by Beth Rinyu
“How long have you known about that?” Jason asked, completely ignoring Ben and focusing keenly on me.
“Okay, I guess I’ll see you guys later,” Ben shouted as he gathered up his tools and was out the door with neither one of us responding.
“Answer my question, Carrie. How long have you known?” Jason asked once again and I could hear the frustration in his voice.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“How fuckin’ long, Carrie?”
“Don’t you dare turn this around and make me look like the bad guy now, Jason!”
I couldn’t believe my ears and the way that we were shouting at each other. Jason and I had fought only one other time since I’d known him. That had been back in college and oddly enough, also over Ashley, but that was mild compared to what was transpiring now.
“You are the bad guy where this is concerned! You knew that she was cheating on me and didn’t tell me?”
“I could have lost my job if she found out that I knew.”
He threw back his head and let out a frustrated laugh. “You were supposed to be my friend. Remember?” His voice cracked with emotion.
“And I was – I am your friend.”
“Were you?”
“Jason, I was gonna tell you, I swear, but then you guys broke up, so I didn’t see the point.”
“Oh, how convenient for you.”
“That’s not fair, you’re turning this all around to try and make me forget what you did to me!”
“Whatever, Carrie, go ahead and play the counselor role and try to analyze my thoughts. I’ll help you out even more and tell you exactly what I’m thinking. Maybe we shouldn’t have even started this whole thing up in the first place. Maybe I should have just fucked you back in high school like you wanted and we could have both gotten it out of our systems.”
I couldn’t believe what was spewing from his mouth; Jason was never this mean and coldhearted, especially not to me.
He looked away when my eyes began to flood with tears. “You know what? I really hate you right now, Jason!” My stomach clenched, my head pounded, but none of that came even close to the pain that was inside my heart at that very moment.
***
Jason
After Carrie stormed out the front door, I took out my anger on my living room wall, punching a hole straight through it. If today hadn't been such a shitty one to begin with, would I have been able to handle what I had just learned a little better? Probably not. Carrie straight-up kept something from me. Something I would never have done to her. She could twist it any way she wanted, but what she had kept from me was way worse than me not telling her Ashley had dropped by. I should have just jumped in the shower and put an end to the day, but instead, I cracked open the bottle of Jack and allowed that to lull me to sleep instead.
***
"Rough night?" My dad asked as he stood over the top of the sofa, holding the empty bottle of Jack Daniels. Sometimes I really regretted giving him a key to my house, and this was one of them times. I slowly lifted my throbbing head, wishing he would just leave. I didn't want to hear a lecture, and I especially didn't want to hear the tirade he was about to go off on when his eyes focused on the hole in the wall.
"What the hell is this all about?" I lay back down and threw the pillow over my head. "Please tell me you did that after Carrie left."
"Yeah, Dad. I did," I mumbled. He opened up the blinds, and I buried my head deeper into the couch.
"Get up!" he demanded.
I knew it was pointless to argue with him, so I would do as he asked and take it like a man, in hopes that he would leave right after. "Look Dad, I don't know what Carrie told Melanie but, it's really none your business."
He took a seat next to me on the sofa. "Melanie doesn't know anything about this."
"Wow. That's a shocker! You mean you didn’t run back and tell her everything like you usually do?"
"No Jason, I didn't, and you better knock it off with that smart-ass attitude. I don't care how old you are, I'll still knock you on your ass.”
“Dad, I really don't need a lecture right now. I've got this all under control."
"Do you? Because when I come over here and see this." He picked up the empty bottle of Jack. "And that." He pointed to the hole in the wall. "It sure doesn't seem that way."
I let out a frustrated sigh. "It's all good, Dad. I’ve just never really fought with Carrie like this; it was just a bit of a shock."
"Jas, if you're gonna be with each other as a couple, you’re gonna fight. That's a given."
"Yeah, well. I don't think we have to worry about that anymore."
He creased his eyebrows. "Really, Jason? You're breaking up over one little fight?"
"She just.....she kept something from me that she shouldn't have, but I guess you already know since you heard most of it."
"Yeah, well, it's not like it could be helped with the two of you screaming. Which, by the way, she is definitely her mother's daughter."
"She knew that Ashley was cheating on me. She had so many opportunities to tell me and she didn't. I flew all the way out to Houston to be there for her and she couldn't do that for me."
"Jason, she could have lost her job."
I shook my head and let out a frustrated laugh. "See, Dad, that’s the thing. She didn't trust me enough to not tell Ashley how I found out. Did she really think I would have ratted her out with something like that?"
"I don't know, but you've got to get it together, and you're gonna start by fixing that hole in the wall."
I threw my head back on the couch. There was no way in hell I was dealing with that right now, when all I wanted was to go back to sleep. "No way, man. Not now. I'm half dead."
"Well, too bad. Maybe next time you'll think twice before downing a whole bottle of Jack."
Why did I suddenly feel like I was having déjà vu of being sixteen years old and getting totally wasted at a party? I thought it was odd that my father didn’t flip out on me the night that it happened, but I didn’t question it. I was getting off scot free while the rest of my friends were probably going to be grounded for weeks. Boy was I wrong. Instead he took out his revenge the next day by dragging my hungover ass out of bed and bringing me to the job he was working on, sanding down walls. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but he made me keep going. I remember threatening to call child services on him, but realized that wasn’t going to work when he handed me his phone to do it. It was the longest and hardest day of my life, but I thought twice before I drank that way again. Of course that lesson he had taught me that day had been long forgotten once I’d gotten to college, but something told me I was about to get a refresher course right now.
***
My dad finally left after fixing the kitchen sink and then standing over me, making sure that I meticulously patched up the wall to his liking. After my fourth cup of coffee and popping aspirin like crazy, I was starting to feel somewhat human. I looked at the clock and realized it was almost two p.m., and not a word from Carrie. Not that I was expecting to hear from her after our blow-up last night. Now that I had cooled down a little, I knew that I shouldn't have said what I had to her. I hurt her badly, it was written all over her face, but she had hurt me just as much. I picked up my phone and for a brief second thought about calling her, but then thought better of it. She was probably seeing patients right now and even if she wasn’t, she probably wouldn't answer anyway. I missed her lunchtime text that she’d send me every day without fail since we had gotten together, telling me she loved me.
She did love me, I knew that for sure. So, why was I so hard on her last night? Besides this whole Ashley fiasco, Carrie had always been the first one there for me whenever I needed her. She’d drop whatever she was doing for me, without hesitation. Suddenly, I was beginning to feel like absolute shit over this whole argument. I needed to go see her and talk to her instead of screaming, and I planned on doing just that. Just as soon as I lay down for a little while longe
r and slept off the remnants of yesterday.
Chapter 28
Carrie
I sat by the small pond that was just outside my office window, enjoying the beautiful summer afternoon. The last few days had been scorchers, so the low humidity and light breeze blowing through my hair was a welcome change. I didn’t get much sleep the night before, and I felt like if I closed my eyes, even for a second, I would nod off. So, in an effort to stay awake, I focused keenly on the two mirror imaged blonde boys with their father, casting their fishing lines in water. They reminded me a lot of Gia and I, when we’d go fishing with my dad. He’d always been so patient with us, even when we’d go into "girl" mode, he didn't give up until we each had something on the end of our lines. My eyes diverted to the blue heron in the far off distance who seemed equally determined to catch something. I silently rooted for him when his head would bop down in the water, each time coming up fruitless.
Normally, I was starving by lunchtime, but today I didn't have any appetite whatsoever. So instead, I decided to clear my head with some fresh air. I was still stunned by Jason’s words. They stung more than he would ever know. Part of me wondered if they were words said in anger or if he really meant them. I fooled myself into thinking that he’d actually call and apologize to me last night. I knew he was angry, but so was I, and I refused to be the first one to give in.
"Oh, hello." I smiled down at the little beagle that had waddled over to me, sniffing away at the grass at my feet and pulling me from my thoughts. I reached down and patted him on the head as he took a seat and leaned up against my leg while he waited patiently for the much older couple who were quite a few steps behind him.
"Buford, stop bothering this nice young lady," the man said once he got closer. I looked down at his hand wrapped tightly around the frail looking woman. He helped to guide her as she moved along slowly with her drooped posture. Her white hair was disheveled and once they got closer I noticed her hands were shaky. When she went to talk, her speech was slow and slurred.
“Rose said she’s sorry about Buford,” the man repeated after her.
“Oh no, it’s more than fine; I love dogs, and he’s a cutie,” I responded.
“I’m Fred and this is my wife Rose. Today is our sixty fifth wedding anniversary.” He smiled proudly.
“Wow!” I blurted out, finding that almost hard to believe. “Sixty five years! That’s a long time.”
“Yes, it is.” He pulled his wife’s hand up to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “We’ve been through a lot together. Some good, some bad, but we made it through.”
“Well, congratulations! Can I ask, what’s your secret?”
He looked over at his wife, waiting for her to respond. Her head shook and she struggled with her words, but she was determined to get them out. “Al – Always…..be….” I stared up at her and smiled, willing to wait forever for her words of wisdom. Her husband patted her on the back, trying to help her get the words out. “Forgiving.” She took a deep breath.
My eyes widened and for a second, I wondered if Jason had paid this couple to cross paths with me.
“Well, that’s……that’s really good advice, and some that I could really use right now.”
Her deep brown eyes penetrated mine. “If you…..” she paused to catch her breath before continuing, “have a good man……don’t let him go.”
I pushed my hair behind my ear, unable to take my eyes off hers. “Thanks,” I whispered. “I won’t.”
She reached down and grabbed my hand, and I felt tears begin to well in my eyes. It was all so weird. I never sat out by the pond on my lunch break. I just so happened to today and this couple crossed my path just when I needed it.
“Have a very happy anniversary.” I smiled. “Oh, and I’m Carrie by the way.”
“We will, honey, and it was nice meeting you, Carrie,” the man responded, taking his wife’s hand and slowly shuffling off as Buford traipsed ahead of them. As much as I wanted to believe that this was a sign telling me that I needed to call Jason, I couldn’t help but look around to see if I was being secretly videoed and on one of those hidden camera shows. The whole thing was just all too weird and all too fitting to our situation.
If that wasn’t enough reassurance on what I should do….I decided on a little more by replacing my lunchtime text that I would normally send to Jason, with a phone call to Gia. I was ecstatic when she answered, since I had just planned on venting to her voicemail. She was normally off in a million different directions and never answered her phone.
"Hey, aren't you working?" she asked in lieu of an actual greeting.
"I'm actually on my lunch hour, and what are you doing answering your phone? I was expecting to just tell my tale of woe to your voicemail."
"Your tale of woe? What's going on?" Her voice suddenly more attentive.
"Nothing. Except Jason is a complete and utter ass.” Suddenly the forgiveness that had been going through my mind moments ago was now replaced by anger when I thought about the events of yesterday.
She was quiet for a moment. "Wait. What? Did I hear you right? Jason? Our Jason? Your Jason?"
"You can have him....I am beyond angry with him."
"Hold up, Carrie. What happened?"
I spilled my guts about everything to her while she sat on the other end of the phone, letting out the occasional gasp of surprise.
"Okay. So, Ashley cheated on him and you never told me?"
"No, Gia. I didn't tell anyone. The way I found out was wrong and I was pretty embarrassed by what I’d done."
"But wait. You didn't tell me? Your sister? The one you share everything with? You kept gossip like that from me? What the hell, Carrie? Now I'm a little pissed."
"Oh, Gia, get over it. Seriously, do you think he's overreacting? I mean he was in the wrong too?"
"Umm....I think you are both overreacting. You know that Jason would never do anything behind your back, let alone with that bitch, so why did you get so upset?"
"Because he lied to me!"
"He didn't lie to you, Carrie. He kept something from you, which is the same thing you did to him. So technically, you're both wrong."
"Yeah but -"
"Carrie, I love you, and you know I'm the first one to have your back, but in this case you’re both at fault! Now, that comment he made about fucking you in high school.....that may have earned him a few extra asshole points, but I'm sure he just said it out of anger. Have you talked to him at all today?"
"No way! There is no way in hell I'm going to call him first." Funny how Fred and Rose’s words of wisdom were so quickly forgotten.
"Okay.....million dollar question: what was mom's reaction to all this?" she let out a slight giggle.
"She doesn't know, which surprises the hell out of me because Ben was over when this whole thing started."
"Wow! What's up with that?" Gia laughed even harder. “Ben probably didn’t feel like hearing her nag and I don’t blame him.”
“Well, let’s hope she doesn’t find out, they’re leaving for their vacation tomorrow, and I don’t need her obsessing over this.” I looked down at my watch, realizing I had only five more minutes until my next appointment. “I have to run Gia.”
“K…me too! Just call him and make up, Carrie!”
“Yeah, maybe I will…..Rose.”
I let out a laugh when she responded with, “What? Who’s Rose?”
“See ya, Gia!” I hung up the phone without an explanation. I just needed to get through the rest of the afternoon and then hopefully my heart would tell me what to do.
***.
My desire to talk to Jason intensified by the time I arrived home. However, my need for food was greater. Skipping lunch seemed like a good idea at the time, but my stomach was now letting me know it was pissed at me for only eating a half a piece of toast all day. I opened up the refrigerator door and for a brief second thought about cooking up the chicken breasts that were sitting on the shelf, but decide
d I couldn’t wait that long. So, instead I grabbed one of the many frozen diet entrees that took up space in my freezer. I ripped open the box before I could even see which one I had chosen. I turned it over to find that I would be dining on Sesame Chicken and Rice. What I always wondered was why these things never looked the same as they did on the picture on the box? Not even close. I had just set the timer on the microwave when I heard a knock on the door. Suddenly my hunger was replaced with excitement. It had to be Jason. I guess he was trying to prove a point by knocking instead of just using his key. I’m sure it was his way of letting me know that he was still pissed at me. I would play the game and act surprised to see him, if that’s what he wanted.
When I opened the door, I didn’t have to act surprised, because I truly was, maybe even shocked. "Brett." My voice quivered.
"I umm.....I was gonna call you first but I didn't think you’d answer. I was in the city for a few days for meetings and wanted to talk to you before I fly back home tonight." I opened the door further, and he walked in. “Do you have to get that?” he asked as my microwave called from the kitchen.
“No, its fine,” I replied. My hunger pains were now replaced by nerves. I led him over to the couch and we both took a seat. "I know it's been a while, but I just wanted to give you the time that you said you needed." Little did he know that the time that he thought I needed was actually time spent with Jason. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "I'm not here to beg you to take me back or even forgive me for what I've done. I just need to know that you don't hate me."
Suddenly, my encounter with Rose this afternoon came to the forefront of my mind. This was a clear cut case of forgiveness. Even if we were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, it was still of form of forgiving, and if I was going to start somewhere it may as well be here. "I don't hate you, Brett," I whispered.
He nodded, looking somewhat relieved. "I just need to know this; if I hadn't cheated, would you have said yes?
I decided to turn the tables on him without answering that question. "Was getting me to move out to California your only reason for wanting to ask me?"