by Cecilia Lane
“Yeah, just like that.” Liv laughed softly, a thin thread of embarrassment entering her tangy, tempting scent.
Danger, danger. He touched too close to good times and pleasant memories. His skin itched and muscles tensed.
Alex dipped his chin to his chest and took a step back. “I’ll hold her steady while you mount up.”
Liv killed her laugh. Her eyes turned guarded when she nodded. “Thanks,” she said stiffly.
He grabbed hold of Lula’s halter. Another dip of his chin gave Liv the okay to try mounting once more. As soon as she stuck her foot in the stirrup, though, Lula danced her ass end in the opposite direction. Liv wobbled, halfway off the ground.
Alex shot a hand forward and landed on her lower back. “Steady.”
Heat spread through his palm. Fire licked through his arm. An inferno burned up his spine and settled in his brain.
Mate.
Bite. Mark.
His bear rolled through him and slapped him in the face with a sending powerful enough that he clenched his fists against the onslaught. Liv, dark hair tickling his chest and her laugh filling his ears. Fuck, he missed her smile. He missed her.
The bear wanted her. The sending evolved from his own memories of her to the hopeful future. Short hair bobbed around her chin and did nothing to hide the savage scar on her shoulder.
Alex twisted at the images. Savage scar, short hair, yes. Fear in her eyes and dread in her scent.
He wasn’t good for her. He’d hurt her.
His bear slashed at his middle and roared in his head.
Alex threw off the beast’s desires and locked him away in the back of his mind. He cleared his throat and stepped back, breaking the connection with Liv as she swung up and settled into the saddle. “Here are the reins. She’s a plodder, so don’t expect to go galloping all around. She likes neck rubs and being told she’s beautiful.”
Dumb fuck. Shouldn’t have opened his mouth.
He whirled around and stalked over to where Patches waited with a back leg cocked in mocking ease.
The first ten minutes of the trip went as well as possible, he thought. They made it out of the parking lot.
Even the second ten was a success by his standards. He hung back at the end of the line and hunched his shoulders against the peals of laughter and teasing from the group. But he didn’t throw himself from his horse or let his bear take his skin.
A half hour more ticked by while he willed the time to pass quickly and without incident. He shoved his bear to the very, very back of his mind and pled disinterest in the surrounding conversations that sounded much too loud.
At least the view was nice. He lifted his gaze above the bouncing heads of all the other riders. The green canopy of the mountain woods broke often enough to let through sun and bright blue sky. The peaceful sight helped calm him and keep his mind off the intoxicating scent that seemed to overpower everything else.
Passing along one edge of the lake, Jesse pulled to a stop and waited for the others to plod ahead and Alex to catch up. “You’re quiet,” he said after a moment of riding next to one another.
Alex slashed his eyes to the other man and glared. “Was this the plan all along? Strand me out here and make me talk to her?”
Jesse leaned an arm on the saddle horn, cool ease disregarding the venom in Alex’s voice. “I don’t pretend to know the thinking of our alpha.”
“But you’ll support the idiocy anyway.”
“Of course. He’s my alpha,” Jesse snorted. “But that doesn’t mean I blindly follow. I’m his second, Alex. I’ll question him when I think he’s wrong and back him up when he’s right. I’m sure he has his reasons for throwing the pretty little female in your path.”
Alex waved a hand. “Have at her. She’s not mine.”
“Take that up with your bear and your own eyeballs. You haven’t stopped staring at her since you noticed she was here. You want her, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.” With another snort, Jesse heeled his horse forward and joined the next clump of riders. He said something Alex didn’t bother to listen to, and they cracked up with laughter.
All but one.
Liv glanced over her shoulder.
He wanted her. Yeah. Fuck yeah. From the moment he’d laid eyes on her. And for whatever reason, the brilliant woman put up with his shit. He was an army brat who liked playing in the dirt and didn’t see much use in making nice with dipshits. Wild, she used to call him with a small smile lighting up her eyes.
Then his world was torn apart, and he put up walls and trenches and miles of barbed wire between them to keep her safe.
Only, now she was in Bearden. She knew what he was. She worked with his kind. The danger of her knowing and rejecting was gone.
His bear rolled through him and pushed at all his resistance. Alex shoved right back.
He was the only danger to her, now.
The biggest one of all.
Fuck it. Her sweet scent clogged up his nose and all his good sense. He wanted to taste her, to feel her, to pull her into his bed and never let her go again.
He pulled even with her.
Then another scent invaded his nose. The sour stench curdled his stomach and brought his bear roaring to the surface with the urge to rip and fight.
His monster.
The odor was stronger than what was left on those damn deathday cards. Newer. If he had to take a guess, the fucker had passed through within the last day.
He felt like he was drowning. Nowhere to turn. Nowhere to escape. He was as trapped as he’d been six years ago, feeling jaws crushing down on his arms and legs. Days of pain. Weeks of thinking himself insane. The yearly, taunting reminder of how his life changed for the worse.
Liv looked up at him, grey eyes welling with concern. And that moment, he understood down to his very cells what he brought to her life.
Breathing hard, he heeled his horse to the front of the line.
Couldn’t get near her. Not now. Not ever.
Not when he had a monster watching for him.
He wouldn’t put her in his path.
Liv stared at Alex’s retreating back and slowly shook her head. “The fuck did I do?” she muttered.
Hot and cold. More hot than anything, but not even in an approachable way. And the cold was as bitter to swallow.
She hated the pang in her heart whenever she got close. What was the misquoted definition of insanity? Repeating actions, but expecting different results?
Yeah. With Alex, there would always be trouble. Expecting anything different was on her.
The only other guest that wasn’t part of her group sawed at her reins and nudged her horse forward. She’d arrived with the other rancher, Jesse, but she didn’t look comfortable riding and hadn’t inserted herself into any of the conversations up and down the line.
“Don’t blame yourself,” she offered. “He’s been in a bad mood for weeks.”
“Years, I’d say.” Liv tried to crack a smile and failed. Screw him for making her hope and hurt. She was better off keeping him at a distance. “Call me Liv.”
“Sloan. I’d shake, but I’m afraid I’d fall off.”
Up ahead, Jesse wheeled around. Critical eyes latched on to Sloan and he waited for them to catch up. “You’ll have more luck if you sink down and relax your core. Let your back sway with each step.”
Sloan followed the instructions but didn’t look any more comfortable. She narrowed her eyes. “You’ve done this before.”
“Almost like it’s my job. Ladies.” He touched fingers to the brim of his hat and kicked his horse after Alex.
“Don’t ride very often?” Liv asked.
“I’ve been on a couple tours around Black Claw. This is my first one longer than an hour. I can already tell my mate’s going to be drawing me a bath and giving me a massage tonight.” The grin she gave said the pain was worth it.
Mate. There was that pang in her heart again. The term was new to her, but ranked high on the l
ist. A good few of the volunteers had mates of their own. The ones she’d come in contact with were obviously in love. There was something undeniable in the way they seemed to orient themselves toward the other person, even across rooms and through walls. Then when they were together, their faces just lit up.
She was glad Sloan and the rest of the lucky ones had their somebody. She just wished their happiness didn’t make her loneliness peak.
Liv took a cleansing breath and tucked her hair behind her ears. “I didn’t know Alex would be here, or I’d have avoided it entirely.”
“I’ve never been much one for avoiding something on account of someone else. They can handle it, or they can’t.” Sloan cocked her head to the side. “So what’s the deal with you two, anyway? If you don’t mind me shamelessly sticking my nose in your business.”
“Nose away,” Liv chuckled. She liked Sloan’s backbone. “We dated for a few years in college.” Up ahead, Alex stiffened. Good. He couldn’t stand to be around her or say a nice word, but he could certainly hear. “Thought everything was good. Then I went to a conference and came back to no ride at the airport.”
“Oh, no.”
“It gets worse. When I finally got home, he’d cleaned out all his stuff. I got a text a few hours later saying he was leaving. No shit, Sherlock. I think the missing clothes and other items explained that much.”
“That’s... Wow. I didn’t think it was that bad. Mouthed off about the wrong thing and you had enough, or something, but not going dark.”
“Mmm.” Bad was watching him move on so quickly and keeping focused on her final weeks before graduation. Bad was still not fully understanding what happened to make him leave.
Liv glared in his direction. She’d tried to be the adult. She’d given him a warning that she was in town and a chance to explain his actions. He’d crumpled both up and thrown them back in her face.
Fine. No big deal. She didn’t need to see him after the stupid trail ride. Talking to him was a thing of the past.
The words and affirmations felt as hollow and flimsy as her heart.
“But hey, at least he didn’t hold you up at gunpoint. Or get you mixed up in his psycho ex’s revenge plot. And you haven’t had to deal with any murderous family members or coworkers.” Sloan winked. “We’re a fun lot, let me tell you.”
A shocked noise bubbled out of Liv, followed by a longer laugh. “I have... so many questions.”
“Ask away. It’s only fair.”
Sloan stuck by her side for the rest of the ride. By the time they arrived back where they started, Liv’s stomach and cheeks hurt from laughing so much. Sloan avoided talking about Alex, but the rest of the clan were easy targets for ridiculous tales.
Alex kept to the opposite end of the line through it all. She gritted her teeth when he silently took her horse’s reins. His nostrils flared and a look of disgust passed over his face before he turned away.
Fine, if he wanted to play it that way. Liv kept her mouth shut at the wave of disappointment that rushed through her.
Sloan crunched up behind her, thumbs stuck through her belt loops. “Me and the girls—Tansey and Joss, that is—have an irregular gathering. We kick out the guys, bust out the nail polish and terrible movies, and drink ourselves rotten. Or rather, that’s what Tansey and I do at the moment. Joss is about to pop, so she just sighs and mothers us in preparation for actual motherhood.”
“Are you sure?” Liv shot a glance in Alex’s direction. She narrowed her eyes when she caught him spinning away. Newfound determination coursed through her. Screw him. She lived in Bearden, too. He wouldn’t keep her from making friends and living her best life. “You know, that sounds pretty awesome. When are you next getting together?”
“Right on. Stick it to ‘im.” Sloan grinned. “I need to double check with the Mistress of the Guestbook, but I think next weekend.”
“Well, have your people call my people,” Liv joked. She gave a final wave to Sloan and joined up with Jenny and Chuck for her ride home.
Liv pulled up short when Alex stepped in her path.
“You should leave,” he growled.
“You don’t have any say in that,” she snapped back. She tried to step around him, but he stepped back in front of her.
“You’re not safe here, Liv.”
“Because there’s some hulking huge asshole blocking my path.”
“Not me. There’s—” His growl cut off his words, and he passed a hand over his face. “I don’t want you here, okay?”
Liv made a noise in the back of her throat and tried to brush past him. Again, he followed her movement like they were dance partners. What a joke. They’d fallen out of step long ago.
She dodged his attempt to block her. “Good thing we don’t need to see each other again, isn’t it?” she called over her shoulder. She locked his response on the other side of the car door.
Asshole. Jerkface. Dingus. The common curses didn’t seem enough for the annoyance of Alex. She had to get creative for the twatface fartsicle. He wanted her gone? He could fuck off with that demand.
The car door opened and yanked her out of her thoughts of voodoo dolls and petty revenge. Liv forced on a pleasant smile while the others loaded inside. Pulling out of the parking spot was the best feeling in the world.
“So, how was it? All the nature and horse smell you can stomach for a lifetime?” Jenny asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.
Liv glanced back as the car started to pull away, then turned to answer Jenny’s question. “Entirely unexpected.”
She must have imagined the look of longing on Alex’s face.
Chapter 10
Alex slid through the night, black fur blending in with the darkness all around him. This was his home. His comfort zone. The others had their happy lives and lived in the daylight. He was a beast made for the dark.
He prowled forward, knowing exactly where his path led him. The light at the end of the tunnel. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Both things impossible for him to touch, but he still continued forward.
Stupid. Idiotic. He would have been better served if he locked himself away for the next eternity instead of giving in to his raging bear and letting the beast take his skin. Maybe he wanted to lose that last shred of willpower to convince himself he wasn’t the one in the driver’s seat. He wasn’t responsible for where the bear took them.
But he knew what the bear wanted. He wanted her, too.
Then there was the looming, terrible fact that jumped out at him. He wasn’t alone in Bearden.
The monster of his past lurked somewhere in the night, too.
Going to Liv’s, even watching her from a distance, wasn’t safe. Alex played with fire, but he couldn’t stop himself from lighting the matches.
And he still couldn’t resist her.
He circled the cluster of tiny cabins the research facility rented for their scientists and staff. He didn’t have any difficulty picking out which one belonged to Liv as soon as he got near. Her tropical, delicious scent grabbed him by the scruff and demanded he step closer.
He was almost at the back porch when the door swung open and she stepped into the night air. Her scent billowed around her and wafted toward him.
He nearly chuffed with pride before backing away from the light. Not his.
But his legs wouldn’t move. His bear wouldn’t let him leave.
So he watched the gorgeous woman stride across the concrete slab to the small grill in one corner. She set her plate of food and balanced supplies on the flimsy side tray, lifted the lid, and started the flames. Once she put the steak and potato on the rack and closed the lid, she slipped back inside and returned with a beer that she sipped while staring up at the stars.
He remembered the first steak she’d tried to cook. It’d been his birthday, and she’d wanted to surprise him. He’d showed up to their date amid the sound of smoke alarms and a building-wide evacuation. The surprise nearly burned down her apartment. He’d broug
ht her back to his place and taught her how not to set fire to the city block while she protested making him do all the work on his special day.
That night was the first time she stayed the night. Special, indeed.
The back door of the cabin next to hers opened, and another figure stepped into the night with a bag of trash. She stomped to the bin and deposited the bag before waving. “Evening, Liv!” the other woman called to her. “Up to anything tonight?”
Liv dropped her eyes, startled. The quick beat of her heart calmed down a second later. “Hey, Jenny. Just making dinner and maybe catching up on some shitty television.”
“If you’re up for it, we might play some cards later. I’m sure Matt would love to see you there.” Amusement coated Jenny’s voice.
A hint of embarrassment entered Liv’s scent. She rolled her eyes and waved the other woman back inside. “See you guys at work.”
Alex wanted to tear the world apart.
She had a life. Friends. Colleagues.
Dates.
The twinge of pain in his chest didn’t mean shit when he’d left her. Of course, she’d moved on. He’d wanted that for her. She couldn’t spend her years tied to a crazy bear who needed to be put down.
A growl leaked out of his throat in a vicious rumble. At himself. At whoever dared get close to her.
She belonged to him.
Liv turned and looked right at him. Alex froze, caught in her gaze.
But no. She squinted into the night. “Someone there?” she asked softly.
He wanted to step out of the darkness and go to her. Let her touch his fur, see it melt away until it was just him standing in front of her again.
Except he’d never again be just himself. The growling, snarling other half would always be along for the ride and always want to take a bite out of her.
Bite. Claim.
Mate.
No. He put a halt to the thoughts and pulled back the paw inching forward.
Too wild. Too out of control. He couldn’t be trusted with her.