rachel noticed, not sure whether that was a good sign or a bad one. ‘God, you’re going to think I had this in mind all along.’
‘And you didn’t?1
Rachel didn’t know why she’d said those words, unless perhaps she’d sensed that he wasn’t quite telling the truth here. And although she’d spoken barely audibly he heard her, and a look that mixed anger and self-contempt in equal measures spread over his lean, harsh face.
‘All right,’ he conceded after a moment. ‘Of course I’ve thought about it, about how you’d react if I touched you. If I’m totally honest 111 admit I’ve thought of little else since—well, since I got to know you, I suppose. But I was fairly sure you’d never agree to go out with me, so I was able to keep my baser instincts under control.’ He lips twisted. ‘Pathetic, huh?’
Rachel bent her head. ‘I wouldn’t say that,’ she ventured softly. ‘Not unless you’re sorry you touched me.’
Gabriel stared at her. What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve just told you how I feel.’
‘No, you haven’t.’ Rachel lifted her head to look at him. ‘All you’ve done is berate yourself for giving in to something that—well, that seems perfectly natural to me.’ Yeah, right.’ Patently he didn’t believe her. ‘Any minute now you’re going to tell me you understand why I did it. Why I behaved like a—like a sex-starved savage the minute I got you alone.’
Rachel shook her head. ‘You didn’t behave like a sex-starved savage,’ she protested. ‘You—kissed me, that’s all.’ She hesitated. ‘It was no big deal.’ ‘Really?’ Gabriel’s expression had darkened now. ‘Does that mean you’re in the habit of letting men put their hands all over you? That you don’t see anything wrong in the fact that I practically tried to seduce you?’
‘Of course not—’
Rachel was horrified, but Gabriel didn’t give her a chance to explain that she had been trying to reassure him. I’m obviously behind the times,’ he said harshly. ‘I’d forgotten that women today pride themselves on being equal to men. In every way.’ ‘I’m not like that,’ Rachel gasped, but he wasn’t listening to her.
‘I guess this is the way Andrew treated you, right?’ His lips curled. ‘Perhaps I should have taken some advice from my son before embarking on such a perilous course. I’m sure he wouldn’t have attempted to apologise for something that was—no big deal!’
‘Oh, Gabriel!’ Rachel closed her eyes against the pain in his. ‘Don’t do this! What happened between us has n
othing to do with Andrew. Not as far as I’m concerned, anyway.’
Gabriel was bitter. ‘You expect me to believe that?’
Rachel felt suddenly weary. ‘I don’t expect anything from you,’ she replied, opening her eyes again and drawing herself up to her full height. ‘I don’t even understand you. I particularly don’t understand what you want me to say. But, just for the record, I never went to bed with your son, whatever he may have told you. Now, if you’ll step out of my way...’
Gabriel groaned. ‘God, Rachel—’
‘I mean it,’ she said, almost at the end of her strength. ‘I want to go and find my daughter.’
‘Not yet.’ Gabriel looked exhausted himself, deep lines etched beside his mouth—the mouth that only moments before had been giving her so much pleasure. ‘We have to talk—’
But he never finished what he was going to say. As he stepped forward to detain her, a bucket clattered behind them. One of the stable hands had come into the building to water the animals and he waved cheerfully at his employer.
‘Not disturbing you, am I, sir?’ he asked, and Gabriel was forced to move away from Rachel to speak to him.
It was the chance she needed. Dragging the sides of her jacket across her chest, because she wasn’t absolutely sure all the buttons on her shirt were fastened, she walked swiftly along the aisle and out of the stables. If the man who’d disturbed them was surprised at her exit, he knew better than to show it, and Rachel stood outside in the paved yard, dragging the bracing air into her starved lungs.
CHAPTER EIGHT
IT TOOK an enormous effort of will for Rachel to get out of bed on Monday morning. When the alarm went off at a quarter to seven she would have liked nothing better than to ignore it and bury her head in the pillow again. She didn’t want to get up. She didn’t want to face the day. And what she most especially didn’t want to think about was what had happened between her and Gabriel the day before.
The sound of her mother moving around in the bathroom next door proved a powerful stimulant, however. If Mrs Redfern so much as suspected that their outing to Copleys had not been a total success, Rachel would never hear the end of it, and she simply couldn’t cope with that today. So far, she had managed to distract Mrs Redfern with the news that Hannah had actually stood on her own two feet for a few moments and, although her mother obviously had reservations—as Rachel had herself—the older woman had made the little girl feel proud of the achievement. And as far as Hannah was concerned they had had a good time, and that was the way Rachel wanted it to stay.