“I came as soon as we found the bodies,” he said.
“I’m so sorry, Dillon.” They exchanged a look that said more than words could, and Kate added softly, “The families deserved to know the truth.”
“What’s going on with Lucy?” Dillon walked over to the table and shook hands with Sean. “Good to see you again. Patrick said you’re helping keep an eye out for Lucy while this Morton situation is hammered out.”
“Yes, sir,” Sean said.
“Thank you,” Dillon said.
“I’ll let Kate fill you in on what’s going on. I know you have some catching up to do. I’m going to check on Lucy.”
Sean knocked on Lucy’s door and heard her mumble something, but he didn’t know whether it was “come in” or “go away.”
He walked in.
Lucy’s room was large, the same footprint as the garage below, but with dormer windows protruding from the slanted ceiling. It was relatively neat, though her bed wasn’t made and she had stacks of books and notebooks on every available surface, as well as two tightly packed bookshelves. She was sitting on the far side of the room, in an oversized chair.
“I’ll be down in a sec,” she said.
She’d been crying, but the tears had dried up. Her face was splotchy, and she sat with her knees drawn up to her chin, looking out one of the dormer windows. There was nothing to see—the overcast sky blocked the moon and stars, though the city lights would have blocked most of them anyway.
Sean closed the door and walked over to her. Lucy glanced at him, a sliver of anger slicing through her anguish.
“Dillon’s here,” Sean told her.
“Thanks.”
She stared at him, her dark eyes bright with emotion that she was trying her damnedest to hide. What was she trying to hide from him?
He squatted in front of her chair, trying to understand what she was thinking, what she feared the most. Not the stalker—she was more angry and upset about Cody Lorenzo than scared. It was something else … something more than her ex-boyfriend. It was personal. It was about Lucy.
She glanced away, obviously uncomfortable with his scrutiny. What did that say? That she was scared about his feelings for her? Or her feelings for him? Did she fear he’d walk away because of what happened in her past? Or that he was here only because of it?
How could he convince Lucy how much he cared?
He reached out for her hands, which were clasped around her knees. He pulled her up.
“Sean, I—”
He kissed her lightly, then picked her up and turned around, sitting down where she’d been, but with Lucy on his lap. “I see why you like this chair,” he said. “I may never get up.”
“How do you know I like it?”
He smiled, and motioned to all the books surrounding it. He ran his hand down her face, through her thick hair, holding the back of her head firmly, and kissed her again. This time, he kissed her warmly, using his tongue gently but with purpose, slowly and methodically. The tension in Lucy’s body dissipated and a sigh vibrated in her chest. He had one arm around her back, between the thick armrest and her body; the other he moved from her hair to her arm, then down, slowly, purposefully, to her waist and cradled her.
Lucy couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt such peace, comfort, and yearning. Sean kissed her softly, over and over, no rush, no pressure, just the constant affection flowing through him. She absorbed it, relishing the embrace. She felt wanted, desired. But what gave her the butterflies in her stomach was Sean himself. The way he made her feel both protected and trusted, the way he looked at her as if they shared a secret. The way he touched her. Not just here in the chair with his arms wrapped around her like a hot, muscular blanket, but all the time. With a touch on her hand. When he pressed against her back. Brushing against her arm, as if to make sure not only that she was there, but that she knew he was there. He was the most tactile person she’d ever met. Sean Rogan was also extremely confident—he knew he was smart and attractive, but didn’t flaunt it. But when he touched her, it was almost to reassure himself of something. What? That she was here? That she wasn’t walking away? That she wanted him to touch her? It was endearing and thrilling and even a little scary, but in an exciting way.
“I wish you could hold me like this all night,” she whispered.
“I don’t think I could simply kiss you all night long.”
She swallowed, old fears returning. “What made you think I was talking only about kisses?”
“Why do you sound defensive?”
“I’m not—” But she was. Her greatest fear when she was falling for someone, when she wanted to make love, was that he would shun her. The first time she’d found someone she cared enough about to sleep with, it had been awkward and uncomfortable and he had broken up with her shortly thereafter. It was as much her fault as his, because she should have known she wasn’t ready—and that he hadn’t loved her enough to be patient.
Cody had been wonderful. Sweet and warm, but always cautious. Too considerate. Too careful. Which made Lucy think that he couldn’t dismiss the fact that she’d been raped. And thinking back to their relationship, could she have predicted he’d start following her? That was two strikes—two men she’d cared for who ended up being nothing like who she thought they were.
And what about Sean? Was he who she thought he was? Was she blind, foolish, a total idiot? She hadn’t seen the Cody as Stalker thing at all. What didn’t she see in Sean?
She wanted someone to make love to her, and only her. To not think about anything but the two of them, at that moment in time. She wanted to erase the past and not think about the future for that sliver of bliss that she knew was possible, if only she could find the right person.
“Talk to me, Lucy.”
She didn’t want to put a voice to her feelings, for fear they would chase Sean away. How could she explain them to him without sounding stupid? Or whiny?
“Do you want to make love to me?”
He stared at her. “Is this a trick question?”
“Not right this minute—but in general. If we were alone, would you make love to me?”
“Why are you asking me this? Do you think I’m pressuring you? I’m not—I just can’t stop touching you.”
“I like that.”
“You’re confusing me, Lucy. Tell me what you’re really thinking.”
She closed her eyes. Maybe, if she wasn’t looking at him, it would be easier to explain.
“I want to be normal,” she said. “You make me feel beautiful and wanted, but I fear …” She hesitated. Swallowed and gathered the courage to tell Sean the truth. “I fear that you’ll treat me different because of what happened to me. I don’t want to be different. I want you to treat me like you would any other woman you desire, not like I’m going to fall apart or have a panic attack. I want to be just like your other girlfriends.”
Sean didn’t say anything, and Lucy knew she’d said too much. After all, they’d had only a few days to get to know each other, a few days tarnished by murder and stalkers and vigilantes. Hardly a strong enough foundation on which a new relationship could grow.
She tried to get up, but Sean wrapped his arms tighter around her.
“Look at me, Lucy.”
She turned to face him.
“You’re not like my other girlfriends. Don’t tense up on me; you’re going to hear me out. You’re not like them. That’s a good thing. But it has nothing to do with your past. Nothing.” He shook his head with a half-smile. “I’ve dated airheads. Beautiful women who have little motivation or drive to do anything profound or meaningful. They’re shallow. You’re anything but shallow.”
“Then why me?”
“I grew weary of superficial women a long time ago, but I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle. Didn’t really want to. And then I met you, and you’ve been on my mind ever since.”
“Ever since last week? I brought a lot of drama into your life.”
&
nbsp; “Last week? What about last month, when we had dinner at RCK on the kitchen floor? What about last year?”
“Last year?”
“You don’t remember? When you flew to Sacramento to visit Patrick and Jack, you came by the RCK office one afternoon and I was sitting in my office. Patrick introduced us.”
“I remember, but that was like two minutes.”
“I was instantly drawn to you. I knew then I was tired of the life I’d created. I didn’t know I’d be moving out here, though I did hope to see you again. But you never came by after that, and Patrick said you’d just broken up with your boyfriend, and I really didn’t want to be mister rebound guy. Not to mention you were three thousand miles away.”
“Now I’m six blocks away.”
“Much better.” He kissed her. His hand touched the soft skin under her chin, then moved to the back of her neck so he could hold her closer, so he would convince her he meant everything he said.
“I can’t promise you that sometimes you won’t think I’m treating you … different … as you say. Everything that happens to us becomes a part of us. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It shapes our future, our destiny. But what really matters is what’s in here.” He put his hand on her chest. “I would do anything to wipe away what was done to you; I would do anything to take away your memories and pain and fear. But deep down, you’re Lucy Kincaid. Smart, beautiful, compassionate. Your compassion and drive are boundless. You are different, but not only because of what happened. You’re different because you care. You want to make a difference in the world, by helping others find peace in theirs. There’s so much in here,” he pressed her chest firmly, “that makes you special.”
She couldn’t help but smile just a bit, her cheeks flushed.
“I want to be with you, Lucy.” He kissed her, his hand moving to cup her full breast. “And if I have to make love to you to prove it, then I guess I’ll make the sacrifice.” He smiled. “I’m willing to sacrifice quite often. I think you’re kind of stubborn, you might need constant reinforcement that I find you not only beautiful, but incredibly sexy.”
She wrapped both arms around his neck. “You’re amazing.”
“I know.”
“And arrogant.”
“I’m a Rogan. It’s in the genes.”
“I like it.”
Lucy relished Sean’s attitude. She enjoyed how he touched her breast, how comfortable he was with his body and with hers. His confidence made her more confident.
She leaned forward, shifting on his lap slightly so she was sitting firmly on top of him. She kissed him on the neck, little wet kisses up to his ear, then to his mouth where she kissed him fully, her body moving as if it had a mind of its own.
He had his hands on her waist, his hands moving under her shirt, touching her bare skin. They were so warm, almost hot against her cool flesh, as they moved to her breasts and stopped, holding them, his fingers moving in a light, sensual massage at the top of her demi-cup. When his thumbs rubbed against her nipples, she gasped in surprise at the flash of heat that shot through her body.
“Lucy,” Sean groaned, hugging her tightly, giving her a long kiss that left her breathless. He reluctantly pulled his lips from hers and said, “We should get back downstairs, or I’m going to get in trouble for something that we’re not even doing.”
It took Lucy a second to figure out what he meant.
She smiled, enjoying this new feeling, this new relationship with this man. She hadn’t been expecting it, and yet … she wasn’t going to question or analyze what she felt, especially now. “I almost forgot we’re not alone in the house.”
“That might not stop me next time.”
TWENTY-FOUR
When Lucy came down the stairs, she spotted Dillon in the dining room talking on his cell phone. She waved a greeting. Even after learning what happened with Morton’s plea agreement, it was good to see her brother home.
Dillon stared at Sean for a beat too long, and Lucy turned away, a bit sheepish, realizing that Kate probably already told him everything. Not only about Morton and the stalker, but also her involvement with Sean. A lot had happened in the time he’d been gone.
“I think I’ll make some coffee,” she said as Sean followed her into the kitchen.
Sean kissed her on the cheek. “Don’t worry. Your brother will soon love me,” he whispered in her ear.
She suppressed a laugh. “You think Jack will, too?”
Sean feigned fear. Maybe he wasn’t pretending. “He liked me before you fell for me; maybe that’ll mean something.” He winked at her.
Dillon walked in and said, “Kate told me about Cody. I’m so sorry, Lucy.”
Dillon didn’t mean to quash her good mood, but reality dampened her spirits.
“Yeah,” she said. “Me, too.” What else could she say? She was so drained right now that sleep was the only thing on her mind. But she suspected that the minute she lay down, she’d be running over every conversation she could remember between her and Cody, trying to identify signs she’d missed.
She rinsed out the coffee carafe and went about the business of making coffee, needing something to do with her hands.
Sean asked, “Where’s Kate?”
“On a call in her office.”
“I’m going to grab my laptop out of the car,” Sean said. He caught Lucy’s eye. He was thinking about the listening devices at WCF. She’d almost forgotten that she’d let him plant bugs earlier that evening.
After Sean left, Lucy thought Dillon was going to discuss having boys in her room—even though she was hardly a teenager anymore—but instead he said, “I’m really sorry we kept the plea information from you, Lucy.”
She scooped coffee into the filter. “I know. I’m not angry about it anymore, Dillon—you were gone for that part.” She glanced at him. “I just wished you had trusted me to be a grownup.”
“I do—”
“But back then I wasn’t?”
“Back then I wanted to protect you.”
She took a deep breath. “You can’t protect me. No one can. Life is like that. We just do the best we can. And I refuse to live in the past. I’m not the girl I was six years ago.”
“I know that.”
“There’s only so much we can do to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Unless we live in a panic room twenty-four/seven, we’ll never be one hundred percent safe one hundred percent of the time. But you know what puts us all in danger?”
“What?”
“Lies. Lack of information. Good intentions. I should have known that Morton was free, because then I would have had the information I needed to protect myself. If I had run into him without that knowledge, I would have been stunned. That hesitation could have been my undoing.”
Dillon’s blue-green eyes looked at her with the unconditional love of family. “Don’t underestimate yourself, Lucy.”
“I don’t.”
She poured water into the reservoir, closed the lid, and turned the coffeepot on.
“But—” he prompted.
“I’m human. I can be shocked.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“I know, and I forgive you. I know that everything you did, you did because you love me.” She walked over and kissed his cheek. “That doesn’t make it right, but it makes it understandable. And I do love you, too, Dillon.”
She leaned against the counter and watched the coffee slowly drip into the carafe.
Dillon said, “You went ice-skating yesterday?”
“Surprised me, too.”
“And you like Sean Rogan?”
She rolled her eyes. “What do you think?”
“I think you’re answering my questions with questions because you don’t know.” Dillon leaned against the counter next to her.
“Damn. Serves me right; I have a shrink for a brother.”
“You could be a shrink, too. Just a few more years of school.”
“I’m done with school.”
“And I really like Sean,” she said quietly.
“Why does that scare you?”
“I can’t talk about this with you.”
“Because I’m your brother?”
Right. That sounded so stupid. “Do you believe that you can really like someone, deep down know that someone is different and special in a way you don’t think of everyone else, after just a few days?”
Dillon smiled. “I knew I would spend the rest of my life with Kate after two days. And I had it worse than you.”
“Worse? How so?”
“I had Jack as competition.”
“Jack?” Lucy laughed. “I don’t see Jack and Kate together at all.”
“They have a lot in common,” Dillon said, not finding the same humor that Lucy did. “The way they think, they way they distrust, the way they process information. There was a point where I believed if I had to make a stand for Kate, I didn’t know if she would choose me. But I would have done it. Even though I was scared stiff she’d pick Jack.”
Lucy thought a moment. “I didn’t know Jack was ever in the running,” she said. “Jack and Kate are alike in some ways, but Kate has always wanted—needed—stability. Trust. Honesty. She plays the tough, no-nonsense FBI agent, but at her core she’s a quiet homebody. She’s happiest when she’s here, at home with you. It gives her peace.”
Dillon looked straight ahead with a half-smile on his face. “I really love her.”
“I know. That’s why you made her marry you, even though she gave you every excuse why that was a bad idea.”
“She’s stubborn.” Dillon glanced at Lucy. “Why don’t you trust your own feelings?”
“I don’t know.” She glanced down the hall to where Sean was working in the dining room. She remembered what he’d said, the promises he gave. How she was different, but not in the way she’d thought. “I think I realized that falling for someone who is almost part of the family—Patrick’s partner—creates a lot of problems, especially if things don’t work out.”
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