by Afton Locke
She pressed her lips together to hold back the emotions churning in her chest. They’d already agreed it would be best for them to go their separate ways but how would she ever live without this man?
“I’ll still pay you extra,” he added.
Warmth filled her chest. Even when they were parting he still tried to do what was best for her. No one had cared about her this much since Mama was alive.
Pearl lifted her chin. “I don’t want your charity. Pay me for the shucking only.”
His blue eyes glittered with admiration. “As you wish.”
Oyster Island became larger the closer they got. Their private island was now out of sight as if it had never existed. Maybe it hadn’t.
Caleb turned to her with a serious expression on his face. “We should say goodbye now while we still have privacy. Then it would look best if you sit at the stern like a…passenger.”
She flung her arms around him and squeezed tight. Despite her efforts to control her emotions, tears flowed from her eyes and left wet spots on his soft, cotton shirt. Inhaling his scent only made them flow faster.
“Oh, Caleb. I’m sorry.” She pulled back and looked at his face. “I guess I’m not very good at goodbyes.”
His blue eyes grew luminous with unshed tears. “Neither am I. Never forget how special you are, Pearl. Never forget me.”
She clutched the sides of his face and kissed him, savoring his moustache and the taste of his strong lips for the last time.
“I won’t,” she said. “But how will we handle seeing each other publicly, especially at work?”
“We’ll manage somehow,” he replied as he rained a dozen kisses across her face. “I wish you were marrying Jimmy so you’d be safe. At least you’ll be nearby so I can watch over you.”
“I don’t need watching over,” she insisted.
He winked at her then cast a worried look at the horizon where the buildings of Oyster Island were now coming into view.
When he put his hat on, her hands flew to her hair, which hung around her face in wild, tangled locks.
“Caleb, my hairpins. Where are they?”
He reached into his shirt pocket and shrugged. “They must have fallen out on the island.”
“I can’t go back looking this way. Not wearing a hat to church is scandalous enough. How about a piece of string?”
“Now that I have.” He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a piece. “You deserve a better gift from me than this.”
“You’ve already given me so much,” she replied.
He tapped the wheel with his fist. “Damn but I wish things could be different.”
She took the string and headed to the stern where she sat down and braided her hair. If things were different, she’d be standing next to him as they pulled into port. They’d be married.
Now that she wasn’t going to marry Jimmy and her affair with Caleb was over, she had nothing. Nothing but the memory of their love. It would have to be enough.
Pearl’s heart raced as they approached the inlet to Crab Creek. The small white church with neat black shutters looked the same as it always had with the morning sun shining on it but she couldn’t be more different.
“Good luck,” he told her as he helped her onto the grassy bank.
“Goodbye, Caleb,” she said over her shoulder.
She only made it a few steps before she had to turn back and look at him. He held his hand up in farewell and shot her a sad smile that twisted her heart in half. New tears slipped down her cheeks and her knees felt so weak on land she could barely walk.
Wiping the tears away with both hands, she forced her gaze from Caleb’s retreating boat to the church. Luckily the booming sound of the reverend’s voice pouring from the open windows told her the service was already underway.
Like a mouse, she crept in through the back door and found a spot on a pew in the back. Being bareheaded among the sea of hats made her feel naked. Despite her efforts to be quiet, several heads turned to see who’d been rude enough to arrive so late. Among them were Jimmy’s and those of her family. When she saw Leroy squeeze his eyes closed and expel a big breath of relief, guilt clawed at her for putting him through so much worry.
“Fornication is evil!” Reverend Palmer exclaimed and then paused for emphasis. “It is…a…sin.”
Pearl’s face went cold. Her heart pounded so hard she was sure it echoed off the plain wooden walls loud enough for the entire congregation to hear it. Was this the subject of today’s sermon? Couldn’t the reverend talk about something—anything—else?
“Those who marry are joined and blessed by God,” the reverend went on, even louder. “Those who are chaste are bound for heaven. And where do those who fornicate outside of marriage go?”
“Hell!” an older woman near the front supplied.
Reverend Palmer slapped a fist into his open hand. “That’s right, sister. They go to hell! And what happens there?”
“They burn,” the same woman replied.
“Yes,” the reverend agreed. “The heat of their passions barbecues them for eternity.”
Pearl jumped in her seat, sure someone had just lit a fire under her behind. She rubbed a hand over her face as she remembered running around naked on that island and spreading her legs for Caleb. Not only that, she’d gotten the wild idea to get on top of him. Such an act would probably be shameful even for a married woman. She couldn’t blame it on him and claim he’d forced or even seduced her.
But how could making love to him be so wrong when it felt so beautiful? According to Reverend Palmer, she was a whore and a sinner. Thank goodness her affair with Caleb was finally over.
Her hands clenched the back of the wooden pew in front of her, making it creak. As her gaze drifted to the back of Jimmy’s head, she realized she could still marry him and redeem herself. No, that would make her an even worse sinner.
The air pressed around her, making it hard to breathe. As if to escape, she looked up at the ceiling and it reminded her of attending church with her mother as a little girl. Too young to understand the sermons, she used to stare at the ceiling.
Oh, Mama. I need you now! I’ve done a terrible thing.
She remembered an occasion several years ago, confessing to Mama that she’d accidentally broken their employer’s expensive vase.
You can’t undo what you did yesterday, child. It’s what you do about it today that counts.
That’s when Mama had confessed the biggest sin of her life. She’d explained she’d been punished for it and eventually recovered. Being good from then on had rewarded her with a good job and secure life.
“Promise me, child,” Mama had said. “Promise me you’ll always be a good girl so life will be gentle with you.”
“I promise,” she replied, never realizing how impossible it would be to keep. Never imagining, either, she’d break it. Well, so she had but there was always tomorrow.
“I promise,” she whispered.
Relief and strength settled over her like a calming embrace. As long as she stayed chaste from now on, she would be all right. Despite the reverend’s continued blustering, she lifted her chin with dignity.
When the service finally ended, she went outside and waited for her family to come out. She clenched her cold, sweaty hands behind her back for strength. Jimmy got to her first and scooped her into his arms. The feel of him was so foreign to her now she knew she’d made the right decision not to marry him. Unfortunately she would have to tell him that today.
“Oh, Pearl. Are you all right?” he exclaimed. “We were so worried about you.”
She turned her head when he tried to kiss her. “I’m fine. Here’s my family. I’ll tell all of you at once what happened.”
Aunt Wilma hugged her and then gripped her shoulders too hard. “Girl, where in God’s name have you been? You had us worried sick.”
After taking a fortifying breath, Pearl told the story she and Caleb had planned. “The storm was so frightening.�
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Wilma crossed her arms and glared at her as if she didn’t believe her but she didn’t say anything.
Jimmy put his arm around her. “I imagine you want to go home now and get some rest. May I call on you this evening?”
Pearl felt as if a giant rock had just landed on her. She had to tell him she couldn’t marry him and didn’t want to wait a minute longer.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“We’ll be waiting at the boat,” Leroy told her.
She led Jimmy to a bench in a shady part of the church grounds and took his hand.
“You’re a wonderful man,” she told him. “You would make such a good husband.”
The smile on his face faded, degree by degree. “You’re not going to marry me, are you?”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry.”
His head lurched as if she’d struck him physically. “Are you sweet on someone else?”
All the blood dropped to her feet. Did he know about Caleb? She didn’t see how but the fact she loved another man must be stamped more clearly on her face than she realized.
“I-I don’t have the feelings I should, the ones you deserve in a wife.”
“Are you sure? You’ve just been through such an ordeal. Maybe you shouldn’t make up your mind until after you’ve had some rest.”
“My mind is made up,” she insisted.
He nodded and expelled a heavy sigh. “Well, I’m glad you’re tellin’ me now instead of standing me up at the altar. I guess I always had a feeling things weren’t quite right between us.”
She squeezed his hand and stood up. “Thank you for understanding.”
It felt strange to get back into the family rowboat, which was so much smaller than Caleb’s.
“Where’ve you really been?” Aunt Wilma asked her.
“I told you what happened,” Pearl said.
The older woman leaned forward in her seat, across from Pearl, and pointed a finger at her. “I saw you out the church window, gettin’ off Caleb Rockfield’s boat.”
Her movements made the old boat creak and rock with sickening lurches. Leroy stopped rowing for a moment and shrugged as if to tell her he’d done the best he could to keep her secret. Sadie just looked at her with interest while Uncle Charlie dozed.
“Like I told you,” Pearl insisted, “he found me and rescued me.”
“And spent the night with you, most likely,” Wilma replied. “You better hope Jimmy is as stupid as you think the rest of us are.”
Pearl stared at the brackish creek water streaming by, wishing she could jump off this boat and away from her aunt. The reality of her life pressed around her like the marshy scent, making her memories of Caleb’s island so distant she wondered if they’d even happened.
She dug her nails into her palms, knowing she was about to make Aunt Wilma even angrier than she already was but decided to wait until they reached the cottage. After everyone stepped out of the boat, she tried to draw strength from the solid ground beneath her feet.
“Aunt Wilma, I’m not marrying Jimmy. I gave him the news just now at church.”
The woman rose up on her heels and back down again, making her hat wobble. “You what? I don’t believe I heard you right.”
“I don’t love him,” Pearl said.
While Leroy lashed the boat to a tree, Charlie shuffled into the cottage and Sadie stood there listening.
“What’s love got to do with anything? Jimmy’s got money and security.” Wilma crossed her arms and looked at her with such hatred Pearl felt as if the force of it might sink her into the sandy soil.
“You little fool. You slept with that white man and now you think you love him. Well, you’d better clean for him real good so you keep gettin’ that extra money.”
Pearl clasped her hands behind her back, realizing she couldn’t have made her aunt angrier if she’d tried. “I don’t have that job anymore, just shucking.”
Wilma shook her head. “Now that he’s had you, he’s tired of you already. Didn’t I warn you? Now you got nothing.”
It wasn’t like that. Caleb loved her but she didn’t dare say it.
The other woman shook her finger again. “I knew you’d be trouble from the day you came here. Pack your things, girl, and get on out of here.”
Pearl almost fell to her knees. “What?”
“I said get out. You ain’t livin’ with us no more.”
Sadie’s eyes widened. “But, Mama, she’s kin.”
“Hush up, child, and get in the house.”
Pearl watched the women go into the cottage and then finally sank to the ground. So many things were happening at once. Not only did she have no man, she was now homeless too.
Shame scorched her from the inside out, making her feel as charred as the marsh after a big fire. She pressed her hands to her face to block out the world and prevent tears. Crying was for the righteous, not sinners like her.
Leroy took her by the arm and pulled her up, guiding her to sit on the edge of the boat.
She held up a hand. “Whatever you’re going to say, please don’t. I can’t take any more.”
Instead of reproach, she saw admiration in his eyes under his plaid cap. “Lettin’ Jimmy go was the smartest thing you done yet.”
“Thank you.”
He pointed up the creek. “The Binghams got a barn you can stay in. I’ll take you.”
She nodded, beyond words.
“I’ll go fetch your things and some water and food.” Leroy patted her hand. “Mama’s just out of her head right now. She’ll come back to her right mind tomorrow.”
But Pearl didn’t think she could live here again. It seemed she didn’t belong anywhere anymore. Even her memories of Caleb couldn’t help her now.
It wouldn’t even surprise her if he fired her tomorrow, not wanting to contend with the temptation of having her around. And if he’d gotten her with child, she thought as her hand slid over her belly, she’d be in an even worse fix than she was already.
She’d fornicated with a white man and was paying for it, just as the reverend warned.
Chapter Thirteen
Caleb sat at his dining room table with his head in his hands. Was his house always this big, empty and quiet or had he changed overnight? He longed for the island shelter with its leaky roof and sandy floor instead.
He’d only been away from Pearl for a few hours and he already missed her terribly. Loneliness like he’d never felt before clawed at his chest. How could he stand to see her every day without being with her?
It was a good thing fall was arriving. The busy oyster season would keep his mind occupied.
When someone knocked on the door, he got up to answer it, grateful for the interruption.
“Ida, I didn’t expect to see you on the Sabbath. Didn’t you come yesterday?”
The gray-haired colored woman who cleaned for him every Saturday nodded, making the feathers on her Sunday church hat bob.
“I came to tell you I can’t work for you no more, Mr. Rockfield.”
When he invited her to sit in his parlor, her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Don’t trouble yourself, Mr. Rockfield. I’ll be brief. My knees have been botherin’ me for some time. My sister got a place in the next county and invited me to live with her.”
“Well, I wish you the best,” he told her. “I guess I’ll have to find someone else.”
She waved a plump arm. “You got a big place here, Mr. Rockfield. I ain’t been able to do justice to it with my creaky old bones once a week. What you need is a full-time housekeeper.”
“A full-time housekeeper?” Caleb stared at her as if her mind had gone as bad as her knees. He’d spent so little time at home since his wife had died he’d hardly given it much thought. It was just a place to sleep at night.
“If you pardon my sayin’ so, sir,” Ida said, “a man of your stature should have a housekeeper. You could entertain and have someone answer the door when persons of importance come a callin�
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He scratched his head. “You do have a point. Can you recommend— Never mind. I’ll be right back with the rest of your earnings.”
As he went into his study to put her final pay into an envelope, electricity danced through his veins.
A live-in housekeeper. Of course! The situation couldn’t be more perfect.
In fact, he didn’t think he’d realistically be able to keep his distance from Pearl for very long anyway. This way, they could be together legitimately in the eyes of society yet have complete privacy under his roof…and in his bed. His cock hardened just thinking about seeing her shapely limbs sprawled across his white sheets.
He couldn’t wait to tell her.
* * * * *
Pearl took her place at the shucking table at work the next day feeling worse than she had on her first day here. At least then the burden of shame hadn’t weighed down her shoulders. The storm had brought a cold front with it, and her muscles ached from sleeping in the Binghams’ drafty barn.
She hadn’t announced her presence to them last night in fear they’d somehow see what a sinner she was and kick her out too. This morning, she’d only shown herself so she could ride in their boat to work. Her suitcase was in the cloakroom.
This was her only home now.
When Aunt Wilma passed her on the way to her work station, she didn’t speak. Sadie gave her one of the smiles she’d taught her, but didn’t speak either. Even Leroy was quiet in front of the others. And having Jimmy working beside her was so awkward she was glad he didn’t say anything either. She gazed around the room but didn’t see any empty spots she could move to.
Her fingers fumbled with each oyster today. Now that the pressure was on her to make a living shucking, she couldn’t seem to do it properly. She even accidentally nicked herself with the knife. When the floor man dumped another load of oysters on her table, she felt like sweeping them all onto the floor.
Could she do this the rest of her life? She had to find a way without taking Caleb’s charity money or telling Jimmy she’d changed her mind about marriage.
Maybe she should run out to the dock crying again as she had that first day. This time Caleb wouldn’t come by to offer her a hanky. She felt even more alone now than she had the day her mother passed on.