by Beth Rinyu
He lifted his head from the pillow and even in the darkened room I could still see the look of concern on his face. “How did you find this out?”
“I-I can’t say, but I am one hundred percent sure it’s true.”
“Well, why can’t you tell me how you found out?”
“I just can’t. I just don’t know what to do. If it gets out to anyone about how I found out, I would be in serious trouble.”
“What were you stalking her or something?” He let out nervous laugh.
“No! Nothing like that.” I wished that was all it was. “Just forget about that part….he needs to know, right?”
“Umm…I don’t know, Carrie.”
“Well, he’s your best friend. You would keep something like this from him if you were the one who found out first?”
“It’s just…well, what if he doesn’t believe you? You know Ashley’s going to deny it, and what if Jason believes her instead? Then you risk your friendship with him and also get in trouble for whatever crazy way you found out.” He had a point, it wasn’t like I could actually come out and tell Jason how I found out, so he may just think I was being paranoid. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time I tried to prove a girl was no good for him. But this time I knew for certain. I saw it in black and white with my own two eyes. “Stop overthinking it. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.”
“I hope so. Where ya going?” I asked when he sat up.
“I want to take a shower. Are you hungry?”
“Hmm….I guess.”
He stood up and walked into the bathroom while I remained in bed unable to take my eyes off his perfect, naked ass. Once I heard the water running, I stared up at the ceiling, battling once again with my emotions. Brett was perfect in every way imaginable. He was good looking, successful, able to make me laugh when I was in the worst of moods, and he had proven how much he loved me time and time again. So, why was I having more and more doubts about the two of us?
“Hey, Carrie!” Brett shouted from the shower, breaking into my thoughts.
“Yeah?” I sat up and shouted back.
“Could you grab my shaving stuff from my bag?”
I hopped out of bed and walked over to the table that his bag was on. “Shit,” I whispered when I dropped it on the ground, spilling its contents. As I bent down I saw it. A little, black, velvet box that could only contain one thing – a ring. My heart began to thud and my face became heated. I tried my hardest to swallow the lump in my throat and calm my trembling hands. I raised the lid on that tiny box like it was a bomb getting ready to detonate. Tears rushed to the surface, and I was finding it hard to breathe when I came face to face with the most perfect diamond ring. It was exactly what I would have picked out for myself. Of course Brett would get something as important as this right. He got everything right when it came to our relationship. I was the screw-up. I was the one that couldn’t make a commitment to go live with him. I was the one that almost kissed his best friend, and I was the one who felt sick to my stomach staring down at this beautiful gem in my hand; one that any other girl would be gushing over. It was all so real now. The time for stalling was over and by the end of this weekend I would have to make a decision.
“Umm….Carrie?” Brett yelled from the shower once again, causing me to jump. I shoved the ring back into the bag, wondering if he did this on purpose. Did he send me into that bag hoping that I would find it? Was that his way of proposing? No. It wasn’t. And, even if it was, I was going to pretend that I didn’t see it. I wasn’t ready to answer that question right now. I grabbed his shaving kit and tried my best to pull it together and act normal. He was just getting out of the shower when I walked into the steam ridden bathroom. As I looked him over with just the towel wrapped around his waist I began to question my own sanity for not grabbing that ring and placing it on my finger to show the rest of that world that he was mine. He was everything and more……but he wasn’t Jason.
***
I was on edge all throughout dinner and for the rest of the night, expecting him to pop out the ring, leaving me stammering for an answer. I wasn’t sure why I felt relieved when we finally went to bed and had managed to avoid “the question”. I knew it was just a matter of time, and I would more than likely be faced with answering it before the weekend was over. Brett fell right to sleep while I tossed and turned. I wasn’t ready to get married. I wasn’t even ready to be engaged, but I knew that if I said ‘no’ it may just be the end of us. My mind finally started giving in to my exhaustion, and I fell asleep sometime around 3a.m. When I awoke the next morning, I reached for Brett, but he wasn’t there. Instead there was a note on his pillow.
Didn’t want to wake you. I went to play an early round of golf with my Dad. Be ready by eleven, having brunch with my parents.
~ Love,
Brett
“Ugh!” I shouted into my pillow. Just another thing to add to my list of worries but I had to do it for Brett. He endured my mom’s taunting for me. But something told me that was going to be mild compared to what was in store for me. I wasted no time getting up to shower, wanting to make sure I had extra time to do my hair and makeup because I was quite certain that every single inch of me was going to be scrutinized at brunch.
My mind was still consumed with thoughts of that ring. I tried to contain them by thinking about Jason and the other set of qualms I had. Was he with that bitch right now? I felt sick to my stomach, knowing I was keeping this secret from him. I battled in my mind as to how I was going to break it to him and was coming up with nothing. Brett had helped me a little last night, but I was still feeling uneasy about keeping this from him. Normally, I would ask Gia for her opinion, but I was keeping my lips sealed on this one, partly because I was ashamed over what I had done to find out. I was always so honest… too honest and going through another patient’s file was the last thing I ever expected to do. Even if that patient was a backstabbing bitch who was breaking my friend’s heart.
I was no closer to a solution after I showered than I was before I went in. I decided to put any thoughts of that to the wayside. I needed to concentrate on the next couple of hours and the hell I was going to most likely endure and what was to come after that. I felt sick to my stomach when a thought came to mind: what if he was planning on doing it in front of his family. I sat down on the bed and ran my hand through my hair, envisioning what a nightmare that would be for me. I took a deep breath, trying to get a plan in place. I needed to be honest with him and hope that he would be okay with it. He couldn’t get mad at me for being truthful.
I dressed into my new maxi dress and my favorite strappy flat sandals, feeling a little inadequate as I looked in the full-length mirror. Even though I absolutely loved this dress when I’d bought it, I knew it wasn’t going to be good enough. Brett’s mother didn’t shop at the same stores I did. She didn’t even shop in the same type of malls that contained those stores I shopped in. I let out a deep breath. “Well, Carrie, this is just gonna have to do. Who knows if we’ll even be together after this weekend,” I whispered to myself, sitting on the bed as the pit in my stomach opened even more.
***
I looked around the overpriced restaurant and the uptight patrons that occupied it and realized Brett’s family fit right in. Brett rubbed my hand under the table each time his mother got a dig in, and they were becoming more frequent with each Bloody Mary she put away. Our brunch that I thought was only going to be with his parents turned into his two sisters, their husbands and his bratty little nephew. Brett seemed to be a little on edge as well, which was only adding to my nervousness.
“So, Carrie, are you going for your PhD?” Brett’s sister, Justyna, asked.
“Umm, someday, I’m not sure when, it’s going to be really hard to achieve while working full-time.”
She shrugged her shoulders. What the hell would she know about working hard? She was married to a millionaire, who I’m sure her daddy had handpicked. She never worked a day in h
er life, for god’s sake!
“Honestly, Carrie, I’ve never understood what women like you are trying to prove.” Brett’s mother chimed in.
“I’m sorry, women like me? What does that mean?” I had enough. I was done playing sweet punching bag Carrie for this family, while Brett sat there saying and doing very little to stop it.
“Well, you go through all this schooling just to prove you’re equal to men, and then you get married and have babies, and it all goes down the drain anyway.”
“I’m sorry, but I was raised to be self-sufficient and not have to depend on anyone, especially not a man.”
“Well, surely if you’re planning on marrying my son and having my grandbabies, you won’t be working.” She raised her eyebrows in a very condescending manner.
“Mom!” Brett finally spoke up.
“I haven’t thought that far in advance, Mrs. Madsen, but if and when that time comes, I’ll be the one making the decision on what I plan on doing,”
“But, sweetheart, if you marry Brett, why would you want to work? You’d be set for life?” His dad asked as if he were testing me to see if their money was all I was after.
I felt everyone’s eyes focused on me as they all anticipated my answer. “Well, who says I’m going to marry Brett?” I let out a nervous laugh and watched as their jaws dropped. When I looked over at Brett, I felt a little bad, seeing the rejected look on his face. I squeezed his hand tighter to offer him reassurance, “Look, all I’m saying is a lot can happen, nothing is guaranteed in life so you have to be able to take care of yourself. That’s what my mom always taught me.”
“Hmm…” his mother raised her eyebrow. “And your mom and dad are divorced, are they not?”
“Yes. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“And your dad left your mom for a younger woman so of course she’d say that to make herself feel better about the situation.” She said in a huff before taking another sip of her drink.
I felt the anger I was trying to keep at bay for the past hour rising to the surface. I could endure her rude comments about me, but not my parents. I let go of Brett’s hand and shot him a dagger with my eyes for not putting a stop to this and for sharing that information about my parents with his family.
“My mother is the smartest, strongest, and most caring person in the world.” I could feel my eyes welling with tears. “She made me and my sister the center of her life and what happened between her and my father is nobody’s business, not even mine. Things happen in life and it’s how we deal with them that shows the kind of person we are, and my mother chose to not sweep it under the carpet like so many others do.” I was hoping she got the dig I was trying to throw in. Brett had told me all about his dad’s numerous affairs and how his mother just looked the other way.
“Carrie, that’s enough,” Brett finally spoke up.
“Really, Brett?” I raised my voice. “Really? I’ve sat here for the past hour listening to her hurl insult after insult at me and kept my mouth shut. When I finally stand up for myself, that’s when you decide to speak up? You are unbelievable!” I threw my napkin on the table and got up to exit.
“Oh, she’s an ornery one, son!” Brett’s father said with a laugh, like it was all some big joke.
“Carrie!” Brett chased after me, grabbing my arm just as I made my way to the door.
“Let go of me!” I snapped.
“Carrie, I’m sorry. Look, she’s drunk. She says things she won’t even remember once she’s sober.”
“Yeah, well, my family and I are not going to be the brunt of her jokes while you just sit there too afraid to say anything to her!”
“Carrie, please don’t be upset.”
“You told her about my mom and dad!”
His eyes were looking everywhere else but at me. “It just came up one night and maybe I said a little more than I should have.”
“That is none of her business! That’s no one’s business!”
“I know. I’m sorry. Look, I just have to save face with them while I’m here.”
“Well, you go ahead and do that. I wouldn’t want you to lose your inheritance on my account. I’m leaving!”
“I’m leaving with you. I just want to go say goodbye to my nephew and we can go.”
“Whatever!” I ripped my hand from his and sat on the bench just outside the restaurant, waiting for him. I rubbed my temples, trying to chase away the headache I felt coming on. This whole brunch had been a nightmare. I knew now more than ever that I didn’t fit into Brett’s world. I dug around in my purse when I heard the beep of a text message, realizing that it was Brett’s phone that I had been holding for him. I didn’t think today could get any worse, but when I looked at the picture that had just come through on his phone, I knew it just had. I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. This couldn’t be happening. I moved the phone closer to get a better look, wishing that I hadn’t. The girl in the picture was wearing just a pair of lacy black panties and a tie around her neck. The same tie I had given to him the last time he was in New York visiting. I felt my overpriced brunch begin to churn in my stomach when I read the message.
You forgot something the other night. I’m holding it hostage till I see ya again!
I was numb. I wanted to go back to my hotel room and never see him again. I found the strength to finally stand up, not even sure if I was even headed in the right direction of the hotel. All I knew was that I needed to get as far away from him as possible.
“Carrie,” he shouted, finally catching up to me. I turned around and looked straight into his eyes, feeling my own eyes filling with tears. The smile that was on his face quickly disappeared. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He grabbed my hand and I yanked it away.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t you ever touch me again!” I shouted.
I began to walk again, this time as fast as my legs could take me. “Come on, Carrie, I said I was sorry about the way she acted.”
I shook my head and threw his phone at him. “And are you sorry about this too, Brett? Are you?” He let out a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair as he looked down at the message. “God, I am such an idiot,” I whispered.
“Carrie, I’m sorry. I was drunk. You have to believe me, it meant nothing. She meant nothing. I love you Carrie.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you do.”
“If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t be planning on asking you to marry me this weekend.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out that same small box that I had already become acquainted with.
I turned my head, not even wanting to see it, finally turning back around and looking at him with total disgust. “You are unbelievable, you know that? You cheated on me and you think coming here with a diamond ring is going to make up for that?”
His eyes widened and he let out a deep exhausting breath.
“Carrie, it didn’t mean anything. I swear to god. I was drunk off my ass when it happened.”
“When did this happen?” He looked away. “When did it happen, Brett?!” I demanded.
“Wednesday night.”
I shook my head feeling like I was going to vomit. “You slept with me last night, after…” I cringed at the mere thought of it.
“I used protection with her.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Oh okay, so that makes it okay. How very considerate of you to use protection for my benefit!” I began to walk even faster before he grabbed me by arm to pull me back.
“Carrie, please.”
“So, let me get this straight, you were so drunk that you didn’t even know what you were doing, but you sobered up for just a few minutes to use a condom?”
“She was the one that….she wasn’t on –”
“Just shut up! Shut up!” I screamed, beating on his chest as the people passing by stared at us. I couldn’t listen to it anymore.
“Yeah, well maybe if you weren’t so busy worrying about being separated from your best buddy, you would have been with me a
nd this would have never happened!”
“Do you hear yourself? You can’t trust yourself unless I’m around twenty-four seven? Do you see me going out and sleeping with other guys?”
“I don’t know what you fuckin’ do when I’m not around, Carrie.”
My jaw dropped. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I have never cheated on you, and I never would!”
“Yeah, maybe not physically but you sure as hell have emotionally.” I shook my head and continued walking as he followed behind. “Every time you look at him, you’re thinking about fucking him.”
“Who?!” I shouted, coming to a stop once again.
“Who? Jason, that’s who!”
“You are twisted. You know that? Don’t you dare try to turn what you did around and make it look like it was me!”
“Carrie, things happen. You said it yourself about your dad before. People make mistakes, and I’m sorry I made the biggest one of my life.”
“Yeah, people do make mistakes, but do you want to know the difference between my mom and yours? My mother taught me that when a guy does you wrong, you don’t stick around and let him do it again. You hold your head up high and walk away, no matter how hard it hurts. Because the truth is, I’d rather hurt for a couple days, weeks, or even months….however long it takes to get over you, instead of hurting for a lifetime by having you do this to me over and over again.”
“Carrie. Don’t baby, please. I love you so much.”
He placed his hand on my face as the tears gushed from my eyes. I couldn’t even look at him. All I could imagine was his hands all over someone else. Every time I closed my eyes I saw him with some faceless woman. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. “I’m walking away, Brett,” I whispered.
***
Jason
My dad and I were spending the morning on his friend’s boat, hoping one of us would catch something on the end of our fishing poles. I was finally feeling back to myself after the sickness that had kicked my ass for a few days.
“Where’s Ashley today?” my dad asked.