Mary's Guardian

by Carol Preston

  ***

  When Arthur Phillip left the colony in December that year, five years after his arrival with the first fleet, there was a population of just over three thousand in the mainland settlements. It seemed by the crowd around the wharf that most of them had come to see him off.

  ‘For all the complaints, it’s obvious from this crowd that most people thought well of the Governor,’ William said, approving of the formalities that were set to take place. ‘I doubt any man could have done better.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, Will,’ Mary pushed herself into his broad shoulders. ‘I think you’d have done as well.’

  ‘You’re sweet, my love, but this has been a venture for a better man than me. Look at what he’s had to deal with: the lack of food; illnesses; poor labour skills amongst the convicts; attempted escapes and rebellions; hostilities with the Aborigines; a shortage of good farm land, and the failure of crops.’ William listed these slowly, his mind going back over the years they’d watched the colony develop. ‘And in spite of so many still being pessimistic, there is some evidence now that the colony will survive. The amount of land now cultivated and producing is growing all the time. Not just out where we are, but further along the river as well.’

  ‘And they say there’s regular trading ships, whalers and sealers arriving here now,’ Joe added. ‘That’s starting to make a big difference to the stores.’

  ‘Yes, thank God,’ William said, watching the soldiers lining up along the wharf, ‘Governor Phillip has been seen by most in the colony as a good man. He’s rewarded hard work and honesty but he’s stayed strong in maintaining law and order. It’s no easy task to balance all that. I hope he gets a just reward when he gets back to England.’

  ‘I wonder if those back in England have any idea what it’s been like here,’ Mary sighed.

  ‘Not pining for it, are you, love?’

  ‘Not one bit, Will, and nor would I like to be facing being on one of those ships again for months. Once was enough for me. I was terrified most of the way, I was,’ she said.

  ‘You never said that?’ William looked at her and frowned

  ‘No’, she said, more honest now with herself as well as him. ‘I didn’t let on then and I’ve not talked about it since. Best forgotten, I reckon. Now, look, they’re about to start. You don’t want to miss any of this seeing as we’ve come so far to see it.’ She nodded toward the end of the wharf.

  William squeezed her hand, wanting to reassure her of his love and wondering if he’d ever really know the depths of his wife.

  When Governor Phillip’s party entered the long boats and pulled out into the water, Major Grose stood in all his finery at the head of his troop of New South Wales Corps and gave the signal for the eighteen-gun salute which was to herald the sailing of the Atlantic, and the beginning of his reign in the colony.

  As William and Mary headed away from the wharf, William wondered about the changes ahead. It remained to be seen whether the new Governor would improve or destroy the work that Arthur Phillip had accomplished.

  Chapter Eight

  The following year started well for William and Mary when they were both granted a Certificate of Freedom. Two years had been taken off their sentences for good behaviour.

  ‘We’re no longer convicts, Mary, so we’ve to think of ourselves differently now.’ William raised his mug of rum, a real treat for him, for he rarely indulged. But this was the beginning, not only of a new year, but a new chapter in their lives.

  Mary, Joe and Ellen, along with James Ruse and his wife, Jane, applauded William’s toast. They were all crowded into William and Mary’s tent, a spread of food before them that they’d all saved for and contributed to.

  ‘You’re both to be congratulated, Will,’ Joe said earnestly. ‘You’ve not only set your own minds on doing well but you’ve given others of us the courage to go on as well. I’d not have been so ready to try hard had you not been beside me. I appreciate all your wise words.’ Joe raised his own mug in salute of his friends.

  ‘Here, here,’ James added, downing his rum.

  ‘So, now that you’re free people, what’s going to change for you?’ said Ellen excitedly. ‘You can make your own decisions now, about where you live and who you work for. It’s wonderful. I’d hate to lose you as neighbours, of course, but surely there’s better for you than staying here and working on the common farms.’ She looked about expectantly.

  ‘As pleased as I am to be thinking of myself as a free woman, I reckon we’d be dreaming to think too much will change.’ It was hard for Mary to imagine their lives becoming different.

  ‘There’s no harm in dreaming, love,’ William said, a little deflated.

  ‘But the officers still think of all of us as worthless scum, Will. You know that. They’ll not treat us any better. Food’s still scarce and there’ll still be pressure for us to produce. So what choice do we have but to keep workin’ this lousy little patch of ground?’

  ‘There’s nothing lousy about what we’ve produced here, my love.’ His tone was defensive. Being given a Certificate of Freedom was recognition from the government that they had fulfilled the requirements of their sentences. Not only that, it was proof that they had behaved in such a way since their arrival that they now deserved to be called citizens of the colony instead of prisoners. Regardless of what the officers of the Corps thought of them, William believed they needed to respect their own accomplishments and wear their status with pride. He had never been in this position in his life and he would not have it denigrated. Not even by his wife. ‘I’m proud of what we’ve done and I’m disappointed that you’re not as well.’ There was a genuine reprimand in his voice.

  ‘Oh, Will,’ she wailed regretfully, ‘I’m proud of you. You know I am. I couldn’t be more proud.’

  ‘No, Mary,’ William held up his hand. ‘I want you to be proud of yourself as well as me. I didn’t do this alone and I didn’t do it for myself. We did it together, for our family.’ His voice cracked slightly and he thumped his hand on the table.

  Ellen jumped back in her seat, a little overcome by William’s emotion, though she agreed entirely with his sentiments. ‘He’s right, Mary,’ she interjected, reminding the couple that they were not alone in the tent, for the presence of their guests seemed in the last few moments to have been forgotten. ‘William’s right,’ she repeated when Mary spun around and looked at her. ‘You can’t go on putting yourself down like you do. You underestimate your strengths and it will not stand you in good stead. If you want others to see you differently, then you must show more confidence, not just in William but in yourself. We all see it in you, love.’ Her voice softened as she said the last and saw the welling of a tear in the corner of Mary’s eye.

  ‘Here, here,’ James repeated, taking hold of his wife’s hand and squeezing it. ‘We all need our wives here, Mary. I couldn’t have done what I have without my Jane.’ His wife smiled at him sweetly and nodded.

  Mary looked at the quiet, shy young woman beside her. She knew Jane Ruse would be feeling quite embarrassed now by what would seem to her to be a row. Jane was also largely pregnant and truth be known her condition was not helping Mary’s mood.

  Mary sniffed and pushed back her hair. ‘All right,’ she gathered herself after a few moments. ‘Perhaps you’re right, all of you. I’m a whiner, I know, and it’s time I took hold of myself. I do tell myself these things often enough and I have been trying but I see I must try harder.’

  Though it was difficult for her to admit this to so many people, she knew it was all true and she was genuinely repentant. She raised her own mug and took a sip of the rum, which had always tasted to her like vinegar and she’d never usually think of drinking it. But as this was meant to be a new year’s celebration as well as a marking of her and William’s freedom, she’d poured herself a drop, if only to join in the toasting. Now she found she couldn’t contain a splutter as the dreadful stuff slid down her throat. She brought her sleeve to her mouth and
tried not to gag. William began patting her on the back and Ellen headed for the pot of tea. Before she could catch her breath the others were all laughing uncontrollably.

  ‘Oh, dear,’ she said, when she could catch her breath. ‘Now I’ve even ruined my own…’

  ‘Uh, uh,’ William said, waving his finger at her. ‘No more apologies. You’ve ruined nothing, my girl. You’re a character, is all, and we love you dearly. We simply want you to appreciate yourself more. And that’s an end to it.’ He clapped his hands together and everyone sat back, relieved to have a difficult moment passed.

  When they’d all settled and Ellen had made tea for the women, William let it be known he had another announcement.

  ‘I’ve made application for land on the Hawkesbury, Mary. There are plots along the river to be farmed and grants are to be decided very soon.’

  ‘The Hawkesbury?’ Mary’s expression was bewildered. ‘Do you really think Governor Grose will consider us for that land? I know I’m to have more confidence in myself, but it’s hard to have any trust in him. I’ve heard he’s already started to give out land to officers. And assigning ten to twenty convicts to work it for ’em free.’

  ‘I’ve heard that, too,’ Joe said, looking to William. ‘And what do the officers do all day? Drink and gamble is what, and abuse convicts whenever they can.’

  ‘Well, we are not convicts any more.’ William said firmly.

  ‘But the officers control everything,’ Joe persisted, ‘and all they’re interested in is their rum trade. We desperately need food and goods for the colony and what comes here regularly? Shiploads of rum, is what?’

  ‘Now, Joe,’ James chided, backing William up. ‘Never mind the rum trade for the moment. There’s a real opportunity here and we must take it if we can. Although Governor Grose seems convinced that only free settlers will ever make good on the land, some of us have been talking to him and he is open to granting some emancipated convicts plots on the banks of the Hawkesbury River. Produce from farming along there can now come back by boat to Sydney via Broken Bay. That was explored just recently and the Governor sees that this venture could be a way to supply food for Sydney and encourage free settlers to make the journey from England. So, it’s worth a try, eh? I think it’s a great idea and I’ve applied for a plot as well.’

  ‘You have?’ Joe’s face dropped.

  ‘Don’t worry, Joe,’ William said, ‘We’ve enquired about your name going on the list as well. Your sentence will be up soon, even if you don’t get time taken off. I think there’s every chance we could all be part of this. We need to pull together, eh?’

  ‘Well, you are a surprise packet, aren’t you?’ Mary’s face brightened. ‘You mean we could all move up river together? Start again?’

  ‘Exactly,’ William said, excited at Mary’s growing enthusiasm.

  ‘How far did you say it was?’

  ‘It’s about twenty miles north-west of here. At least a full day’s walk but there’s been talk of a better road to be built soon. Once the farming starts to produce there’ll be roads and stores and a whole town will grow out of it. Just like here at Rose Hill.’

  ‘So we’re to be pioneers again, are we?’ she chuckled.

  ‘All of us, it seems,’ Ellen beamed. ‘I like the idea. Don’t you, Joe?’ She shoved her husband’s arm gently, stirring him from what looked to be a stupor.

  ‘Eh? Yes,’ he stammered, drawn out of his shock. ‘I do. It’s just hard to imagine really. Free men, with farms of our own. Who’d have thought?’

  William threw back his head and laughed. ‘You’re a character, Joe. What in God’s name have you been thinking about these past five years if not being free one day and being a farmer. It’s all we’ve talked about.’

  ‘I suppose it is,’ Joe grinned, his expression still a bit stunned. ‘It’s just I’m not sure I ever thought it would really happen.’

  ‘All we dream is possible, Joe.’ William’s tone was very serious. ‘If I didn’t believe that I’d have given up years ago. We could never have had such a dream in England. But we can here. Our children will be Australians, born and bred. I can see it. It keeps me going day after day. I believe it with all my might.’ As he said the last he looked at Mary and held her gaze, his eyes blazing with determination.

  ‘Now, come here to me, lass,’ William said later as Mary made ready for bed. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you earlier. You know I love you with all my heart. And I understand you’ve little faith left but I want you to hold up for a bit longer, eh? I really feel that this is a new start for us and that new life is coming soon.’

  ‘Don’t jinx us, Will. Don’t mention a new life. You know what happens every time I think we’ve a baby started. It’s too early and I’m not counting on it this time either. I’m too tired of being disappointed.’

  He drew her close to him, gently coaxing her to relax against him. ‘I want you to know that I love you regardless of when or if you have a baby. Are you listening to me?’ He whispered in her ear.

  ‘But all that talk of our family, of our children being Australians. That can hardly be if we don’t have any babies, Will.’

  ‘I meant that not just for us but for James and Jane, and Joe and Ellen as well. It’s not all about us, Mary. We’re building this country for all the Australians who’ll be born here.’ He felt her tense up and rubbed her back gently. ‘But for all that I’ve not given up hope we’ll have a baby. More than one. Perhaps many. Believe with me, Mary. Keep believing with me.’

  ‘I’m trying, Will. Honest I am. If I’m not such a bad person, then surely God will give us this one thing. If nothing else, just this one precious thing.’ Her voice faded and she drifted into sleep.

  By May Mary was sure she was pregnant and every day marvelled that everything seemed to be progressing as it should.

  ‘I’m afraid to move, Will. What if I do something to hurt him?’ She carefully rose from the table and began to clear their breakfast dishes. ‘I’m terrified out in the garden. I’m so slow I’m sure the other women are going to put me in to the soldiers.’

  ‘You know that doesn’t apply any longer, you daft girl. We’re not assigned workers any more. We work for the farmers now. We get paid for what we do. And if they want to complain about the rate you are working, then they’ll have me to deal with. And before long you’ll be stopping work altogether until such time as it’s fitting for you to be doing anything but caring for our child.’ He stopped her from moving off with the dishes and patted her belly softly, feeling the roundness of it.

  She held his hand to her stomach. ‘I haven’t been a bit sick with it, Will. Do you think that’s normal? Other women are sick as dogs in the early part. I keep wondering if…’

  ‘Whoa,’ he stopped her. ‘You’ve no need to worry if that kick is any indication. There’s a lively one in there.’ He chuckled and laid his head against her. She ran her fingers through his hair and soaked up his joy. It was really happening. Yes, she could feel it. She was really going to give William a son.

  ***

  In August Mary went into labour in the early hours of one morning. ‘Will,’ she punched at his side. ‘It’s happening. Quick. Go for Ellen.’

  William flew out of bed and pulled on his trousers and coat, running this way and that in the dark, bumping his leg on their wooden closet and almost tripping as he pulled open their tent flap and hurried out into the dark.

  By mid afternoon Mary was cradling a tiny baby boy. She could barely speak for crying. William, too, had tears dripping from his beard, and had to keep wiping his face so he could talk to his wife.

  ‘He’s a beauty, love. A beauty.’ He stared at the tiny face and hands, the eyelids as they fluttered. He lightly touched the rosy cheek and chuckled when the baby shuddered and twisted his mouth about.

  Mary watched him for a moment, reveling in his pride and joy. ‘He’s a boy, Will,’ she smiled. ‘He’s not supposed to be a beauty.’

  ‘Well, he’s my beaut
y. And so are you.’ He brushed her hair back tenderly and kissed her forehead.’

  ‘Now, Will,’ Ellen said firmly behind him, ‘it’s time you got out for a bit while I clean up your wife and your son. It’s just not done for the father to be hovering around while all this is happening. Joe will pass out when he hears you were in the room when this one was born. It’s just not done.’

  ‘He didn’t trust me to do it alone,’ Mary started and then shrunk back into her pillow, smiling sheepishly. ‘Just kidding, love. Just kidding.’

  ‘I’ll go to work for a bit and then I’ll be back,’ William grinned. ‘I’ve got to see James about something today.’

  ‘Oh?’ Mary said curiously. ‘You mean to tell him about the baby?’

  ‘That too.’ He winked. ‘See you later,’ and he was gone.

  ‘He’s as happy as a dog with two tails, you know,’ Ellen said as she began to sponge Mary.

  ‘At last, Ellen. I can hardly believe he’s here.’ She turned her head toward the child snuffling softly beside her.

  ‘He? You keep referring to him as ‘he’. You haven’t said what his name will be.’

  ‘Jimmy. His name is Jimmy. Will and I decided…years ago, actually. We’ve always said the first would be Jimmy.’

  ‘Ah, then little Jimmy, let’s get you cleaned up, eh?’ Ellen gently began to wipe his tiny hands and face.

  ‘So what’s this you had to see James Ruse about, Will?’ Mary asked later that night. She’d just finished feeding the baby and wrapped him warmly. She sat up in the bed and rocked her arms gently, holding him close to her breast; still half unbelieving that she had her own baby boy.

  ‘Well, love. I meant to tell you what I had to see James about before I left this morning, but you seemed to have woken with other plans today.’ He winked and rubbed his hands together. ‘You see, my love. New life. I told you there’d be new life. And now in the same month that God has given us a son, we’ve been granted land at the Hawkesbury. Thirty acres! Imagine that? Our own land!’