by Anyta Sunday
Syd smiled a little, and I continued, “I really have no freaking clue. All I know for sure is that is hurts like fuck to lose someone in your life you cared about. But it’s the best thing ever to have friends,” I patted him on the shoulder, “and boyfriends that we really care about right now.”
Syd lifted his hand to mine draped over his shoulder and pressed. “Right now I can’t imagine not having you around —not being with him. But of course, who knows what the future will bring?”
I squeezed back. “Que Sera, Sera.” “Yup. Whatever will be will be.” I sucked s vhe future ome more shake and handed it over.
“Thanks. And now we’ve talked about my issues, what’s up with you?” So I told him. About Trey and I, how June had handled things. The last few days. I didn’t mean to get so carried away, but I was so happy and needed to share. “Pity we’re both so busy until after work on Friday.”
Syd grinned. “But then there’s the weekend…” I groaned. “I’m notlooking forward to the weekend.” I looked at Syd’s confused expression and explained. “My dad’s coming to visit June and I on Saturday morning.” He made a thoughtful hmmm, and narrowed his eyes as he studied me. “How do you feel around him?” he asked.
I hesitated. I wanted to talk to Syd, but didn’t want to remind him of his own father. And, shit, mine had never hurt me the way Syd’s had him. Was I even allowed to hate mine?
He rested a hand on my arm. “You can talk to me.” Yeah, yeah okay. I took a deep breath. “I can’t quite explain it. It’s like, I dunno, being around my dad is like ticking five A’s in a row on a multiple choice test. There’s no way they can all be right, but which one is wrong?” I raised my hands, shaking my head. “I can’t relax, I’m always nervous— because I’ve always done some-fucking-thing wrong.” I slurped on Syd’s milkshake. “The thing with Dad is he’s so inconsistent. He’s hardly ever there for us, but when he does roll up, it’s his way or the highway, you know?”
Syd said nothing for a moment. “I’m sorry, Shane.” I mocked a shocked expression. “What? No morsels of advice to give me?”
He attempted a chuckle, but it quickly died. “Seems we both have dad issues.” I bowed my head and said nothing. “But—” Syd perked up suddenly, “what if you planned something extra special for the weekend? Something to really look forward to, going to meet your dad?”
I dropped my fork. Sat back and sucked more milkshake. Something to really look forward to.If I’d been able to see my eyes, I’m positive they’d have lit up. “Excellent! And I think I know just what.”
*** Trey slipped a torn piece of paper over to me. The way you are staring at me is totally obvious, I think you’ve just outed yourself to three hundred Math 112 students.
Heat rushed to my cheeks I looked away from him, briefly over the projected symbols covering the screen, to the sea of heads in front, to the note in my hand—and back to Trey. The way the muscles in his arm worked as he furiously tried to keep up with the professor, the way every few minutes he’d straighten his back, only to slouch again for more note taking. The way the yellowy lights made his dark hair shine, it looked so soft. And oh, the way he’d peek out the corner of his eye to look back at me. How could I not stare?
I flipped the note around and grabbed a pen from my bag. I scrawled a message and stuffed it into his back pocket. “For later,” I mouthed when he raised a brow at me. When we finally escaped the theatre, Trey shook his head. “I’m banning you from all my lectures from now on.”
“What! What’d I do?” “It’s what I did—correctiondidn’tdo that’s the problem. I swear most of the lecture the professor could have been speaking gibberish. My thoughts kept wandering back to you, and last night.”
I laughed. “Good thing I didn’t let you read the note in there, then.” “Oh, yeah!” He dug his hand into his back pocket and pulled it out. “You’re so fucking hot, I want to kiss you until you cum.” He sniggered. “Crude.”
“Well, I ain’t no prude.” Given the opportunity like that, I couldn’tnotrhyme. “And you haven’t even finished it.” Trey read the rest of it, while the bells from the tower clock chimed to four. By the end he’d gone red—a very adorable re von tuchd. “So, you want us to go camping this weekend, huh?”
I nodded. “If we can arrange it in time.” “Oh, that’ll be no problem.” He patted his pocket where he’d put the note. “Better not lose this—ah—voucher.” My smirk died when Trey asked, “But, why this weekend?”
Walking toward our dorm building, I briefly mentioned the meeting with Dad. He gave me a sympathetic look, but didn’t press for more details. I kind of had hoped he would. Selfish, I know, but I wanted a reason to ask him about his family. Only, other than that I didn’t want Dad having anything to do with me and Trey. Dad wasn’t important enough to bring up.
Trey opened our door, whipping me into a tight embrace no sooner had I stepped inside. He kicked it shut and lifted me to his bed. Fat pillows cushioned our fall. “Come on, I have an hour before my next class. And I do believe you wanted to—ah—kiss me until I—”
I cut him off with a rough kiss. Covered in light stubble, I managed to chafe him a nice pink. He grabbed my leg lifting it to take off my shoe. It hit the floor with a thud. Then the other. And his. Rubbed my foot—shoot could he massage.
“Ah, that’s nice,” I grumbled. He started on the other foot, grinning. “Wait till I get to your back.”
“Why wait?” I shucked off my t-shirt and turned onto my belly.
Trey moved. I heard his t-shirt hit the floor. Felt as he straddled me and leaned forward so his chest just barely touched my back. Then whispered in my ear, “Let’s just see how much good my “fine hands” can do.”
I shut my eyes, and I was almost there again. The car, me and Trey, just finding out I’d be rooming with him. “Shit. You remember that? I was so nervous that day. I had no idea what I was saying.”
His hand replaced his chest— darn it?Hmm, or maybe not. This did feel good. Oh,ohso good. “What are you thinking right now?”
Trey stiffened, and said nothing a moment. “Just planning the trip this weekend, babe,” his voice was soft, comfortable. Exactly how I felt. “Thinking about what I want to show you.”
“I can’t wait.” Which was the whole point for doing it this weekend—something to look forward to.Especiallylook forward to.
Twisting around, I looked up at Trey. Sat up and kissed him again. I felt my nerves wash over me again, like they had last night, but it was slightly better. This time Trey undressed me. He grinned something wicked when he felt me hard beneath his hand. Gently pulled down my boxers, before dragging me to the end of the bed.
I sat up, not knowing for sure where this was going, but definitely getting a clue. He knelt down in front of me. Oh God, could I be excited and anxious in equal measure? His hand came up to my face, with the tip of his index finger it was like he divided me exactly in those two halves. Over my face, down my neck, cutting my pecs, over the bellybutton, through my happy trail. Paused a moment. Then continued on, right to the—gasp.
His finger lingered while he searched my face, looking for theokay. Hell yeah, okay!I nodded, feebly. Damn nerves robbed my voice.
I noticed the twitch in his hand. He was nervous too. Never would have guessed it looking at him. But that was it in a nutshell. Trey was so much more than he seemed. That I’d first thought of him. He was caring, sweet, safe—sssss!I lost my thought.
He flicked his tongue again. “I wanna make you feel good, Shane.” Eye contact. My heart galloped at speeds sure to win any horse race. Still no freaking voice. I managed another lame nod.
And then—yeah.Wet tongue. Hot mouth. A few gags, understandable—and hey practice would make perfect, right? Loved that motto. Shockwaves. Gripped sheets. A pair of fine hands gripping my backside, pressing me closer. Oh,fuck!Voice back—and how! Attempt to push him off. “Ies r v undo push him—” He nodded. Brought me closer. Deeper. My head snapped back. I came.
I collapsed onto the bed. Couldn’t look at him. Again had no idea what to say. Oh, but I should… I sat up. Trey smiled like he’d won a tournament.Triumphant.“Your turn.” I beckoned him to the bed.
He got up and sat next to me. Kissed me soft on the mouth. “No, babe. I just wanted to do that for you. Want to make you feel nice, with no ulterior motives.” With a cheeky grin, he added, “well, not this time, anyway.”
I swallowed hard, and looked him in the eye. “I—I…” I breathed out and tried again. “Thank you.” And then. “But it should have been the other way around. I did sooo want to kissyouuntil—”
“Enough.” He slapped my ass, and I jumped off the bed. Waltzed over to my side of the room and grabbed my guitar. Crosslegged on my own bed, I started to strum. “I’m so glad we are boyfriends now.” I held my breath watching as he heard me for the first time calling him that.
His face visibly brightened. Yeah, he was pleased. “Oh, really?”
“Ah-ha, ‘cause now I can play my blue baby butt naked again!”
He laughed. “Anytime, babe.” I fiddled out a new tune I’d been working on, playing it a couple of times through. “You know,” Trey said, still sitting on his bed, watching, “you could play for an audience. Actually, you should. You’re good.”
I smiled, but continued playing. Closing my eyes to focus on the vibrations. “Only, save the nakedness for my benefit only.” The voice was low, and I felt the whisper of breath on my cheek. I opened my eyes to him leaning over me. Stopped the music, and answered him with a kiss. Only while I did, a sudden pit opened in my gut.
I loved this playfulness. I did. Every moment I spent with him I grew more attached. Right now, was at a dangerous level. I could feel him so deep in me, that I was getting scared. So much for my wise words to Syd. Theoretically they sounded all good, but if, if what happened to Ryan and I should happen with Trey. Well, the aftermath would be a different ballgame. A lot scarier. Blacker.
Frightening. Chapter Sixteen THURSDAYAND FRIDAY disappeared like a magic trick. And then—wham—I woke up in Trey’s arms, at his place (where we’d stayed after work). OnSaturday.I groaned, stuffed my head under a pillow. Couldn’t this morning also puff away in fairy dust? Please? Pretty please, even?
A cell alarm rang, and Trey nudged me. “Time to get up, Shane.” Well, crap.
I refused to move. “Just another ten minutes.” Hands moved onto my back, and for a brief second I relaxed.Yeah, come closer, cuddle, and then some... Stale room air rushed over my skin as Trey stole the blankets from me. Then he was pushing me from the bed. No fair!
“Come on, June will be waiting.” Hmmpf, leave it to him to give me a good reason to get going. On my feet and quickly throwing on clothes, I stared at my naked giant twisted in sheets still half asleep. “Why’d you set an alarm anyway? I usually always get up before you. I just love to see you drool in the mornings.”
Trey grabbed the pillow I’d used and threw it at me. “Don’t drool.” Oh, yes he did. “Get going. Or June’ll serve me for breakfast.”
Ah-ha. So she’d been onto this. Well. Darn it, smart move. It took all my effort to drag myself away from him and back to my place to meet June.
A couple of hours and then camping with Trey.I could do this. I unbuckled my belt and made my way inside. June sat on the sofa in the living room a remote in hand, flicking through the channels. Without turning around she spoke, “Finally, mister.” I grinned an vn Shane.”d sided the sofa, coming into her view. Her gaze swept mine briefly, cool, as it had been every time since I’d opened up.Just give her time.“You missed Mom. She wanted to be here for support, but had to take a shift at work.”
I sat on the armchair opposite her. “Probably a good thing, don’t you think?” Flashes of Mom and Dad arguing leaked into mind. Mom always in her soft reflective manner, and Dad getting riled up, words daggers from his mouth. I’d once made the mistake of telling him to shut up. And he’d congratulated Mom on bringing up such a disrespectful son.
Hypocrite. “In the last year,” June said, muting the TV, “things have been better between them. I think—I think he’s trying, Shane. Mom said he’s been seeing a councilor, and—”
“And nothing, June. Why didn’t he try back then, when we were kids?” I remembered how much enjoyment he got from waking me up out of deep sleep and making me walk down the street so I got used to the night. Or the way he forced me to ride a bike in circles until I’d learnt how to do it. Nine was way too old not to be able to ride. The way he laughed when I got angry. That my feelings didn’t matter a damn bit, only entertained him.
My grip had tightened on the arm of the chair, knuckles white. Why the hell did I let him get to me? June switched off the TV and went into the kitchen. A sniffing had me following her. “June?” Her back was to me, as she filled a glass with water.
“Could you try, Shane, for me?” I came to her side and leaned back against the counter. “Try what?”
“Don’t play dumb. You ignore him when he’s around, you give the shortest answers possible, and you always look at your watch. Could you just try to give him your attention? Maybe he surprises you.”
I took a begrudging breath. It’s only for an hour or so, and then camping. And June needs you.I nodded. “I’ll do my best. You seem to believe in him, and I trust you, so…you know. I’lltry.”
She looked at me, her eyes the warmest I’d seen them all week and shimmering slightly. “Thanks.”
“So what time did he say he’d get here?” June glanced at the microwave clock. “At ten,”a half-hour ago“must be caught in traffic.” But another half-hour went by with no word, and I knew he wasn’t coming. Still, I waited twenty minutes longer, because I didn’t want to be the one to tell June to stop hoping. It looked like I would have to though. As much as I’d hated the idea of spending time with Dad, seeing him let June down was worse.
I moved over to her and wrapped an arm around her. She fiddled with her cell phone, waving it in the air as if perhaps it hadn’t any reception.
The bastard. Yet another thing to add to his list of failures. And he had no idea how lucky he was to have a daughter like June. Fuck—he didn’t deserve her.See, he’s not worth it,I wanted to tell her, but her saddened face stopped me.
I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and slipped out of the room. I jabbed the buttons on my cell, moving to the far end of the house so she wouldn’t hear me.
He picked up on the fourth ring. “Hey—” “That was the last fucking straw, Dad,” I said, struggling to keep from yelling. I shut the door to the bathroom adding to the buffer between June and me. “Why the hell didn’t you ring? You don’t deserve her forgiveness you know that? If you care at all, even a little, you’ll ring her right now and explain. Although, I hope you don’t, because then maybe she’ll accept that you’re a prick of a father, who has been nothing more to us than a constant disappointment.”
I hung up on him, throwing my cell into the laundry hamper. My fingers—my whole body trembled. Finally, I told him exactly how I felt. So why didn’t I feel liberated? Why did my gut churn, and why the hell was I crying? I clapp ~ pus, Ied the toilet lid shut and sat down, propping my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I knew he’d do something to get me upset, he always did. Damn him.
I wiped my cheeks, scrunching up the tissues and chucking them into the bin. A soft knock had that same rush of anger coming over me again. How could she keep so calm? I yanked the door open, for no good reason annoyed with her too. If she hadn’t been so hopeful, I’d never have got so upset. Dad wasn’t worth any of our tears.
“He rang,” she said, her expression still miserable. I grit my teeth on a nasty retort, falsely directed.
“He apologized for not ringing. Something came up for him at work and he was called in. It was urgent. He said he’d meant to call and cancel, but with the stress at work it’d slipped his mind.”
I walked past her down the hall. “He’s definitely coming
next Saturday.”
Sure. Of course. “Whatever.” I turned to her, and at her ashen face calmed my tone. A bit. “Just don’t get your hopes up again. It upsets me to see you get hurt.”
She shook her head. “I know that upsets you, Shane, but is that really the only reason you’re upset? Because I think a part of you wished you could believe in him too.” “I don’t.”
June held my gaze, but was the first one to break it. “I’m going to head to the library and have lunch with Mom.” I sighed internally, and felt for the keys in my pocket. “Give her a hug from me, okay?” She nodded, but we didn’t hug like we would have only a week ago. I wanted to kick something. Instead I aimed for the front door, and slammed it behind me.
*** Most of my dark mood I shook off before I got back to Trey’s house. But a slither remained and when he opened the door for me, I didn’t go to kiss him, and barely responded when he brushed his lips against mine.
“What’s up, babe?” Trey hooked an arm around mine and pulled me to the living room where all our camping packs sat ready to be loaded into the car.
Gripping both sides of my shoulders he pushed me into a chair, and kneeled in front. “You don’t have to tell me anything, right? Just, if you do… I’ll listen.” He shrugged, and his voice grew an edge. Cheeky,mostly.“But either way, you’re going to enjoy this trip. Even if I have to peg a smile onto your face. Got it?”
The tone of his voice, the deepness, that edge of darkness in his eyes that warned me he might not be joking sent a rush through my body. Dad and June took a quick backseat in my mind and they wouldn’t be unbuckled any time soon. Certainly not the rest of this weekend with Trey.Oh baby, I’m all yours.