by Cherry Kay
“He also said he’d become quarterback by the time he was through with your niece,” Michael offered.
“Shut up,” Dan told Michael.
Michael immediately grew quiet, the pleasure of torturing Shaun had dissipated.
Dennis kept looking at Shaun with concern. Shaun tried his best to keep a stoic face. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he felt terrible. He wanted to sink into the ground. There was nothing he could do, he felt trapped in the glares of his teammates and coach, and he saw Alexis’ figure moving further and further away from him. He was shouting deep inside, for her to stop walking away from him.
“Get out of my sight,” Dan finally said.
Shaun walked the opposite way, fighting the urge to run to where Alexis had exited. He heard footsteps following him from behind.
“Dude, wait up,” Dennis called out.
Shaun pretended not to hear it and quickly walked away.
The Final Chapter
Alexis had stopped herself from crying, waiting till she got all the way to the café. It was the closest place she could get to, to hide. She had done her best to stop the tears and as soon as she stepped in the employee’s room and saw Janine, she couldn’t help but start crying.
Janine quickly jumped up. “Lex, what happened?”
Alexis didn’t bother to get annoyed. She disliked people who minded her business, but at this moment, seeing another female colleague, tears began to fall.
Janine led her to a chair and quickly grabbed a roll of tissue on the table across her. “Are you hurt? Did something bad happen?”
Alexis didn’t say anything at first and then Janine knew. Boy trouble. She didn’t say anything and waited for Alexis to blow her nose and the crying turned into sniffling and the sniffling turned into silence.
“Alright, spill,” Janine said, “No use keeping it in.”
Alexis took a deep breath and launched into account what had transpired for the day. She conveniently left out the part where she wanted to tell him she loved him- right before her uncle came in.
Janine felt needed, something that had never happened since she had met Alexis. It was the first time she had seen her so vulnerable. Over a guy. The things a guy could do. But her dates with Dennis were going pretty well and she wanted the same for Alexis. She felt that feminine empathy of hers overflow for Alexis. She had mentioned “jerk” and “moron” as Alexis told her what happened.
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. He really seemed nice.”
“Aren’t they all,” Alexis muttered.
“Better wash your face now,” Janine said, “I’ll cover for you for a few minutes.”
Alexis nodded and found herself giving a shy smile at Janine. “Thank you, for listening.”
Janine smiled back at her. “That’s not a problem at all. Pretty nice to hear you’re incompetent in that field.”
Alexis gave a laugh as Janine exited the room. She sighed and took a breath, looking at her face in the rectangular mirror. She looked splotchy and her eyes were a bit swollen from the crying. She hadn’t cried like this in years. The last time she cried this hard was when she had lost her parents. She had to come into terms with this. What was the grieving process like? She remembered following through it, knowing how every stage was like.
It was true, she wanted to deny it had happened. It was a strange dream earlier. She needed to block out the sudden pain. Then she heard a masculine voice, pretty loud from the front.
“I told you, she’s not here,” Janine repeated. “Why the hell would you think she’s here? What did you do?” she demanded.
Alexis knew it was Shaun.
“I have to talk to her, please I need to explain-“
“Don’t tell me about whatever you did, not here,” Janine said testily, “but if you hurt her, I swear I’ll-“
“I didn’t,” he snapped. Shaun realized his tone was rude. “Please, I just need to know if she’s okay. Where is she?”
Janine shrugged. “I haven’t seen her today. But you have.”
Shaun glowered at her and he wanted to say something rude but he stopped himself. “Please, if you see her, tell her I need to talk to her. I’ve been calling her for over an hour.”
Janine nodded, signaling there was another customer behind him.
He sighed and left without saying another word. Janine watched his dejected slump and noted he felt as bad as Alexis probably did. But the jerk deserved it. A lot of men were like that, especially the good looking ones.
***
“I ruined it, gramps,” Shaun said as his grandfather beat him in their fourth game of chess.
“I told you so,” the senior Bradford said, wagging a finger. “Never good to start dates like that. But she took it better than you did. She walked away without going all gaga. So… did you lose the position?”
Shaun shrugged. “I don’t really care about that right now.”
His grandfather’s brow rose. “You’re telling me you don’t care if you got the quarterback position you’d wanted since you lost your first tooth? Why, this really is something else. So what do you plan to do now?”
Shaun then shrugged. “I really don’t know. I hated the look on her face. She looked at me like I was the worst human being on the face of the earth.”
“Well, at that moment, I think you were.”
“Thanks for the support,” Shaun said dryly.
“Honestly, you think you would like that if it happened to you? Would you take yourself back? And don’t go conceited on me.”
“I wouldn’t,” his grandson sighed.
“What are you going to do next?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You’d better think of something, unless she isn’t a priority.”
Shaun was quiet. Priority? His priority was getting first pick. And he had gotten it. It wasn’t easy but he had gotten it. And it had never ended up with him using her to get to Dan. He worked on that by himself, without having Alexis intervene. He told himself this over and over again. He had gotten what he wanted. Alexis was just a victim of circumstance…
His grandfather was waiting for his response, observing him the whole time. His play on chess was erratic. She truly did affect him. He hadn’t seen Shaun act like this since he was in junior year and he was glad Shaun had gotten over it by falling in love with another schoolmate. But this wasn’t high school anymore.
“Well?” his grandfather prodded.
“What, gramps?”
“Is she a priority?”
Shaun found himself nodding. “But I ruined it.”
“I broke your grandmother’s heart in high school and I courted her for another two years to get her back. What makes you think you can’t pursue her?”
“She’s different.”
“All the more worth it, then.”
***
Her doorbell rang and she knew it was Shaun. She didn’t answer it. He had called her phone four times in the past day, still she didn’t answer. He had called a total of twenty times in the four days she had ignored him. She had also ignored the numerous messages he had sent.
This was her anger stage. She didn’t care how irrational she was. She just didn’t want to entertain him at all. She had even ignored her uncle and aunt’s calls, telling them she wanted to be alone for now. She had stopped crying, but she felt a pervading sadness about the whole situation. Analyzing it, there were parts she felt he was genuine. Or maybe she had been too caught up in the moment and he was playing with her all along. The jerk. But he had said he was in love. And she wanted to say the same. It was perhaps fortuitous that her uncle had arrived to spare her form embarrassment, as if what had happened wasn’t embarrassing enough.
The doorbell rang again and she knew her neighbors were going to get annoyed. She took a breath, deciding to open the door. He stood there, haggard looking and relieved that she finally heeded the ring of the doorbell. She crossed her arms in front of him and he knew
that this was going to be a long shot.
“Yes?” Alexis finally said.
Shaun took a breath, confused where to start at first. “I’m sorry. I never meant for it to happen this way.”
“But I was a bet, I was part of your stupid football shenanigans.”
“I wanted to know you better and I didn’t want to back down from a challenge. I should have known-“
“You didn’t,” she snapped at him, feeling the anger simmering inside her once more. “I trusted you and you played me for your career advancement. You think my uncle wasn’t going to notice you? You think if you went through me first he’d give a glowing recommendation? I trusted you. I told you things I’d never told anyone-“
“I know and I’m sorry.”
“You’re not! You’re already on your way to getting what you truly wanted all along. You were just extra lucky to have a good night’s fun with me,” her voice cracked, feeling she had been dirtied and used.
“I didn’t use you. At first I thought I wanted to, but that first lunch date with you- I had fun. And I knew you were-“
“What? Different? Special? Go on, tell me how amazing I am for you. Tell me how I’m the only one for you, how I’m the only girl you had sex with this week-“
“I wouldn’t do that because I’m in love with you,” he exploded, and she flinched, hearing his voice rise. He lowered his tone. “Alexis, I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I’m normally an asshole to other people.”
“You could have told me straight ahead.”
“I couldn’t. My stupid pride played in, too.”
“Then we have nothing more to discuss.”
“Don’t treat me like I’m part of your paper!”
“Because of you, I couldn’t concentrate on finals,” Alexis said harshly, “you derailed me from my goals to get to yours.”
“Well, you aren’t failing anytime soon, right?”
“You’re an idiot and you’re not at the same time.”
“You can name call me whatever you want, but I’m here to ask for your forgiveness.”
“You think it’s that easy? You think I’ll give you the satisfaction of forgiveness? You’re an asshole, you know that?”
He was quiet, and he knew full well he deserved to be called that. He saw Alexis fiddling with the pendant.
She looked up to him. “I dated you because I trusted you. No one saves people just like that. So I thought, you could be different. I was wrong.”
“I saved you because I wanted to. It’s not like I planned for that accident to happen to you-“
“What was your plan to get quarterback? Use me, introduce yourself to my uncle? Tell me the truth when we had been dating for a longer period?”
“Yes,” he admitted, confused on how to smooth things over. He couldn’t smooth things over with this. Not with the way the conversation was going.
“I came here to ask for your forgiveness.”
“I can’t give that to you,” she finally said, closing the door.
Shaun stood there, looking at the grains of the wooden door. She had closed the door on his face, and instead of cursing and breaking down the door, he found himself walking away, defeated and dejected. He saw the lights from her apartment shut off. She would never forgive him. He looked at her window one last time, telling himself he wouldn’t give up.
There was still tomorrow.
***
He walked into the café, bringing a bouquet of flowers. His eyes scanned for her. He didn’t see Alexis anywhere. He saw Janine at the counter.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“What?” Janine said sourly. She took a breath. “Anything you want?” she changed her tone.
“Where’s Alexis?”
“She quit.”
“What?” Shaun looked shocked, “when?”
“Last Wednesday.”
“What did she tell you?”
“Are those flowers for her? Because you can leave it here. We need fresh flowers,” she said, referring to a vase atop a bookcase.
He sighed. “She won’t see me. Or talk to me.”
“Totally understandable. Now why couldn’t you be as nice as Dennis?”
“Excuse me?” Shaun said hotly.
“See?” Janine began, “the smallest thing and you react. How are you supposed to make things better with her? You’re masquerading as a calm person when you aren’t.”
“She made me look at things in a different way,” Shaun reasoned.
“You shouldn’t have lied. Anyway, you get what you wanted. Quarterback, I hear. Congratulations.”
“I didn’t’ get what I wanted,” Shaun said with gritted teeth.
“You can’t have everything,” Janine told him with a sarcastic smile. “I have a customer coming up. Excuse me.”
“Where is she?” Shaun asked, staying in place.
Janine shrugged. “Beats me.”
Shaun sighed with exasperation. “Let me know if you do.”
Janine said nothing and watched him walk out again. She fought the urge to get into their business. She did comfort Alexis and she knew that was where it stopped. In as much as she wanted to go all out supportive, she knew Alexis wouldn’t like it if she did. She hoped it would turn out for the best, though. From the snippets she had heard about Alexis, she only wished for her happiness.
*
Where was she? He couldn’t reach her phone, she must’ve blocked him. He had checked her apartment and some other tenant had answered the door for him, telling him she hadn’t seen her neighbor in two days. Perhaps she went on vacation before finals, the neighbor suggested.
There was no activity on Facebook, heck, she disliked posting stuff even if she had an account. He found himself driving aimlessly in the city, not noticing he had wasted an hour. Perhaps in his aimless driving he would find her. He scoffed at his idea. Why the hell would she want to be found? But he couldn’t sleep properly, he hadn’t played it days or exercised even, consumed with the idea of finding her and talking to her. He was going to sign the contract in a few days, something that should have sent him ecstatic, placing Alexis in the corners of his thoughts.
It was nearing six in the evening and he found himself stopping at the field he had played in for more than a year. He would be playing somewhere else in a few weeks. He felt a pang of nostalgia. He had other teammates that were drafted as well, luckily, Dennis was among them, and even Michael had gotten into a different team.
He was going to make it big. It was either go big or go home. But he remembered seeing Alexis at the stands, talking to Dan. She looked calm and beautiful, even from afar. You don’t know what you have until you lose it, he told himself. Where did he read that? The quote was a bitter reminder. He had the contract- at least that was a consolation, right?
He saw high school kids doing drills and he sat down on a chair and watched them play, but his thoughts began to drift somewhere else.
Sunlight hit the glass pane and it shone on her skin, casting a healthy bronzed look to her. Her wavy hair; bordering on curly, was in a messy bun but she still looked wonderful.
He remembered seeing her walk out of her place, seeing her in that yellow dress. And he saw nothing else. She was beautiful, inside and out, even if he had thought she was hiding something, something he had never shared with anyone else.
He had heard someone mumbling, crying. He got up and checked on her. For a few seconds, he saw her cry in her sleep, her saw her torment. She was having nightmares she couldn’t get away from. He did the next thing he thought best. Taking her in his arms, he calmed her down and he hadn’t felt the need to protect anyone as strongly as he did for her that night.
She was a vulnerable person, but she didn’t masquerade strength, he realized. She went on with her life to the best that she could. It was something he thought he was doing well with, getting on with life and denying everything that didn’t match his expectations. Not talking to her unsettled him more than he thought. He
had to talk to her. He had to tell her- but tell her what? He was sorry for being an ass?
His thoughts were cut off when the high school team’s coach yelled. Then he realized where she could be right now. He quickly ran out of the stadium and sped off, hoping his hunch was right.
***
He had only gone here once, ever since Dan had trained them, inviting the team over for a little barbecue and get together to boost their morale. He hoped he got the correct house. He never forgot the American flag that was proudly displayed on the white washed porch. Plus, it was a beautiful home, something that reminded him of Southern plantations. The flag was still there. The porch lamps twinkled across from where he parked. He saw figures moving about in a window. He got out of his car and walked slowly for the house, his heart beating fast.
Get a grip, he told himself, don’t be scared, you’re going to fix this, even if Dan shoots you.
He walked up the four steps and stood in front of the door, willing himself to ring the doorbell. He finally did and the sound thundered in his ears.
Someone bustled to get to the door and he prayed it would be Alexis. It wasn’t.
“Can I help you, young man?” the middle-aged woman asked him with a hand on her hip.
“Hi, you don’t remember me but-“
“Ah, you’re one of Dan’s boys! You looking for my husband? Hold on a sec,” she said, facing the other way, “Dan! Someone’s here to see you.”
“Wait,” Shaun interrupted her, “It’s not Dan, it’s for Alexis.”
“My niece?” her brow rose, and just as Shaun was about to reply, Dan appeared beside his wife.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Dan’s voice burst out angrier than he had expected it to be.
His wife looked at him surprised. “Dan!”
“This boy over here played with our niece, thinking he could get away with it. You got what you wanted boy, now leave my niece alone, or so help me-“
“Coach, I need to talk to her.”
“Don’t go all stupid on me. How many times do I have to repeat for you to stay away from Alexis?”
“What is going on?” Ellie demanded.